[INFP] Here's what I think right now.

[flameskull95]

I'm an INFP and I'm an idiot 'cause I care about what people think of me. And I'm sure I'm an INFP, not another meat suit fits.

How can you INFPs really put on that flaccid face, and that happy go-lucky rose colored view of the world? How do you manage what other people think, all those people who put pessimistic limiting crap on everything you believe, and then have that "oh, look pretty lights" type attitude to end the day off with?

I just got off with on argument with some "friend" I talked to, at least that's what I thought he was. Now, I won't ever speak to him again, and I'll elaborate dw.
He has this false belief that somehow I am an arrogant ass, and keep attacking people making "smart ass" remarks, for whenever I'm around his friends and they ignore me for that reason. I see his point when coming to his friends ignoring me, - because I've noticed they do and I'm actually happier that's cleared up, and it's ot cause I'm a crap talker it's just that they hate me. But the thing I don't get is why they'd respond like that to my jokes, - yes, my random meaningless jokes - not about their dead grandmas or anything either... just jokes like 'you're a potato' - seriously that's what set this 'friend' off. What is it with the people around me, even the people closest to me, who take these small details I could not possibly pay attention to and go on wild tangents about my character, when they cannot even realize there own major flaws in character, and expect me to break my back trying to mend for these people when they won't and cannot ever reciprocate, even if they tried their best.

I seriously don't know who I am anymore, to be honest, maybe I'm just so far from any mentality to give a crap about whether I'm me or not, and I frankly can't express myself anymore like I used to. I feel like I'm going crazy here. I get angry at them all the time, and feel like there is possibly no way for me to be myself, unless I explode in their face, and that has happened. The reason why this friend was originally mad was because I exploded in physics class with some popular dude, he claims to "know". But somehow me yelling at him for being an arse pissed this friend off more than it actually pissed the guy I was yelling at off.


Is this an INFP thing? I'm guessing not, how the hell am I a "dick" when all I'm try to make conversations better- and STAND up for myself. And I honestly pay much more attention to what I say then they do, but all they want from me is to do what they expect me to do, and shut my fucking mouth, and nod to every bullshit flaw they have, and not say or do a thing. For someone who gives a load about what other people think, who has the psychological problem to not be able to give a crap about what other people think, having them think you're a tool and a total arse is the most painful thing.

I really don't get these forums either, and I really don't care if I made your day any worse, because I don't know you and you don't know anyone that is here either. Sorry to burst that bubble, - seriously are the people here too cool to post on my wallpost? It's seriously what I'm talking about, that bullshit that somehow there's this underlying motive behind every little thing I do that I need to answer to but you guys can get off quite goddam well, without a care in the world. But for you guys, the truth is you're sitting behind a computer, figuring some imaginary image of yourself while typing out words on a machine. There is no connection or intercommunity here, it's all bullshit for starters, so don't give me that pissed off outlook, cause i honestly don't care anymore. I honestly don't know why I'm writing this anyway...

 

[RDF]

[...] There is no connection or intercommunity here, it's all bullshit for starters [...]

I think that the part of your post that I quoted is the lesson that you need to learn.

In other words, it sounds like you’re looking for a community of like-minded people, and you get frustrated when your friends turn out to have flaws and quirks of their own. Or they criticize you about your flaws and quirks, and you get frustrated or defensive when you realize that you’re not fitting in as well with the group as you might like.

The way to handle friends and communities is to accept them as they are and work with what you got. You’re going to fit together well in some ways and in other areas you’ll be a bad fit. So go to one friend/community for some needs, and then go to a different friend/community for other needs.

See my post here, especially the part about haflway down concerning “dinner parties”: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46972&p=1859560&viewfull=1#post1859560

By the way, I’m not chastising you or anything. You’re angry about something, you have a good rant going, and that’s fine. INFPs do that all the time. Furthermore, basically you’re right about everything you posted. Life is largely about people’s egos passing by and colliding randomly.

So the real question is how you deal with that situation and find some happiness, as opposed to getting frustrated and ranting at the unfairness of life. My own answer is in that other post that I linked above about the dinner party.

 

[prplchknz]

I've met people from here and I've made friends with them, so sorry to burst your bubble. but you sound like your on a high horse and need to be knocked off.

 

[flameskull95]

I think that the part of your post that I quoted is the lesson that you need to learn.

