[NF] boundaries

[WhimsyGirl]

in friendships. not sure if this is a common NF prob or a common everyone prob cuz my friends don't seem to have this, but anytime a person wants to talk to me, ill drop everything and talk. not like i necessarily seek it out (sometimes i do, but then im wayyy carefuller), but like telling me their whole lives and then ill empathize (cuz that's wat u shud do, and wat i want to do, esp if it's like something deep and more secret and all that), but then, theyll get weirded out by their own conversation, like wat they themselves say. and ill try to be supportive, but is this a problem that anyone else has? and how can u establish boundaries w/o 1. hurting the other person, cuz i'd know if s/o were trying to establish boundaries w/ me and i'd feel super bad, or 2. i WANT to connect with people. i want them to rely on me, to trust me, to be friends with me. im not AT ALL trying to push people away. in the slightest. any tips to making boundaries with people and keeping ones own sanity w/o pushing people away or hurting them? thanks loads in advance!!

 

[WhimsyGirl]

actually boundaries in general, cuz im thinking the case that i mentioned is super specific lol

 

[INTP]

So youd like to set these boundaries on people not sharing their life with you etc? Like you would want bit more emotional distance?

If so, im sorry but you need to stop them sharing their life at first place, change the topic when it goes too intimate or simply go into more depth with some single topic they are talking about and try to keep it impersonal. Like if the other person starts talking about his dad, try to drift the conversation to dads in general, maybe to men. If you drift the conversation far enough, its hard for him to suddenly get on the topic of 'my life rant'. If the person drifts back there, try to derail the conversation away from it again asap and hopefully he gets the message. Also its helpful if you pay attention to things you say(both when leading conversation and answering) that might lead somewhere you dont want.

 

[kitsune]

I think there's only a couple choices for what I'd do. Choice 1: When they start talking very intimately, ask them if they are sure they want to go there. If you are uncomfortable with the topic, let them know that too. Or 2: If they act weirded out later, ask them how they are doing and let them know that they don't have to be weirded out, that you don't think of them any differently now, after the deep conversation.

It's slightly different if it's an opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay) person and they're trying to talk to you very intimately in order to get close and hit on you. Then they might be weirded out since they tried a deep talk and you didn't end up in their bed. Then it's just the usual "Sorry, I'm not interested."