[INFJ] INFJ Hate Thread

[Lightyear]

I don't hate INFJ's, but INFJ's seem to be the most negative thinkers and the biggest whiners and complainers of all the personality types. They'll complain loudly and regularly about how things aren't going well for them. They talk about how the things they're trying are not working out for them, BUT they absolutely refuse to change. They'll keep doing exactly the same things that that don't work and they'll keep making the same complaints pretty much forever. They don't take personal responsibility for solving their problems. They'd rather blame other people and external circumstances for everything. They didn't listen to me when I tried to give them advice on other forums (long before I found this forum). All these things that INFJ's do are the opposite of what the success gurus recommend.

Honestly that is so not true for me. I hate whiners and want to kick them in the butt and tell them to move instead of spending all their time complaining about nothing.

You must have come across some pretty unhealthy INFJs (also I think that INFJs who are Enneagramm 4s would be much more likely to whine than for example a 9 or a 5)

 

[metaphours]

I love INFJS. My sister is an INFJ, and we're very close and get along splendidly.

 

[Nonsensical]

INFJs are gay.

No, but really best second best friend is an INFJ and she is one of the coolest and most dynamic personalities I have ever known. It's hot, in a way.

 

[The Outsider]

What's with all the hate today?

 

[Requeim]

I just read through the entire thread, and i just wanted to say, that Kiddo is my hero

seriously guys, if you haven't go back and read the debate between kiddo and evan, it's awesome

also, it seems that evan has figured he isn't an INFJ after all, which just makes it alot more fascinating to read

 

[Gloriana]

I'm new here, and I'm pretty new to the MBTI types. I didn't realize I was such a miserable bastard! This is fun!!

Speaking of fun, when do we start the "Gandhi hate thread"??? I know he's dead but he really does need to be taken down a peg.

 

[EcK]

Oh yeah, insight comes from data. We just have all these preexisting insights in our minds, many of which we don't even remember the original data by which we went about obtaining them. And then we come to new situations where we apply them. It feels like a magical experience when those insights fall perfectly into place in a given situation.

You mean you think plato/socrates theory of forms is true ?

"Behind you!!! The Perfect Chair!"



The whole idea only holds as long as one is blind to the obvious needs of evolution within a given environnement with limited ressources and the similarities between our brains and general phenotypes (making us a species, ya know).
Truths work because we wouldn't survive if we couldn't build useful paterns out of our environnement. But they're still only strong correlations between individual views, and by no mean absolutes.

See, what you said is a perfect exemple of 'insights' with limited data. By elevating internal data processing derived outputs to the rank of 'magical insights' people are bound to become well, fools.

 

[the state i am in]

I don't hate INFJ's, but INFJ's seem to be the most negative thinkers and the biggest whiners and complainers of all the personality types. They'll complain loudly and regularly about how things aren't going well for them. They talk about how the things they're trying are not working out for them, BUT they absolutely refuse to change. They'll keep doing exactly the same things that that don't work and they'll keep making the same complaints pretty much forever. They don't take personal responsibility for solving their problems. They'd rather blame other people and external circumstances for everything. They didn't listen to me when I tried to give them advice on other forums (long before I found this forum). All these things that INFJ's do are the opposite of what the success gurus recommend.

you only see a small fraction of infj potential. you expect them to just be like you, but they are not. i agree 100% they have much to learn from your Te, but you do not know how to show other people why it is helpful for them. you have to fucking communicate better.

i also agree that dwelling in the same old fucking Te loops is ultimately a waste of time/life/purpose. but they can't just skip that step and replace it with Fe. the world needs infjs as much as it needs intjs. it needs great communicators that can bring Ni insight to others who need it in a personal, you as a person, humane kind of way. it can only take so many nixons, heideggers, ayn rands, etc.

 

[lane777]

They don't like surprises. Even pleasant ones.

Pleasant is subjective.