In other words, it sounds like you’re looking for a community of like-minded people, and you get frustrated when your friends turn out to have flaws and quirks of their own. Or they criticize you about your flaws and quirks, and you get frustrated or defensive when you realize that you’re not fitting in as well with the group as you might like.

The way to handle friends and communities is to accept them as they are and work with what you got. You’re going to fit together well in some ways and in other areas you’ll be a bad fit. So go to one friend/community for some needs, and then go to a different friend/community for other needs.

See my post here, especially the part about haflway down concerning “dinner parties”: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46972&p=1859560&viewfull=1#post1859560

By the way, I’m not chastising you or anything. You’re angry about something, you have a good rant going, and that’s fine. INFPs do that all the time. Furthermore, basically you’re right about everything you posted. Life is largely about people’s egos passing by and colliding randomly.

So the real question is how you deal with that situation and find some happiness, as opposed to getting frustrated and ranting at the unfairness of life. My own answer is in that other post that I linked above about the dinner party.

Yeah, maybe I am making ideals the people 'intercommunity' cannot live up to.

I'm usually the person who builds up rage on the inside till it subsides, and don't usually show it or express it at all. Though what I was really trying to do here was show you guys this other rage problem I had, just to see how you would react to it. Because that's exactly what I'm like when I'm angry, mindlessly throwing anything, knowing how harsh it is, especially how genuinely harsh it is, though throwing it toward someone anyway. Like I don't really honestly care whether or not you guys have lives or not, I'm assuming you do, that's just mean. But if you can get what I mean, I'm trying to convey how my "angry" side looked like and whether it is something that you'd expect an INFP to "feel" to convey.

Not to say there is no honesty in what I said, actually all of it is utmost honest, - I wouldn't be so out-there/in-your-face/arrogant in real life. But basically I guess I just want to convey that pessimistic raging tendency I have as an INFP not getting toward that ideal like you said. Thanks for clearing that up btw.

 

[flameskull95]

I've met people from here and I've made friends with them, so sorry to burst your bubble. but you sound like your on a high horse and need to be knocked off.

That's arrogant. Hence, pretty hypocritical.

 

[prplchknz]

That's arrogant. Hence, pretty hypocritical.

no it's not, because it's the truth. also if you can't take people disagreeing with you than don't post.

 

[flameskull95]

no it's not, because it's the truth. also if you can't take people disagreeing with you than don't post.

Bear with me,

I just said you're hypocritical, I know I can't not stop you from thinking that I'm a jerk for saying that, it's just that it's just my own opinion of what you said.

Seriously, not to condemn you or anything, I don't really care that much. But it's the fact that you can't take my judgement of what you said, it's got nothing to do with me not being able to handle criticism (I mean, If I didn't want criticism wouldn't I have ignored you or just told you to shut up by now? Anyway, like I explained in my other post, that you probably didn't read, which is understandable, 'cause it's actually hell long... I was expecting criticism).

Okay, then why are you posting if all you want to see is me 'not posting'?

I get it, our ramblings don't make as much sense beyond our own anger. Like I said, I'm an INFP and I've been on that prideful end before, and that's exactly what furthers me from other people, like I stated in the original post above. Say in this case, how can you be so optimistic and carry on with those 'rose colored' glasses and not go into a monotonous "suck it up" depressed outlook that I always find myself in. When you know there is someone to point out your own little flaws, and not even have the decency to look at their own bigger own abundant ones. Like I feel like being who I am, maybe even feeling subconsciously closer to people, invites people to criticize these tiny things, and shut me off, in a way that they would never shut any one else the same. I know it's stupid to think, but the only thing I can get out of it, is that there is something deeply wrong with me. Thank you for responding in a likewise manner, now you understand my situation. That panned out nicely

 

[EJCC]

Though what I was really trying to do here was show you guys this other rage problem I had, just to see how you would react to it. Because that's exactly what I'm like when I'm angry, mindlessly throwing anything, knowing how harsh it is, especially how genuinely harsh it is, though throwing it toward someone anyway. Like I don't really honestly care whether or not you guys have lives or not, I'm assuming you do, that's just mean. But if you can get what I mean, I'm trying to convey how my "angry" side looked like and whether it is something that you'd expect an INFP to "feel" to convey.

