[INFJ] Dear INFJs, whose feelings have you hurt today?

[Riva]

Noticed this happens accidentally to INFJs quite often.

Other types maybe, make this mistake more often than INFJs.

It is just that INFJs lament more?

Or

A Si failure on Riva's behalf?

Or

INFJs do hurt feelings quite often? (Accidentally or Deliberately)

 

[Aquarelle]

I rarely hurt people's feelings on purpose... only if I'm very angry and can't contain myself, and then I usually apologize later. As far as I know, I don't often hurt people's feelings accidentally either, though it has happened once or twice.

 

[Riva]

Ah you have Jatzia Dax as your avatar.
I remember you being a Star Trek DS9 fan. And I telling you how much I loved it.
I just thought about Star Trek DS9 episode (Pale Moonlight) today.

Lolz...

How relevant is that to this thread? None at all.

 

[Kyrielle]

By some amazing fortune, most people's impression of me is that I'm so benign, I could say almost anything and they will not take offense. But often I say stuff that I realize is stupid or possibly offensive, just I don't actually manage to offend anyone.

 

[Sniffles]

Apparently I hurt Riva's feelings today.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I don't really know what you're talking about. Why do you say this?

 

[Lily flower]

This is what happens to me.

I say something in conversation that seems perfectly harmless.

Later that night, in recalling the conversation I realize that what I said probably could have or was hurtful to the person.

I am filled with horrible regret, because I would never want to hurt anyone.

 

[Riva]

Apparently I hurt Riva's feelings today.

Stop kidding around Peguy and be serious!

This is what happens to me.

I say something in conversation that seems perfectly harmless.

Later that night, in recalling the conversation I realize that what I said probably could have or was hurtful to the person.

I am filled with horrible regret, because I would never want to hurt anyone.

See what I mean people???

Ps -

Recalling events of that night.
Who does that?
Introverts do?
Do all introverts do this?

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

I hurt an alleged friend's feelings a few weeks ago and he unfriended me on Facebook. Fuck him.

 

[Bamboozle]

Ps -

Recalling events of that night.
Who does that?
Introverts do?
Do all introverts do this?

I do it an awful lot. Partly, I think this is because of Ti and Si. When I am unfamiliar with something (situations, people, information), I often go through it again and again with a fine-tooth comb. It's an important part of how INTPs learn, I think. It's basically an unconscious process. A kind of fixation that happens in the background of my mind.

At the moment, I am facing a lot of unfamiliar people-situations so, yes, I've been recalling events a lot. I'm not so concerned that I've accidentally said something hurtful, though. I'm more concerned that I wasn't considerate enough or that I could have been friendlier or that I was remiss in some small way. I worry that I cause a whole lot of awkwardness for all parties involved. Once I convince myself that I've learnt enough about Fe things to make it all work smoothly, I'll stop feeling compelled to recall things all the time. Probably. I hope.

You make it sound like this is completely alien to you, Riva. Is it?

 

[Crescent Fresh]

I hurt an alleged friend's feelings a few weeks ago and he unfriended me on Facebook. Fuck him.

lol

He sounds like an INFJ to me then.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

lol

He sounds like an INFJ to me then.

Nah, I'd say he's an ENFJ, one of my least favorite types.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

Nah, I'd say he's an ENFJ, one of my least favorite types.

Ah, it's a shame. I really get along with ENFJ fine, one of my best friend is ENFJ. Though it's really hard to get a hold of her as she's always busy.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

Ah, it's a shame. I really get along with ENFJ fine, one of my best friend is ENFJ. Though it's really hard to get a hold of her as she's always busy.

That's one of the reasons why I dislike ENFJs. They care so much about what other people do or say, but try to get them to have a one-on-one conversation with you, they freeze up.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Noticed this happens accidentally to INFJs quite often.

Other types maybe, make this mistake more often than INFJs.

It is just that INFJs lament more?

Or

A Si failure on Riva's behalf?

Or

INFJs do hurt feelings quite often? (Accidentally or Deliberately)

I hurt a coworkers feelings the other day.

I was handling two telephone conversations at once (a phone held to each ear) as I'm walking to go and handle another problem that needs my attention. This coworker approached me and called my name in a loadish tone to get my attention, which he succeded in doing. He then asked me if I could handle his need. I replied in a neutral tone as I could muster that "I am a little busy at the moment, talk to coworker X, she can help you" as I turned to walk toward something that needed my attention. I thought nothing of this and continued about my business.

