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[ENFP] INFJ and ENFP relationship

Spiritual Science

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What are the benefits of an INFJ/ENFP pairing? What are the challenges?

I am an INFJ male in a relationship with an ENFP female. It is a very romantic relationship and the intimacy is intense. I tell her all my problems and she patiently listens, while often I am forced to be more extroverted to find out what's on her mind.

Sometimes, I feel we are almost too sensitive to each other's needs and this creates a difficulty of communication. Overall it is a good relationship. We rarely fight, but sometimes there is an impatience in our communication.

I was wondering what others thought about this pairing. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 

Laurie

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Worked out ok for me. ;) We were both very immature when we got married.

Our I/E and J/P clash. He really does understand where I'm coming from. He's gotten much less douchey as he's gotten older so we do better but we still have to work every day. I think he was pretty drawn to wanting perfection (even though he himself couldn't attain it) and wanted to find a way to make me perfect. I think it's hard having a conflicted J though. I think infjs seem conflicted about their j. It's like you want things a certain way and can't seem to get it that way.

It's nice to have an nf.

I recently met an infj female in real life and we just click so well. It makes me remember what drew my husband and I together. Some kind of similar thoughts. Not having to explain everything.

He says I bring excitement to his life. I think he would enjoy an SJ for day to day stuff but might not get the deeper interaction.
 

Laurie

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I always friend zoned INTJs. *smirks back*
 

Starry

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What are the benefits of an INFJ/ENFP pairing? What are the challenges?

I am an INFJ male in a relationship with an ENFP female. It is a very romantic relationship and the intimacy is intense. I tell her all my problems and she patiently listens, while often I am forced to be more extroverted to find out what's on her mind.

Sometimes, I feel we are almost too sensitive to each other's needs and this creates a difficulty of communication. Overall it is a good relationship. We rarely fight, but sometimes there is an impatience in our communication.

I was wondering what others thought about this pairing. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

It's probably not very helpful of me to ask you questions when you are the one that came here soliciting advice...but the above passages stood out to me and I was curious about them. What do you mean when you say you are 'forced' into being more extroverted...? Are you saying that while you are quite open with regards to discussing your problems...she remains tight-lipped about hers and you need to press her in order to get her to share? If so...I believe this is a fairly common 'ENFP relationship complaint'...and it has nothing to do with not trusting the other person...or not wanting to be forthcoming and share. We truly have a challenging time focusing on anything negative...especially in the company of those we love. And it's weird. I don't mind listening to someone else's issues...but as soon as someone turns around and asks me the same I have a really hard time accessing that in my mind. And it does take some 'pressing' (sometimes a series of questions) before I can figure-out what is bothering me (if that even works). There is definitely a compulsion to try and remain positive. Not always...but for the most part.

I also wanted to understand about this 'impatience' in your communication. Does this bother you? I'm wondering because I had a relationship with an INFJ blow-up in my face at the first sign of 'impatience'...and it left me thinking ??? I don't imagine you are as *idealistic* or *conflict avoidant* as the INFJ I mention...but from where I stand...if the worst of it is that you experience some impatience from time to time...that is a very successful relationship! Relationships are hard man. And like I desperately tried to convey to my INFJ...there will be problems. There will be problems...and I am not perfect. Oh...and you are not perfect. <--- that was a sensitive statement right there...that one got me in trouble I think haha! I even went onto say that I don't want a relationship where there isn't any problems. But he apparently did. What is your take on that?
 

Spiritual Science

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Worked out ok for me. ;) We were both very immature when we got married.

Our I/E and J/P clash. He really does understand where I'm coming from. He's gotten much less douchey as he's gotten older so we do better but we still have to work every day. I think he was pretty drawn to wanting perfection (even though he himself couldn't attain it) and wanted to find a way to make me perfect. I think it's hard having a conflicted J though. I think infjs seem conflicted about their j. It's like you want things a certain way and can't seem to get it that way.

It's nice to have an nf.

I recently met an infj female in real life and we just click so well. It makes me remember what drew my husband and I together. Some kind of similar thoughts. Not having to explain everything.

He says I bring excitement to his life. I think he would enjoy an SJ for day to day stuff but might not get the deeper interaction.

