[NF] Tell me about your eye contact NF's?

[Viridian]

Possibly. But being seens as "cold" or "unapproachable" are definately not things people have said or would say about me. I am very self-disclosing and absolutely not a cold person in general (I volunteer at a homeless shelter mondays reading to kids and do temporary animal placement!) Its just more of a fascination, a following. I do find it difficult to observe people in pain, or being humiliated, which is very much why I don't like to watch senseless horror flicks (though some part can appreciate the artistic angle) and why I don't like to watch talk shows. When I perceive pain, humiliation, etc. in someone I get fairly choked up myself. These times of intense eye contact are specifically upon meeting, in interviews, or in deep conversation with people close to me. Ah, who knows. I suppose it could be related to many different things, or not.

I didn't mean you were cold! I was talking about this... Or something more detective-esque (like in that TV series with Tim Roth).

Perception of yourself by others =/= self-perception. It's easy to misinterpret stuff.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

But I believe its more of a case that not all strong eye contact indicates deception, but that skilled deceivers will prefer to develop strong eye contact.

I object this generalization.

Yes, people who are deceptive can have a hard-time to offer strong eye contact. Though the same is true as what Southern Kross has pointed out. Obsessive-compulsive liars are very good at this.

However, lack of self-esteem and people who are naturally born shy or introverts always have problems in this area no matter how hard they try to overcome this. I had trained students for school interviews and there are some kids who couldn't overcome it, no matter how hard I try.

Apart from this, INFJ tends to construct and articulate their words carefully as they speak and this often results in not able to focus on giving proper eye contact. It's not like we're trying to apply Fe into our response (although we do that sometimes), but it's more like it's difficult to translate our thoughts into words in a way that people can comprehend easily.

 

[NPcomplete]

i naturally just look at people when i talk to them. i only ever even think about eye contact when i notice the lack of it in someone else.

Yep.

I usually make eye contact with people when I'm talking to them. It gives me an indication on whether they want to hear more or whether they are even listening to my rambles. I don't hold it for too long because it starts to feel weird at some point (too intimate maybe?). Similarly, if I find someone attractive, I still make some eye contact but it's never ever prolonged.

I avoid making eye contact with anyone who (I think) might want to sell me stuff, convert me and save my soul, and so on.

 

[Adasta]

I make eye contact all the time.

It is easier with F types, I think. I almost always look at girls' eyes when I talk to them, because I am attracted to their eyes in general. I find that I lose myself in girls' eyes at times, thinking "Hmm...these are lovely eyes!" I don't tend to feel shy about this at all.

I don't look other men in the eye so often. I find that if you treat most men the way you would treat a fox you meet in the street, you can't go far wrong.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

I've gotten much better over the years with eye contact, but years ago it was almost physically painful to look at someone.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

In interviews and the like, I maintain eye contact with the other person while I am listening to them. But whenever I speak, I have a harder time focusing on someone else... it makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when I am searching for the right words.

 

[Dali]

My ENFJ always blushes/smiles/giggles and looks away when I make prolonged eye-contact. It used to bother me slightly at first (Y U NO LET ME LOOK INTO YOUR SOUL?) but now I just find it adorable.

My ex (INFJ) did the same too, although the latter would close their eyes after a while instead of looking away.

 

[Lily flower]

I love to give people eye contact. It makes them feel special. The only people I avoid it with are guys that I think might get the wrong impression.

 

[Stanton Moore]

I just stare em down til they comply.

 

[prplchknz]

I look at people's eyes forgetting that they can see me aswell. sometimes i make eye contact sometimes i don't. usually has to do with if i have to move to do so.

 

[Kyrielle]

I object this generalization.
Apart from this, INFJ tends to construct and articulate their words carefully as they speak and this often results in not able to focus on giving proper eye contact. It's not like we're trying to apply Fe into our response (although we do that sometimes), but it's more like it's difficult to translate our thoughts into words in a way that people can comprehend easily.

This. So much this. I lose my train of thought very, very easily when I'm talking about something that isn't rehearsed, so I often look away to concentrate (I normally stare at a nice, blank wall). Sometimes, I have to shut my eyes tightly and hope the words don't escape me.

But mostly, I look most people in the eye fairly readily. Not only does my job practically demand such, but I find I have greater control over non-verbal cues if I meet someone's eyes. And less talking is always a bonus for me in a job where I spend my time talking to customers all day. I have a harder time meeting someone's eyes when I'm attracted to them and we aren't involved in any way. Case in point, I could stare endlessly into W's eyes, but a stranger I think is cute, I might spare but the briefest of glances. Maybe it's because I don't want them to know I find them attractive and guess that my eyes/face must show that in some manner.

 

[CrystalViolet]

I'm actually really terrible at making eye contact. So much so people sometimes comment on it. I'm better with people I'm comfortable with though.

