[...]The problem is that, if I ever have an interest in an INFP, it never ends up turning into anything, cuz I give my indicators of interest, and then theirs, as it seems to have been in this case, seem to be the most duddy duds that have ever dudded this duddy dud. You can't tell whether a drop of water just plopped into a puddle or whether they want to get it on froggy style. ENFPs at least give some kind of workable response. They play the game. With INFPs you never have any idea what the fuck they're thinking. Shit is always just D.O.A.
The inevitable conclusion, of course, is:
The trouble I see with an INTJ/INFP pairing is that INTJs interact with the world via Te, and the Inferior function of INFPs is Te. That’s going to make INTJs sound more than a little jarring to INFPs.
In my own personal experience with INTJs:
I was a male INFP male working with lots of INTJs in my last workplace, and I took pride that I could put on a good Te facade and interact calmly and comfortably with INTJs. But it was always nice to get away from them and decompress after working with them for a while.
I enjoy the presence of INTJs, mostly because I find them a bit of a challenge to be with. It’s fun to make that transition and show that I can keep up. Meantime, I take it for granted that it’s up to me to adapt to them rather than vice versa. And I don’t resent that or anything; when I get my fill of it, I can just walk away.
As for a match-up between an INTJ male and INFP female (which was the subject of the original thread), there would be a double obstacle in that a lot of INFP females seem to like to hang back and be “courted.†I know that description is probably going to cause problems with other INFP readers, but that’s the best way I can put it. I suppose it has something to do with wanting to know if suitors are a good match with their INFP values before committing to a course of action, or something like that. Or just traditional introversion.
Anyway, I can see that all as a big problem. INTJs interact with the world via Te, which is a solution-oriented or organization-oriented function. They’re probably not going to be happy with the INFP’s traditional Ne approach: open-ended, playful, wait-and-see, I-want-to-be-courted. If anything, INTJs seem to need to be courted in return: They need the INFP to put on a Te facade and show that they (INFPs) can keep up or at least not be turned off by an organizational, results-oriented approach to the world.
Obviously any two types can get along. But many INFPs are pretty phobic of Te. That’s going to be a big obstacle. So in the end, I can anticipate an interaction pretty much like Zarathustra describes in the quote at the top of this post: That is, the girl is going to feel bruised by a lot of Te energy, and the guy is going to get put off by the lack of clear results.
Other possible scenarios:
An INFP guy might be able to win an INTJ woman. That is, an INFP guy may be willing to adopt a good Te facade and have an ethic that “you have to play the game in order to get the prize,†i.e. be wiling to be a little more forward and do some courting. And an INTJ woman may have learned to put on facades to soften or mask her traditional Te approach. INFP males are taught by the world to “man up†a bit, and INTJ woman are probably taught that they need to be more feminine. So this might be a possible match-up.
Alternatively, there might be INTJ males who are willing to learn to put on facades to soften or mask their traditional Te approach and who might be willing to court an INFP female as needed (i.e., via Ne or a good facsimile thereof). I think it would be a fun challenge for the right INTJ male. But in practice I haven’t really seen that happen.