Thanks for your reply. I would definitely agree that I am conflicted about my J. It's as if the J demands I be a perfectionist and everyone around me be perfect, but I know it's not realistic. But still, I get frustrated. This sort of thing prevented from doing well on assignments in school because "if I can't do it perfect, why even bother." I think I'm maturing on this point and awareness of it has lessened its effect.
 

Spiritual Science

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It's probably not very helpful of me to ask you questions when you are the one that came here soliciting advice...but the above passages stood out to me and I was curious about them. What do you mean when you say you are 'forced' into being more extroverted...? Are you saying that while you are quite open with regards to discussing your problems...she remains tight-lipped about hers and you need to press her in order to get her to share? If so...I believe this is a fairly common 'ENFP relationship complaint'...and it has nothing to do with not trusting the other person...or not wanting to be forthcoming and share. We truly have a challenging time focusing on anything negative...especially in the company of those we love. And it's weird. I don't mind listening to someone else's issues...but as soon as someone turns around and asks me the same I have a really hard time accessing that in my mind. And it does take some 'pressing' (sometimes a series of questions) before I can figure-out what is bothering me (if that even works). There is definitely a compulsion to try and remain positive. Not always...but for the most part.

I also wanted to understand about this 'impatience' in your communication. Does this bother you? I'm wondering because I had a relationship with an INFJ blow-up in my face at the first sign of 'impatience'...and it left me thinking ??? I don't imagine you are as *idealistic* or *conflict avoidant* as the INFJ I mention...but from where I stand...if the worst of it is that you experience some impatience from time to time...that is a very successful relationship! Relationships are hard man. And like I desperately tried to convey to my INFJ...there will be problems. There will be problems...and I am not perfect. Oh...and you are not perfect. <--- that was a sensitive statement right there...that one got me in trouble I think haha! I even went onto say that I don't want a relationship where there isn't any problems. But he apparently did. What is your take on that?

I'll try to address these in order. About the extroversion issue: Basically, she is my only female confidant. It helps because I can't open up to many people and have a hard time sharing with even my closest male friends. I can tell when she's upset or thinking about something but she rarely complains or vents to me. I want to know what's on her mind if only to selfishly not feel so bad about complaining all the time! But thank you for validating this concern. It is good to know other ENFP's have a hard time focusing on anything negative especially in good company.

About the impatience: it does bother me sometimes. It's a sort of tension that doesn't seem to resolve until the next morning when we both apologize for whatever was going on. I feel like I am too demanding to know how she feels at a particular moment, when likely she doesn't know yet. If I can't figure her out I get annoyed. I'm getting better though . . .

About the perfectionism: How dare you say I'm not perfect!! Haha jk, thanks for the reminder ;) I think I am hard on myself and expect myself to be perfect. I in turn think everyone thinks the same way which causes me to expect everyone to behave according to my ideals, when in actuality no one's perfect and everyone thinks differently. But under stress, I have a hard time remembering that . . .
 

ilovelurking

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I'll try to address these in order. About the extroversion issue: Basically, she is my only female confidant. It helps because I can't open up to many people and have a hard time sharing with even my closest male friends. I can tell when she's upset or thinking about something but she rarely complains or vents to me. I want to know what's on her mind if only to selfishly not feel so bad about complaining all the time! But thank you for validating this concern. It is good to know other ENFP's have a hard time focusing on anything negative especially in good company.

About the impatience: it does bother me sometimes. It's a sort of tension that doesn't seem to resolve until the next morning when we both apologize for whatever was going on. I feel like I am too demanding to know how she feels at a particular moment, when likely she doesn't know yet. If I can't figure her out I get annoyed. I'm getting better though . . .

About the perfectionism: How dare you say I'm not perfect!! Haha jk, thanks for the reminder ;) I think I am hard on myself and expect myself to be perfect. I in turn think everyone thinks the same way which causes me to expect everyone to behave according to my ideals, when in actuality no one's perfect and everyone thinks differently. But under stress, I have a hard time remembering that . . .

First of all, thanks for creating this thread.

My experience where I need to work on myself is the one bolded. And also how she feels...sometimes I feel like strangling some object just to release the frustration to really really really really know. I want her to know that I care about her as well and not taking her for granted, ya know what I mean?
 

Starry

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About the perfectionism: How dare you say I'm not perfect!! Haha jk, thanks for the reminder ;) I think I am hard on myself and expect myself to be perfect. I in turn think everyone thinks the same way which causes me to expect everyone to behave according to my ideals, when in actuality no one's perfect and everyone thinks differently. But under stress, I have a hard time remembering that . . .

