[INFP] Hate an INFP REDUX

[Xander]

Yeah... I guess a combination of being more available for when they want to do something with you (rather than giving mom/dog/etc related excuses or just not answering your phone because you "don't feel like talking"), and suggesting something to do with them that you know they'll enjoy, would be a winning strategy. Actually you know P's don't like making decisions much, so if the other person's a P then part of the stress might be because they feel like you're always forcing them to make the decisions by 'not minding' what you do.

This is from a guy who even the ENFJ of the group looks at with intent when decisions need making..


HELL YEAH!

 

[prplchknz]

Simple. It means "Hitme with a large hammer until this stupid stuff gets out of my head".

What about those people you only phone cause you're bored and they feed you and don't complain when you go on and on about whatever comes into your head? Are those people you care about?

you mean my parents? I care about them.

 

[Xander]

you mean my parents? I care about them.

Well good enough analogy but I was talking about a hypothetical friend who you share little in common with in terms of hobbies and yet pile your interests on him like it's the new universal fashion to be interested in all your stuff.

Just purely hypothetically you understand...

 

[substitute]

Well good enough analogy but I was talking about a hypothetical friend who you share little in common with in terms of hobbies and yet pile your interests on him like it's the new universal fashion to be interested in all your stuff.

Just purely hypothetically you understand...

LOL dude you seriously need to step back, your Fe has you in a headlock

 

[prplchknz]

Well good enough analogy but I was talking about a hypothetical friend who you share little in common with in terms of hobbies and yet pile your interests on him like it's the new universal fashion to be interested in all your stuff.

Just purely hypothetically you understand...

I don't have friends I do that with, in fact if someone isn't interested in whatever I am then I won't talk to him about it.

 

[Xander]

LOL dude you seriously need to step back, your Fe has you in a headlock

Step back???

I'm winning damn you!!!


Hate, hate, hate, HATE!!!!

I don't have friends I do that with, in fact if someone isn't interested in whatever I am then I won't talk to him about it.

Good. Now please breed widely so as to propogate this trait.

A little late for me but I'm the caring, giving sort.

 

[substitute]

Step back???

I'm winning damn you!!!

Don't sound like it to me mate. Sounds like he's still pestering you

Hate, hate, hate, HATE!!!!

Haha yeah, sorry. You're quite right. I was forgetting how much I hate Carebear at the moment

(oh man, I can't even joke it convincingly)

 

[Xander]

Don't sound like it to me mate. Sounds like he's still pestering you

Winning metally is completely different to winning in person... I wouldn't have thought you stinking extros would get it... (oh damn is this JUST for hating INFPs? Am I allowed to stray a little?)

Haha yeah, sorry. You're quite right. I was forgetting how much I hate Carebear at the moment

(oh man, I can't even joke it convincingly)

Joking?

What for? INFPs are just f'in annoying as hell!!

 

[substitute]

Winning metally is completely different to winning in person...

Hahaha, yeah. Remember next time he texts you that you've actually won.
*prods Xander in ribs*

Joking?

What for? INFPs are just f'in annoying as hell!!

yes, that's the most annoying thing. even when they annoy me, I can't bring myself to kick them. I just can't FEEL the hate!!

 

[Xander]

Hahaha, yeah. Remember next time he texts you that you've actually won.
*prods Xander in ribs*

Yeah one of them tries that too... I'm even less sensitive physically... totally not ticklish...

yes, that's the most annoying thing. even when they annoy me, I can't bring myself to kick them. I just can't FEEL the hate!!

*slaps subs about the face*
Pull yourself together man. Remember the mission...

 

[erm]

All generalisation rules apply:-

No initiative. Struggle to do simple tasks.

Self-centered, often egotistical.

Don't care about anything, only a few exceptions. Will go along with whatever, as long as harmony isn't breached (their values actually mean nothing when the cards are down).

Fickle and fake on the surface. To all strangers and, depending on their mood, to friends as well.

Terrible at expressing themselves, especially emotions, unless given a large amount of time to do so (even then they can't speak about their mystical "everyone else has them" feelings).

 

[prplchknz]

tooo god damn passive, lazy, and manipulativiable<--get's us into situations we regret.

 

[runvardh]

tooo god damn passive, lazy, and manipulativiable<--get's us into situations we regret.

Better words would be "malliable" or "guileable". Personally I just stick to too nice for my own damn good.

 

[substitute]

Better words would be "malliable" or "guileable". Personally I just stick to too nice for my own damn good.

