• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] ENFPs or INFPs- Which are Better for INTJs?

Firebird 8118

DJ Phoenix
Joined
Sep 22, 2012
Messages
3,123
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
279
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
And what did we do to deserve that? :cry:

Aww :hug: I didn't mean it in a negative way or anything. My companion is also an INFP like me (if I remember correctly, he's a 4w5), and we both get along very well. :) We understand and try to support each other through thick and thin. :heart:
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Aww :hug: I didn't mean it in a negative way or anything. My companion is also an INFP like me (if I remember correctly, he's a 4w5), and we both get along very well. :) We understand and try to support each other through thick and thin. :heart:

That was a joke...and you should be insulted by it :p.

I can't see myself with another INFP or even an IxFP. Just casually dating them feels incestuous. I feel like I know how their brain is working too well. I can predict too much.

It's a great friendship though :).
 

Firebird 8118

DJ Phoenix
Joined
Sep 22, 2012
Messages
3,123
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
279
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
That was a joke...and you should be insulted by it :p.

I can't see myself with another INFP or even an IxFP. Just casually dating them feels incestuous. I feel like I know how their brain is working too well. I can predict too much.

It's a great friendship though :).

Ah, I see. :D

In my case, it's really nice to have someone who understands me as well as I understand him, and as a result we become more tuned to each other's needs (whether emotional, physical or otherwise). :)

But that's just my opinion, I respect yours as well. :hug:
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,578
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
This is an interesting idea for a thread. I've never noticed it. I honestly think that INFP could be better. The reason I say that is the outgoing nature of the ENFP vs. INTJ is inevitably going to cause some conflict where one wants to go out and do a lot of stuff and the other just wants to chill. Also, I think the INFP could somehow provide more of a bedrock of support for the INTJ.
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
953
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I used to think I was not a flake, at least not at ENFP level, until some recent events which could be filed squarely under flaky. The degree of it became evident to me when my mom told me, in an attempt to comfort, that it wasn't so bad because a certain "Karen", whom I type ENFP, has done the same thing more than once. This ENFP "Karen" is just about the most flakiest, fickle person you could imagine. She's smart, cool, interesting, and nice, but absolutely flaky. When I told my mom this comparison was no comfort because everyone says she is the flakiest person ever, she stayed quiet....she stayed quiet because she knows it's true. I suppose the comfort is that she doesn't believe this behavior deserves negative judgment or is all that bad, so that her view of "Karen" is also not negatively affected by it.

It was quite depressing to realize I was at that level of flaky, but it does give insight into how much internal motivation, intent, and effort there is to NOT flake out. I assign good intentions to these ENFPs, because it's not a weakness any worse than other weaknesses, it's just one that other people find hard to grasp, and so it's harder for them to accept it. I have some grasp of it, being nearly as bad at times....

Certainly, INFPs may be less flaky than ENFPs on the whole, but in comparison to everyone else, we can be kind of flaky still. Frankly, I don't find NTPs much better. Let's just all blame Ne :D .

Seeing others of the same (or nearly the same) type as a mirror can be quite revealing. One thing I learned from seeing other INTJs in action is that we could NEVER, EVER be construed as being too positive or too warm. I say this, because that was the constraint I had placed upon myself: I didn't want to seem too warm, too forward, too open, lest I cause awkwardness. Seeing other INTJs react in the same manner came across as very, very cold, almost inhuman, definitely dismissive.

So I suspect that INFPs need to pay close attention to the kinds of things that appear flaky (but don't don't feel flaky), while INTJs need to be aware of the kinds of things that appear cold and distant, but don't feel that way to ourselves.

There are few metrics on this path, however. So I was quite flattered when a friend of mine commented on my "warm energy" one evening.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Seeing others of the same (or nearly the same) type as a mirror can be quite revealing. One thing I learned from seeing other INTJs in action is that we could NEVER, EVER be construed as being too positive or too warm. I say this, because that was the constraint I had placed upon myself: I didn't want to seem too warm, too forward, too open, lest I cause awkwardness. Seeing other INTJs react in the same manner came across as very, very cold, almost inhuman, definitely dismissive.

