[INFJ] INFJ depression

[tine5]

Hi all!
I was wondering what INFJs are like when depressed and also a good way to help them out of it. My sister's one and she's depressed (I think) so I'd like to help!
Thanks!

 

[jamiek]

I've battled with depression most of my life. It tends to show up as extreme withdraw, meaning that I avoid contact with people at all costs. It's incredibly difficult for me to be vulnerable with folks on a day-to-day basis, so it's even more difficult when I'm at my weakest.

Lifestyle choices have helped me manage depression over the past 5-10 years. In particular, exercising and eating a decent diet has helped me feel better on average. I've also learned to take "risks" and speak with friends and family when I'm upset... it's taken years, but I've slowly learned that talking about stress or depression can often reduce the symptoms dramatically.

 

[SilkRoad]

In response to the OP: I think I've had a few low-level episodes of depression, though I haven't been diagnosed. Things which have helped me are trying to look after my health generally (eating and sleeping decently...not things I'm very good at), working on counteracting negative patterns of thinking (something like cognitive behavioural therapy may help, though I've only had that for a phobia, not for depression), talking with and spending time with trusted friends, etc.

Severe depression is more likely to need therapy and/or medication, but things like exercise, eating well, and friends are only going to be a good thing.

INFJs can definitely get trapped in dark thought patterns. I've needed to look for ways to break those cycles. But sometimes you just have to suffer through whatever it is, and try not to prolong it, and remember that though you can't yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

INFJs can definitely get trapped in dark thought patterns. I've needed to look for ways to break those cycles. But sometimes you just have to suffer through whatever it is, and try not to prolong it, and remember that though you can't yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there.

I agree with this. Sometimes it can be a lone, long journey for them to get snap out of it. It is painful and heart-wrenching at times but once they're able to get through it, they can be on full force on working on their next goal.

I'm saying this because it took me a long eight months to recover, and this only happen recently.

 

[Saga]

I've had a rough life and have been depressed a few times. The last time around a therapist helped me. It takes work on two levels to get better for me:
1. Identify what made me depressed. Find the big and small things that put me in that spiralling state of mind and either change them or change the way I think about them.
2. Become aware of the thought patterns that make me depressed. For this I wholeheartedly recommend cognitive behavioural therapy. Now that I have those tools I can hopefully catch myself before I fall or at least get myself out of the funk next time.

There's an awesome cbt book on depression that my therapist recommended me. There is even a chapter for friends and family that want to help constructively. Get it, read that chapter and ask her to read for her relevant chapters. It's called Beating the Blues by Jillian Ball and Susan Tanner.

 

[nomoreshallwepart]

I suffer from depression myself, when I'm in that state of mind I tend to find myself without motivation to anything remotely interesting. I also find that I don't want to be in contact with people. I usually just want to sleep and sleep.

Relating that to being an INFJ, I'd probably say;
- Being introverted will makes you less likely to want to share your feelings.
- Being intuitive makes it harder to see the reality of your situation.
- The feeling element makes you less rational about things.
- Being a judging type probably means you'll worry more about upcoming obligations (I do any way).

 

[Fidelia]

I've never been depressed, but I know that in times of stress I procrastinate, buy frivolous makeup items and magazines, overindulge with junk food, want to sleep a lot or else stay up far too late for no real reason, and follow celebrity gossip in a strange way that I wouldn't care about normally! I also don't spend as much time with people and feel physically achy and weary.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Internalizing too much can effect depression for me. When someone presents conflict, I don't reciprocate partly because it usually doesn't make sense to me in the moment. It takes me a long time to process conflict and negativity and then I analyze it from such a distance that it is difficult to process the emotion the way a person "typically" would. I'm doing well now, but I have been clinically depressed in the past. Besides sad feelings, I take it most seriously if it affects my ability to think. When I was depressed I felt really disconnected, lost in my head, but also ended up getting lost a lot when trying to drive or arrive anywhere - it was like an all encompassing state of flux and confusion. It made me tired all the time and with chronic pain. I also had to work extra hard to not get into irrational negative thought patterns about myself, but I was able to get past it and am pretty happy now.

Edit: I think what can help is to keep things really simple, not judge or analyze the person too much, and let them feel like they can take control of their own life and that their choices belong to them and should be respected. Silliness can help too - just to get them to laugh.