I do see this with the INFPs I know, so yes, I would expect those feelings/expressions from an INFP. Not the violent rage, but huge rants like the OP. Most people on the forum call that the Fi Explosion, and they intimidate most non-NFPs because how exactly do you respond to that much emotion?

I personally, as an Fi inferior, see that and feel paralyzed, because the way that I calm people down, the way that I ease their neuroses, the way that I am a "rock" for many of my friends, is by being reasonable with them. But to be perfectly frank, I see rants like that and I know that I can't respond reasonably, because the ranter is too upset to think reasonably. (Don't take this personally: I've been filled with the Fi Rage of Ultimate Power many a time, but I know that I'm unreasonable when I'm like that.) As an ESTJ who is bewildered by this sort of thing, I read through your OP and questioned almost all of it: How do I know these people aren't really your friends? How do I know that people actually ignore you? I'm being presented with far too little information and if I start questioning you, you might get angry with me for doing so and not taking you at face value. But you see, I don't know anything about you. I would give bad advice and bad comfort if I just went with what you gave me. I would think, if I took you at face value, that the world was against you, that no one is your friend, and that you legitimately think that all communities are fraudulent and artificial. As the daughter of an INFJ who sounds just like this at her worst moments, I know to question this sort of talk. But I don't know how to walk on eggshells in the manner required, and I don't know how to give comfort without appealing to reason.

So, obviously, I don't have much to say to make you feel better. But I can say this at the very least, regarding Typology Central: You have to make the first move. If you lurk and very occasionally post (which you might not do; like I said, I don't know you very well), then you won't be noticed all that much. If you don't make the effort to interact with people on the forum, they won't befriend you. No one will think of you as a charity case and post on your wall because they see that it's empty. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

The way that I gained a place in the TypeC community was by making my presence felt. I saw a place where I could be needed, I saw cool people who I wanted to talk to, and I moved into that place, and I talked to those people. Now I have many good friends here, at least ten of whom are now my friends on Facebook, and two of whom I am meeting up with in real life next week.

One last thing -- and this is often my advice to INFPs, whether they take my advice or not -- your anger wouldn't explode like that if you would talk to your friends about how you feel, when you aren't angry. Don't wait for it to build up and then explode, because, as I described before, no one will know how to respond, and many will dismiss you for being irrationally angry and possibly responding disproportionally (because you let it build up so much). If you talk to them about it when you're calm, and you show that you care, then it's likely that the response will be much better than the response you've been getting.

I have no idea how you'll respond to this post, but I guess it's worth a shot, and hopefully you won't be offended.

 

[skylights]

Primarily, it kind of pisses me off that you're not only insulting people on here as well as the collective without explicitly good reason, but on top of that, it's essentially an experiment. I'm not sure how you as an NFP can think that it's okay to just hurt people like that, especially when your anger seems to be in large part about how people behave towards you. I don't think prplchknz was hypocritical in making her point - yes, she demonstrated reciprocal prickliness in response to yours, but hers was hardly even approaching your caliber, and at least hers is genuine. Regardless, I'm going to try to remain neutral in my post - I see clearly that you are hurting and I know that you are removed from the state of mind you were in when first writing your rant - and I know that adding anger to anger generally solves little.

Okay, then why are you posting if all you want to see is me 'not posting'?

This is where you're totally off-base in your first post too - you have this idea that everyone's against you. Even collectively. Where is this coming from? I'll address this again later, but honestly, people mostly really probably don't care about you that much. It's a very egotistical standpoint to think that people are this invested in bringing you down individually, much less that they have coordinated their time and energy to bring you down.

The way I see it, your rant was actually doing just fine, until you threw in that nasty little paragraph at the end. I know, because I have the tendency to do it too, to go ahead and throw in that little zinger telling the person listening to you and probably ready and willing to help you if you ask for it that they're worthless and the whole reason you're all angry in the first place.

First of all, I think almost all NFPs present a softer, warmer persona to the outside world because what is inside is too dark, serious, and chaotic to reasonably present to strangers on a consistent basis. You would scare everyone away and never make any meaningful connections. This is kind of unfortunate, but people have boundaries and fears because it keeps us alive - fear is a deeply biological mechanism. You have to allow for "limiting crap" because humans are restricted by all sorts of things like natural drives, personal differences, fears, biases, bad experiences, and so on. As you seem to see, you are trying to put just as many restrictions on the world by expecting the world to conform to your ideals as you feel like the world puts on INFPs. You have to let go of that vision of perfection and let the world be what it is. And be grateful when you notice that there are pretty lights for you to enjoy, instead of scorning those who have the wisdom to be able to appreciate them as they are.