*Moody (Enneagram 4)
*Temperamental (Enneagram 4)
*Loners
*Sympathetic until the person actually requires some of the INFJs "social time"...INFJ runs in the other direction
*Suspicious
*Prone to follow boring superficial rules of politeness when interacting with other people (must be the Fe)...this is why most people get blind-sided later when the "crazy" comes out.
*Trapped in a dream world
* INFJs enjoy too many solitary activities that keep them from forming "real" relationships
*Never returns phone calls (don't want to be bothered with people...only care about people in "theory")
*Semi-emo
*Obsessed with perfection...must be some OCD-thing or fixation on personal growth...causes a lot of unnecessary stress
*Build elaborate walls to keep people at arms length
*Sassy (but those comments usually stay inside the head because it wouldn't be polite...unless provoked)
*Sinking into sadness when under-stimulated

That's all I could think of...for now

+1

Based on the INFJ's from this forum, this list represents most of the common faults shared by this type (from what I can tell). Excellent list. I'm guilty of the ones in bold :blushing:

I would only add:

*Trouble saying NO (Fe based - and probably more Enneagram 9 related)
*Fearful
*Passive-aggressive

 

[Tiny Army]

Dear INFJs,

If you ask for my advice regarding emotional/social issues and then proceed to ignore all my advice, I WILL say I told you so later. Because I did, in fact, tell you so.

 

[Clonester]

I hate it when I'm trying to leave work and catch my bus ride home and my INFJ workmate and I strike up this epic conversation. Not only do I miss that bus but I miss the one that comes half an hour later.

Stupid INFJ's. Grrhhhhh.

 

[Thalassa]

I usually love INFJs but the primary thing I hate about them, generalizing grossly of course, is that they love to give unasked for advice, and they do it in this "nice" I-know-what's-best-for-you manner which is really seething, angry superiority under a smooth facade. A word to the wise: just because you're not raising your voice doesn't mean that you aren't being a complete fucking bitch.

 

[lane777]

I usually love INFJs but the primary thing I hate about them, generalizing grossly of course, is that they love to give unasked for advice, and they do it in this "nice" I-know-what's-best-for-you manner which is really seething, angry superiority under a smooth facade. A word to the wise: just because you're not raising your voice doesn't mean that you aren't being a complete fucking bitch.

I have the exact opposite problem. My brother gets on my case incessantly for not speaking my mind. When someone shares a struggle/problem I empathize and comfort - I'll never give advice unless someone out right requests it or I know from past experience with them that they will welcome and consider it. I actually thought one of the defining characteristics of INFJ's was to think critically - only our Fe keeps us from expressing these thoughts.

 

[tibby]

They disappear from time to time and even though they're very involved in people's lives they never are. If that makes sense.

 

[Thalassa]

I have the exact opposite problem. My brother gets on my case incessantly for not speaking my mind. When someone shares a struggle/problem I empathize and comfort - I'll never give advice unless someone out right requests it or I know from past experience with them that they will welcome and consider it. I actually thought one of the defining characteristics of INFJ's was to critically - only our Fe keeps us from expressing these thoughts.

In my experience with strong Fe users, not just INFJs, Fe thinks it knows what's best for the group and tries to enforce it in "socially acceptable" ways then acts surprised when other people get pissed off, as if they honestly think there's nothing invasive or annoying about their behavior.

One of my sisters is a strong Fe user. She loves to nag, and give unsolicited advice, but she does it as though she's a mother talking to a two year old. It gets old after a while, the "sister knows best" game...then she'll get all offended if you call her on her own bullshit, as if she thinks she's perfect or something.

I know an INFJ in particular who has a similar sweet, concerned but condecending tone in her blog sometimes.

 

[Gloriana]

I'm definitely a motor mouth (and a novel-length email writer too!) but I'm AWARE of it. Long ago I learned that people can only take so much conversation most of the time, I make efforts not to drain anyone. I'm just happy when I've got someone who wants to have a chat-a-thon

I'm probably a typical INFJ in that I know I can sometimes be oblivious as to how I'm coming off to others at times. The thing that kills me sometimes, something I find rather funny actually, is that I own all of these mistakes and screw-ups I've made all the time but I do have those people in my life who seem to revel in it when they get to see me screw up first hand, lol.

