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[ENFP] ENFPs & INFPs: Our Relationship

Thalassa

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Yeah, back on track to what I said, I think my INFP 9 friend is absolutely delightful. I love her to bits and pieces, she is totally sweet, has diplomatic intelligence, and intuitively can pinpoint things about people.

Okay - so there's this guy, right? She tells her mom "I think he's probably a womanizer, an alcoholic, and all around just trouble." SHE SAID THIS RIGHT UPON MEETING HIM. I came to a similar conclusion, but I had factual things I had noticed: I add things up over time, and add pieces of what I'm shown together, and I'm quite observant about it ...more so than some people...but she saw it RIGHT AWAY.

He had to say a couple of things to me outright before I saw it. Her ESFJ mother didn't see it at all until there was a meltdown. I didn't find out that she had intuitively picked this up about him until after he had the meltdown with ESFJ mother, and she was like "OMG MY INFP DAUGHTER SAW THIS COMING." And I was like ...yeah...I haven't liked him for a couple of weeks...but I didn't see it right away upon meeting him, either, lol.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Mar 4, 2009
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Some people decide your type based on how annoyed they are with you...

Just like all black people love hiphop and all asians are good at math. Aren't stereotypes just the best shorthand?
 

Thalassa

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Some people decide your type based on how annoyed they are with you...

Just like all black people love hiphop and all asians are good at math. Aren't stereotypes just the best shorthand?

It isn't "is annoying" it is "why and how annoying"...the way an INFP can be annoying is different than the way an INTJ or ESFP can be annoying.
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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I like the intimacy, but they drama queens. Even the dudez.
 

Adasta

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Only after I learned about MBTI did I learn that my two best friends were INFPs. I certainly didn't pick them because they were INFPs. We just picked each other because it felt right. So I can speak from personal experience that INFPs and I get along great. Love you guys.

What do you "see" when you look at INFPs?

I imagine we see a lot of ourselves in one another. I wonder if ENFPs see INFPs and see what they believe to be their corer, or what they would like to be their core? I get good vibes from ENFPs, so I ask myself if perhaps they look at me and see me as having the characteristics they wish they could show more? That's certainly how I feel with ENFPs. They're so bouncy and are very kind-hearted. They are like how I imagine I appear on a really, really up day.

I've been thinking about some reasons why ENFPs might like INFPs in general. Do let me know if they are true/false/far too arrogant:

There seems to be a lot of respect for my "intensity". I've had compliments from ENFPs about how many books I've read, how I seem to be very "true to my subject" (the arts, basically) and a general appreciation for the hours I've put in to thinking about how I feel. I've had odd feelings that they overestimate my intelligence to their own detriment, though. I'm not sure why that is but I just get a sense that my solitary nature is somehow equated to making me "smarter" than them. I wonder if there's a feeling that the ENFP tendency to Ne-bounce everywhere perhaps makes them think "Oh, I would be clever too if I could only sit still and read a bit more!" The truth is all the ENFPs I know are smart!

I wonder if you consider INFPs to be "wounded at the core" and worthy of help. I like to hang around the periphery and I have noticed ENFPs looking at me from the corner of their eye and then coming over to talk to me when they find an appropriate moment to disengage from their "E" conversatiions. I haven't worked out if this is just because they want to talk to everyone, or if they see me as more of an "interesting" target than the usual mix of E-types. I think you find our quixotic nature really intriguing but it annoys you that we aren't more forthright. But, since we can reply to your questions with Ne, it sort of makes you come back for more because you feel there's just something else there that you need to know. A bit like when you hear half a song and it gets stuck on a loop in your mind.

I think we are good at making you feel valued and that perhaps not many others do that so well. We don't ask a lot from you and I think we are a safe port for you in heavy storms. We're also there to tell you to follow your heart and be whoever you want to be, which is probably reassuring to someone who wants to be a million different things from one minute to the next.

I'll get around to writing a better "Why I like ENFPs" list at some point.
 

Lady_X

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yeah...i like feeling like i can talk about whatever i want whenever...no subject is off limits...no emotion or thought is inappropriate to discuss ...i'm never too random...or too "out there" or too emotional...or too unemotional...i love their easy going vibe...their ability to just go with the flow and change course as we go along

the wounded thing is perplexing...wth is that about? are you all that way? why are we (enfps) so not that way? what's up with the poor self concept? we're so different that way...it bothers me...i find it so unnecessary.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
There's not much on this forum about this relationship so I thought I'd ask what you make of it?