So I suspect that INFPs need to pay close attention to the kinds of things that appear flaky (but don't don't feel flaky), while INTJs need to be aware of the kinds of things that appear cold and distant, but don't feel that way to ourselves.

There are few metrics on this path, however. So I was quite flattered when a friend of mine commented on my "warm energy" one evening.

I'm somewhat understanding of this because I have the same problem, not being aware that I may read as cold and being confused when I'm judged negatively for it. Being "cold" is one of the biggest criticism I've received in life, and one of the things that prevented me from typing as a Feeler initially.

But I am more likely to seem inconsistent as compared to an INTJ or an ENFP, neither quite as cold nor nearly as warm, and not as consistently so as either.

This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I don't think either makes a good match. Just my opinion from watching interactions. Infp would get tired of intj shit and intj would destroy the "free" of an enfp.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm somewhat understanding of this because I have the same problem, not being aware that I may read as cold and being confused when I'm judged negatively for it. Being "cold" is one of the biggest criticism I've received in life, and one of the things that prevented me from typing as a Feeler initially.

But I am more likely to seem inconsistent as compared to an INTJ or an ENFP, neither quite as cold nor nearly as warm, and not as consistently so as either.

This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".

How are INFPs more "flaky"? I would think that they reveal less but would be as flaky as an ENFP if people knew more about it, because INFPs keep more to themselves.

I would also like to mention that INTJs tend to end up with INFPs rather than ENFPs. I think [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION] made a good point.

I just find it ironic that these theorists from the books, most of them end up with their socionics ideal partner. Either them or their parents do.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,193
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
So I suspect that INFPs need to pay close attention to the kinds of things that appear flaky (but don't don't feel flaky), while INTJs need to be aware of the kinds of things that appear cold and distant, but don't feel that way to ourselves.
How do we become aware of these things in our own behavior, if they don't feel that way to ourselves? I suppose the INFPs might ask the same regarding their flaky behaviors. FWIW, the INFPs I have known come across as far less flaky than the ENFPs. Perhaps more spacy, in a "new age/flower child" sense.
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
953
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
How do we become aware of these things in our own behavior, if they don't feel that way to ourselves?
This is where typology becomes remarkably useful.

Usually, we meet someone we dislike or have a bad encounter with, and we just think, "We're nothing like that bozo."

But with typology, assuming you can type the other person, and you see that the other person is of your type, you can't just dismiss their bad behavior as being "just them." We see that, yes, we're not only like that person, but we've done things exactly like that, but our thoughts in our heads weren't "I'm going to be an asshole," but rather "I'm going to do something entirely sensible in order to avoid annoyance." Seeing it from outside of ourselves points out the "asshole" side of things.

I suppose the INFPs might ask the same regarding their flaky behaviors. FWIW, the INFPs I have known come across as far less flaky than the ENFPs. Perhaps more spacy, in a "new age/flower child" sense.
They're both. ENFPs are more obviously flaky a their random Ne approach to things, but INFPs are less obviously, but in a way more profoundly flaky in an "I'm going to follow my heart" way, and so they follow their heart in whatever random direction it pulls. To themselves, their heart doesn't feel random, but to everyone else, it seems completely random, completely unaffected by common sense or any regard for the facts on the ground.

Keep in mind, I'm describing "how" these types are flaky, not that they are necessarily flaky.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,193
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
This is where typology becomes remarkably useful.

Usually, we meet someone we dislike or have a bad encounter with, and we just think, "We're nothing like that bozo."

But with typology, assuming you can type the other person, and you see that the other person is of your type, you can't just dismiss their bad behavior as being "just them." We see that, yes, we're not only like that person, but we've done things exactly like that, but our thoughts in our heads weren't "I'm going to be an asshole," but rather "I'm going to do something entirely sensible in order to avoid annoyance." Seeing it from outside of ourselves points out the "asshole" side of things.
This only works if we run into people that are demonstrably our same type, which is rather rare, AND we have a negative experience with them.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
This is where typology becomes remarkably useful.

Usually, we meet someone we dislike or have a bad encounter with, and we just think, "We're nothing like that bozo."

But with typology, assuming you can type the other person, and you see that the other person is of your type, you can't just dismiss their bad behavior as being "just them." We see that, yes, we're not only like that person, but we've done things exactly like that, but our thoughts in our heads weren't "I'm going to be an asshole," but rather "I'm going to do something entirely sensible in order to avoid annoyance." Seeing it from outside of ourselves points out the "asshole" side of things.


