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[ENFP] ENFP: Darkness

disco

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Sep 18, 2011
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sx/sp
Any ENFPs get asked if they're mad a lot? People are always asking me if I'm okay, and I'm always totally fine. I think my face looks unhappy by default and if I'm just chillin, observing a room, people will think I'm upset, but I'm not. Sometimes I feel like my energy is darker than others, even though I'm ultimately optimistic, spontaneous, fun-loving, excitable, etc...
 

Elfboy

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Any ENFPs get asked if they're mad a lot? People are always asking me if I'm okay, and I'm always totally fine. I think my face looks unhappy by default and if I'm just chillin, observing a room, people will think I'm upset, but I'm not. Sometimes I feel like my energy is darker than others, even though I'm ultimately optimistic, spontaneous, fun-loving, excitable, etc...

this is perfectly normal for an ENFP.
we're
- 1 part lovable, goofy, random and social butterfly
- 1 part dark, dramatic, intense, convicted, passionately sexual

your tritype is also triple idealist (7, 4 and 1) and you are an Sx dom. this is going to add to your dark energy even more
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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I know two people who I suspect are both ENFP, though they could also be outgoing (or in one case, aggressive) INFPs. Really can't quite make up my mind with either.

One of them is almost certainly mentally ill (possibly quite seriously, ie. BPD or something similar) so not such a good example, really. But she looks angry almost all the time and acts angry a lot of the time - and claims not to have a clue that she's coming across this way. :huh:

The other one suffers from some emotional instability but is otherwise ok. She doesn't tend to "look angry" as a default but she certainly comes across as intense, and I suppose that could some of the time look like serious/angry. My own face, for instance, might tend to look serious (or sometimes sad, but I got told that more when younger) as a default, but I'm a bit more impassive, I think, though my face and tone can be pretty expressive. She certainly gets angry quicker than I do, but also gets over it quicker.

Oh, and I am pretty sure she'd agree with you [MENTION=14503]disco[/MENTION] about the "darker energy" thing. She's a quintessential type 4, and has always leaned towards goth style and that sort of thing, and does tend to gravitate to situations and people which/who are dark, tragic and drama-laden.
 

skylights

i love
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so/sx
People who don't know me very well sometimes get concerned when I'm not all smiley-cute, because they've only seen my outer positive layer and don't get to see the constant inside serious-intense-complex vortex that Elfboy described. It frustrates me a little that they assume that my darker side is somehow not me - in many ways it's more me than the happy-go-lucky exterior.
 

Turtledove

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Some people are just naturally brooders that are intense inside there heads. I try not to misjudge the facial expressions of people who look intense.
 

disco

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Great replies, everyone...thanks! I actually second-guessed my 7 and thought I was possibly a 4 for a while, but the essential problems of a 7 are what keep me convinced I am one. I do feel almost split between 7 and 4, though...
 

sculpting

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when I was younger I had an INFJ teacher explain that I had a very bad attitude. It confused me a great deal as I was extremely quiet and introverted and I didnt say anything to her or anyone else in the class. I made very good grades in her class and did all of my work. She said I just looked like I had a bad attitude and should be less bitter.

I suspect that maybe our game face can be very serious and that when we dont feel comfortable engaging externally, we can sort of put on a solemn face and just keep to ourselves-which people misread as anger or bitterness. I have also noted EXTPs who think I am bitter when I am really just thinking about stuff-I suspect they are projecting their own state upon me, and seeing a lack of Fe, they assume I am externalizing Ti-thus cranky-bitter-argumentative perhaps... hmm, this could have been the INFJ teacher too-that would make sense.
 

Qlip

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I spent my short highschool career brooding alone in corners. I was badly depressed. People thought I was some sort of anarchist, or some kind of odd Muslim charismatic (there's a strange explanation for that). I was approached by very strange people.