 

[Kyrielle]

When I'm depressed, my thoughts pretty much circle the drain over and over. I feel worthless and alone. Like I do not deserve anything good because I'm a worthless piece of shit; therefore, I deserve to be alone. This causes me to isolate myself from everyone. I have trouble concentrating and I generally feel tired or with low energy. I might binge on various vices of mine (which is why I stay away from alcohol as much as possible...I don't want that to become a vice).

When it was REALLY bad, I would stare emptily at the wall and periodically cry. My brain felt like it was in a fog. I had to force myself to eat, because food tasted terrible. I stopped remembering how I got somewhere, only that suddenly I was there. My feelings of worthlessness extended to the point where I felt I was a tumor festering within the relationships I had left. And tumors are best removed.

What helps me get out of a depressive state is to go out physically, but go in mentally. I find that exercising helps me tremendously in managing and stabilizing my moods.

So, maybe you should suggest that your sister get out more. Not to parties, but literally out of the house. Maybe go on walks with her without any expectation for conversation. Or simple encouragement in going on walks.

The key component here will be making sure you place no social expectations upon her. It's wonderful to feel that there's someone there who gets that you just don't feel like socializing and doesn't hold it against you or make you feel like you rejected them like some jerk.

 

[Lexicon]

The key component here will be making sure you place no social expectations upon her. It's wonderful to feel that there's someone there who gets that you just don't feel like socializing and doesn't hold it against you or make you feel like you rejected them like some jerk.

^This, times a million. It may not feel like ''doing much,'' but you'd be surprised. Personally, if I'm in that sort of hopeless, tunnel-vision mindset, my physical, cognitive/empathetic energy/focus are extremely drained. I quarantine myself- to try to recharge, and also out of concern for potentially ''contaminating'' the lives of people I care about by overtly expressing these negative, self defeating, self perpetuating thoughts. I justify that in my mind in the sense, that, I typically can identify when or why I feel that way, and on some level remind myself that it's just some bad wiring, short circuiting, system's fatigued. It's temporary. I try to remind myself I'm in no condition to think about certain things until I've covered basic needs like eating, sleeping, just taking some time to be completely free of expectations or potential expectations of others.

It's difficult to try to articulate to friends, and I'd often worry about making them feel as they exhausted me in general, which would be inaccurate. I tend to be avoidant of interaction, but if someone is generally easygoing, and casual about hanging out, no matter what the setting, it tends to help, a lot. I thank my INTP friend for this, constantly. For being someone who just gives me space to breathe, and also helps me think things through on my own, without trying to overtly direct me toward a solution that may not be applicable, or any number of other things that may feel suffocating during those brief times that I become overwhelmed by the weight my own silly humanity. For just being okay with, & accepting of me dealing with my own baggage however I need to, even if it's all just going on in my head.

..kinda rambled..

 

[cascadeco]

Agree very much with some of [MENTION=112]Kyrielle[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] 's comment.

While I do not think I have reached clinical depression level ever (as I've always been able to continue going through the motions externally of going to work, and getting together with friends sporadically... I don't have an active social life even in the best of times!), I definitely went through a number of years where I was having existential issues/questions as a 'norm', was generally blah/unhappy about my life, etc; but it took me a number of years internally to morph myself / my thoughts/ my brain wiring into a different state and perspective about certain things. Maybe I did self-cog. therapy, I really don't know. ha!

Anyway, I think the number one thing I loved about my friends at that time was they just allowed me to 'be' - they didn't push my thoughts, would occasionally suggest things but mostly just gave me the space/time/permission to talk things out at my own time, or not talk about things at all ...allowed me to be in this somewhat dissatisfied state because the nature of my dissatisfaction wasn't a quick fix ... many things were interconnected together and it was a journey I had to travel on my own, for the most part. So a lot of the times I didn't have anything to actually talk about - it was the same old same old, that I was trying to figure out on my own and needed to figure out on my own. But yeah, I could simply BE with them, and it was ok. (and.. they could relate to elements, which helped)

And yeah... absolutely ... getting out and doing things externally is critical to keep myself from getting too wrapped up into an inward spiral. Another piece for me was simply acknowledging that these more blah times would happen, and that it's actually 'OK' that they happen. My finally accepting this as an aspect of myself removed the anxiety/self-judging which exacerbated the problem, so the long periods of general malaise - that had been more of a lifestyle/'norm' in my 20's - has dissipated now. Might come back.. and a dip probably will come back at some point in the future when events or whatever force me to change perceptions and evaluate things once again, but I am hopeful I'll have better tools/understanding at that point to deal with it better.

