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  1. #1
    Senior Member EvidenceOfRedemption's Avatar
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    Jan 2012

    Default ESTP+INFJ

    I think ESTPs and INFJs are very strong types emotionally, plus they have very different ways about doing the same things. This seems to either lead to embittered fighting and disagreement or a growing friendship which has been forged in adversity.

    Do you know any couples of these types? What are the potential stumbling blocks and what works best to get through them? Ultimately, in what areas do you think each person needs to grow in to make their relationship more worthwhile and enjoyable for their partner, specifically the ESTP in the couple?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Cloud of Thunder's Avatar
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    Sep 2011


    I think the ESTP would benefit from a little more inner reflection and a bit more slowing down, since they tend to be "on" much more often than anyone else, especially the INFJ.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    9w1 sp/sx


    Plus, it's iNtuition, so it's not like reflection is obliged to happen in detail (something an SJ might try to impose on an ESTP). Likewise, the INFJ could benefit from the ST realism and SP delight that the ESTP has to offer.
    Thinkist: not optimist nor pessimist. I am primarily competent in the enneagram.
    SX 9w1, SP 5w6, SP 3w4 | Split with the first two
    Ti-Se-Si-Ni-Te-Fi-Ne-Fe. I'm always questioning this, particularly the Si.
    Big 5/Global5/SLOAN: RCUEX

  4. #4
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
    6w5 sp/so


    ESTP + INFJ is duality according to socionics. You gotta make sure that you have typed yourself correctly in your J/P, because change in that one last letter changes relations to ones of great misunderstanding (INFP-ESTP and INFJ-ESTJ relations are both conflicting).

    INFJ-ESTP relationships are described here: Beta type descriptions where INFJ is IEI/INFp and ESTP is SLE/ESTp and there are some more duality descriptions here Duality Descriptions (Meged & Ovcharov) under IEI-SLE.

  5. #5


    @Halla74 may be willing to share his perspective.
    "The views of absolutists and purists everywhere should be noted in fierce detail, then meticulously and thoroughly printed onto my toilet paper ply."

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    @Halla74 may be willing to share his perspective.
    Yeah, there is a ton of info from him on it. Have a look around.

  7. #7
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    7w8 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    @Halla74 may be willing to share his perspective.
    Of course I am!
    Thanks for asking.

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    Yeah, there is a ton of info from him on it. Have a look around.
    There is indeed, Brother Wolfy.

    The most recent two posts are from my blog, annd essentially a short conversation between JixMixFix and I.

    <p.s. This convo between JixMixFix and I was in no way confrontational or negatiove otherwise; we were just stating our opinions.
    JixMixFix and I are both xSTP Ninjas. We don't go hatin' on each other; we're on the same team, Capice?>

    There is also other stuff from me on this topic here (a conversation between @Ezra and I if I am not mistaken) but this is the core of my thoughts on this matter...

    POST #1:

    POST #2:

    Any other questions feel free to ask.
    I've studied this topic extensibly; from every angle imaginable for over three years.
    Try me!

    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  8. #8
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    Hmm. I might have something to add to this as I've come out of a relationship with an ESTP. We've had a rocky road. What has come out of dating and being with him though has been that my ideas about MBTI changed a lot.

    It isn't the S and N divide in communication that was difficult. Most of his friends were Ns, and in fact INFJs. (But he has a lot of close friends that are many different MBTI types). He got along well with INFJs and he comes off as ENTP in most situations anyway. But he is definately a Se lead.

    Also, the stereotype about ESTPs being unable to commit, I found untrue. He is a commitment phobe, but prolly because he takes his commitments seriously then. Once he was in a relationship with me and committed to me, he planned a future with me, practically. And he felt I was much less future-oriented and practical than him which annoyed him. (Which was true).

    The biggest stumbling block for me seemed to be the very nature of Se and Ni in us. He follows his instincts in the present, I follow my gut and plan ahead based on past information. And I could never feel completely and totally secure in the relationship because I sensed how he perceived the world ; as things happen in the real world. I rely more on my intuition and less on the real-world experience (although obv we both do both, as well). I just didn't get a very comfortable, safe feeling to totally let my guards down. It was also how open-minded he is and how friggin P he is. He keeps options open in many ways and isn't very straight-forward at all about his feelings and thoughts. (Aka there's so much more going on inside of him than comes out, and he works on several planes simultaneously - so I never get quite the read of him, which also annoyed him).

    He felt annoyed about me being too closed off and basically not what he wanted out of a girlfriend. I wasn't practical enough, confident enough, athletic enough nor as socially capable as he would've wanted me to be. But those are the little things, the big thing for him was that I wasn't able to get a proper read of him, he understands people so well and me and my motivations scarily well, but I could never return that to him. (Well he is a very complicated person)

    The good stuff: the sheer physical chemistry and the love. We love each other like mad and when we're in each others physical proximity we just feel really comfortable around each other. I love how playful he is and how grounded he is and how silly he is. I love sharing experiences with him. He likes my sillyness and niceness. He makes me pay attention to things I wouldn't otherwise and makes me experience things I otherwise wouldn't because I don't honestly naturally pay as much attention to these things (the best foods, hands down. The best gigs.) He helps me be more relaxed in situations where I'd otherwise feel really tired. But somehow being around him in eg crowded noisy places don't stress me at all.

    There are definately good things and bad things. We're no longer together. But what can I say about this specific guy who is ESTP.. He's very loyal despite what I wrote about my insecurity with his obvious Se, and he's otherwise very don't-give-a-flying-fuck-if-you-jump-off-the-bridge kind of a guy but if he loves someone, there's not much I've honestly seen that could compete with that in terms of compromise and caring.

    He is a lovely person whom I don't want to live without in my life... We both make each other happy. We just love each other, even if we can't make it work in a relationship.

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