 

[mmhmm]

i have good eye contact when i'm listening
to somebody i want to listen to. and when
i'm talking to an audience.

my eyes kinda wander when i'm thinking on
the fly or when i'm bored.

i am so bad at poker.
or am iiiii?
(i am :<)

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Just curious.

I've been reading some information about eye contact and personality as of late. This whole interest started because a few different people have mentioned (over the last few years) that I can sometimes stare too intensely at people when i first meet them, or while in deep discussions. Once it was pointed out, I became very aware of how much I do this, especially when first meeting and assessing people. Sometimes I actually struggle to look away when I know I should, because I can sense on a level that they become uncomfortable and don't like being looked at so much. Sometimes I follow que and sometimes I don't. It all seems to depend on how much I want to assess. People reading. A facial expression can lie, as can words, tone, even body language if someone is clever enough.. but I have found that it is very difficult to manipulate the eyes. So I tend to be watching not only the emotional expression, but the subtle eye responces to whatever stimuli they are watching, how ones eyes might shift when something they don't want to disclose comes up, or focus on something that peaks their interest, etc. I also watch how their eyes will move upward when creating a new idea, and downward when recalling an event. ANYHOW (rambling).. I just know that for myself I have always made really strong eye contact with people, and that it is ususally purely observational and not some way of asserting myself, my dominance, or trying to intimidate. I also tend to be rather weary of people that can't hold eye contact, which I believe is typical.

I wonder what this might mean. If it is common for NF's in general? Have you ever noticed anything unusual about your own eye contact? Have you ever felt like you've had to force yourself to look away? (And not just because someones "hot"). I did stumble across some studies on extended eye contact correlated to extroversion and neuroticism. It was interesting but the correlations seemed mild and definately not all encompassing. I wonder if their might be a correlation to eye contact and perceivers.

I tend to engage in the same type of behavior as you've described. I consciously have to look away, or behind/next to the person from time to time so that I don't make them uncomfortable. When I am talking to you, you have my attention! and yes my brain is in the *ON* position.

Spanky McFly

P.S. I just noticed your name is the same as the person whos' quote I like.

 

[PinkIceTD]

most people definately don't like extreme eye contact, and more than a few cultures see it as a form of disrespect. I was discussing this earlier with my ISTP, who LOATHES intense eye contact...trying to get him to pin-point what was so uncomfortable. It boiled down to invasion, really. Ofcourse when someone you don't know is eye-balling you.. it's like WTF?! I don't just eye ball random people, its people I am engaging with. To clarify, I don't do it TO see how they respond, it is a very natural almost subconscious thing I've done for along time. When I look into someones eyes, I seem to connect much more than the verbage they use, etc. It is just recently that I began to disect what information I must feel like I am getting when I do this. In the moment it is pure perception.

I try not to stare at people too intensely because I've been told my staring is disconcerting. But I do make eye contact when engaging with someone because, as you said in the OP, I am able to assess the true opinions or emotions of others this way. Thats one of the reasons I hate phone conversations.

 

[Elfboy]

I tend to look people in the eye in a way that is simultaneously frank, intense and gentle

 

[BAJ]

My employer was reading about Asperger's the other day in some famous person, and he asked me (jokingly) if I had it. I read it again, and it seems...much of the time...unless you really, really know me, it might seem that I have it for all practical purposes.

 

[Santosha]

My employer was reading about Asperger's the other day in some famous person, and he asked me (jokingly) if I had it. I read it again, and it seems...much of the time...unless you really, really know me, it might seem that I have it for all practical purposes.

I could just google this but I'm lazy =D I was under the impression that those with aspergers will often have difficulty holding eye contact, but then the other day I came across something that said people with aspergers do the opposite and can hold intense eye contact. Is that true? What is your experience?

 

[BAJ]

I could just google this but I'm lazy =D I was under the impression that those with aspergers will often have difficulty holding eye contact, but then the other day I came across something that said people with aspergers do the opposite and can hold intense eye contact. Is that true? What is your experience?

I doubt that I have this totally, really. However, I'm a hypochondriac of psychological disorders.

Lately eye contact has been pretty weird. Partially because of this thread, I've thought of it more. Most of the time, I tend to avoid eye contact with people, like if I'm walking around in stores or at the mall. People are like blurry things in the periphery.

But, if I'm talking to people at work or if I need something, I'll look at them. I've also been experimenting a little.

I went to a social group Sunday, and if I made too much, I sheepishly looked away. I felt uncomfortable, like I wanted to hide under my napkin or something. Apparently this did not freak her out, however, because she came down from the end of the table and sat across from me instead.

 

[stalemate]

I don't think I make good eye contact at all really. I'm generally scanning the room and also I just find eye contact uncomfortable for some reason. But what is weird is I'm more likely to make eye contact with a total stranger than a good friend. Like I don't need to make the effort with a friend because they will know I'm paying attention even if my gaze is all over the place.

And if I go to explaining something I don't even know where I'm looking but my hands go everywhere.