 

[21%]

Just came out of a mini-depression which lasted about 3 days. I didn't really tell anyone about it, except my INFP bf, and nothing could cheer me up or make me feel not like dying. What my INFP did was listen. He gave me space and just listened when I was finally ready to talk. That was probably one of the best things anyone had ever done for me ever.

I think my point is, when I'm depressed, there is really nothing anyone can do, except to be there for me and be patient. The fact that my INFP did not judge me for being depressed -- he never implied it was a problem that had to be fixed -- made all the difference, I think. He just kept checking up on me, and asked how I was feeling, and when I told him I felt horrible, he just accepted it. I could sense a calm, caring energy from him, and I felt like even if it took me months to recover, he would be there.

 

[Spiritual Science]

I would say I'm suffering from a mild depression right now. I was diagnosed with depression in high school at age 16 or 17 and the psychiatrist was very unhelpful and very critical. All he did was prescribe me prozac and sit there and look at me while I kind of talked. Horrible rapport. I do not recommend SSRI drugs.

Right now, I'm in transitional adulthood, an unemployed college graduate swimming in student loan debt, like so many others. What helps me is always realizing there is someone else out there suffering at least as much as myself. I try to become mindful of the root of my suffering (which at the most primal level I think is a fear of death). I take a deep breath, go for a long bike ride and collect my thoughts.

I think of the things I am lucky for. I have a few good friends and a caring girlfriend. I live in a nice house, I'm a talented musician, healthy and love the outdoors.

Anyways, in response to the OP: I think it's best to help them notice the things they are grateful for, be patient and undemanding. One good way to get INFJs out of a introspective, self-critical spiral is to go for a long walk with them and just listen patiently. Walking does wonders for mental clarity.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

The key component here will be making sure you place no social expectations upon her. It's wonderful to feel that there's someone there who gets that you just don't feel like socializing and doesn't hold it against you or make you feel like you rejected them like some jerk.

Absolutely. When I’m feeling down, the worse thing someone can do is encourage me to go out with them and then point out how I wasn’t good company, express disappointment in how their attempt to cheer me up “didn’t work” or get frustrated with me for not being able to ‘snap out of it’. And it wholly discourages me from being willing to go out with them again.

Also, someone mentioned silliness. I’ve read somewhere that INFJs tend to need to be reminded to lighten up. I’m not saying this is true for every single INFJ, but I know it’s true for me. I’m really grateful for the people I know who can get me to laugh about things I’d normally stress over.

 

[redacted]

It is very hard to help me when I'm depressed. Trying to give me advice or help me gain some insight tends to just make me defensive. Or I'll just agree that it's good advice and ignore it. The best way to help is to try to convince me to do something that I like. I tend to be very pessimistic in a depressed state and I forget that actually going out and doing something changes my mentality. I might also forget how much I like certain things. But if you can get me to actually leave the house and do something, I'll start to question my depressed thought-loops more. Also, it works to get me to commit to doing something again.

For example, if someone were to pressure me into going on a hike, I'd probably realize I'm much happier hiking than sitting around at home moping. Then if that person said something like "lets do this again on Tuesday", I'd agree, and on Tuesday I'd be much more likely to do it again because I wouldn't want to go back on my word even if I felt shitty and pessimistic again.

Gaining momentum in small steps has been the only way I've been able to feel better about myself in a long-term sense. If someone comes at me with something wrong with my way of thinking, they'll likely get shot down with some convoluted philosophical nonsense.

 

[Reverie]

Hi all!
I was wondering what INFJs are like when depressed and also a good way to help them out of it. My sister's one and she's depressed (I think) so I'd like to help!
Thanks!

I've suffered from depression and I tend to widthraw and become snarky and moody. I can get upset by little trivial things going "wrong". One thing I think is good to keep in mind is to test for possible physical causes too. I'm sensitive to hormones and maternity hormones during pregnancy and whilst breastfeeding really tipped me off my rocker. I also had problems with some hormonal contraceptives. Just a good thing to be aware of if something like that could play a part in her depression.
What helped for me was just introspection, taking a break, seeing a counselor to reframe some lifestyle changes so I'd feel like I was in control of my life. Many INFJs meditate. Being creative helps: Painting, poetry, music. For me doing art and singing is cathartic.