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[INFJ] Do unhealthy INFJs have a tendency towards this kind of behavior?

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There is a certain female, possibly unhealthy, INFJ who I am very close to, but is also the only person I know capable of bringing me to tears and sometimes outright despair. I was wondering if the way she argues is common for unhealthy INFJs or is more specific.

She had a tough life. Which is nothing bad in itself, but her rampant victim complex makes her think it allows her to ignore basic rules of fair conduct and common decency, and whenever she is criticized, for that reason or any other, she sees it as a personal attack. Whenever somebody starts to argue with her, she always tries to "read" that person, coming up with all kind of insane ideas about that person’s motivations, which throws her into a fit of rage. No matter how much people try to explain themselves or ask what her to explain what the hell even is her problem (which she can never answer), she ignores them and continues on her course. Any attempts at verbal defense are counterproductive, as she only gets angrier and angrier and throws more and more baseless insults. It is impossible to win such an argument, or even retreat, as she continues to provoke. The worst thing is that, afterwards, it’s almost impossible to reason with her even when she is calm, because she always sees herself as the sole victim and has illusions of moral purity even though she is very self-absorbed, cruel, merciless and often quite amoral and sociopathic.
 

Thalassa

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She could be an IxFP.

What I've noticed with INFJs being annoying is more of, like, being passive-aggressive. Like not being directly mean or cutting, but being very nasty in a very "polite" or underhanded way, so they can still consider that their behavior exhibited proper decorum. That's what I've noticed with INFJs I've had issues with, is that they'll be more "holier than thou" opposed to what you're talking about. Then they play martyr, and when you start screaming at them they're like, "I didn't do anything to provoke this." ISFJs sometimes do the same thing.
 

Istbkleta

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See things from her POV and tell her so.

Stop telling her BS and tell her she is right, you understand her position and you agree with her, even if you don't like it.

Tell her she can count on you any time and leave her by herself to absorb the new you.



You think this will work?
 

Istbkleta

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I like ISFPs :) They are hot (with the exception of Marmie Dearest) but kind of dull.


So I don't think she is one. Sounds like Fe.
 

Thalassa

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I like ISFPs :) They are hot (with the exception of Marmie Dearest) but kind of dull.


So I don't think she is one. Sounds like Fe.

No that's Fi. Thinking everything is about you, or is a personal insult is Fi. Her rage sounds like explosions of inferior Te. Try again.
 

Thalassa

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In fact, I'm having a hard time understanding why anyone would guess someone who would think that rules of propriety, decency, etc. don't apply to them would be Fe.
 

Istbkleta

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No that's Fi. Thinking everything is about you, or is a personal insult is Fi. Her rage sounds like explosions of inferior Te. Try again.

If you say so.

I think she is cheating.
 

Istbkleta

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In fact, I'm having a hard time understanding why anyone would guess someone who would think that rules of propriety, decency, etc. don't apply to them would be Fe.

TPs have Fe
 

Thalassa

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If you say so.

I think she is cheating.

He just described an unhealthy IxFP, or even an ExFP.

I'm used to people on this forum not knowing the difference between Fi and Fe. I mean you don't even know a hot chick when you see one.

And where are you making up this cheating nonsense? What are you reading into the post that's not even there? :wacko:
 

Thalassa

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It also makes awesome sense that an Fi dom would be the one to reduce an ENTJ to a quivering mess. Of course they would.
 
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Wow, this quickly turned into quite a thread. As for her type, I'm almost certain that she's INF, but am leaning towards J because she definitely can be very stubborn, proud and judgmental and seems way too orderly and hardworking for a perceptive type. Also, she has Ni. A lot of it. INFP is quite possible, though. Maybe even an INTJ heavy on the Fi, but I doubt that.

See things from her POV and tell her so.

Stop telling her BS and tell her she is right, you understand her position and you agree with her, even if you don't like it.

Tell her she can count on you any time and leave her by herself to absorb the new you.

I really have trouble seeing things from her POV because her train of thought has always been a total mystery for me, and she never wants to clarify her thoughts when I ask her. I have noticed that the best way to deal with her is pretty close to what you suggested and makes her calm down, but it's only a short-term solution because it makes her think that I admit everything that she falsely and irrationaly accused me of, which creates even more problems in the long run.
 

Thalassa

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Fi is a judging function. That's why in socionics Fi doms are ISFjs not ISFps, for example. Fi is one of the most subjective functions in existence. It is subjective subjectivity, and doesn't give a goddamn about "propriety" (unless they can otherwise rationalize why that proper thing is necessary for some other aspect of their personal morality). You sound like you're complaining about her lack of Fe, not her Fe.

She may be an INFP. Or an ISFP who gets into Fi/Ni loops when she's upset. Fi/Ni loops make people paranoid, I mean did you see what happened when INTJ Invisible Jim left the forum? Or what I do when I'm having a melt down? Fi/Ni (or Ni/Fi loops) make people very self-assured that their internal visions are correct, and not only are they correct, but completely self-absorbed.

