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[ENFP] Nobody Likes Me, ENFP Paranoia

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
i actually get quite anxious when i have to go meet a
large group of people --stuff like attending weddings,
parties, going to big reunions, social mixers.

it has to do with how my mood really can influence
the tension/dynamics of the larger group. if i'm having
fun and being pleasant then it's all good. but if feel
annoyed or any other emotion then the people around
me can feel an awkward tension.

usually because i'm perceived as very snobby mcsnob
and very dismissive. i mean i only like the people that
i like. i don't find it necessary to like everybody.

everytime i go out with a big group of people, my close
friends will ALWAYS tell me to behave and to try not to
make anybody cry. sometimes i just can't help it. :>
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I always thought ENFPs were the most likable bunch even when they annoyed you. Who can stay mad at an ENFP?
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] Yeah, straight on there. Except Im just starting to let loose. I need to chamber up a few more 'Fuck it's. It's exhausting. If you mean well, then everything should be gold, right(?) (nobody answer that) Actually, I just learned that there is a punctuation for the rhetorical question mark, my browser doesn't display it properly, and probably neither does yours.

Yah I hear yah.

everytime i go out with a big group of people, my close
friends will ALWAYS tell me to behave and to try not to
make anybody cry.

lmao. I want to be an ENFP e8...

I always thought ENFPs were the most likable bunch even when they annoyed you. Who can stay mad at an ENFP?

I think this is true to a certain extent... but I've noticed that we are also awfully easy to 'blame' when things 'go wrong'. I haven't totally developed 'my theory' here so I really shouldn't be trying to share my impressions...but I have noticed something along these lines (and really I think this applies primarily to the ENFP e7 as opposed to other e-types). When all is well...bring-on the ENFPs. When something goes wrong...well then...it is easiest to pin the 'story/blame' on the 'goofy one' in the room. Like I said...I may be speaking too soon here...but I do think there is some truth to what I'm saying.
 

Istbkleta

New member
Joined
Jun 11, 2011
Messages
452
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
As Mc Gruffin (or whavr) said - ur Fi seems damaged.

U r either not ENFP (check ENTP without Ti and overused Fe). Esp if u mirror and align with ppl easily as second nature, consider this possibility.

And if u r ENFP with this little F and so much T - LOL :)

Good luck.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think paranoia is the curse of Fi. I've had issues, particularly when I'm associating with people not quite on the same wave length. I don't think it's broken Fi, or weird values. You just feel more vulnerable at the moment. It's just Fi's habit to turn in on one's self.
 

azulatheavatar

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2012
Messages
55
MBTI Type
INTp
I've been spending the last couple years coming out of this very long depression that made me into a quasi-INTP.

I've been getting a lot more social lately, and paranoia has become a prominent feature of my life, and I'm trying to keep it in check. My mind is nearly constantly trying to figure out if certain people like me, and if not, why. It also doesn't help that as I'm coming into my own, I've started to find even more of my ENFP recklessness.

It's not really a crippling condition because I've learned that it really isn't the end of the world if somebody dislikes you. In fact, if everyone does like you, good chances are you are being a bland doormat. But, it is nearly maddning to me to not know why. Any ENFPs here relate, or anybody else?
"like" as in being friends or romantic?
 
G

garbage

Guest
I want to know why people don't like me, sure, either to repair our relationship or to improve my future interactions with other people in the future. If there's something negative in the way that I come across to most people, perhaps there's something to be fixed--but perhaps not.

Over time, I've prioritized the effort I've put into figuring that out--continual comments by people who are close to me take priority over one-off comments by single random strangers, for example.

Large groups are easy for me (so long as everyone hasn't devolved into cliques--that's a bit more difficult). You introduce yourself to people (because someone has to introduce themselves), keep things shallow at first, talk about the things you know you have in common, hone in on the people who you figure out that you have more things in common with, and wham, you've got yourself some more people that you know at a pretty good level.

They haven't always been easy for me, though. I'd suffered from 'analysis paralysis' in social situations for a large portion of my life, fearing whether or not people would like me. Having untreated depression for more than a decade sure didn't help matters!

Number 2: Being annoying isn't really as important as I thought.

I was at a girl's night out with a group of women and there was this one chick. She was blabbling (blabbing and babbling) about the most random stuff. blah blah blah kind of extrovert. I thought, wow, this woman is so annoying.

She ended up making a bunch of close friends in that group. I guess being annoying isn't all bad.
Were her new close friends people that you would have been interested in getting to know yourself?

I'm really just curious. Because, in my experiences, the people who grate me (because they're annoying, etc.) may get along with certain other people, but they don't tend to attract people that I'd care to get to know. Still, I end up awestruck and bewildered when people with those qualities end up being liked.

I guess it takes all kinds...
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
"like" as in being friends or romantic?

Just friends, I guess.. not even that... Just generally positive regard. Actually, I don't even care about positivity. I just want to know what people think. I don't mind being hated if it's for the right reasons.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
I bet INFPs struggle just as much, probably even more due to introversion.