Oh whoops ummm...I should clarify... That comment I made...the 'oh and you're not perfect'...that wasn't directed towards you.

I was just trying to convey an exchange I had with an INFJ I knew irl...in where I basically expressed a version of that sentiment (you're not perfect)...after being made to feel that I sure needed to be. idk...I mean...the reason I was so happy to know this INFJ was because I felt like I was accepted and appreciated for who I am/was...but something changed without me understanding it had changed. And soon I started to feel like I was being 'shoved' into some sort of 'idealized image' maybe (?). It is difficult for me to describe. But yah...maybe like there was some sort of 'script' that I needed to perform perfectly. And deviating from that 'script' was a bad idea...and seemed to throw him off. <--- I'm not suggesting that you are doing this in the least. But I will say...the fastest way to make your ENFP 'impatient' is to create an atmosphere like that. An atmosphere that sorta feels like the INFJ's 'perfect imagined reality' is the only acceptable reality...for we will fail. We will fail because we have been failing to live up to people's expectations since the day we were born...haha! No...I mean...we resist that kind of thing (the feeling of being 'controlled' in anyway). I almost feel like it is our 'job' to resist...to push-up against boundaries and find new ways of looking at something. Kinda like...'oh you want me to behave like this?...well now I'm going to do the total opposite' (whether I'm aware of it or not). I sometimes feel that only those profoundly skilled in the art of reverse psychology should be in a relationship with an ENFP...haha!

I guess the only advice I would give is expect the unexpected for a while...and do NOT expect perfection. Abandon the 'script'...and go with the flow. And wear a seat-belt.
 

SubtleFighter

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I've never dated an ENFP (although I've come close), but I've had meaningful relationships with them for years. In high school one of my closest friends was one (the one I almost dated), the person I'm closest to in the world is one, and I just made a new friend that's one.

In my experience, relationships with ENFPs are that half the time you're so in synch that you have a soul telepathy thing going on . . . while the other half of the time, it's like you're speaking French while they're speaking German. The soul telepathy is amazing, but the other part takes a lot of work.

The two major things that have helped my relationships with ENFPs to work better are 1) lots of communication, and 2) looking at the intent behind what they do rather than thinking of what it would mean if I were doing it. Although I'm someone who tries to predict what people will do or say (I imagine most INFJs are like this), ENFPs are the least predictable people I've ever met. It's both scary and exciting :) I can't tell you how many times in my life an ENFP that I have known for years will constantly do/say things that would be the total opposite of what I would have predicted.

Back to the two things I mentioned, it's important that you talk to her and ask her about things if she does or says something that seems offensive. ENFPs often do things for very different reasons than INFJs. I think what has the biggest potential for causing hurt is the Fe/Fi difference. Learn all you can about Fi from the awesome Fi-users on this site and take that into consideration. This is why it's important to look at her intentions because Fi-users will sometimes do things that if an Fe-user did it, it would indicate that they were trying to move away from you or that they were irritated with you, but Fi-users don't use the same emotional language and may not have intended to send that signal at all.

The Fe/Fi difference goes along with what you're saying about how you tell her all your problems but she doesn't do the same. To an Fe-user, part of how we try to become closer to someone is by creating an emotional merge. I will tell you what's going on in my life (including emotionally), and you will do the same. The closer we want to become to someone, the more we want to share with the other person and have them share with us. This works well if the other person is an Fe-user, but Fi-users don't work the same way. This is where looking at intent comes in again. For most Fe-users, not telling someone our emotional problems is an indication that we don't feel close to them (maybe there's a difference with men and women with this, but to some extent I think this is true for Fe-users of both genders). But Fi-users can feel close to others but not tell them their emotional problems in the same way. Another reason that Fe-users tell people they're close to about their emotional problems is that that is one of the ways that we process our emotions and get on the path to feeling better--we want to vent to someone we trust and get affirmation and then maybe problem-solve/get their opinion on the matter. But Fi-users don't need to talk about their problems to feel better emotionally the same way that Fe-users do. It seems like you're worried that if she's not telling you her problems that she will have a harder time working through them, but for the most part, that's not the case. Usually if Fi-users really need to talk, they'll let you know, but talking about it is not a requirement in order to work through it and feel better. I won't lie--it is tough for me to balance the need to "emotionally merge" with wanting to respect that ENFPs don't need to talk about things emotionally. (Fi-users, please let me know if anything I'm saying about Fi-users here is not correct.)