At any rate, anyone who actually followed Jung would call this woman an FP, I'm sure.

ISFPs can seem INTJ-like when they're in their shadow, anyway.

Her nasty cutting behavior sounds like Te unleashed, though, and it makes sense that her Fi would deeply disturb your own inferior Fi.

TJs also tend to complain about other people's lack of Fe when cornered or vexed, ironically. It's the IxTJ trickster function and the ExTJ demon.
 

Thalassa

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[MENTION=9310]uumlau[/MENTION] is an incredibly informed INTJ on the forum, and he wrote a post here, including information how ISFPs and INTJs are remarkably similar on EEG, except that the ISFP is actually the more "judgey."

Dario Nardi Neuroscience of Personality

Of course, I don't know your girlfriend (or your friend, or your mom) personally, but I still think it might be helpful to examine another way of looking at personality theory, via the functions.
 

Ness

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I'm defiantly an INFJ My jness accounts for my need for closure the fact that I follow through with plans and I'm pretty much on time scheduled.

However I'm not tidy or organised in the slightest.. Also Ni lends its self to being a very non judgmental function, it only seems to when the need for closure arises. Iv noticed other INFJ are very open minded people and the point where they have made a judgment they simply move on the judgement is the closure tat comes at the end of a long anlysis


If I were to behave in the way you have described and i am capable of it, I would at some point come round. Theres nothing that could happen to me in my life that wold make it acceptable for me to make someone else cry because I'm feeling hurt.


even if the other person has wronged me and seeing them cry is enough to know Iv hurt them back and its time to either end it, or draw a line under the situation and move on.


I also apologise profusely for behaving that way once I have cooled. Ni and Ti permits me to what to reason logically with a problem, I get great comfort from it as my Fe always feels exhausted from the emotional outburst and the subsequent emotional feedback from the person on the other end.


I live with an ISFP female I also nearly married and an ISFP male so clearly I'm a fan. However the ability of the ISFP an INFP to project a air of innocence an being sweet and caring and uber fun, annoys me.


Get to know them, an unhealthy one and the ar the most stubborn judgmental and logically unraisable people ever! Ithink maybe some types deal bettr with this than I do as an INFJ. If an Fi type feels it has been wronged then theres nothing I have that can help it or get through Ni is able to see the complexity of the Fi and the Fe wants help it and the Ti wants to reason with it, but I also know that Fi is Strong and deep emotional tunnel vision, focused like a laser beam


your post sounds a lot like the ISFP female I live with. I love her can't help it everybody does its a bloody ISFP!!!! I get frustrated that people can't see what monster lays within.


I really think what your dealing with hear is a damaged Fi, an fe type I think would feel to ashamed to ac that way and need to deal with emotion feedback from the other party, i.e you.


I think an upset INFJ would have an outburst and then feel bad they made you feel bad and then chase you down to discuss it endlessly until they were able to dissect as much information as possible then analysis it and the draw a line and move.


Not to Say it would not happen repeatedly with an INFJ but the Fe in my opinion would have to deal with your feelings to.
 

uumlau

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I would concur with Marm that INFJ is an unlikely type for this person. INFJs will come across as being very similar to INTJs, to the point that one can easily be mistaken for a polite INTJ (and vice versa). If an INFJ has a problem with you, their typical action is to avoid you, exclude you from invitations, or make catty remarks about you and gossip about you. They will avoid confrontation because it's very stressful for them.

I'm less sure whether ISFP is a more likely type for your "certain female", but in general, an Fi type is more likely to say things that would strongly affect an ENTJ (with Fi inferior, it's hard to activate, but when it does, it goes boom!). And Marm is correct that an unhealthy ISFP is very likely to come up with all sorts of wild excuses and accusations, resorting to tertiary Ni to make up stories. In this regard, an ISFP makes up BAD stories at which most people will roll their eyes, while an unhealthy INFJ makes up credible stories (gossip behind your back) that others are very likely to believe.

Whatever her type, I would suggest that you not have such a person close enough to you to mess up your life.
 

Starry

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I would concur with Marm that INFJ is an unlikely type for this person.

I don't really have much time to post (maybe I'll be able to come back later) as I need to make some sort of potato dish <--- seriously...that is what I need to do (weird to me for some reason...).

But fwiw...my sister consistently tests INFJ and I could easily fit her into the description in the OP. She is most likely an eNFJ...and is a counterphobic 6w5 sx dom.
 

Istbkleta

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Good luck mate

Try having in mind your type's blind spots and pummel through those thoroughly. If you over rush things from point "I am your friend and I support you" to "You should do it THIS way.", etc. = poor results => need to start over => WASTE OF TIME
 
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