[ENFP] Am I driving my ENFP friend / roommate insane?

[Istbkleta]

Okay so here is the thing. I should have clarified a bit more on the living situation.

It's my apartment. My name is on the lease. Not theirs. So keeping things orderly, clean, etc is important to me because if they fuck something up in the apartment, it falls on me. Not them. I think that's part of why I am so anal about it. I didn't require them to pay a security deposit because they couldn't afford it and I was doing them a favour letting them move in because their lease at their old place was up and the cost for studios shot up a few hundred more than they could afford. Plus they both worked downtown and wanted a shorter commute.

Either way, I kind of feel like my apartment was violated and now they're thinking about breaking up. It's been an absolute nightmare. >< Never again.

Did you quote me and then delete the post?


I adopted certain "rules" like "never give loans". Without such logical rules my Fe would kill me.

Do such rules work for ENFJs?

How do you prevent people from taking advantage of you because of your Fe? What are your tricks?

 

[mrcockburn]

Did you quote me and then delete the post?


I adopted certain "rules" like "never give loans". Without such logical rules my Fe would kill me.

Do such rules work for ENFJs?

How do you prevent people from taking advantage of you because of your Fe? What are your tricks?

By using your fuckin Ti, which should happen automatically before your Fe even kicks in. If you're actually ENTP, that is.

 

[cranez]

Did you quote me and then delete the post?


I adopted certain "rules" like "never give loans". Without such logical rules my Fe would kill me.

Do such rules work for ENFJs?

How do you prevent people from taking advantage of you because of your Fe? What are your tricks?

Yeah, I think I may have. Yeah. Re: quoting.

Also, I'm not loaning them anything. I'm merely helping out friends. The same way I'm sure they'd help me if I were in a pinch. But unfortunately, they're not being very respectful of my living habits and lifestyle. I've been pretty straight forward with them about it too. However with like household products I've tried going without toilet paper to see if I can pressure them into buying some. Usually never works. They start using my paper napkins. xD

As far as how I keep people from taking advantage of me? It's easy. I'm very non-nonsense for an ENFJ. In fact, I'm pretty blunt and straight to the point. My intuition saves me most of the time. If I feel like I'm getting screwed over I usually am and I know when enough is enough. I don't let me Fe get in the way of that.

 

[mrcockburn]

You didn't read the question.

I read this question:

How do you prevent people from taking advantage of you because of your Fe? What are your tricks?

To which I say - before you grant favors to people, filter it through your Ti to ensure that it's reasonable and beneficial to you. For Ti dom/aux, this should happen automatically.

 

[Istbkleta]

I read this question:



To which I say - before you grant favors to people, filter it through your Ti to ensure that it's reasonable and beneficial to you. For Ti dom/aux, this should happen automatically.

But my question is about Fe doms, for God's sake!

My observations so far are that people are victims of their first function, as I have experience with my cursed Ne. They seem to develop specific strategies to cope with life's challenges and live with their 1st function backed by the 2nd.

In this situation it appears a Fe dom is being taken advantage of, which is consistent with the description of Fe. I want to learn more about how ENFJs cope with this.


Now I am thoroughly pissed at you because you made me type and explain something obvious twice. Disgusting waste of effort.
I don't want to explain the obvious rationale behind my questions.

 

[Randomnity]

Quit bickering. Insults removed.

 

[mrcockburn]

But my question is about Fe doms, for God's sake!

My observations so far are that people are victims of their first function, as I have experience with my cursed Ne. They seem to develop specific strategies to cope with life's challenges and live with their 1st function backed by the 2nd.

In this situation it appears a Fe dom is being taken advantage of, which is consistent with the description of Fe. I want to learn more about how ENFJs cope with this.


Now I am thoroughly pissed at you because you made me type and explain something obvious twice. Disgusting waste of effort.
I don't want to explain the obvious rationale behind my questions.

If you don't want to explain, try being clear the first time. It sounded like you were asking for advice.

And the solution for getting out of your dom function rut is to grow up. Most people develop their functions by the time they're old enough to bitch about roommates. You act like people only have their first two questions and that it justifies their inabilities, but it doesn't. That's a bullshit excuse.

Case in point, you obviously have some inflamed Fe, getting so emo about a forum post.

 

[Istbkleta]

If you don't want to explain, try being clear the first time. It sounded like you were asking for advice.

And the solution for getting out of your dom function rut is to grow up. Most people develop their functions by the time they're old enough to bitch about roommates. You act like people only have their first two questions and that it justifies their inabilities, but it doesn't. That's a bullshit excuse.