But overall, I find relationships (in this case, platonic ones) with ENFPs to be really rewarding. But it does take work.


And wear a seat-belt.

:ninja:

:wink:
 

Spiritual Science

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Hmmm, I never thought of it like that before, but Fe/Fi differences seem like the source of occasional tension. I like the phrase "emotionally merge." It's like I'm trying to merge by expressing feelings, but I end up just feeling like a negative cry baby because she doesn't need to express her feelings to me to work through them, but I need the validation of knowing that what I am feeling isn't crazy because I'm introverted, sometimes extremely so. I usually test 95-100% introverted.
 

Esoteric Wench

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Just for the record, what [MENTION=12341]SubtleFighter[/MENTION] said totally rocks! It really warms my heart to hear an Fe-user talk about Fi-usage to coherently. It really made me tear up.

:hug:
 

Esoteric Wench

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I've been putting off answering [MENTION=15399]Spiritual Science[/MENTION]'s OP for a few days because I have soooo much to say about it and haven't yet had the time to organize my thoughts. I could talk for hours about the special relationship among ENFPs and INFJs. I find ENFP/INFJ relationships both challenging and immensely rewarding.

In Sum: ENFPs and INFJs are mirrors. Look at their function order. It's stunning how similar the two types are:

ENFP - Ne > Fi > Te > Si
INFJ - Ni > Fe > Ti > Se​

Look at how all the capitalized letters (mental functions) match perfectly. Yet the function attitudes (e versus i) are opposite (aka mirrors) of each other. The result is that ENFPs and INFJs are sooo alike... and simultaneously sooo different... all at the same time.

My personal experience: First of all, there is nothing that will make me go more knobby knocker in the knees than a warm-blooded, heterosexual INFJ male. (Too bad you INFJ males are so damn rare.)

ENFPs and INFJs have this weird, almost psychic way of communicating with each other. I have experienced this kind of weird, strong, super-evocative connection with every single INFJ I've ever met. (And, I've heard from these same INFJs that they experience the same thing with me.) I've come to attribute this special energy that ENFPs and INFJs share to the way they both share N > F > T > S in the exact same order.

Obstacle to overcome: Even though we're very much alike, there are notable differences as well. The major difference is that INFJs use Fe/Ti and ENFPs use Fi/Te. These differences account for a lot of miscommunication and misattribution of motives between INFJs and ENFPs. I'm going to try to pull together some of the differences between Fe/Ti and Fi/Te users. But until then, I want to reiterate that what [MENTION=12341]SubtleFighter[/MENTION] said seems spot on accurate to me.

I guess I'd say that INFJs and ENFPs can be very well-suited for both friendships and romantic relationships as long as they can overcome the Fe/Ti and Fi/Te obstacles.

Anyone one to chime in here with a high level overview of Fe/Ti and Fi/Te differences? [MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION]? [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]? [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]? [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]? [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]? [MENTION=6166]Orobas[/MENTION]? [MENTION]Vasilia[/MENTION]? [MENTION=9310]uumlau[/MENTION]? [MENTION=7842]Z Buck McFate[/MENTION]?

:smile:
 

skylights

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Following cue from EW, I think [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] hit on something really important with this:

I even went onto say that I don't want a relationship where there isn't any problems. But he apparently did.

My ESFJ and I struggle with this too. I don't expect nor do I want a relationship without conflict. I see division and tension as something that can be dealt with outwardly, logically, and efficiently - Te, basically. And I expect overcoming conflict to better our relationship, deepening our emotional connection as both of us grow inwardly (Fi) by virtue of learning from that conflict and its resolution. Whereas my ESFJ sees conflict as inherently problematic to the relationship, an unraveling of the internal system that holds us together (Ti) and any external tension as threatening to the state of harmony between us (Fe). This is really hard for me, because I want to air my struggles, but he feels threatened by that. He feels like I keep him at an emotional distance, and I do, because talking to him about my internal conflict about the state of our relationship upsets him. I wish I had a good answer for how to overcome this, besides careful communication and compromise, but I am sloshing through it myself right now.

she remains tight-lipped about [her problems] and you need to press her in order to get her to share? If so...I believe this is a fairly common 'ENFP relationship complaint'...and it has nothing to do with not trusting the other person...or not wanting to be forthcoming and share.

