[INFP] INFP Didn't Leave Voice Mail - HELP!

[Ninelives]

Hi Everyone -

I recently ended a relationship with an INFP (I'm an INTJ). We had a strong connection on many levels & I think he loved me, tho he never said.

He called me yesterday after a couple of weeks of no communication after the end of the relationship, BUT...he did not leave a voicemail nor call from a number I recognized (it came up with unknown caller). I really don't like unknown missed calls & I had a strong intuitive feeling it was him. After some clever internet searching I found out IT WAS HIM! This FREAKED me out!

I don't know why he called except our last few exchanges were unpleasant. He ended by saying he was burned out and couldn't see me again. This pissed me off because he implied that I was the source of his burn out when I think he put upon himself b/c of the way he handled the situation and other stresses in his life.

Before the burned out comment, I had emailed some final words I felt I needed to say about some unfinished business between the two of us. Even tho I love him, he has hurt me in many BIG ways and never has explained or apologized for his behavior. I wrote a pretty detailed, very honest (however, not nice in an INFP way) email describing specifically what I meant and
what I needed (being the INTJ that I am). I thought it was important to tell him these things b/c he never seemed to want to work through the conflicts. He was also very passive aggressive in his behavior. It hurt. He did not return the email.

I also wrote him a final email on a unrelated work matter but closing with some very sentimental lines about how I'll miss him tremendously, how much he meant to me & how much I felt we were meant to meet each other in this lifetime. As well as some other stuff. I told him I wanted to say these things in person but thought I would never see him again. He did not return email.

I was shocked when he called!

The thing is that I want to see him and I want to talk to him. But, he did not leave a voice mail and I found out it was him through sneaky ways.

Questions (for those interested) -

*Why did he call from unrecognized phone number?

*Why didn't he leave voice mail?

*Should I call HIM back (knowing that I should not have known it was him) or is that too weird and awkward (I'm afraid he won't call me back again ). I was thinking of saying something like this on his voice mail: "Hi, it's xxx. I think you called last week. If you want to call me back, it's okay". If I do, how long do I wait?

* Should I just wait for him to call me back (if he does) or should I just let it go? If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, he doesn't. I'm just afraid as an INFP, he'll just give up or it was only a spontaneous, one time call.

* Any other suggestions? Feedback?

Thanks

 

[Avik]

You'll find agony aunts writing for most newspapers, as opposed to on this site. However, my observation is that your state of mind conflicts both, your relationship status, and your seemingly self proclaimed personality type.

 

[chickpea]

i didn't read most of your post, but i never ever ever leave voicemails unless absolutely necessary. so there's that?

 

[Ninelives]

i didn't read most of your post, but i never ever ever leave voicemails unless absolutely necessary. so there's that?

Thanks for your honest and nonjudgmental response. That's what I love about infps.

 

[21%]

Not an INFP -- but I would never ever leave a voicemail for emotional stuff either...

The question right now is: what do you want from all this? Do you still hope for a reconciliation? Do you want to part in a friendly manner?

Sorry you're going through this

 

[Udog]

*Why did he call from unrecognized phone number?

*Why didn't he leave voice mail?

*Should I call HIM back (knowing that I should not have known it was him) or is that too weird and awkward (I'm afraid he won't call me back again ). I was thinking of saying something like this on his voice mail: "Hi, it's xxx. I think you called last week. If you want to call me back, it's okay". If I do, how long do I wait?

* Should I just wait for him to call me back (if he does) or should I just let it go? If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, he doesn't. I'm just afraid as an INFP, he'll just give up or it was only a spontaneous, one time call.

* Any other suggestions? Feedback?

Thanks

1. Usually when guys call from anonymous numbers, it's because they assume you'll ignore the call, or they don't want you to know they tried to call if they fail to reach you.

There's a smaller chance that he called from the anonymous number because he knew you'd be LESS likely to answer.

2. What's the point of calling from an anonymous phone number if he leaves a voice mail, silly? Then you'd know that he tried calling you... from an anonymous number.

3. If you really want to talk to him, just call him straight up. However, since you ended things, really, you are best served just cutting off all contact. I don't see any positive benefit in calling him out about the anonymous call right now unless you simply want to let him know he's not being slick, and get him to stop.

4 + 5. Since you are the one that left him, I strongly recommend that you stand by that and avoid contact on your side. If he calls from his own personal number, or emails you, then by all means answer, and maybe you guys can take it from there. But barring direct communication, it's best to just let it go so both of you can begin moving on.

 

[Ninelives]

1. Usually when guys call from anonymous numbers, it's because they assume you'll ignore the call, or they don't want you to know they tried to call if they fail to reach you.

There's a smaller chance that he called from the anonymous number because he knew you'd be LESS likely to answer.

2. What's the point of calling from an anonymous phone number if he leaves a voice mail, silly? Then you'd know that he tried calling you... from an anonymous number.

3. If you really want to talk to him, just call him straight up. However, since you ended things, really, you are best served just cutting off all contact. I don't see any positive benefit in calling him out about the anonymous call right now unless you simply want to let him know he's not being slick, and get him to stop.

4 + 5. Since you are the one that left him, I strongly recommend that you stand by that and avoid contact on your side. If he calls from his own personal number, or emails you, then by all means answer, and maybe you guys can take it from there. But barring direct communication, it's best to just let it go so both of you can begin moving on.

Wise response. I think this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

 

[Udog]

Wise is my middle name. U-danger-wise-dog.

 

[Ninelives]

Well. I used to be a frequent user of Typology Central and always found your comments insightful. Really helped me understand infps better. Thanks for responding.

 

[Avik]

Are you entirely certain it was even him? Your manner of writing suggests that you still pine for him, and this is likely to have biased the inference of your "sneaky" method of determining who had called.

 

[xenaprincess]

I think whether he called or not is not important.

You write that you want to see him and speak to him. So....just pick up the phone and call him. Make no mention of the mystery call. It does not matter.

If you don't want to see him or speak to him, then don't contact him. Simple as that.

Your actions here need not have any reference to his actions or what he might do. Or what he might think. Also, any attempts at us trying to decipher what he feels is not a good use of time. Believe me, I've done that kind of thing before and it goes no where!

Anyway, good luck. A lot of relationship issues revolve around communication, and communication styles. It's important to put the gun down and address each other in a kind way. Guys especially have a low tolerance of emotional stress.

I hate to make generalities, but this is from my experience. If you're a source of emotional stress, they'd rather just not be around you. Often, guys will cocoon a little, lick their wounds and get better before subjecting themselves to stress again. INFPs especially, since we are pretty sensitive.

I think there is actually something chemical about it. I read somewhere that emotional stress triggers a chemical reaction. It's like their being out in the wild and facing a tiger. They actually need to get away from the stress trigger so their chemistry gets back to normal.

(Please excuse what sounds like crazy talk, ha, but honesty, I read this somewhere! And it's been a long day!).