[INFJ] INFJs: Which type do you think is your ideal romantic match?

[sulfit]

sounds bitter

That's real experience speaking.

xNFJs and xNFPs seem similar on the surface, and that similarity can be deceptive, but if you dig deeper they share very little values in common. In socionics they are located in opposite quadra from each other.

 

[prplchknz]

That's real experience speaking.

xNFJs and xNFPs seem similar on the surface, and that similarity can be deceptive, but if you dig deeper they share very little values in common. In socionics they are located in opposite quadra from each other.

I never said she was wrong, i said she sounded bitter, there's a difference

 

[sulfit]

I never said she was wrong, i said she sounded bitter, there's a difference

you sound defensive

 

[prplchknz]

you sound defensive

I'm not being defensive, sorry if i came across as such. I'll try better next time (that's a lie, I won't)

 

[Emerald Rain]

Confident, entertaining, energetic (draws energy from within and from the environment), intuitive, nurturing, eccentric. aybe ENFJ/ ENFP?

 

[Werewolfen]

I've already found the one I'm going to marry and she's all 16 flavors rolled into one

 

[Domino]

I really do believe that enneagram and variant stackings come into play in tandem with one's overall type. I know a lot of people may not subscribe to this view, but I think it helps in explaining certain attractions inside general type definitions.

For example, my twin is an ENFP, but she's a 7w6 social. She has a tendency to head toward xNTJ social 8s and INFJ sexual 4/5s. With the NTs, she needs him on an open level plain with similar motivations. With the NF, it's more about fusion and soul-sameness. She has a solid Ne primary world focus, and is more extroverted than myself by a mile and does not require the same levels of solitude and alone time that I do. Other ENFPs may not feel comfortable with an NT, whereas others may not feel comfortable with added NF. My INFJ 4w5 father has always been predisposed toward SFPs. My ENFJ 3w2 friend likes INFPs.

It's very important not to say "This is right/wrong" or you'll end up in a ditch.

As an Ni-intensive 4w3, I prefer ENTPs. We just click. I tend to be too intense for introverts and too harsh for other NFs. As a girl, I was attracted to INFPs, ISFPs, and then as I got older, ISTPs.

 

[Thursday]

Considering these facts I would imagine the best match for INFJ females are INTPs. But sadly INTPs are emotionally retarded. Yikes!
I'm stereotyping of course.

Why would the INTP need to be anything but emotionally inept if the other half has that task smothered in aptitude?

 

[Reverie]

There is just something I find deeply unsatisfying about dealing with XNFPs the older I get and on the other hand, I find Se types more likeable and better for my development with each passing year whereas when I was younger this was not so obviously the case at all that is all I am saying.

Well I'm older and happily married to an ENFP for five years running. He's very different in how he functions but we don't disagree on the important things like "Is there any inherent point which needs no logical proof in being nice and decent to people?", "Is there very obviously a higher purpose to the universe, life and everything?" and "Are you a kooky sap, really?" (<---answer: no. No sir, am not.) . He treats me with inherent respect because we have similar values and I don't have to explain myself over and over again. I feel he may not always understand why I do things the way I do them but that he appreciates me for who I am and has the respect and courtesy to allow me to live my life the way I want to. It's hard to put into words. I do think it's very easy for us to enjoy life together. I really like his zest for life coupled with the Ne zaniness and Fi values. It's more about picking your poison, personal preference and many compatibility factors on top of that, and if you're a romantic like I am, maybe a bit of fate and destiny thrown in the mix too.

 

[Domino]

I was just talking to my ENFP twin last night about guys (a much more complicated issue than I'm making it sound). It had begun as a question - she asked me if I found her "exhausting" to which I said not at all. She's a social and I'm a sexual, yes, so I need a lot of time to myself, but I don't find her exhausting, and I told her that Ne-primaries have a way of making me feel a great deal better overall just by being around them. There's something - consoling? easing? - about Ne-primaries to my volatile nature. They get me out of my volcano, or at the very least, seem to LIKE me as the fire-eater that I am, and I absolutely cannot fathom why.

