[NF] Hate compliments?

[Blackmail!]

I am a fan of both giving and receiving *sincere* compliments, and am a firm believer that the world would be a better place if people were more forthright in giving them.

Agreed!

The best compliment you can give to somebody, is a compliment that will allow her/him to improve as a person, and not stay self-satisfied.

With my students, for instance, I try to show them the positive qualities of their researches, where they are talented and why...
It doesn't mean I won't mention their weak points, it means I try to help them to develop the better part inside them.

Let's talk like an NF: What I'm trying to do, is to send them good karma.
In this mad world full of stress, anger and bitterness, a good karma is always useful.

 

[mippus]

I love compliments, but I hate the awkwardness when actually getting one...

 

[Blackmail!]

I love compliments, but I hate the awkwardness when actually getting one...

Compliments are one the favourite weapon of the ENTP rhetorician.

If there is no awkwardness when a compliment is sent, if it sounds perfectly right... Beware!

 

[wedekit]

I love compliments, but I hate the awkwardness when actually getting one...

Yeah, I think this is pretty much descriptive of me too. I just need to learn how to accept a compliment and then I'm fine.

 

[LisainCA]

Compliments

I am like many others of you in that I don't know how to respond to compliments. My first instinct is always to say something disparaging about myself or say something like, "Thanks, but it's not nearly as nice as what you've done" or something like that. I'm not good at just saying "thank you." If someone compliments my child, though, which I know is an extended compliment of me, like "oh, your daughter is so well behaved" then I'm fine with it and can accept it.

 

[mippus]

I have learned to say "thank you" when getting a compliment, but still struggle with it since in some way it sounds so arrogant...

 

[sriv]

Same here. I say "thank you", but there is no meaning in it. It is another front set up to get people to think I am nice. When I feel that I deserve a compliment or I see a person put a lot of effort into complimenting me and it was sincere, I give a sincere appreciative "thank you". Words can mean a lot of different things in different contexts.

 

[karenk]

I'm actually uncomfortable with how much I appreciate compliments instead of the awkwardness of receiving them. I'm thinking of compliments from strangers because oddly enough that's where I get them-not people I know. HA! Anyway I like it but I think I shouldn't put so much stock in others' opinions.

 

[dancinglissa]

I'm a bit uncomfortable with a string of compliments. Otherwise, they're okay if they're genuine. But I absolutely HATE IT when I'm in gym class (in which I stink at most of the sports) and I do something like catch the football and run a bit (which I should be able to do) and EVERYONE is like "Good job," which reinforces, "It's an accomplishment for you but not for everyone else!" . I even hate it more when I strike out in baseball or something like that and people say, "Good job." It makes me feel bad about myself, but I don't tell anyone that.

 

[mippus]

I'm a bit uncomfortable with a string of compliments. Otherwise, they're okay if they're genuine. But I absolutely HATE IT when I'm in gym class (in which I stink at most of the sports) and I do something like catch the football and run a bit (which I should be able to do) and EVERYONE is like "Good job," which reinforces, "It's an accomplishment for you but not for everyone else!" . I even hate it more when I strike out in baseball or something like that and people say, "Good job." It makes me feel bad about myself, but I don't tell anyone that.

Ah, the pity-compliments... horrible indeed except perhaps when they are used as a learning tool in the form of "well done! and now let's move on to the next level"...
(but then they may well express relief, rather than appreciation)

 

[Seanan]

I don't react comfortably to them irl as I seldom hear them. I really can't remember when I last received one... many years ago for sure... but I'm not around people much. Thinking about it, that's not exactly true. I do get them on my work but, oddly, I don't consider those compliments.

 

[Rasa]

After reading all of the insightful/profound comments from each of you attractive, intelligent people (are you squirming in your seat, yet?) I've figured out that I do like compliments when they are third-party compliments (it's so pathetic that I still enjoy the approval of others even though I try so hard not to care.) I received one just the other day, and it was great, because I barely knew the person who was relaying the info.

Hmmm...maybe it's a trust thing?

Maybe I like 3rd-party compliments because they seem more valid...when someone is complimenting you to your face, there can be an ulterior motive, so maybe s/he is complimenting you only because s/he wants something from you. But if they've complimented you to someone else, and have no reason to believe it will get back to you, then it seems to have more substance.

 

[mippus]

I don't react comfortably to them irl as I seldom hear them. I really can't remember when I last received one... many years ago for sure... but I'm not around people much. Thinking about it, that's not exactly true. I do get them on my work but, oddly, I don't consider those compliments.

... and you get them here. Be it sometimes in camouflage

 

[Battle]

I cant handle compliments.

i dont know hwo to say thank you without sounding arrogant.

and i dont want to sound arrogant so i just usually mutter thanks under my breath and look away and change the subject ahahaha.

 

[TK*]

I don't believe people when they compliment me. I usually think: "Hrmm...Ok...they want to be nice to me, I recognize they're trying to make conversation, trying to make my acquaintance...I'll compliment them back."

I guess I see it more as a door to conversation than a genuine compliment. Sort of like talking about the weather or something.

"Nice shoes!"
"Oh really? Thanks, I got them at D&W, they were on sale."
"You don't say? I didn't know they were having a sale!"
Etc.

 

[quietmusician]

I despise them. Then it's invisible headphones time, or literal ones.

 

[mlittrell]

ok, i dont hate compliments, but i dont like them either. i like them because they make me feel good about myself but i hate them because i never know how to respond and im never sure how sincere they are.

EDIT:

I like compliments because they make me feel good.
I hate compliments because I don't know how to respond
and
I'm never aware of how sincere they are.

Trying to make my previous statement more logically consistent.

 

[nolla]

I love compliments but I never know what I should reply.

EDIT:

ok, i dont hate compliments, but i dont like them either. i like them because they make me feel good about myself but i hate them because i never know how to respond and im never sure how sincere they are.

You stole my reply!!!

 

[Orangey]

Ehrm...

ok, i dont hate compliments, but i dont like them either.

and then...

i like them because they make me feel good about myself but i hate them because i never know how to respond and im never sure how sincere they are.

Sorry, I know I'm being an ass. Can't help it right now, it's like six in the morning on a Saturday.

 

[disregard]

Recently I've been quite bothered by the volume of compliments I've received in regard to my looks (IRL). I usually keep to myself, taking online classes, going to places by myself, but now that I've begun working, I'm around people 1/3 of my life. When you receive so many compliments from people that think they're being nice (take people I work with for example), it sort of makes me feel invisible. Cry me a river, right, but it's sort of like prplchknz's thread about celebrity -- people are praising you for something you aren't even responsible for, something that isn't a representation of the youest you, and it gets very suffocating, because they associate something as simple as an impression with qualities and traits that do not belong to you. Even if they are "good" qualities, it's a little offensive, because you're seeing some idealised version of me, not me.

/endrant. offtowork.