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[INFP] Do you ever feel like an outsider to emotion?

flameskull95

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Jun 21, 2009
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I know it's an INFP thing to consistently put yourself down, but has it ever happened to a point where, you don't even trust yourself on what you truly feel about things? Like this one time, in one of my advanced English classes, I had my teacher fully put down this narrative which was supposed to be centered on a past 'love'. I chose to write about the last days my grandma was alive, before she died of brain cancer.

I had a strong idea in my head of expressing what I felt and what I still feel, but i couldn't get around to making the paper i wrote, like I couldn't even express myself properly the one way I could only really ever express myself. Just to back myself up, I thought to myself that, "i was the only one who would possibly think that", and told myself it's just part of who I am to second-guess almost everything I did.

I handed it up as it was, and I thought of it as something I put at least some heart into writing, and that I would probably still do as good as I did on the other papers I handed up. Though when she corrected it and announced all its, as she called it "poor" repetitive mistakes, i noticed that that feeling was mutual. I think I got the lowest grade on that paper than any other one that semester, and I got an A for everything else. The others weren't as personal I reckon.

My point is, are there INFPs, who have the problem of not being able to express themselves when it comes to their own personal experiences. I know I can never ever pull off confrontations, to the idealistic one I have floating around in my head. But can this attitude actually extend to how you express your own deep seated emotions? or past experiences?

I mean even this, is a quiet off my radar of how I really feel, or how I would have really wanted to express myself. Like my writing just gets too confusing to understand overall.
 

prplchknz

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Jun 11, 2007
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34,397
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yupp
sorry i didn't quite get the OP, do you mean feelings being alien to you, or unable to express them? because I have no trouble expressing feelings when I know about them, but sometimes I don't know what i'm feeling like i really have no clue if i'm happy or sad. of course sometimes they get expressed inapproiatley. eh maybe I'm not an INFP
 

21%

You have a choice!
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May 15, 2009
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I think there was a threat where an INFP said they could never put feelings to words because it felt fake. I don't really feel the same way. However, I've noticed that when it is expected of me to show emotions, I find it very difficult and awkward.

My INFP bf is the same way as you are. He finds over-expreasiveness tacky. He prefers to keep feelings private :blush:
 

Lightyear

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Jul 3, 2008
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I can sometimes be quite rational about especially other people's emotions, I watch what is going on with a strange detachment, in that sense I can feel like an outsider when it comes to feeling their emotions. However I am normally quite sure what I am feeling and why, like 21% I am just not very good at showing emotions when it's expected of me, mostly because it feels so fake.
 

purple tuesday

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Jul 24, 2012
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sx/sp
I can relate a lot to your story. I have the same problem. It's hard for me to express personal emotional experiences in writing. I think it's because we feel so deeply about the experience that we want to make it feel genuine and completely convey the depth of our emotions. When I try to do this I feel like all the words and expressions I'm using are tacky and fake. I think what would help is to find an emotional passage in a book and note how the author conveys the feelings. We're probably over-thinking how the reader will take our story. :)
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Mar 4, 2009
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3,900
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INFP
So your professor correctly noted (via a low grade) that your writing wasn't up to your own standards.
At least it's not in you head only.
Is it really the subject matter that created this, or something else? It feels to me that you are a perfectionist, and expect to be able to imagine, and then produce. But here, it sounds like you created a cul-de-sac that prevented free expression.
Maybe from too high expectation, about writing about this personal subject? I don't know.
It's an old cliche, but sometimes when you're feeling creative, it's very hard to clear some space and let one idea live well. And it's also hard to make this happen when it feels inhibited (I have been known to have a few drinks to get the flow happening;)
I don't really know the answer. I'm just throwing darts out hoping something sticks for you...
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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Ethical sociopath..like Dexter?
 

Chiharu

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Feb 22, 2011
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Definitely. I hate any kind of melodrama in my own emotions, because it feels so contrived and then I overanalyze the emotion until I'm not certain if I feel it anymore or not.
 