Yeah. It's genuinely just hard for me to talk about my conflicts and complex, negative emotions. They're very "fuzzy" to me... lots of images and big-picture concepts and feelings that do not always fit well into the limited concepts that language provides. It takes a lot of work and often a good deal of time for me to externalize what I understand intuitively and feel emotionally inside. Much of the time I will have a particular negative feeling associated with certain things and an understanding that I need those things to change in a certain way but it takes a lot of talking for me to be able to describe exactly what the problem itself is. It's a challenge in particular in a relationship because there is the danger of accidentally hurting the other person when you are trying to express yourself. Sometimes it feels like it's not worth the mental effort to explain when you are just going to endanger yourself and your loved one anyway.
 

Thalassa

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Following cue from EW, I think [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] hit on something really important with this:



My ESFJ and I struggle with this too. I don't expect nor do I want a relationship without conflict. I see division and tension as something that can be dealt with outwardly, logically, and efficiently - Te, basically. And I expect overcoming conflict to better our relationship, deepening our emotional connection as both of us grow inwardly (Fi) by virtue of learning from that conflict and its resolution. Whereas my ESFJ sees conflict as inherently problematic to the relationship, an unraveling of the internal system that holds us together (Ti) and any external tension as threatening to the state of harmony between us (Fe). This is really hard for me, because I want to air my struggles, but he feels threatened by that. He feels like I keep him at an emotional distance, and I do, because talking to him about my internal conflict about the state of our relationship upsets him. I wish I had a good answer for how to overcome this, besides careful communication and compromise, but I am sloshing through it myself right now.

Hm I think I may know what you mean. My ESFJ ex didn't avoid conflict (to the contrary...) but he did think that everything would get better if we acted like it was better. I would be like "nothing is going to change if you do not address the underlying core issue" and he would be all like "see, you are being very negative, now let's eat blow pops and watch Dario Argento films."

Typically I'd go for it, because it was better to get along with him than to not to...but in the end, to me it just seemed like he was a person who avoiding fixing the inside of our relationship, though sometimes in highly expressive broken moments he seemed ENTIRELY AWARE of what was wrong.

I don't know, my ESFJ ex is/was unhealthy.

But I think this may be an Fe versus Fi thing. "Hey if we act like everything is in harmony...then it is!"
 

skylights

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But I think this may be an Fe versus Fi thing. "Hey if we act like everything is in harmony...then it is!"

Yeah, exactly. Like Fe seeks to start outside and move in. Create harmony in the external world and then there can be harmony internally. Whereas Fi HAS to have internal harmony, or there will be no external harmony. ESFJ is always worried that when I bring up an internal issue, our relationship is in mortal danger. I'm like, hello, no, if our relationship was in danger I would not be talking to you about this at all. It's a sign of my trust and intimacy that I bring things up like that. Sometimes Fe external harmony feels like a band-aid over a deep wound, though, trying to cover things up so you can't see how bad it actually is. To me that feels even worse than just airing it out in the open.

Also relevant is that ESFJ is a 9... so... yeah, conflict-avoidant.
 

Thalassa

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Yeah, exactly. Like Fe seeks to start outside and move in. Create harmony in the external world and then there can be harmony internally.

I've found there is truth to this. I mean I liked our little "world" and sometimes I just wanted things to be our little world again. But the problem was, of course, is that there would be hell again if he wouldn't face some internal things, which of course, disrupted that very world. I think seriously he was in an Fe/Ne loop some of the time, though, which is why I say he was unhealthy. I think this was his avoidance of the internal, so I don't want to say that all ESFJs are like him. He clearly had Si, though. Clearly.

Whereas Fi HAS to have internal harmony, or there will be no external harmony. ESFJ is always worried that when I bring up an internal issue, our relationship is in mortal danger.

Yeah, like "why are you fucking things up? I don't want to talk about this when we're getting along." Then he would be too upset when we weren't getting along to talk about.

So the only time he talked about it is if I left, and he had a nervous breakdown and was in a pool of his own vomit.

I'm not describing a healthy ESFJ here, I can assure you.

I'm like, hello, no, if our relationship was in danger I would not be talking to you about this at all. It's a sign of my trust and intimacy that I bring things up like that. Sometimes Fe external harmony feels like a band-aid over a deep wound, though, trying to cover things up so you can't see how bad it actually is. To me that feels even worse than just airing it out in the open.