Case in point, you obviously have some inflamed Fe, getting so emo about a forum post.

troll

 

[cranez]

I somewhat agree with mrcockburn re: the overreaction to his post. Though the use of the word 'fuckin' I suppose could be viewed as hostile, in which case I also see Istbkleta's point.

Either way, it's obviously a misunderstanding. Can we move on?

 

[mrcockburn]

I somewhat agree with mrcockburn re: the overreaction to his post. Though the use of the word 'fuckin' I suppose could be viewed as hostile, in which case I also see Istbkleta's point.

Either way, it's obviously a misunderstanding. Can we move on?

Wasn't intended to be hostile. It was a temporary lapse of Fe.

 

[King sns]

Wasn't intended to be hostile. It was a temporary lapse of Fe.

They should use this in courts of law.

 

[CzeCze]

-for rent, ask for post-dated checks for a few months. they might not be ok with giving it to you, and that is fine. Note: if you do this don't be a dick and cash it early, because often the banks won't look and will put it through anyway....

I did this with a landlord once and he loved me for it. I sent him 6 months of checks post dated. I was good for the money and wanted to pay on time, I'm just TERRIBLE, absolutely TERRIBLE at paying for things on time, especially if it involves :cringe: envelopes and :cringe cringe: stamps.

-for house supplies, assuming you don't mind dealing with it, ask them to give you 10$/month or whatever it approximately works out to, and add to their post-dated checks for rent.

We had a 'house kitty' once. An envelope on the fridge where people are supposed to throw in a few bucks (I dunno, it wasn't used anymore by the time we moved in) or change or whatnot all to go towards communal supplies.

-cleaning is pretty much always an issue, just do your best to keep communication open, compromise, be generous, and don't be passive-aggressive about it

You are a saint for constantly cleaning up after your roommates. I lived with an extreme J once and I basically completely ignored her points about 'how things should be kept' because IMHO she wasn't trying to be clean so much that she was very particular and set in her ways and wanted everyone else to do things her way. And it wasn't her house, I was paying my fair share of rent and utilities. Right or wrong, this is how your friend might be thinking. Thought I swear I wasn't (that) messy or irresponsible (at all).

I would go a step further and ask your ENFP+INTP couple to chip in for a cleaning service for common areas - especially the kitchen and bathrooms. Unless you want to be stuck cleaning bathrooms for the entire duration of living together. That would piss me off too much. And as a J you don't have the "fug it, I'm gonna ignore everything and escape to my clean room" gene that I and many fellow P's have.

For light/maintenance cleaning of bathrooms, light vacuuming/dusting, and tidying up (and loading/unloading dishwashers), throwing out trash, and light cleaning of the kitchen it can a be reasonable fee. My J friend did that with a live in girlfriend to save themselves both grief.

In some rental situations where I was the landlord (leaseholder) I would tell roommates/tenants to just clean up after themselves and I would take care of all the other cleaning. I would estimate and fold in utilities to their rent as well for one lump sum at the beginning of the month. No complaints!

PS The dreaded 'chore wheel'. Rarely if ever do people stick to those equally for long. Except in communes where your tenancy/rent depend on you doing those X number of chores a week.

 

[CzeCze]

The roommate I hate the most is a fat bitch ISTJ (not saying fat bitches are ISTJ or that ISTJs are fat bitches, this chick is just coincidentally both) - she leaves the bathroom floor SOAKING WET after her showers, she WIPES HER ASS AFTER TAKING A SHIT AND THROWS IT IN THE OPEN-CONTAINER WASTEBIN INSTEAD OF FLUSHING IT LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING, and leaves open garbage and food (including meat) to rot on the counters all night.

Trust me, it's not just a P thing. It's a Poo thing. *lawllawllawlbadjokelawlawlawlawl*

I don't hesitate to pound on her door and demand that she wipe up her mess RIGHT NOW. I've dragged her out her room, dragged her into the bathroom, pointed to her shit-littered wastebin and told her to take the trash outside NOW and never do that again. Nor do I hesitate to cram her shit back inside the fridge and/or throw it out if it's still there fermenting on the counter when I get home at 2AM.

You just have to bring up problems as they arise.

Awww, there's the the MrCockburn I know and love. Soooo, you finally decided on ESFJ huh? Hmmmm...Yeah, I can see that.