Secondly, I don't know how you are around your friends, but you sound like an arrogant ass to me right now. This is not coming from a place of hypocrisy or desire to attack you - but the conceptions you are putting forth are clearly self-centered and dismissing of others.

I don't know how to address the situation with your friends' friends, but if it's not worth repairing things, just don't. You can be civil without being social. I do think it would be worth trying to delve further into the situation via your (ex) friend to understand why they are getting so offended, since then perhaps you could have the outsider viewpoint of yourself. Furthermore, IME, it is understandable why your friend may have been more pissed off than your target - your friend probably was afraid he could lose a potential friendship due to his association with you. Whereas the guy you were yelling at probably didn't really have anything to lose in the situation. And your friend probably had no idea where to even begin dealing with you when you were that angry, even though he's your friend and would more than likely want to help you feel better.

I don't really understand what you mean by them trying to make you do what they want you to do and shut your mouth. What is it you're doing and saying that is so threatening to them? Can you just get away from them? Regardless, I don't think it's true that you can't be yourself without exploding in others' face. INFPs often have trouble being assertive without being passive-aggressive. I've had to work on this, too, and it's difficult but very, very rewarding. It feels like half blowing off steam and half stopping trouble before it starts. It makes everyone happier and more sane.

It's seriously what I'm talking about, that bullshit that somehow there's this underlying motive behind every little thing I do that I need to answer to but you guys can get off quite goddam well, without a care in the world.

Back on what I was saying at the beginning of my post, there's a certain saying in psychiatry that "paranoia involves a certain degree of narcissism". In other words, I seriously doubt that you are so threatening and provoking that every single person here has ostracized you and is trying to tear you down. Frankly, I doubt most of us care. Those of us who do care are here in this thread and trying to help you. Unless I've somehow missed the big conspiracy - and I'm pretty active on here, so I doubt it - no one's collectively against you. And, of course, the forums are fraught with people who have problems and worries and stresses and struggles. That's why forums exist, because we come together to share the benefits of collective thought.

But for you guys, the truth is you're sitting behind a computer, figuring some imaginary image of yourself while typing out words on a machine.

So are you, duh.

There is no connection or intercommunity here,

Your premise is vastly flawed. There is no community out to get you. You are framing yourself as a victim and continuing to do so will not help you in any way.

Instead of attacking the forum, you ought to be grateful there's a group of people here who, despite your deprecating comments, are still genuinely interested in improving your life, even though they don't know you at all. There are many, many, many kind, deep, generous, bright, and sincere people on here, and you are acting as if they are shallow because they have not all gathered around and catered to your vision of how the forum should work - even though you only have a handful of posts under your belt. I have no idea what you mean by "wallpost", but it's pretty clear that you have a lot of pent up anger and it's all being lumped together inside and blamed on "the outsiders" who are not you, instead of you trying to separate situations and clarify where you've gone wrong and how you can compromise to begin to progress forwards. Now, should you desire to have circumstances remain the same, you could continue to wallow in your self-pity and anger and feelings of being misunderstood and isolated.

I honestly, really, think that this is very much an issue of having a subjective / introverted lens, and focusing on what everyone else is doing wrong and how they are not living up to what your ideals are, and you are going to be miserable to an extent until you fully grasp that you are just the same as everyone else, someone who is struggling and surviving and trying to improve the world as you know how, with just as many problems and desires, and if you're not getting what you want, you have to communicate and interact and be assertive. You are part of the community, and by envisioning yourself as an outsider, you're not only deluding yourself, but you're also failing to play your part as a social being on this planet who must interact and depend on others to survive. Essentially, by setting yourself apart, you're doing others as much as disservice as you feel like they are doing to you.

Incidentally - are you an Enneagram 4? This seems like a 4 issue.

your anger wouldn't explode like that if you would talk to your friends about how you feel, when you aren't angry.

This too.

 

[flameskull95]

I do see this with the INFPs I know, so yes, I would expect those feelings/expressions from an INFP. Not the violent rage, but huge rants like the OP. Most people on the forum call that the Fi Explosion, and they intimidate most non-NFPs because how exactly do you respond to that much emotion?

