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[MBTI General] Tips from INFPs for INTJs

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
All of you INFPs, what tips would you give INTJs who are wanting to be closer to you? Also if any NFs want to give any tips that would be nice as well. Go ahead and be honest, even if it might be brutal.
I love INFPs :hug:
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
be prepared for some innane emotionality... be prepared for some things to not make sense... be prepared for the things that don't make sense to have crappy explanations... beware of the ones who haven't repaired themselves yet... try not to have a core overload when a healthy one ends up loving you...

edit: oh squishy hug bunny and stubborn mule go hand in hand, it ain't rational.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
The thing I most dislike about INFPs is that I will state a neutral observation, and it will be taken as a direct insult. But I was looking for more like... what things would someone do to get closer to you and understand you? Your tips were good though, thanks. :yes:
 

WobblyStilettos

New member
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
331
MBTI Type
INFP
The thing I most dislike about INFPs is that I will state a neutral observation, and it will be taken as a direct insult. But I was looking for more like... what things would someone do to get closer to you and understand you? Your tips were good though, thanks. :yes:

Listening is good for getting close to an INFP :) also, compliments (but only if you actually mean it, empty compliments=badbadbad)
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Listening is good for getting close to an INFP :) also, compliments (but only if you actually mean it, empty compliments=badbadbad)

I certainly listen but I suck with tuning into people. It is hard for me to tell which emotions she is feeling.

The INFP of my interest knows that I have a crush on them, and I fear any compliments I make might be taken as a hit on or a flirt. You see I told this person I like them, however now I only want to be close friends. But I think they still see me and think I am trying to get close because I want to go out. Thus any compliments I make, I fear, would be taken as hit ons, or ways to get them to go out with me, which is entirely not what I want... ugh. :doh:
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
In any context, everyone loves getting a sincere compliment, even when they think they don't.

Also, it is fine if you cannot tune into how she is feeling, most guys lack the ability to do this.

Why do you only want to be close friends? For your own benefit, I hope you aren't sending this girl mixed signals.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I actually find our own quests to be understood are foolish; most of us don't have the vocabulary to begin with and 50% of our thought symbols need to be almost experienced or taken on faith. You have to be patient enough to ride out the bumps and they have to be patient enough to let you learn((health*maturity)/10 = patience, or something like that). Another pain is the lines, half the time we don't know the line is there till it's crossed. It's best to note the specifics of it for furture reference while the INFP has to work out how realistic the need to freak out about it is.
 

elfinchilde

a white iris
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
1,465
MBTI Type
type
you want to be closer to her, you have a crush on her, yet you only want to be 'close friends' and not be seen as hitting on her.

what gives? something sounds like mixed signals to me. :huh:
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
In any context, everyone loves getting a sincere compliment, even when they think they don't.

Also, it is fine if you cannot tune into how she is feeling, most men lack the ability to do this.

Why do you only want to be close friends? For your own benefit, I hope you aren't sending this girl mixed signals.

I want to be close friends because I can sort of feel how great of a person she is, if that makes sense... She also makes me feel normal, not like a freak that I know I am. The type of person which seems like they would make a good close friend, the type of person I sort of have an absence of in my life.

Besides our educational tracks differ and a partnership would not work out in the coming years. She is a freshmen, 15, high school, and I am a junior, 16, high school, however, I am also in college as a freshmen, and I won't be going to high school next year, just college.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
As the famous quote from wherever/whoever... "Assume makes an ass out of u and me"... Try not to assume you know what the other person is feeling or what they meant when they said something. This goes for both side of the party. Always ask... it stops misunderstanding from blowing up.

Edit:

*blinks* A single year difference in age... a difference in place of schooling affects that much? Oh the joys of being in high school...
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
LOL, this poor boy is at the denial stage... Dude, you need to take a trip somewhere on your own or atleast with out her. I think you have something within that you'll need to wrap your head around before you get too carried away with understanding her.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
you want to be closer to her, you have a crush on her, yet you only want to be 'close friends' and not be seen as hitting on her.

what gives? something sounds like mixed signals to me. :huh:

:doh:
Alright, I use to have a crush on her, I sort of do still, but I rationalized that it wouldn't be possible because of difference in educational tracks. And the fact that she doesn't have a desire for a relationship at this point in her life.

Now that I have rationalized that, I don't really have a crush anymore. But I still have the desire there to have someone in which I can talk to on a deeper level than just friends.

But she still sees me as pressing the front to go out, I think, when really all I am doing is pressing the front to be closer friends...
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
As the famous quote from wherever/whoever... "Assume makes an ass out of u and me"... Try not to assume you know what the other person is feeling or what they meant when they said something. This goes for both side of the party. Always ask... it stops misunderstanding from blowing up.

Edit:

*blinks* A single year difference in age... a difference in place of schooling affects that much? Oh the joys of being in high school...

No, the single year is not the issue, the issue is I won't be going to high school next year, thus I won't see her unless we meet out of school, which she says she doesn't want to do because she wants "to keep it at school and see where it goes from there". This is due to the fact that she doesn't understand me she says, which I guess the whole mixed signals thing comes into play..
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
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sx/so
Mixed signals alright, she's probably trying to figure out where the hell you're at too.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
Well if she's just going to be a friend... why bother with this whole mess?

If on the other hand, you do care... things only work if you put in an effort at attempting.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Mixed signals alright, she's probably trying to figure out where the hell you're at too.

I meant that I realize I gave her mixed signals and that probably doesn't help. How I went one way about the relationship then switched directions.

She doesn't really give me mixed signals, I just can't tell if she wants another best friend or not, like almost she shut herself out and her one best friend is going to be her only best friend.

But then again, I ask her tons of questions and sometimes she gets emotional about them, and if she didn't care for me wouldn't she not go through the trouble of answering my questions?
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
This all has gotten horribly complex, all I wanted was some tips from INFPs on how to better understand them...
 

Leysing

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2008
Messages
309
MBTI Type
FiSi
A TIP!

Be VERY careful when critiquing. INFP's don't particularly love criticism.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Learn an appreciation for what Fi is and how INFP use it and then express appreciation when INFP use Fi in interaction with you for your benefit.

My INTJ father was always talking with me, using me to connect to his own Fi and his feelings and yet he consistantly devalued Feeling and my Feeling, even though it was something he apparently got real value out of. It would have meant a lot to have him appreciate this part of me and validate our connection through it. At the times I showed Te, he showered me with praise and validation but that was not the best or strongest part of me nor something I could always deliever, so I felt unvalued when I could not.

I think most INFP will appreciate the effort, doesn't have to be perfect, INFP very long suffering. Doesn't have to be mushy, just sincere appreciation for what and who they are. Cannot fail to bring you closer and then you learn from each other from there. When you are not able to connect through feeling and are introverting, be honest about your inner experiences with this and then the INFP can use better understanding and empathy to cope with the lack of feeling, instead of trying to see the blame within themselves.


Well if she's just going to be a friend... why bother with this whole mess?

If on the other hand, you do care... things only work if you put in an effort at attempting.

:huh: Creating close friendships with select people isn't just important as cultivating lovers?
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
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Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
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sx/so
Cultivating lovers does require a certain extra amount of effort, or why are you bothering to see them that way?
 
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