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[INFJ] INFJs and Dating

Kiddo

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Yeah, so how does that work out? :huh:

For me, not so much. :blush:

Something about being assessed as a possible suitable mate makes the whole experience incredibly unpleasant. How does an INFJ not obsess about their faults and insecurities? It's made even more unnerving by the fact that you are also suppose to be, in one way or another, assessing someone to be a suitable mate. I feel pretty bad when I begin spotting a person's flaws, or when I realize that I'm more flawed than them and thus come to the conclusion that I'm inherently unworthy.

Fantasy is so much better than reality when it comes to romance. :BangHead:
 

redacted

Well-known member
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4,223
hmm. i'm usually self-conscious like way at the beginning, but then i'll figure something about the person out and it's like a switch is flipped. most of the time, i become hypercritical of the other person and notice why they don't fit my standards.

it's really annoying because i'll think i like someone and have the idea of pursuing them, then i'll completely change my mind after putting in just a tiny bit of effort.

blah
 

tenINsFJ

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hmm. i'm usually self-conscious like way at the beginning, but then i'll figure something about the person out and it's like a switch is flipped. most of the time, i become hypercritical of the other person and notice why they don't fit my standards.

it's really annoying because i'll think i like someone and have the idea of pursuing them, then i'll completely change my mind after putting in just a tiny bit of effort.

blah

Ding Ding Ding. Me too. Except you aren't an INFJ..or so your avatar says.

Usually when I see a girl, I'll visualize her as being like the perfect girl.. I'll imagine her fitting to my standards. Then I talk to her and I'll hear something that totally goes against my values like partying or drinking or sex or something that grosses me out and within a split second I'm not interested. It's almost like I know what I want and it should be perfect or else I look the opposite direction. Sucks to be so judging about a potential significant other. Sigh.


Edit: I agree with you Kiddo, better fantasy than reality. Either that or I'm going to have to really change my outlook on women.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
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It is not so much about looking for flaws as finding someone who is right for you. A person could be totally perfect and still be wrong for you personally.
 

Kiddo

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It is not so much about looking for flaws as finding someone who is right for you. A person could be totally perfect and still be wrong for you personally.

How do you know when a person is right for you?
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
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INTJ
How do you know when a person is right for you?

I think only you can define that :yes:

But personally, for me, someone who likes me for me, I don't have to put on a fake mask, I can just be myself, and they can be their self also. Among other things. Yeah, but the whole, both of us being ourselves and liking it, is a major key factor. For me anyway.
 

cafe

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How do you know when a person is right for you?
For me, it was the guy who made my heart go pitter-pat, whose values and behavior I could respect, and who didn't have any flaws I didn't think I could put up with for fifty years. Bonus: he makes me laugh.
 

Kiddo

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DigitalMethod said:
I think only you can define that

For me, it was the guy who made my heart go pitter-pat, whose values and behavior I could respect, and who didn't have any flaws I didn't think I could put up with for fifty years. Bonus: he makes me laugh.

It is one of those things in life that no one else can tell you.:devil:

:doh:

I give up. I'm just gonna become a monk.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
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Heh kiddo!

Doesn't your Ni just go and tell you which ones would potentially work out? Then you go after those. It's a pretty automatic process of sizing up people and determining matches.
 

Kiddo

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Heh kiddo!

Doesn't your Ni just go and tell you which ones would potentially work out? Then you go after those. It's a pretty automatic process of sizing up people and determining matches.

Nope. Apparantly my Ni is very picky. And I really, really, hate dating.

I'm hoping that it is just that I haven't met anyone that I click with. Or maybe I'm not ready for a relationship.
 

redacted

Well-known member
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Messages
4,223
when it clicks, it clicks.

my Ni is stupidly picky too :)

and if you aren't ready for a relationship, it won't click.

basically, you just have to leave it up to your gut. and it may take a long time... (i've only felt the click one time)
 

sunnyraining

New member
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Apr 28, 2008
Messages
15
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INFJ
Nope. Apparantly my Ni is very picky. And I really, really, hate dating.

I'm hoping that it is just that I haven't met anyone that I click with. Or maybe I'm not ready for a relationship.

I'm finding myself in the same situation Kiddo - it's that not knowing whether there are people out there there suited to your personality/values/etc that bugs me the most. The J function doesn't help either ... guess we're the type most likely to become totally monastic :p

I'm not sure if it's more prevalent in INFJs though ...
 
S

sammy

Guest
Some male INFJs I know didn't really like the whole dating thing either --they seem, to me, to have been very picky and knowing which girl they wanted, even if it took them years to get her. They're both amazing guys, incredibly dedicated to making a relationship work once they're in one.
 

entropie

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INFJ's suck big time. I intensively hope you guys never date anyone. INFJ's have those natural trait of speciality, of being that much uncommon, in such a great way that they themselves aren't even aware of it. It is always the others, never the INFJ.

AND if it is the INFJ, it is the more most much biggest worsest... worst thing to do: "Oh look dear that woman has much bigger tits than you !" - response: *imagine the sound of a breaking backbone*

INFJ's are prone to one fundamental flaw, which I will explain in my last sentence that ressembles a quote:

I hate my INFJ girlfriend, she brings out the worst in me [not the last]

'It would presently be his task to take the bandage from this young woman's eyes, and bid her look forth on the world. But how many generations of the women who had gone to her making had descended bandaged to the family vault? He shivered a little, remembering some of the new ideas in his scientific books, and the much-cited instance of the Kentucky cave-fish, which had ceased to develop eyes because they had no use for them.'
-
~Edith Warton, 'The Age of Innocence'
 
S

sammy

Guest
INFJ's suck big time. I intensively hope you guys never date anyone. INFJ's have those natural trait of speciality, of being that much uncommon, in such a great way that they themselves aren't even aware of it. It is alwas the others, never the INFJ.

AND if it is the INFJ, it is the more most much biggest worsest... worst thing to do: "Oh look dear that woman has much bigger tits than you !" - response: *imagine the sound of a breaking backbone*

INFJ's are prone to one fundamental flaw, which I will explain in my last sentence that ressembles a quote:

I hate my INFJ girlfriend, she brings out the worst in me [not the last]

'It would presently be his task to take the bandage from this young woman's eyes, and bid her look forth on the world. But how many generations of the women who had gone to her making had descended bandaged to the family vault? He shivered a little, remembering some of the new ideas in his scientific books, and the much-cited instance of the Kentucky cave-fish, which had ceased to develop eyes because they had no use for them.'
-
~Edith Warton, 'The Age of Innocence'
When you say it was always the others and not the INFJ, do you mean that they viewed themselves as different from the others and therefore beyond critique or comment?
 

entropie

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No and that is exactly the point why I hate INFJ's. They know what they are talking about, when they talk.
 
S

sammy

Guest
No and that is exactly the point why I hate INFJ's. They know what they are talking about, when they talk.
I don't get it. How can that make you upset that a person knows what they're talking about?
 
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