I have experienced this quite a bit. I had to adjust and learn how to not just sink into an introversion loop.

If I am having a really off week I may ask a friend for an outsider perspective. If I am having a REALLY off week I ask an enemy.
 

DisneyFanGirl

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2012
Messages
89
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
I always assume people don't like me. And then when they do, I go nuts trying to figure out why. That's a problem I'm working on.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
^^ whaaat? curious...what's your enneagram?
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I can sorta relate to this. I swear - ENFPs come into the world thinking...'I love you and you love me and everything is GOOD and Hey! let's have some FUN!!!'... <--- and each and every day we live something takes a chip out of that you know? And it is disorienting. To find out someone doesn't like us it's like..."um..okay...I don't think you are the greatest person on the planet either but I am willing to accept you and yet you won't accept me?" Or when we are looked at funny for maybe being too 'happy' or too 'cooky'...it's like "hey man...I'm not an idiot...Life is short and I sincerely want everyone to seize the day". It is disappointing to be reminded on a daily basis how 'different' you are from others...and it is extraordinarily clear...at least to me...how being an ENFP can lead to incredible social anxiety and paranoia over time. But I am trying very hard to just say F@$* it!!! I am a good person...and my intentions towards others are good...and if people can't see that it is truly their loss...not mine. Like my INTJ father always says..."they don't pay my taxes".
Haha this made me smile. In a way, I find it charming. This totally reminds of my psych prof. She's so anxious about how she comes off that she will ask in the middle of class " whether or not we are going to hate her" for not getting something done and regularly jokes about how she gonna need a Xanax because we are probably going to be harsh on the course evals. This happens at least once every class period. This whole thread reminded me of her. Part of me doesn't want to criticize her because she's charming in her own little neurotic way. LOL.
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Haha this made me smile. In a way, I find it charming. This totally reminds of my psych prof. She's so anxious about how she comes off that she will ask in the middle of class " whether or not we are going to hate her" for not getting something done and regularly jokes about how she gonna need a Xanax because we are probably going to be harsh on the course evals. This happens at least once every class period. This whole thread reminded me of her. Part of me doesn't want to criticize her because she's charming in her own little neurotic way. LOL.

haha Glycerine...your story made me smile as well and I'm glad that you shared it. Something about this teacher kinda reminds me of that one professor in Harry Potter. I don't remember her name...but she was played by Emma Thompson...who may in fact be an ENFP 7w6 herself (so maybe this was a 'natural' role for her haha). Anyway...totally sounds like an anxious ENFP that is still holding out hope that everyone will love her and the world will be full of rainbows. Definitely makes for some neurotic behavior.
 

IAmOrangeToday

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2012
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
479
I have savage episodes of self doubt. All I can think of sometimes are the ways in which a person has got the wrong idea, how I've come off a complete knob. Sometimes, I'll be thinking about a snatch of a conversation for weeks, even months. I now know for certain that very few people do this, which helps me to spot when I'm being silly. I really want to be a pleasant person to be around though, and a lot of the time I fail miserably and beat myself up over it for days.

If I want to cut it out for good, I need to improve my inferior Te and knock some sense into myself, I think.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
maybe this is all really more so related??

my boyfriend does this...he's so dom...i pretty much never do...im sx/sp
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
maybe this is all really more so related??

my boyfriend does this...he's so dom...i pretty much never do...im sx/sp

I'm not convinced it is. Whenever I take those variant 'tests'...I always score fairly equal on sp & sx...and freakishly low on so...and yet I can relate to some of what Qlip and others are saying in this thread.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
Ever since R.D.Laing taught me that paranoia is a heightened state of awareness, I have been fascinated by paranoia.

I have noticed though that those I tend to like, mainly introverts, tend to like me too.

But on the other hand I have noticed parnoia is psychological preparation to attack, so I tend to be discretely wary of the paranoid, particularly if they are violent.

So I take my own paranoia as my unconscious warning me of an enemy that I have yet to discover. And once I recognise them as an enemy, my paranoia disappears.

Of course I know it is politically incorrect to look for enemies, but on the other hand, we are known, and known to ourselves, by our enemies. So good quality enemies are our friends. Right mate?
 

azulatheavatar

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2012
Messages
55
MBTI Type
INTp
Just friends, I guess.. not even that... Just generally positive regard. Actually, I don't even care about positivity. I just want to know what people think. I don't mind being hated if it's for the right reasons.
if you don't care for positivity then why does it matter? you make it sound like you're just completely ignored rather then being hated if all you want to know is what people think of you.
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
if you don't care for positivity then why does it matter? you make it sound like you're just completely ignored rather then being hated if all you want to know is what people think of you.

I think it's an Ne thing. It's about having information. I want to follow threads of cause and effect, but people are little black boxes where casuality is occluded. Also I really have an aversion to misinformation. It kills me to know that I might be misrepresented.
 
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