I personally, as an Fi inferior, see that and feel paralyzed, because the way that I calm people down, the way that I ease their neuroses, the way that I am a "rock" for many of my friends, is by being reasonable with them. But to be perfectly frank, I see rants like that and I know that I can't respond reasonably, because the ranter is too upset to think reasonably. (Don't take this personally: I've been filled with the Fi Rage of Ultimate Power many a time, but I know that I'm unreasonable when I'm like that.) As an ESTJ who is bewildered by this sort of thing, I read through your OP and questioned almost all of it: How do I know these people aren't really your friends? How do I know that people actually ignore you? I'm being presented with far too little information and if I start questioning you, you might get angry with me for doing so and not taking you at face value. But you see, I don't know anything about you. I would give bad advice and bad comfort if I just went with what you gave me. I would think, if I took you at face value, that the world was against you, that no one is your friend, and that you legitimately think that all communities are fraudulent and artificial. As the daughter of an INFJ who sounds just like this at her worst moments, I know to question this sort of talk. But I don't know how to walk on eggshells in the manner required, and I don't know how to give comfort without appealing to reason.

So, obviously, I don't have much to say to make you feel better. But I can say this at the very least, regarding Typology Central: You have to make the first move. If you lurk and very occasionally post (which you might not do; like I said, I don't know you very well), then you won't be noticed all that much. If you don't make the effort to interact with people on the forum, they won't befriend you. No one will think of you as a charity case and post on your wall because they see that it's empty. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

The way that I gained a place in the TypeC community was by making my presence felt. I saw a place where I could be needed, I saw cool people who I wanted to talk to, and I moved into that place, and I talked to those people. Now I have many good friends here, at least ten of whom are now my friends on Facebook, and two of whom I am meeting up with in real life next week.

One last thing -- and this is often my advice to INFPs, whether they take my advice or not -- your anger wouldn't explode like that if you would talk to your friends about how you feel, when you aren't angry. Don't wait for it to build up and then explode, because, as I described before, no one will know how to respond, and many will dismiss you for being irrationally angry and possibly responding disproportionally (because you let it build up so much). If you talk to them about it when you're calm, and you show that you care, then it's likely that the response will be much better than the response you've been getting.

I have no idea how you'll respond to this post, but I guess it's worth a shot, and hopefully you won't be offended.

I'm not offended, and wouldn't even be if you didn't clarify that you were walking on egg shells around me. 'Fi Rage of Ultimate Power' - you coined a great term to describe it. I really like a lot of what you said, like the 'squeaky wheel gets the grease', it really applies to everything outside TypeC as well. And yeah I just need the courage to be more assertive like Chuck Berry said "It's amazing how much you can learn if your intentions are truly earnest." . I think it's the fact that I walk around and it's feels unreal to me, and it allows me to not take some things like they are or with a genuine approach at all at times, and that can really screw me over. It feels like I appear to hate everything and am just pessimistic, but it's practically that I have this ideal in my head that is not reality, so I can do nothing but contrast and contrast at least subconsciously.

I think my problem is I'm "too upset to think reasonably" like you said at times, and It's not that I'm pessimistic I just can't not see the 10,000 ways society is flawed. Yeah and I'm not sure either whether I'm the big 'jerk' here, like you said, but I never said anything bad about him, and he always starts this huge lecture about my flaws, in a conversation I would consider a joke in the first place, (which was presented in a lighthearted manner believe me).

That's some great advice about talking to people to stop letting this stuff build up. That might actually work.

 

[EJCC]

I think it's the fact that I walk around and it's feels unreal to me, and it allows me to not take some things like they are or with a genuine approach at all at times, and that can really screw me over.

Yeah that is definitely problematic. There's no way to solve problems in the real world if your head isn't in the real world. Use your inferior Te! Make some real-world goals. What do you want out of your friends and out of your community? Which of those goals are attainable? How can you compromise with your friends? If your friends really suck as much as you say they do, what sort of friend group would you prefer, and is that type of group attainable? Is there a way for you to seek out your favorite sorts of people, take initiative, and form your own group?

It feels like I appear to hate everything and am just pessimistic, but it's practically that I have this ideal in my head that is not reality, so I can do nothing but contrast and contrast at least subconsciously.

It's not that I'm pessimistic I just can't not see the 10,000 ways society is flawed.

