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[Ne] Relationships are limits. Do you relate?

Saranghaeyo

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2011
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INFP
My best friends are ones I communicate with maybe once or twice a month. We usually just make plans to get together and eat dinner, talk about how our lives are, books, politics, etc., then go our separate ways and barely communicate at all. These are my favorite types of friendships, because we have been friends for so long we can depend on each other, but do not constantly have to be in contact or around each other.

My relationship with my boyfriend is obviously quite different, we see each other on a daily basis, and usually text each other through out the day when we are apart. Occasionally I do get a little tired of him always being around, we practically live in one room together, but for the most part I do not mind. I certainly do not view our relationship as "limiting", perhaps a little irksome sometimes, but I do not feel he is holding me back from being with new people or any such thing.

I generally do not get along with clingy people who need constant communication/face time in order to feel that we are "friends", which is why I am not friends with anyone like that.
 

21%

You have a choice!
Joined
May 15, 2009
Messages
3,224
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are all low-maintenance. Most of my current friends are from uni -- all those nice, dreamy, Humanities students, so we get along well :blush:

My best friend is on skype almost all the time and we would chat at least a few lines a day. But there's no pressure involved, and she doesn't get hurt or mad when I 'disappear'. My whole group of friends would try to meet up every two months or so for dinner. That works for me :)
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
my best friends, i see like once a year or two,
usually during winter when we're all back home
for the holidays. i don't email to say hi. and i never
chat/instant message with them or anybody except
jock. we do annual birthday emails when we remember
to. but even without any communication throughout the year,
when we do meet, it's always just like yesterday we saw eachother.

that's very nice.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
for the most part yes. I have a close INFP friend and a close INTJ friend, but, other than the kids across the street I occasionally babysit, that's about it. most people drain me and I'm very easily put off. anytime, anyone who imposes any kind of obligation or tries to control me I leave immediately and cut all ties with them. this combined with my tendency to be extremely polarizing, eccentric and uncompromising have left me with few friends and contacts, but I like it that way :)
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I get that, its probably why I'm unmarried, single and my last relationship was a doomed long distance thing.

Its not a bad way to be, at least I dont feel so. I've got boundaries with people and realise I only have to deal with them so much as I want to.
 

Lily flower

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
930
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
I tend to love friendships, but I do feel overwhelmed by the obligations sometimes. When someone has something going on in their life, like they have a health crisis or lose their job or something like that - I have the expectation for myself that I am supposed to support them through their problem, but I feel like my own life is so demanding right now that it is hard to help them out.
 

fazinho

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 20, 2011
Messages
53
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Im so happy................................................
Finally I found the courage to tell mum that Im gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
woohoooooooooooooooooooo
even here people thought I was straight.........................

happy days for me :smile:
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Take a break if you need it. If you are as close as you say, then give them a head's up. "FYI, I'm going to be hard to reach the next few days. Don't take it personally." You know. If they're your real friends they'd understand.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Variety is the spice of life, but you can find people who love variety, and not have to keep replacing one-note people. :)

I tend to feel terrified and up a tree in romantic relationships but with friends, the longer I know them, the happier I am, because I feel closer to them.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?

How old are you? Plus you're INFP. Your friends probably have no idea that you feel this way. Once you become better at voicing your opinions and demarcating your space you will find this is less of an issue. I think INFPs even well into adulthood can have trouble pursuing rewarding relationships with available people and instead get default friends and spend too much time with whoever is asking for it.

Next time your friends invite you somewhere tell them you're busy, tell them you are doing XYZ (taking rock climbing classes, getting flying certification, etc.) so they realize they can expect to see less of you. Don't just keep saying "I'm busy" x 100 with no explanation because that's not really a life skill you want to hone. It's up to you to manage others' expectations of yourself. If you are always on the phone with people and going places with people they are going to assume 1) you like it and 2) you will continue to be available.

So let people know you are stepping away (you don't have to get in their face about it, or you could be blunt it's up to you) and won't be as available and they won't be seeing you as much and then go out and do stuff. You may also find you will miss your friends again once that happens.

So basically, it maybe not the friends who are the problem just how you are managing your relationships.
 

Nicodemus

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2010
Messages
9,756
Im so happy................................................
Finally I found the courage to tell mum that Im gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
woohoooooooooooooooooooo
even here people thought I was straight.........................

happy days for me :smile:
What was her reaction?
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?

yea everday when i met my work colleagues. sadly killing them all would be a crime :/
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?

I guess relationships are technically limits -- they are trade agreements. But the thing about trade agreements is that they can change when the supply and demand change. In your case, the demand for whatever they're offering has decreased (and your supply of what they want has also decreased).

The price of your friendship has increased, so why are you still charging the same amount? Either raise the price or get new customers.

It's true that in friendship there's usually a lag time between equilibrium price and actual price (you give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume the levels will return to their previous state). But you can only afford to take a loss for so long before you realize it won't pay off in the future.
 

Richardsen

New member
Joined
Sep 28, 2011
Messages
162
MBTI Type
IxFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
At least in my experience... yeah
I find friendship somewhat draining and when I was younger, useless
I cut off with most of my old friends a year ago. It was a bit dramatic... Maybe very stupid from my part. But I dont regret, I got tired of them, i wanted to be alone to think some things. At the end It was for better, maybe they were not true friends, but i dont keep any resentment or bad feelings, only good memories of my crazy early teens... :)
 
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