I try really hard to throw in the qualifier of "This is just how I personally see it" when I dispense advice or thoughts on matters. I am adamant about my opinion though, I guess it can come off as "know-it-all".

I have those friends I know love me, but I think they do secretly (sometimes openly) LOVE IT when they get to see me proven wrong. I had one friend who almost shouted down a Wal-Mart once when he was right about something and it was obvious I'd been completely mistaken even though I'd given the big "INFJ belief speech" about how much I knew I was right. He was like "Yeah-heah! Eat it! Say you were wrong! SAY IT!!!", hehehehe.

I CAN laugh at myself and my sometimes infuriating little hypocrisies! I try to own my shit, I really do

 

[statuesquechica]

In my experience with strong Fe users, not just INFJs, Fe thinks it knows what's best for the group and tries to enforce it in "socially acceptable" ways then acts surprised when other people get pissed off, as if they honestly think there's nothing invasive or annoying about their behavior.

^Note to myself: Don't do this shit! (I must confess, I have been guilty of this).

Other things to "hate" about INFJs:
-"imaginary progress of events" rather than reality
-difficult to be objective because of an assumption of good-will on the part of the other person
-comes off as inconsistent/hypocritical because they are trying to hurt no one
-torn between real circumstances which warrant immediate action, and internal unwillingness and unpreparedness for taking decisive action (paper tiger)
-having a theory to explain EVERYTHING! (trying to fit data into their own system of meaning)
-tries to give the impression of being logical
-incessant need for "closure" and inability to leave things well enough alone

Other than that, we are lovely people.

 

[Gloriana]

^Note to myself: Don't do this shit! (I must confess, I have been guilty of this).

Other things to "hate" about INFJs:
-"imaginary progress of events" rather than reality
-difficult to be objective because of an assumption of good-will on the part of the other person
-comes off as inconsistent/hypocritical because they are trying to hurt no one
-torn between real circumstances which warrant immediate action, and internal unwillingness and unpreparedness for taking decisive action (paper tiger)
-having a theory to explain EVERYTHING! (trying to fit data into their own system of meaning)
-tries to give the impression of being logical
-incessant need for "closure" and inability to leave things well enough alone

Other than that, we are lovely people.

Hahahaha! I love it.

Oh, how many dead horses have I beaten in my time? I couldn't count them. Damn me!

 

[Lauren Ashley]

^Note to myself: Don't do this shit! (I must confess, I have been guilty of this).

Other things to "hate" about INFJs:
-"imaginary progress of events" rather than reality
-difficult to be objective because of an assumption of good-will on the part of the other person
-comes off as inconsistent/hypocritical because they are trying to hurt no one
-torn between real circumstances which warrant immediate action, and internal unwillingness and unpreparedness for taking decisive action (paper tiger)
-having a theory to explain EVERYTHING! (trying to fit data into their own system of meaning)
-tries to give the impression of being logical
-incessant need for "closure" and inability to leave things well enough alone

Other than that, we are lovely people.

Hahahaha! I love it.

Oh, how many dead horses have I beaten in my time? I couldn't count them. Damn me!

I hate INFJs because they're so self-deprecating.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

In my experience with strong Fe users, not just INFJs, Fe thinks it knows what's best for the group and tries to enforce it in "socially acceptable" ways then acts surprised when other people get pissed off, as if they honestly think there's nothing invasive or annoying about their behavior.

One of my sisters is a strong Fe user. She loves to nag, and give unsolicited advice, but she does it as though she's a mother talking to a two year old. It gets old after a while, the "sister knows best" game...then she'll get all offended if you call her on her own bullshit, as if she thinks she's perfect or something.

I know an INFJ in particular who has a similar sweet, concerned but condecending tone in her blog sometimes.

guilty, i'm afraid. working on it.