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[ENFP] Fending off ENFP stalker

mrcockburn

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not really, ENFP might actually love her more after receiving a cold treatment. we're masochists like that.

the only thing that can make it go away is to somehow convince the ENFP that you are a really boring person. or try to hit on his Fi by saying something really uneducated and conservative about some important moral issue or so. i don't know. but def not cold treatment.

Good idea. I could bombard him with biblical passages to scare him off. (He's a pagan)
 

Thalassa

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not really, ENFP might actually love her more after receiving a cold treatment. we're masochists like that.

the only thing that can make it go away is to somehow convince the ENFP that you are a really boring person. or try to hit on his Fi by saying something really uneducated and conservative about some important moral issue or so. i don't know. but def not cold treatment.

oh weird maybe more argument that Im definitely xSFP because I can hang on to someone who lets me down too gently or leads me on, but the second someone is really truly mean, like makes me feel like they're really not interested in a very direct way, Im out. I can think geez what an asshole or feel icky that the person doesn't find me desirable. The day you tell me harshly to get lost is the day I do.

What it sounds to me like you're saying is that ENFPs lose interest in anyone who acts like an ISTJ :laugh:
 

Thalassa

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Also, Ive officially decided this guy errs more on the fuckin wacko side anyway, calling her 19 times in two hours and knowing she has a fiance she lives with? Wtf.
 

Starry

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cockburn...how do you know this dude is ENFP? Believe me...I'm NOT saying it ain't possible. There are stalkers of all types everywhere you turn. It's just a bit difficult to know how to respond because many ENFPs experience the opposite complaint. That we are non-committal and flighty and our attention spans are all of a minute or two.

I know I have probably become a little too enthusiastic about certain things before in my past...and sometimes those things are people...but if my 'inbox' isn't getting filled... I agree wholeheartedly with Lady X & Qlip. I have too much pride and too little attention to stalk someone. And I would cease to be enthusiastic about someone that has made it clear they do not return that enthusiasm.

EDIT: Like Lady X suggested...have you told him to fuck-off?
2nd EDIT: okay...I just read where you said you told him to fuck-off & that he told you he was ENFP
 

Starry

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Yah...like Juice said...give us some more of the story. Did you have a relationship with this person and he maybe feels there is some 'unfinished business' or something?
 

AgentF

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who has time for stalking?

unless you are generating some incredible volume of material that would essentially replace other romantic options + the outside world + our inner world, an ENFP won't bother stalking someone. a mentally ill person (of any type), on the other hand...

i would consider coming clean to your future husband. what's the shame quotient here? even if you met the stalker at a naked midget wrestling contest, he can step in and save you from this weirdo and you can start the marriage with a clean slate...probably have some hot makeup sex too. :tongue:
 

Thalassa

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This lack of time and attention you guys speak of has more to do with being an E7 and less to do with strictly being ENFP.

ExFP are notorious "stalkers"...just not in the sense of what the OP is describing, which sounds mentally ill unless they had some kind of relationship before this. His actions are pretty extreme. I don't think this is the normal ENFP kind of "stalking" that isn't really stalking, per se.
 

Lady_X

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My guess is she had a one night stand with the guy and now he's obsessed

I hope you've learned your lesson miss Cockburn :laugh:
 

Qlip

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This lack of time and attention you guys speak of has more to do with being an E7 and less to do with strictly being ENFP.

ExFP are notorious "stalkers"...just not in the sense of what the OP is describing, which sounds mentally ill unless they had some kind of relationship before this. His actions are pretty extreme. I don't think this is the normal ENFP kind of "stalking" that isn't really stalking, per se.

Now I want to know.. and wonder if I've done it before. How would you describe ENFP stalking that isn't quite stalking?
 

Lady_X

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I'm probably kidding but yeah don't hide it from your fiancé if you're not doing anything wrong. Then you don't need to.
 

pinkgraffiti

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lol omg yeah, my last relationship was actually with an ISTJ and omg they're so cute and all but the patieeeeence i caaaan't! :)
oh weird maybe more argument that Im definitely xSFP because I can hang on to someone who lets me down too gently or leads me on, but the second someone is really truly mean, like makes me feel like they're really not interested in a very direct way, Im out. I can think geez what an asshole or feel icky that the person doesn't find me desirable. The day you tell me harshly to get lost is the day I do.

What it sounds to me like you're saying is that ENFPs lose interest in anyone who acts like an ISTJ :laugh:
 

pinkgraffiti

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ai ai ai i don't know. bible passages could be interesting if he's someone like me that has no religious knowledge. i was sleeping with a priest for some time because it was different and exciting, so..... get my point?
anyways, i have the feeling this issue is actually more serious than what i have time for at the moment, so i'm going to abort and retreat. i think there's enough clever and sensitive people around this thread to help you out. kiss, good luck.

Good idea. I could bombard him with biblical passages to scare him off. (He's a pagan)
 

Thalassa

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Now I want to know.. and wonder if I've done it before. How would you describe ENFP stalking that isn't quite stalking?

well for example ExFP women are supposed to be more adept at initiating relationships with quieter men, for example, which is why they're supposed to be a good match for IxTJ.. They have the confidence and tertiary Te to not wait around passively for a guy to make all the moves, and have the patience to draw them out. Have you seen the ENFP/INTJ fetishists thread? It even creeps me out a little.