I think this is something 4s and 1s have in common. (Like [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION], I'm pretty sure you're a 4.) I'm a 1w2 and my former roommate is an INTJ 1w9, and we had lots of late-night conversations about the perils of high standards. She has the exact same issue as you do, regarding this, because she just can't take the fact that society and the world at large doesn't live up to her ideal. But the way I think about it is: just because you see how society is flawed, doesn't mean it has to bug you so much. If you realize that the ideal is impossible, it will no longer be such a prevalent standard in your mind, and it'll be replaced with an imperfect but possible standard. Which is why, even though I'm an optimist and my former roommate is a pessimist, my optimism comes from a more cynical view of humanity than my former roommate's pessimism. I've accepted that humanity is flawed and will always hurt itself, will always be hypocritical, and will always make rules that it can't follow. It annoys me, but it hasn't made me a misanthrope, and it doesn't eat away at me or keep me up at night. So I guess what I'm saying is... you may want to let go of some of your idealism which I realize is easier said than done.

Yeah and I'm not sure either whether I'm the big 'jerk' here, like you said, but I never said anything bad about him, and he always starts this huge lecture about my flaws, in a conversation I would consider a joke in the first place, (which was presented in a lighthearted manner believe me).

This is another one of those places where I would want more data. How often does he act like this to you? How often do you act like that to him? Are you sure you weren't misinterpreting his tone? What MBTI type is he? How long have the two of you been friends? etc etc etc.

That's some great advice about talking to people to stop letting this stuff build up. That might actually work.

I know it does, because I've had to teach myself to do the same thing. In my case, it's because I hang out with a very sensitive group of people (mostly INFx, with a smattering of ENFJs and some miscellaneous), and I don't want to walk all over their delicate feelings, so if they offend me, I tend to avoid talking about it because I know they'd get upset. But the thing is, they'd get less upset if I was reasonable with them, than if I blew up at them because they postponed getting lunch with me for the third week in a row.

So... try it! It'll work.

 

[flameskull95]

Primarily, it kind of pisses me off that you're not only insulting people on here as well as the collective without explicitly good reason, but on top of that, it's essentially an experiment. I'm not sure how you as an NFP can think that it's okay to just hurt people like that, especially when your anger seems to be in large part about how people behave towards you. I don't think prplchknz was hypocritical in making her point - yes, she demonstrated reciprocal prickliness in response to yours, but hers was hardly even approaching your caliber, and at least hers is genuine. Regardless, I'm going to try to remain neutral in my post - I see clearly that you are hurting and I know that you are removed from the state of mind you were in when first writing your rant - and I know that adding anger to anger generally solves little.



This is where you're totally off-base in your first post too - you have this idea that everyone's against you. Even collectively. Where is this coming from? I'll address this again later, but honestly, people mostly really probably don't care about you that much. It's a very egotistical standpoint to think that people are this invested in bringing you down individually, much less that they have coordinated their time and energy to bring you down.

The way I see it, your rant was actually doing just fine, until you threw in that nasty little paragraph at the end. I know, because I have the tendency to do it too, to go ahead and throw in that little zinger telling the person listening to you and probably ready and willing to help you if you ask for it that they're worthless and the whole reason you're all angry in the first place.

First of all, I think almost all NFPs present a softer, warmer persona to the outside world because what is inside is too dark, serious, and chaotic to reasonably present to strangers on a consistent basis. You would scare everyone away and never make any meaningful connections. This is kind of unfortunate, but people have boundaries and fears because it keeps us alive - fear is a deeply biological mechanism. You have to allow for "limiting crap" because humans are restricted by all sorts of things like natural drives, personal differences, fears, biases, bad experiences, and so on. As you seem to see, you are trying to put just as many restrictions on the world by expecting the world to conform to your ideals as you feel like the world puts on INFPs. You have to let go of that vision of perfection and let the world be what it is. And be grateful when you notice that there are pretty lights for you to enjoy, instead of scorning those who have the wisdom to be able to appreciate them as they are.

Secondly, I don't know how you are around your friends, but you sound like an arrogant ass to me right now. This is not coming from a place of hypocrisy or desire to attack you - but the conceptions you are putting forth are clearly self-centered and dismissing of others.

