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Thread: INFJ depression

  1. #11
    eh cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    4 sp


    Agree very much with some of @Kyrielle and @Lexicon 's comment.

    While I do not think I have reached clinical depression level ever (as I've always been able to continue going through the motions externally of going to work, and getting together with friends sporadically... I don't have an active social life even in the best of times!), I definitely went through a number of years where I was having existential issues/questions as a 'norm', was generally blah/unhappy about my life, etc; but it took me a number of years internally to morph myself / my thoughts/ my brain wiring into a different state and perspective about certain things. Maybe I did self-cog. therapy, I really don't know. ha!

    Anyway, I think the number one thing I loved about my friends at that time was they just allowed me to 'be' - they didn't push my thoughts, would occasionally suggest things but mostly just gave me the space/time/permission to talk things out at my own time, or not talk about things at all ...allowed me to be in this somewhat dissatisfied state because the nature of my dissatisfaction wasn't a quick fix ... many things were interconnected together and it was a journey I had to travel on my own, for the most part. So a lot of the times I didn't have anything to actually talk about - it was the same old same old, that I was trying to figure out on my own and needed to figure out on my own. But yeah, I could simply BE with them, and it was ok. (and.. they could relate to elements, which helped)

    And yeah... absolutely ... getting out and doing things externally is critical to keep myself from getting too wrapped up into an inward spiral. Another piece for me was simply acknowledging that these more blah times would happen, and that it's actually 'OK' that they happen. My finally accepting this as an aspect of myself removed the anxiety/self-judging which exacerbated the problem, so the long periods of general malaise - that had been more of a lifestyle/'norm' in my 20's - has dissipated now. Might come back.. and a dip probably will come back at some point in the future when events or whatever force me to change perceptions and evaluate things once again, but I am hopeful I'll have better tools/understanding at that point to deal with it better.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  2. #12
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    Just came out of a mini-depression which lasted about 3 days. I didn't really tell anyone about it, except my INFP bf, and nothing could cheer me up or make me feel not like dying. What my INFP did was listen. He gave me space and just listened when I was finally ready to talk. That was probably one of the best things anyone had ever done for me ever.

    I think my point is, when I'm depressed, there is really nothing anyone can do, except to be there for me and be patient. The fact that my INFP did not judge me for being depressed -- he never implied it was a problem that had to be fixed -- made all the difference, I think. He just kept checking up on me, and asked how I was feeling, and when I told him I felt horrible, he just accepted it. I could sense a calm, caring energy from him, and I felt like even if it took me months to recover, he would be there.

    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2012


    I would say I'm suffering from a mild depression right now. I was diagnosed with depression in high school at age 16 or 17 and the psychiatrist was very unhelpful and very critical. All he did was prescribe me prozac and sit there and look at me while I kind of talked. Horrible rapport. I do not recommend SSRI drugs.

    Right now, I'm in transitional adulthood, an unemployed college graduate swimming in student loan debt, like so many others. What helps me is always realizing there is someone else out there suffering at least as much as myself. I try to become mindful of the root of my suffering (which at the most primal level I think is a fear of death). I take a deep breath, go for a long bike ride and collect my thoughts.

    I think of the things I am lucky for. I have a few good friends and a caring girlfriend. I live in a nice house, I'm a talented musician, healthy and love the outdoors.

    Anyways, in response to the OP: I think it's best to help them notice the things they are grateful for, be patient and undemanding. One good way to get INFJs out of a introspective, self-critical spiral is to go for a long walk with them and just listen patiently. Walking does wonders for mental clarity.

  4. #14
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    The key component here will be making sure you place no social expectations upon her. It's wonderful to feel that there's someone there who gets that you just don't feel like socializing and doesn't hold it against you or make you feel like you rejected them like some jerk.

    Absolutely. When I’m feeling down, the worse thing someone can do is encourage me to go out with them and then point out how I wasn’t good company, express disappointment in how their attempt to cheer me up “didn’t work” or get frustrated with me for not being able to ‘snap out of it’. And it wholly discourages me from being willing to go out with them again.

    Also, someone mentioned silliness. I’ve read somewhere that INFJs tend to need to be reminded to lighten up. I’m not saying this is true for every single INFJ, but I know it’s true for me. I’m really grateful for the people I know who can get me to laugh about things I’d normally stress over.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  5. #15
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007


    It is very hard to help me when I'm depressed. Trying to give me advice or help me gain some insight tends to just make me defensive. Or I'll just agree that it's good advice and ignore it. The best way to help is to try to convince me to do something that I like. I tend to be very pessimistic in a depressed state and I forget that actually going out and doing something changes my mentality. I might also forget how much I like certain things. But if you can get me to actually leave the house and do something, I'll start to question my depressed thought-loops more. Also, it works to get me to commit to doing something again.

    For example, if someone were to pressure me into going on a hike, I'd probably realize I'm much happier hiking than sitting around at home moping. Then if that person said something like "lets do this again on Tuesday", I'd agree, and on Tuesday I'd be much more likely to do it again because I wouldn't want to go back on my word even if I felt shitty and pessimistic again.

    Gaining momentum in small steps has been the only way I've been able to feel better about myself in a long-term sense. If someone comes at me with something wrong with my way of thinking, they'll likely get shot down with some convoluted philosophical nonsense.

  6. #16
    In orbit
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    4w3 sx


    Quote Originally Posted by tine5 View Post
    Hi all!
    I was wondering what INFJs are like when depressed and also a good way to help them out of it. My sister's one and she's depressed (I think) so I'd like to help!
    I've suffered from depression and I tend to widthraw and become snarky and moody. I can get upset by little trivial things going "wrong". One thing I think is good to keep in mind is to test for possible physical causes too. I'm sensitive to hormones and maternity hormones during pregnancy and whilst breastfeeding really tipped me off my rocker. I also had problems with some hormonal contraceptives. Just a good thing to be aware of if something like that could play a part in her depression.
    What helped for me was just introspection, taking a break, seeing a counselor to reframe some lifestyle changes so I'd feel like I was in control of my life. Many INFJs meditate. Being creative helps: Painting, poetry, music. For me doing art and singing is cathartic.

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