But as revealed in the thread about dealing with an unhealthy INFJ, it's not 'being nice', is it? It's actually being LAZY. Too lazy to engage the brain and actually notice what's going on, and too afraid of guilt or conflict to say no.

Because if it was really about being nice, about doing what's good for other people, then you'd think it through more and not end up pissing off your true friends and those who actually care about you and give as much as they receive off you, in order to pander to people who have no more claim to it than the simple fact that they happen to be standing in front of you.

Like I say, my INFP causes endless trouble, frustration and hurt amongst her friends because she lets us down all the time in order to pander to a psycho mother, simply because the mother will throw a tantrum and is right in front of her.

 

[runvardh]

But as revealed in the thread about dealing with an unhealthy INFJ, it's not 'being nice', is it? It's actually being LAZY. Too lazy to engage the brain and actually notice what's going on, and too afraid of guilt or conflict to say no.

Because if it was really about being nice, about doing what's good for other people, then you'd think it through more and not end up pissing off your true friends and those who actually care about you and give as much as they receive off you, in order to pander to people who have no more claim to it than the simple fact that they happen to be standing in front of you.

Like I say, my INFP causes endless trouble, frustration and hurt amongst her friends because she lets us down all the time in order to pander to a psycho mother, simply because the mother will throw a tantrum and is right in front of her.

I actually would have to agree; but I've learned to tell my mother "go away", much to her disapointment. I have also come to the point where it's less effort to say "f off" than help out. I wonder if that means I'm burnt out...

 

[heart]

Because if it was really about being nice, about doing what's good for other people, then you'd think it through more and not end up pissing off your true friends and those who actually care about you and give as much as they receive off you, in order to pander to people who have no more claim to it than the simple fact that they happen to be standing in front of you.

Like I say, my INFP causes endless trouble, frustration and hurt amongst her friends because she lets us down all the time in order to pander to a psycho mother, simply because the mother will throw a tantrum and is right in front of her.

I'm not sure this particular situation is limited to type. Sounds to me like a person who is still being affected by complexes developed in childhood from manipulative mother and needs therapy to overcome it. I don't think this situation is really about being nice or mean but someone still frozen in the past in precognitive behavior patterns that she may have a very hard time seeing through. I tend have attracted friends like this in the past and I've never had a INFP friend in offline life. It can happen to any type, but yeah type probably affects how it is expressed and it is more of a deep seated problem than typeology can really address and they need professional help imo. Yes, you are correct that their emeshment with the controlling parent makes them emotionally unavailble but I don't think there is a lot of choice going on there, this person deeply dysfunctional and needs more help than non-professionals can give.

In my opinion it is not the same as INFP thought glitches where getting hung up on insignfigant Te details and nonsense leads to poor choices in the moment.

 

[substitute]

I know heart, but... you can lead a horse to water... get me?
I've tried... *sigh*

 

[heart]

I know heart, but... you can lead a horse to water... get me?
I've tried... *sigh*

No, you cannot and on that. The only thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation if need be. Eventually the pain of losing friends might lead her to therapy because she'll get fed up with feeling like she's been misunderstood and while she wants to talk on and on about that the therapist will be saying "well, let's go back to the situation with your mother...".


Seriously... for your troubles with this friend

 

[substitute]

Thanks heart. That's pretty much what I've been forced to do with her, just take a step back. Not difficult since she never initiates anything so all I have to do is stop initiating and within a month she could literally have fallen off the edge of the planet and I wouldn't know. After she ruined our family Christmas last year... yes, mother dear sends a text and Christmas grinds to a halt. :steam:

But this person notwithstanding, I've known other people have similar traits, whether it be a domineering parent, a boss that pressures them to work extra shifts that they don't say no to even though it means cancelling plans with friends, the controlling husband that has her waiting on him hand and foot because he's "sick" (and milking it!) or anything else... it does seem a particular weakness of the INFP to end up martyred to these sorts of things... I know three in RL and they all have a similar Achilles heel.

 

[heart]

Thanks heart. That's pretty much what I've been forced to do with her, just take a step back. Not difficult since she never initiates anything so all I have to do is stop initiating and within a month she could literally have fallen off the edge of the planet and I wouldn't know.

I hate to sidetrack here in the "I hate INFP" thread, but I've had my share of friends like this too. It felt really good to let them go.

After she ruined our family Christmas last year... yes, mother dear sends a text and Christmas grinds to a halt. :steam:

I hate that, especially since my own mother has been dead for almost two decades and I don't have close relationship with my siblings and now Dad passed away too. I get really tired of it being automatic that I am going to take a backseat to other people's families, especially when their families are controlling and unpredictable.