*I* am the exhausting one. *I* am the fraud. *I* am the black spot on the sun. They live on the surface and in a state of bravery I have difficulty even coming close to.

 

[iwakar]

Honestly, at this point I think I seriously question the type of anyone who claims to be an INFJ yet gets along well with ENFPs and INFPs.

I'm damn sure I'm an INFJ and I dated an INFP for years and am currently having a child with/in a relationships with an ENFP. Last failed relationship was with an INTP.

 

[metalmommy]

I'm rather fond of the INTJs myself. I find they keep me balanced and grounded. All I need is for them to maintain that patient (usually mildly anxious) look for about 2 minutes, while I have my little emotional dump...and then I'm comforted by the dispensing of rational advice. I'm not a huge feeler myself, so I can generally handle most NTs.

But my match would definitely have to be an NT. I'm all the feeler I can handle...and while I love my sensors, I just cannot live with one. They may make me a little stabby...*cough*

 

[Ten]

Well I'm older and happily married to an ENFP for five years running. He's very different in how he functions but we don't disagree on the important things like "Is there any inherent point which needs no logical proof in being nice and decent to people?", "Is there very obviously a higher purpose to the universe, life and everything?" and "Are you a kooky sap, really?" (<---answer: no. No sir, am not.) . He treats me with inherent respect because we have similar values and I don't have to explain myself over and over again. I feel he may not always understand why I do things the way I do them but that he appreciates me for who I am and has the respect and courtesy to allow me to live my life the way I want to. It's hard to put into words. I do think it's very easy for us to enjoy life together. I really like his zest for life coupled with the Ne zaniness and Fi values. It's more about picking your poison, personal preference and many compatibility factors on top of that, and if you're a romantic like I am, maybe a bit of fate and destiny thrown in the mix too.

My sister who is also an INFJ is married to an ENFP but that marriage is now coming to a close after just under twelve years, that marriage was seemingly happy for a long time and their attraction to each other was indeed overwhelming so I am not unfamiliar with the attraction and initial contentment that these types can have with each other even though I have personally never been attracted in that way to an ENFP male (I am attracted to XTXX).

The person who I considered my best friend of over twenty years is an ENFP. I had her on a pedestal for quite a while, she seemed so kind, decent and original; she also made huge sacrifices for my career which had the effect of making me rather loyal to her. That relationship ended when one day it forcefully occurred to me that all that time we really had very little in common at the deepest levels and I just somehow did not begin to see this until a couple months before our last conversation. I have a few other XNFP experiences that I will not go into that has shaped my rather negative view of them over time.

I think part of the problem I have with XNFPs and Fi is that they have all these strong unspoken values that often only come to the surface after a really long time in many instances and ENFPs in particular try to have this live and let live attitude which can often complicate their relationships with people who are truly and deeply different from them but this complication mainly becomes apparent after quite a significant amount of time. Actually these days due to me having less need to always have harmony with people, I can more easily communicate my Ni based observations, quite a few of which XNFPs really hate and so we kind of run into problems far more quickly than we did in the past. I also now prefer the crudeness of Se to the zaniness of Ne.


Anyway, I am happy that your relationship is working well for you, long may it last and hopefully your ENFP experience will not turn out to be anything like my own. I think INFJs in general tend to have great difficulties with obtaining and sustaining healthy, happy relationships so if you have found that, then I am very pleased for you.

 

[Ten]

I'm damn sure I'm an INFJ and I dated an INFP for years and am currently having a child with/in a relationships with an ENFP. Last failed relationship was with an INTP.

So are you saying then that the relationship you had for years with the INFP failed in the end?