I don't know how to address the situation with your friends' friends, but if it's not worth repairing things, just don't. You can be civil without being social. I do think it would be worth trying to delve further into the situation via your (ex) friend to understand why they are getting so offended, since then perhaps you could have the outsider viewpoint of yourself. Furthermore, IME, it is understandable why your friend may have been more pissed off than your target - your friend probably was afraid he could lose a potential friendship due to his association with you. Whereas the guy you were yelling at probably didn't really have anything to lose in the situation. And your friend probably had no idea where to even begin dealing with you when you were that angry, even though he's your friend and would more than likely want to help you feel better.

I don't really understand what you mean by them trying to make you do what they want you to do and shut your mouth. What is it you're doing and saying that is so threatening to them? Can you just get away from them? Regardless, I don't think it's true that you can't be yourself without exploding in others' face. INFPs often have trouble being assertive without being passive-aggressive. I've had to work on this, too, and it's difficult but very, very rewarding. It feels like half blowing off steam and half stopping trouble before it starts. It makes everyone happier and more sane.



Back on what I was saying at the beginning of my post, there's a certain saying in psychiatry that "paranoia involves a certain degree of narcissism". In other words, I seriously doubt that you are so threatening and provoking that every single person here has ostracized you and is trying to tear you down. Frankly, I doubt most of us care. Those of us who do care are here in this thread and trying to help you. Unless I've somehow missed the big conspiracy - and I'm pretty active on here, so I doubt it - no one's collectively against you. And, of course, the forums are fraught with people who have problems and worries and stresses and struggles. That's why forums exist, because we come together to share the benefits of collective thought.



So are you, duh.



Your premise is vastly flawed. There is no community out to get you. You are framing yourself as a victim and continuing to do so will not help you in any way.

Instead of attacking the forum, you ought to be grateful there's a group of people here who, despite your deprecating comments, are still genuinely interested in improving your life, even though they don't know you at all. There are many, many, many kind, deep, generous, bright, and sincere people on here, and you are acting as if they are shallow because they have not all gathered around and catered to your vision of how the forum should work - even though you only have a handful of posts under your belt. I have no idea what you mean by "wallpost", but it's pretty clear that you have a lot of pent up anger and it's all being lumped together inside and blamed on "the outsiders" who are not you, instead of you trying to separate situations and clarify where you've gone wrong and how you can compromise to begin to progress forwards. Now, should you desire to have circumstances remain the same, you could continue to wallow in your self-pity and anger and feelings of being misunderstood and isolated.

I honestly, really, think that this is very much an issue of having a subjective / introverted lens, and focusing on what everyone else is doing wrong and how they are not living up to what your ideals are, and you are going to be miserable to an extent until you fully grasp that you are just the same as everyone else, someone who is struggling and surviving and trying to improve the world as you know how, with just as many problems and desires, and if you're not getting what you want, you have to communicate and interact and be assertive. You are part of the community, and by envisioning yourself as an outsider, you're not only deluding yourself, but you're also failing to play your part as a social being on this planet who must interact and depend on others to survive. Essentially, by setting yourself apart, you're doing others as much as disservice as you feel like they are doing to you.

Incidentally - are you an Enneagram 4? This seems like a 4 issue.



This too.

To speak earnestly I think you're writing only offends and condemns my existence. Someone you don't know clearly. But I'm not saying that out of arrogance, just out of the pure rationality that you will probably won't ever even meet me this lifetime, and you don't know me.

I know it's really hard for you guys to see me as anything but arrogant, and that's because all I did was be pessimistic and bring this cloud around my "OP"; which is like the 'first impression'. But if you could just imagine the one person you care about who cannot express himself in real life, finally confessing his issues to you, would you help him or tell him how wrong he is? That's practically what's up here, 'cause honest to god, I would not have the balls to tell this to your face if I met you in real life, unless I was verry angry, and knew you too well.

Anyway, I don't do the same experimentation as say an ENFP or ENTP, but I guess it's the same gist of me just "letting it out". And now just saying it was to see how you'd react, because that's the only thing I can get out of it now. Petty but like the other person said I need someone to express myself to without it building up on the inside without exploding.

The other poster's reply was pretty harsh, and she treated me like an arrogant ass, I don't always reply "how so?" because the ideal in my head knows to expect it. But if you tell me rationally and clearly... I don't even expect you to say it nicely, just make sure to say ALL of it... I will listen....

I'm crazy like that I know, but I try my best to express myself, even though I have a really bad time doing that 'cause I have proof that I'm screwed up and that I have people that I don't even know writing out essays on what's wrong with me.