I would later learn that shortly after this the coworker spoke with one of my supervisors with another coworker present and made the simple statement "That's one rude MFer" in reference to me. He then recounted his version of events to my supervisor. This coworker was so worked up my supervisor felt he needed to address the matter immediately and brought it up to my attention minutes later. The coworker conveniently forgot to mention that I had added "go see soandso for assistance" and focused on how I told him I was too busy for him and did so in a dismissive manner. After hearing my version of events and taking all things into consideration it was determined that I had done nothing "wrong". Ironically the coworker was reprimanded for using that kinda language at work in front of others (there was another coworker present when he launched his F bomb).

Fe doms and secondaries are all also J's. (ESFJ, ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ) and some, when upset (social ettiquette violations?), tend to start emoting all over in an attempt to garner support/sympathy over percieved mistreatment quite easy. This coworker has "priors" for such behavior.

Me and my ENFX friend/coworker joke about this incident frequently. Sometimes I will out of the blue talk about how I am taking advantage of our company benefit to see a shrink to work on not being a rude mother f***er and play that up. At other times such as when I send an email suggesting disciplinary action against someone for not following rules/policy my coworker rolls his eyes at me and I simply respond "remember I'm a rude MFer and thats what we do... right?" We both laugh.

Me and said coworker are currently "getting along" by the way.

As to wether or not it's INFJ Lament I don't know, but I have observed that one of the ways Fe's suck people in is to illicit sympathy.

Spanky McFly

P.S. reading comprehension FTW! Yeah I just now noticed that this thread is meant as a question for INFJ's, oops.

 

[Riva]

Nah, I'd say he's an ENFJ, one of my least favorite types.

Who could not like a ENFJ? .

That's one of the reasons why I dislike ENFJs. They care so much about what other people do or say, but try to get them to have a one-on-one conversation with you, they freeze up.

So this is the reason you don't like the ENFJ. Because you couldn't have a one on one conversation with one? People have their own lives and things to do. It's rather SELFISH to hate someone because he/she didn't have time to talk to you.

Ah, it's a shame. I really get along with ENFJ fine, one of my best friend is ENFJ. Though it's really hard to get a hold of her as she's always busy.

The busiest of all types from what I have observed. Running around doing something. I have quite a few ENFJ friends. They genuinely care about others. Really hard to get a hold of them. But when they sit down to talk within 5 minutes you could share a lifetime of experience.

But then again I don't share too much and the need an INFJ has (to bond) could be more deeper than I would. So 5 minutes could be considered as an insult by an INFJ .

 

[Reverie]

Unless you're a mythical unicorn space dolphin rainbow light being you're bound to unintentionally hurt people's feelings sometimes.
...especially those who are oversensitive and mull over things ...and some people just think others are put on this earth to baby their emotions.
If it's not intentional don't take it personal. You can always say "You kinda hurt my feelings...sniff sniff...".

For your own peace of mind it's best to also not get offended if a person has a different style from your own. Like let's say someone's super efficient and logical and doesn't like to sugar coat. You can expect (or ask) them to be somewhat sensitive dealing with you, but you can't expect them to wear silk gloves.
EDIT: Or get used to their style
I think socially savvy people automatically make some adjustments to people who are more sensitive and aren't quite as direct or jokey with them usually.
I don't think INFJs usually go around insulting people and dumping on them to make them feel bad, though. ;D

 

[iwakar]

Oh Riva. Your preoccupation with your INFJ love/hate conflict spans the typology sector of the internet and doubles back upon itself in strange ways, like a mobius strip.

 

[ceecee]

My ENFJ gave me a pouty look when I gave him two mini fritattas and a high fiber English muffin and fruit for breakfast instead of the stupid oatmeal he wants every morning.

Oatmeal = carb = hungry by 10:30 wanting lunch.
Eggs, turkey sausage, low fat cheese and veggies = protein and minimal carbs = full all morning.

My feelings were hurt. I'm just trying to help with his - do these pants make me look fat? complex.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

So this is the reason you don't like the ENFJ. Because you couldn't have a one on one conversation with one? People have their own lives and things to do. It's rather SELFISH to hate someone because he/she didn't have time to talk to you.

That's not the point. With this particular person, it was ridiculously difficult getting a hold of him, because he was so busy "saving the world." When I finally did, we didn't click often.