31january

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Dec 8, 2011
Messages
31
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enfp
I can relate a lot to this! One thing though, writing really helps me to express my emotions better, especially since i keep a diary and it allows me to practise writing out my thoughts about life without fear of judgement or inaccuracy, since it doesn't matter when it's private. For me what i feel is a sense of incompleteness-- i can attempt to describe how i feel about certain matters, but it's only a very superficial thing. Somehow when i say it out what made perfect logical/intuitive sense in my head just sounds ridiculous when i say it out. because of this i probably seem really crazy to my friends, i can never explain my decisions properly! -.- it really gets in the way of having any rational arguments too, especially given that i'm rather emotional at times.....
 

Fourplay

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Aug 25, 2012
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I've given up trying to get validation from my writing.

When my writing is on it's really on. Everything makes sense, however more often than not its poor and receives a lot of critics.

You could be a lot better at speaking? And, you'll find in life that meditation on your pathologies does nothing good for you, because those few strengths you do have a gems. They are the defining quality which the world will hold you up to the light and be in amazement. Not that the world's opinions should be the essence of deriving meaning.

You just cannot think much of the world's opinions. A lot of utterly useless and stupid people honestly.. I've made a success of myself in many areas because I abandoned convention. All told me I was stupid, but latter were asking me for my opinions. Its the crazy ones and the loners.. that uplift and give meaning to this world.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
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Mar 14, 2008
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Feeling gets so personal and intimate for us that its impossible to communicate the feeling in words, but in sympathetic tones and textures that hint at it. An Fi sentiment is poetry personified, and accepting that you can artfully articulate it, but never fully express it directly is the key to allowing Fi to communicate in its own way; that of action and conviction unflinching.
 

flameskull95

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Sorry it took so long to reply everyone, but all the advice was amazing.

I think there was a threat where an INFP said they could never put feelings to words because it felt fake. I don't really feel the same way. However, I've noticed that when it is expected of me to show emotions, I find it very difficult and awkward.

My INFP bf is the same way as you are. He finds over-expreasiveness tacky. He prefers to keep feelings private :blush


Really? INFJ-INFP... I'm really curious as to how that would pan out... please tell... ok, I'm planning on dating an INFJ... :D
 

flameskull95

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Jun 21, 2009
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Feeling gets so personal and intimate for us that its impossible to communicate the feeling in words, but in sympathetic tones and textures that hint at it. An Fi sentiment is poetry personified, and accepting that you can artfully articulate it, but never fully express it directly is the key to allowing Fi to communicate in its own way; that of action and conviction unflinching.

I liked the part about the Fi sentiment, and that's really reassuring that it's probably just an INFP thing that needs to be developed, and that I'm not just emotionally blunt or whatever.
 

21%

You have a choice!
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Really? INFJ-INFP... I'm really curious as to how that would pan out... please tell... ok, I'm planning on dating an INFJ... :D

I can go on for ten pages on the INFJ-INFP dynamics :laugh:

Anyway, the first thing you both need to realize is that the 'amazing similarities' that you seem to have are not real similarities. You more or less arrive at the same conclusions through very different processes. The gap is incredibly wide and deep, and you need to communicate A LOT.

INFJs can come off rather judgy and controlling, and INFPs can come off rather judgy and selfish. A lot of the disagreements come from "You hurt me because you did this and it means this" and the other person going "No, you're wrong because my action did not mean that", and the first person going "Are you suggesting that my precious feelings are wrong?" It is important to understand that you are different, and you evaluate things from a different perspective. The best solution is to keep in mind that no one is wrong, and the best approach to any disagreement is "Why do you feel/think that way? I really want to understand."

But anyway, the connection is just amazing and it's really emotionally and spiritually fulfilling. I've been with my INFP for almost 4 years now and it feels so right.

Good luck! :hug:

(Feel free to pm me with any questions!)
 

UniqueMixture

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It just seems like you're going into repeating thought cycles and spinning off into crazy. Do some relaxation excercises be proactive and don't overthink/feel that stuff. Be proud of yourself if you're doing the best you can.
 

skylights

i love
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The deeper emotions are, the longer it takes me to process them, much less outwardly express them in a formal setting. I didn't really feel sadness right after my grandpa died - just endless hollowness. I was stone-faced through the funeral and only really began mourning months later. Now it's been years and I feel deeply, genuinely sad. I began to write a story about it in college but I had too hard of a time expressing such a personal thing, so I morphed it into a semi-autobiographical story, a sort of creative non-fiction piece. I understand what you mean - it was too much of me, too deep to be able to accurately depict on paper.
 
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