They're both. ENFPs are more obviously flaky a their random Ne approach to things, but INFPs are less obviously, but in a way more profoundly flaky in an "I'm going to follow my heart" way, and so they follow their heart in whatever random direction it pulls. To themselves, their heart doesn't feel random, but to everyone else, it seems completely random, completely unaffected by common sense or any regard for the facts on the ground.

Keep in mind, I'm describing "how" these types are flaky, not that they are necessarily flaky.
I'm not sure, there's numerous times where I knew I was being an asshole but the other person deserved the treatment. I'm not an asshole on purpose for no reason. if I am it's because like you said I didn't see myself being an asshole.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
... it does give insight into how much internal motivation, intent, and effort there is to NOT flake out.

I feel like I am constantly on guard to prevent it ... every day being vigilant to prevent the inevitable.

This is an interesting idea for a thread. I've never noticed it. I honestly think that INFP could be better. The reason I say that is the outgoing nature of the ENFP vs. INTJ is inevitably going to cause some conflict where one wants to go out and do a lot of stuff and the other just wants to chill. Also, I think the INFP could somehow provide more of a bedrock of support for the INTJ.

lol that you didn't notice this thread back in the day. Someone cast a resurrect spell on it!

I think for you, as an e6, you especially would appreciate the dominant Fi (if set in a compatible value space). If we value consistency, INFPs will be on guard (see above) to be more constant and less tugged about by Ne (however, not always successful).

I have to remind myself dozens of times a day to stay on track with goals, projects, things I said I would do, calling my Mom, trying to care for people and stay in touch. I keep lists on the go and they are prodigious in length. Sometimes I am amazed at how distractible I am.

This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".

You mean they are consistently flaky and thus more reliable? :newwink: :thinking:
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,578
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm somewhat understanding of this because I have the same problem, not being aware that I may read as cold and being confused when I'm judged negatively for it. Being "cold" is one of the biggest criticism I've received in life, and one of the things that prevented me from typing as a Feeler initially.

But I am more likely to seem inconsistent as compared to an INTJ or an ENFP, neither quite as cold nor nearly as warm, and not as consistently so as either.

This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".

That might be a specific instance of flakiness but generally, I think INFPs would be much less flaky than ENFPs. Before anyone get offended, let me explain what I mean. When I was younger, I was definitely attracted to ENFPs. However, I didn't consider them to be as stable or reliable as some other types. They seemed fickle with respect to their decision making. They spread themselves around with lots of different people. I couldn't trust that they would be there and stay there through thick and thin. At least that is how I felt. Given I am the kind of person who needs security, this was kind of a turn off. Maybe that's why I ended up with an ISFJ :shrug:
 

Avocado

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 28, 2013
Messages
3,794
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I'm not sure, there's numerous times where I knew I was being an asshole but the other person deserved the treatment. I'm not an asshole on purpose for no reason. if I am it's because like you said I didn't see myself being an asshole.

This is really so true of me. I try to be a friend of everybody, but I still manage to offend half the people I speak with. The other half really love me…
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,193
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
This is really so true of me. I try to be a friend of everybody, but I still manage to offend half the people I speak with. The other half really love me…
Do you know what you do that other people take offense at, or conversely, what those who like you like about you?
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
This is really so true of me. I try to be a friend of everybody, but I still manage to offend half the people I speak with. The other half really love me…

i don't think people hate me, well maybe they do it's more of they either love me like me or just indifferent to me. if they hate me I hate them too. so it's ok

i also associate this with you:
probably completley wrong though
 

Avocado

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 28, 2013
Messages
3,794
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Do you know what you do that other people take offense at, or conversely, what those who like you like about you?

Usually, it has to do with obliviousness and not "problem solving" and not "seeing things in plain view." I'm a real space cadet most of the time.
 

Avocado

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 28, 2013
Messages
3,794
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
i don't think people hate me, well maybe they do it's more of they either love me like me or just indifferent to me. if they hate me I hate them too. so it's ok

i also associate this with you:
probably completley wrong though

Not that far off, really.
 
Top