And I guess I'm lucky for having people I've never talked to and now who are bagging me for a a bunch of writing I wrote on a forum. Do you hear yourself right now? Are you being genuine? or is it that righteous ENFP talk going on... I have an ENfP sister and an ENTP bro and an INTP dad, and we collide on a daily basis. But I love my sister a lot purely for her opinions on things usually always turning out to be true. So I will consider it, but you still are a stubborn jack, by the vibe of what you've posted, and I guess that vibe makes you a hypocrite in my head. But I guess a lot of screwed up crap happens there.

Anyway, practically to sum up whatever I'm trying to express right now, I already heard all the problem areas... and I think I'm already familiar with the reasons behind what you're saying.. what's the advice you want to give me about it? Where this resolve your type always seems to result to openly ?

Other than that, Eneagram 4 like Bob Dylan? That's awesome.

 

[EJCC]

To speak earnestly I think you're writing only offends and condemns my existence. Someone you don't know clearly. But I'm not saying that out of arrogance, just out of the pure rationality that you will probably won't ever even meet me this lifetime, and you don't know me.

I know it's really hard for you guys to see me as anything but arrogant, and that's because all I did was be pessimistic and bring this cloud around my "OP"; which is like the 'first impression'. But if you could just imagine the one person you care about who cannot express himself in real life, finally confessing his issues to you, would you help him or tell him how wrong he is? That's practically what's up here, 'cause honest to god, I would not have the balls to tell this to your face if I met you in real life, unless I was verry angry, and knew you too well.

To be fair...

This is like what I was just saying in my previous post, about second-guessing everything you wrote in the OP. The only feedback we can give you is based on what you gave us -- which meshed pretty well with [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]' post. Really, the only difference between her post and mine was tone. (She was much more offended than me.)

If I were you, I'd cut her some slack. Firstly, she's an NFP too, so she knows where you're coming from in a lot of ways -- certainly more ways than I would. Secondly, you actually were pretty insulting to the forum. I decided not to take those comments very literally, because I figured it was the natural progression of irrational Fi/Ne/4 anger to go from the micro level to the macro level (specifically, from "my friends are against me" to "the entire forum is against me"), abruptly and for no real reason. But I can see how many people on the forum would be offended by what you said, especially since, frankly, you're a new member and have barely had any time to dip your toe into the vast ocean that is the TypeC Social Network. In fact, your gut response of "you don't know me, how dare you" is exactly the same reaction as skylights', which was "you don't know this community, how dare you".

So... I'm just saying that maybe you should give her post another read-through, for the objective points and not the tone, and you'll see that she and I are both right.

 

[flameskull95]

Well at least you're honest unlike the other INFP person. I think you can relate even better because I'm a negative ESTJ when I'm stressed. And this is all stress. Anyway, you said a lot of worthwhile stuff, and I was being pretty arrogant and you said that in a way that your negative emotions didn't get a hold of your reasoning like the other posters did, so I can rely on you.

And to those questions about the supposed friend, well since you're asking I'll take an unbiased viewpoint, well first of all, he clearly doesn't have a good tone, because it's just literally insulting the things said. Right out of context, by his wording, his intentions are clear... like "And do you actually wonder why people talk shit about you behind your back?", "The group doesn't like the way you act, because you always make some smart ass comments like this". This was a reply to me going "My friend... what is shit?", when he said "stop saying retarded shit". It was a purely a joke that friends make.

Practically what ticks me off most is the fact that everyone seems to talk about the way I do things. How can I filter things like that out with my Te, and feel sure about it with what ever my feeling function is, if I can never get a confirmation on what the way I act/say something. It's the same with whenever I collide with my ENfP sister and ENTP brother.

But anyway, I'm guessing the other INFP is an INFP girl, and INFPs as girls have it much easier than INFP guys to be honest. It's just true... INFP girls grow up into that little princess protective globe, where the world just appreciates them as who they are. While us guy INFPs are called "fruits" and "bags" and "fruitbags" for acting "gay". So yeah, when I hear all these complexities on how bad a person I am, I get a bit angry. And I guess I was being a jerk for saying "Oh HEY look at TYPEC - an OUTLET FOR MY ANGER WHERE NOONE CAN POSSIBLY SHUT ME OFF", because that's just mean because I don't know you guys either and this forum probably means a lot to you guys even though I can't wrap my head around that.