I lived with an ESFJ roommate (was studying to be a nurse, perfect job, right?) and she was nice but she was very particular and if you did something she didn't like then BAM. Are you an e8 Cockburn? Because my roommate was an e8 and she was a natural at being bossy and directive, but she was also very Fe savvy and genuinely generous and nice so I think she was popular at work and school.

 

[mrcockburn]

Awww, there's the the MrCockburn I know and love. Soooo, you finally decided on ESFJ huh? Hmmmm...Yeah, I can see that.

I lived with an ESFJ roommate (was studying to be a nurse, perfect job, right?) and she was nice but she was very particular and if you did something she didn't like then BAM. Are you an e8 Cockburn? Because my roommate was an e8 and she was a natural at being bossy and directive, but she was also very Fe savvy and genuinely generous and nice so I think she was popular at work and school.

I'm a 3w4. And I'm either ESTP or ESFJ, I'd say. Leaning ESTP because Si is like...aliens. To me.

But the girl and I actually had a huge blowout tonight (she stormed into her room sobbing, screaming about me being an "evil bitch", just because I confronted her again today.)

Apparently, I'm "weird" for seeing what's in the trash.

Not when I'm the one taking it out, you grotesque bag of feces.

edit: ^ That wasn't directed at you, CzeCze of course! I mean her. I'm still in ranty-mode.

edit #2: I didn't call her a grotesque bag of feces. I was very impersonal and polite, but told her that the shit chunks out in the open were breeding maggots and flies.

 

[HisGirl]

What type is the boyfriend?

So I recently had my adorable, bubbly, socialite ENFP friend move in with me around a month ago.

Did you say... "Socialite"? Seriously? Do you mean literally? Because I have some experience with those types of people or at least something close to that (I'm not one of them, I'm just an average person). Maybe I can help a bit.

 

[CzeCze]

::whispering:: "es....tp"



Thats for you MrCockburn after your last post. Terrorizing your poor roommate. That issue sounds like something out of a Seinfield episode.

So Cranez whatchu gonna do about your roommates?

 

[cranez]

What type is the boyfriend?

Did you say... "Socialite"? Seriously? Do you mean literally? Because I have some experience with those types of people or at least something close to that (I'm not one of them, I'm just an average person). Maybe I can help a bit.

Her boyfriend is an INTP.

And yeah, seriously. It drives me insane, even as an ENFJ.

 

[BAJ]

/I only read the first few posts so far.

If I were living with you (which I'd probably never do), I'd probably have my bank account automatically cut you a check on the right date, or I'd probably never pay.

Yes, some of my worst experiences was living with a neat freak. I went to the doctor and my blood pressure had risen to 190/107. I was very stressed. I bought them a new microwave rather than clean it. I bought them $250 in cleaning supplies.

Then I retreated into my own room, and deemed everything outside as a level four bio-hazard lab, sterile environment. So I just tried to make sure I did not get a speck of dirt on the outside of my room.

 

[cranez]

/I only read the first few posts so far.

If I were living with you (which I'd probably never do), I'd probably have my bank account automatically cut you a check on the right date, or I'd probably never pay.

Yes, some of my worst experiences was living with a neat freak. I went to the doctor and my blood pressure had risen to 190/107. I was very stressed. I bought them a new microwave rather than clean it. I bought them $250 in cleaning supplies.

Then I retreated into my own room, and deemed everything outside as a level four bio-hazard lab, sterile environment. So I just tried to make sure I did not get a speck of dirt on the outside of my room.

It's one thing to be slightly messy...I can handle slightly messy.

It's another when you go into the bathroom and your sink is covered in face mask residue, hair, and some random curly strands that GOD forbid they be pubes!

This weekend I think solidified my issues with them.

She got sick last night after a party at a friend's, puked in my toilet when she got home and left it caked onto the sides. Didn't even bother getting the scrub brush to try and clean up the mess. So I got to see it this morning after rolling out of bed early to get some things done.

Last night, I noticed a rank smell in the kitchen. I looked into the trashcan and the bag had ripped and had sunk into the can further and there was trash caked into the corner. Not only that but someone had poured spoiled milk into the trash, instead of sending it down the garbage disposal.

On top of it, after telling her several times to attempt to clean her hair out of the bathroom over last week, while she sat in her room (since she doesn't work a full-time job), nothing got done. Her boyfriend pays their portion of rent while she...I dunno, lives there with him. Their affairs are their affairs with monies, etc. But since she doesn't do shit all day, shouldn't *SHE* be cleaning? Not me?

You can say what you want about being a neat freak. But a clean home is a clean mind.