As an adult I get into bad moods, I feel as if I'm radiating pure darkness. I don't know what I look like from the outside, though.
 

skylights

i love
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when I was younger I had an INFJ teacher explain that I had a very bad attitude. It confused me a great deal as I was extremely quiet and introverted and I didnt say anything to her or anyone else in the class. I made very good grades in her class and did all of my work. She said I just looked like I had a bad attitude and should be less bitter.

I suspect that maybe our game face can be very serious and that when we dont feel comfortable engaging externally, we can sort of put on a solemn face and just keep to ourselves-which people misread as anger or bitterness. I have also noted EXTPs who think I am bitter when I am really just thinking about stuff-I suspect they are projecting their own state upon me, and seeing a lack of Fe, they assume I am externalizing Ti-thus cranky-bitter-argumentative perhaps... hmm, this could have been the INFJ teacher too-that would make sense.

Interesting... I really like most of the INFJs I talk to on this site but I have neeeeever gotten along with (who I suspect to be) INFJ teachers, minus one 9w1 male when I was in my senior year of college... I've had 3 very similar female teachers who I very much think were INFJ - all petite brunette kinda uptight looking young women - 2 psychology professors and 1 middle school teacher - who always seemed to regard me as a "problem" despite getting high grades... they always treated me with disdain even though I tried to really engage in their classes... never really understood it...
 

Chiharu

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I think it's the Fi. Most Fi users look a little dark and moody, where Fe users are more smiley/pleasant/neutral ime.
 

SilkRoad

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Interesting... I really like most of the INFJs I talk to on this site but I have neeeeever gotten along with (who I suspect to be) INFJ teachers, minus one 9w1 male when I was in my senior year of college... I've had 3 very similar female teachers who I very much think were INFJ - all petite brunette kinda uptight looking young women - 2 psychology professors and 1 middle school teacher - who always seemed to regard me as a "problem" despite getting high grades... they always treated me with disdain even though I tried to really engage in their classes... never really understood it...

I have no idea of the type of most of my teachers :laugh: (haven't thought about it enough, anyway!) but I used to get teachers telling me I looked "bored". That was common. As in, not enough stimulation. Which could be true in some cases, I guess, because quite honestly I was ahead of the rest of the class for a lot of subjects for quite a few years. (It was a good lesson to me when I had to work harder at some stuff instead of just coasting, and when I got a lower mark on my English final than I expected, etc!).

Really I was more of a teacher's pet more of the time...but I occasionally got into trouble for zoning out, the looking bored thing, or just occasionally being mouthy or excessively sarcastic (now I wonder if that was me having CP 6 moments, though I'm mainly phobic...I'm pretty sure that is still what happens to me sometimes, in other contexts. Just wanting to hit out.) But I wonder if ENFPs might be more inclined to have an expressive aura which some might take as disdain or irritation or trouble-making, even if it's not meant that way at all.
 

Elfboy

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ENFPs can get especially dark and brooding if we are rejected by someone we've formed a strong connection with.
 

skylights

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Really I was more of a teacher's pet more of the time...but I occasionally got into trouble for zoning out, the looking bored thing, or just occasionally being mouthy or excessively sarcastic (now I wonder if that was me having CP 6 moments, though I'm mainly phobic...I'm pretty sure that is still what happens to me sometimes, in other contexts. Just wanting to hit out.)

:laugh: :hifive:

But I wonder if ENFPs might be more inclined to have an expressive aura which some might take as disdain or irritation or trouble-making, even if it's not meant that way at all.

Yes, I think you're right... I ask a bunch of questions - I try not to be THAT kid who is annoying with oblivious questions all the time but I really try to understand the big picture as a whole and ask questions to fill in where I see gaps... the two college professors didn't seem pleased with that... it seemed like they got ticked off with my questions... the thing was, one of them, whom I genuinely just really disliked, had a "pet" student who asked questions all the time, but they were better received. I suspect that girl was ENTP, and maybe the Fe-Ti connection had something to do with it too. She was usually asking questions I found less important, but the prof seemed more interested... it was kind of funny because the professor would get kind of off-topic sometimes, which frustrated me, because she would go really deep into a certain interest of hers, which was interesting but not necessarily the material, and she would get frustrated if the class asked her questions that went back to the original material... I think she was Ni-Fe because she was brilliant at people behavior and just kind of had that Ni aura... but maybe not necessarily the best teacher
 

Betty Blue

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Frequently, though i think this is probably quite healthy, i'd worry more about the ones who think you completely normal.
 