But overall I would chalk it up more to being over-optimistic, having eternal hope if not roughly rejected, and a kind of Fi sense of this is what I want and having the Te push of being able to go with it. If IxFPs are emo, ExFP are emo in action.

All that being said, in terms of functions that sounds about right for me being ESFP instead of ISFP.

Anyway, it wouldn't involve actually following someone or calling someone 20 times in two hours ...it wouldn't be stalking in the scary way of literally following or harassing someone who had already told you to fuck off. That's just crazy.
 

Turtledove

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Baby, you better buy some pepper spray and put it in yo purse. Learning self-defense wouldn't hurt, too. I recommend Jujitsu-best form of martial art for self defense out there. Just sayin.'
 

Thalassa

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My guess is she had a one night stand with the guy and now he's obsessed

I hope you've learned your lesson miss Cockburn :laugh:

I too wondered what she had done to create the situation. Questions such as "why does he have her phone number" and "why does he even know where to show up at to run into her"?
 

Giggly

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Why in the world would anyone want to fend off an ENFP stalker????????
 

Lexicon

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tl;dr version:

How do I get rid of a(n ENFP) stalker without my (ISTJ) fiance (whom I live with) finding out I have one?

Unhealthy Ne/Fi can become incredibly obsessive, to the point of delusional.. I've experienced this before, but fortunately I was not physically accessible to this person in any way where my safety was put in jeopardy- though he kept trying to remedy that, by inquiring to friends about me, and waiting somewhere that he thought I'd end up..

Initially we engaged in friendly conversation, and he expressed romantic feelings for me. I told him I didn't share his sentiment, though I valued him as a friend. He refused to accept this, believing in ''hidden messages'' in my phrases that were not there. Unhealthy Ne. I cut contact with him completely, but still received constant emails from him. Even my silence was twisted into somehow leading him on, in his mind. What finally ended it was publicly telling him coldly, ''do not contact me again, I have nothing to say to you.'' And nothing else. This was done in front of friends, and I left after I said my piece. I was never bothered again.

That seems very harsh, but, [i don't know your situation] it was the only thing that got through to him, as a last resort.
Either way, let people who care about you know what's going on.
Obsessive people can sometimes behave very unpredictably, and you'll want people to know if something ever happened to you.
 

Starry

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Initially we engaged in friendly conversation, and he expressed romantic feelings for me. I told him I didn't share his sentiment, though I valued him as a friend. He refused to accept this, believing in ''hidden messages'' in my phrases that were not there. Unhealthy Ne. I cut contact with him completely, but still received constant emails from him. Even my silence was twisted into somehow leading him on, in his mind. What finally ended it was publicly telling him coldly, ''do not contact me again, I have nothing to say to you.'' And nothing else. This was done in front of friends, and I left after I said my piece. I was never bothered again.

Whoa. This sounds like an unfortunate situation. And just out of curiosity...what on earth was this person saying to you in these instances where he believed he was picking-up on hidden messages? Like...'I'm reading into your total silence that you have incredible feelings of affection for me'. ??? There was actually an ENFJ member on this site that believed they were reading *hidden messages* in another member's writing...but the other member actually had them on ignore ??? :shrug:
 

Lexicon

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Whoa. This sounds like an unfortunate situation. And just out of curiosity...what on earth was this person saying to you in these instances where he believed he was picking-up on hidden messages? Like...'I'm reading into your silence that you have incredible feelings of affection for me'. There was actually an ENFJ member on this site that believed they were reading *hidden messages* in another members writing...but the other member had them on ignore ??? :shrug:

Ah, he kept insisting I was in love with him, and was afraid of my own feelings, thus not responding to him. He also read every single post I'd ever made, posts I'd written long before he was ever around, drawing wildly inaccurate conclusions about me & my life, to fit this ideal he'd set up in his mind and projected onto me. One example of a ''hidden message'' he thought I was giving him, was, during one of the phases when I wasn't posting here that often, I posted in my friend Nocapszy's blog when his cat had kittens, something like, ''aw, yer a daddy now!'' - the ENFP believed this was some secret way of me wishing him a happy birthday, because it was the 1st time I'd posted in awhile, and it just so happened that it was near his birthday.. [I had no idea, I just wanted to appreciate kittens!]

He very heavily believed in/relied on his intuition, he repeated this often. Eventually I became to him similar to a character he'd written about for a college paper, some love story. He kept referencing it more and more. That was initially why he had my email to begin with, was that he'd written some plays, and because I'm a theatre dork, I said it'd be cool to read them sometime.

It was quite bizarre, and disturbing, the degree to which he allowed himself to escape reality. I felt bad for him; I imagine one must be incredibly isolated, in a lot of ways, to have that sort of capacity to live in one's imagination to that extent. But all the same, it makes things potentially quite dangerous. He fluctuated at some points in the constant emails between expressing and projecting his love, predicting my thoughts and feelings, to anger and trying to make threats to never interact with me again- basically was trying everything he could to get a reaction from me, to no avail. I do not know how far he would try to take that, if I were more physically accessible.

I hope the interaction he had with me was some kind of wakeup call that he needed to seek psychiatric help.

::edit:: I actually feel like an asshole for elaborating on some of the details now, even though it happened over a year ago. I'm mainly sharing so other people can understand/recognize this kind of unhealthy pattern, and deal with it accordingly before it gets out of hand.
 
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