Yes, I need to air things. It has to happen. We can't just band-aid everything, not healthy.

And a balanced Fe type KNOWS THIS and utilizes their other introverted functions, though they don't have Fi.

Also relevant is that ESFJ is a 9... so... yeah, conflict-avoidant.

I see.
 

Esoteric Wench

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Fe seeks to start outside and move in. Create harmony in the external world and then there can be harmony internally. Whereas Fi HAS to have internal harmony, or there will be no external harmony.

[h]e did think that everything would get better if we acted like it was better...I think this may be an Fe versus Fi thing. "Hey if we act like everything is in harmony...then it is!"

This has been my experience with Fe users as well. My first love was an INFJ. I didn't know anything about MBTI or Jungian Cognitive Functions back then, but looking back on it there were clearly some Fe / Fi issues going on between us.

I used to say that one of the ways my INFJ ex drove me crazy was that he wanted to smooth over conflict by "pretending it didn't happen." In retrospect, I've come to understand that it's not that he wanted to "pretend" it didn't happen. It's just that he wanted to ensure a congenial outer world before he tackled his inner world. I was just the opposite. I wanted to get our inner world all fixed up before tackling our outer world. We each felt like the other was getting things backwards and this caused a lot of tension between us.

Just for the record, now that I understand the dynamic between Fe and Fi better, I think such obstacles could be relatively easily overcome. But back then, it just seemed like he was always missing the point.
 

Esoteric Wench

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Ti and Te conflict plays an important part in INFJ/ENFP conflicts as well. I'm a Te user. Te is great at getting from point A to point B in a clear, concise, and logical manner. However, it is my understanding from Ti users (like INFJs) that Te can feel very blunt and one-dimensional. I've heard them say that Te doesn't allow for all the "shades of gray" that Ti sees.

I think this comes into play with my INFJ friends when I go into Te mode and try to simplify a problem into easily manageable steps. This drives my INFJ friends crazy. They feel like I'm being overly simplistic. I'm aware that I'm simplifying a complex problem/project into simple steps, but I'm doing it so that we can get shit done and actually tackle the problem. From my Te perspective, it seems like Ti users consistently gets stuck in the paralysis by analysis trap.
 

Z Buck McFate

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sx/sp
Yeah, exactly. Like Fe seeks to start outside and move in. Create harmony in the external world and then there can be harmony internally. Whereas Fi HAS to have internal harmony, or there will be no external harmony.

As I’ve said here and there before- and as always, essentially only speaking for myself (though others have tended to agree)- I think a large part of needing ‘external harmony’ is because Ti is so easily drowned out that it’s too hard to communicate without it. Imagine trying to figure out how you feel while someone is standing right there saying NO YOU SHOULD FEEL *THIS* every time you tried talking about it? I’m not sure if that translates well as being reciprocal, I just know that dealing with heavy Te will make me think “Aw f#ck it!” and I’ll completely give up on even trying to communicate. It isn’t that I’m thinking “We need to pretend everything is roses, because then reality will follow suit.” It’s more about heavy Te coming across as really invasive, interrupting me with ‘THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD THINK’ so much that I’m not even able to effectively put my own thoughts together over the din of it.

edit: Lol, I just noticed EW also posted basically the same thing just before me (while I was writing this post).


Ti and Te conflict plays an important part in INFJ/ENFP conflicts as well. I'm a Te user. Te is great at getting from point A to point B in a clear, concise, and logical manner. However, it is my understanding from Ti users (like INFJs) that Te can feel very blunt and one-dimensional. I've heard them say that Te doesn't allow for all the "shades of gray" that Ti sees.

I think this comes into play with my INFJ friends when I go into Te mode and try to simplify a problem into easily manageable steps. This drives my INFJ friends crazy. They feel like I'm being overly simplistic. I'm aware that I'm simplifying a complex problem/project into simple steps, but I'm doing it so that we can get shit done and actually tackle the problem. From my Te perspective, it seems like Ti users consistently gets stuck in the paralysis by analysis trap.


It is really interesting to look at your post and mine (describing the same thing, but from polar opposite ends) right next to each other.

[even further editing/adding:] I'm inclined to say that heavy Te actually gives me paralysis because it feels very much like a stadium blowhorn going off inches from my face.....I just can't think around it.
 
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