Priori

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The ENFP 'darkness' is more than just brooding, it can manifest in other ways too. Like desiring things or people that might be 'wrong' to want or even vividly imagining the murder of an EFSJ co-worker in minute detail.

Or so i'v gathered. The inner world of ENFx's is so fascinating.
 

Lady_X

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Yeah I think it's is the lack of fe. It's just that how we feel shows all over our face and were not capable of changing that to suit someone else. I have very strong urges to drop kick anyone who ever tells me to smile.

I am naturally a very smiley happy person because that's is my default state but I am no stepford wife I hve an actual life with actual real emotions and things to think about or stress about or worry and sometimes I get pissed off. And I intend to feel exactly how I feel. How rude of anyone to express that your feelings are bothering them.
 

Elfboy

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Yeah I think it's is the lack of fe. It's just that how we feel shows all over our face and were not capable of changing that to suit someone else. I have very strong urges to drop kick anyone who ever tells me to smile.

I am naturally a very smiley happy person because that's is my default state but I am no stepford wife I hve an actual life with actual real emotions and things to think about or stress about or worry and sometimes I get pissed off. And I intend to feel exactly how I feel. How rude of anyone to express that your feelings are bothering them.

+9000
 

CzeCze

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I'm naturally buoyant and cheerful. Online someone told me I was hiding great pain (??) but I think it's that I'm secretive about personal info and people can't believe you're a naturally hyphy person and must be compensating for something. :dry:

My optimism is my weapon. There are forces in the world that want you to curl up and die. To that I say, FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER?!??! IM PLAYING DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION AND PETTING MY FURRY WHITE DOGS AND CHATTING WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHO LOVES ME?!? NEXT IM GONNA BAKE MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE BROWNIES AND SHOVE 'EM DOWN YOIR FUCKING THROAT UNTIL YOU LEARN TO SAY SORRY!?!

Wow...maybe I'm a little manic.

Any darkness I have is kept well on the inside far from the prying eyes of people. I deal with it by empowering myself snd attempting positive changes to my external world. I deal eith it through human connection. I have to channel it back into productivity. Otherwise it can swallow me whole. It is a dark and cavernous place. It is an existential struggle. But, I think that is just part of the human condition, no?
 

Neutralpov

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ENFPs can get especially dark and brooding if we are rejected by someone we've formed a strong connection with.

This is so true. I am going to keep this quote. I also think your distrinction with Fi and Fe is dead on. I think I tend to go off alone when emoting becuase I get told I bring other's down and that isn't good.
I also have never had the thought, "I intend to feel exactly how I feel. How rude of anyone to express that your feelings are bothering them." That rang VERY Fi to me. If anything I agree on being authentic but not to it being put on someone else. possibly an so trait from the enneagram.

Another thought was that I have a hard time even barely stepping into wrong/darkness/moral shades of gray. So I think that something good I learn from ENFPs is that you can learn from lessons and venture on the dark side and step into is as a home. Doesn't mean that is who you are. That would have NEVER occured to me as my alarms go off the second I get near darkness or over the line even a cm. Not sure what that is, possibly comfortableness with our human nature, enneagram 1 perfectionism, religious conditioning from childhood or just something Iam deciding for myself with age and experince?
 

Owlesque

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I dated an ENFP for a short while, and while he was for the most part the traditional spontaneous, passionate and witty social butterfly that complemented my own personality perfectly, there was a serious darkness there - a kind of volatile, often self-deprecating intensity that I only caught glimpses of (at least at first). I do suspect and have reason to believe that he is, at least to some degree, mentally ill, so perhaps mine is a flawed example...
 
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