There seems to be quite a few examples of failed INFJ/INTP relationships online, the ex partner of nearly every INTP over at INTP central seems to have been an INFJ (or ISFJ). If it is true that the ideal partner of the INTP is an ESTJ as some sources think, then they are probably not going to do very well in that kind of relationship with an INFJ who is has no functions in common with the ESTJ. I know two INTP men who are in stable relationships with ESTJ women but who knows if that will end in the same epic fail as I have seen in the INFJ/ENFPs ones.

 

[Istbkleta]

sounds bitter in my head

I fixed that for you.

Your frustration is the only gratitude I can accept


trololololo

 

[cascadeco]

Blech, I don't know.

 

[Ene]

Wow...hard question. I honestly don't know the answer to it....

 

[Reverie]

[MENTION=15533]Ten[/MENTION] I'm aware of the what you're speaking of and I can see in that being a problem, but I was fully aware of what I was getting into. I've had close lifelong friends of this particular type and I'm conscious of what's easy and what's challenging and that I won't be fully understood. I am appreciated though which means more to me. For me I think we're all here to understand ourselves, not to be understood. Can't externalize that. So I'm not expecting someone to be like me or to get me. I would for example relate to an ENFJ on a personal level much better because of the similiar way they see things and so forth. The communication is so much easier with ENTPs and ESTPs but what I like personally is having the same values and views, however different they manifest and are derived.
Type's all well and good but it's the individual to individual interaction and what happens in that space that is real and type I think is just a way to differentiate the flavors. As it is it seems I just like that particular flavor for some reason, enough to surround myself with it as friends go. As people go I wouldn't be compatible with any other man than the one I'm with. Can I say it'll last forever with 100% confidence (despite him being the love of my life)? Not really. I'm a romantic but I'm a realist too. I've been in two intense long term relationships prior.
EDIT: I'd like to add that I think that just because a relationship ends it doesn't make it a waste. I think sometimes even the most "right" relationships come to an end. Everything has a meaning (or if one doesn't like that kind of thinking: Every experience can ultimately be used to benefit us) and a meaningful important relationship can also have an end before "death do us part".
As for ESTPs and the type characteristics I can see in some of my close friends and acquaintances: I personally love spending time with my ESTP friends relaxing and I think I've learned alot from the few I get along with (but also I've had more ugly permanent fallings out with friends of this type than any other...actually I've had none with any other type) by just being around them. Especially now we've matured, however I wouldn't say it's a particularly easy type to type relationship either, though I'm sure it can be rewarding because the other's strenght is the other's weakness. But that's also why it's challenging.
At the end of the day it's about individual's, not type. But because we can generalize things too, I'd say I have a real liking for people who have that particular type (ENFP) as it usually gives a flavor of warmth and and openness to a person.

...and also to be clear I have no problems speaking my mind. I'm a 4w3 sx tritype 458.

 

[Tujay]

I am in love with an ENFP and it is a painful roller coaster ride. I am happiest with an ENTP. Why is this?

This ENFP reads me like a book and typed me before I even knew my type. Because of the emotionality and deep connection we have that exists without words, every time his curiosity gets the better of him and he chooses to spend time with another woman - which is ALL of the time, I can't help but feel like my person is being rejected at a very deep level. Like I'm not good enough or something; though in reality - he is probably just being an ENFP.

The relationship dynamics just don't shake out to be very healthy or secure in the long run. In short, ENFP + INFJ = strong and intense emotional connection, goes up in flames because ENFPs can't commit and INFJs need commitment.

ENTPs and INFJs share the compatibility of ENFP and INFJ but without the heaviness of intense emotional connection. Therefore, when ENTPs are just being spontaneous and curious, INFJs don't take it personally and they can see the ENTP curiousity for what it really is and delight in it - instead of taking it as a personal rejection.

It is funny, my non romantic relationships with ENFPs are similar and fun.

At least, this has been my experience. I have been burned by an ENFP so I am biased.

 

[Rosabel]

I'm happy with my ENTJ, it works perfectly.