I'm a big fan of ENFPs, I must say. They're always very cheery. I think they like INFPs but I'm not sure why (hence my question). I think it might have something to do with being laid-back and a bit caustic...

I dated one and it was a disaster. Too much emoness ;).

Friendships, however, are awesome!! I love how easily they get me, and how comfy I feel with them. They really get me out of my shell quick.

I find ENTPs and ENfps have been the two types I've had the most fun with and subsequently gotten the most in trouble with! :laugh:
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
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yeah...i like feeling like i can talk about whatever i want whenever...no subject is off limits...no emotion or thought is inappropriate to discuss ...i'm never too random...or too "out there" or too emotional...or too unemotional...i love their easy going vibe...their ability to just go with the flow and change course as we go along

the wounded thing is perplexing...wth is that about? are you all that way? why are we (enfps) so not that way? what's up with the poor self concept? we're so different that way...it bothers me...i find it so unnecessary.


I echo this... cummon infp's you all rock man...kick some ass!
 

Adasta

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Lady X said:
the wounded thing is perplexing...wth is that about?

ENFPs lead with Ne and have Fi as their Aux. Therefore, new situations
are exciting because they offer opportunities and occasions where you
might feel good and your interactions with people are meaningful. This
makes you seem like a "glass half full" type of person. The new
scenarios in your life are seen as opportunities that are stimulating
to you in themselves. You can then analyse things using Fi to see how
they make you feel, or how the people made you feel.

Now, imagine flipping around your function order. Leading with Fi
means you already have your feelings about certain
things/situations/people quite clearly defined. Your Ne is there as a
means through which to express the feelings you already feel, or to
explore those feelings in new ways. INFPs are "wounded" because
people/social situations are sometimes harmful to the thoughts/beliefs
we already hold and value. Instead of having chances to express or
learn more, we may be ridiculed, or ignored, or not feel comfortable
when trying to convey what we mean; our attempts to engage our Ne may
be shot down because we get to Ne via our Fi. This makes us think
"Well, that situation made me feel bad. It's probably that case that
it will always work out this way." It makes us seem a bit "glass half
empty".

In terms of INFP & ENFP together, your bounciness is what is
infectious. I think that, for you, it is our depth and authenticity
that is appealing. ENFPs are skilled at adapting themselves to others,
but when you're with us you really don't have to change anything. You
can just indulge your Ne in any way you want and we won't question it,
we'll just watch you and listen without judging. You don't have to
hide your dreams of being a bohemian painter or of owning an animla
sanctuary when we're around; we like to hear about it and we're not
going to bother you with boring questions like "How are you going to
make this a reality?" We understand that is not really the point, and
the actualisation of these thoughts is not the point from which the
joy emanates.

Lady X said:
why are we (enfps) so not that way? what's up with the poor self
concept? we're so different that way...it bothers me...i find it so
unnecessary.

Don't let it bother you. It's hard for us to be as happy-go-lucky as
you are. ENFPs are optimistic and think "Maybe next time will be
better!" whereas INFPs are a bit pessimistic and think "Maybe next
time will be the same, or worse!"

It is not the case that I don't believe in myself. It's more that I
don't believe that anyone will notice the things I consider good in
myself. We're secretly waiting for someone to engage us in a
conversation about something we love. We don't tend to walk up and
start talking to people because we're concerned they might resent the
intrusion, or that we may get locked into a boring conversation.

It's great when an ENFP bounces over and says something to me - the
conversation flows effortlessly. Conversations sort of go like this
after the initial introductions:

INFP: So, are you reading any books right now?
ENFP: Yeah, I'm reading this book that's set in 1602. I really love
that period of history!
INFP: Oh right, cool. Yeah, the Jacobean period is really interesting.
I think that the attempts James I made to placate the religious
torment that preceded the English Revolution are really intriguing.
Plays around that time display a marked difference from those written
even 5 or 10 years previous. It's interesting how concepts of
"English" and "Britishness" develop.
ENFP: OMGZ YOU KNOWS ABOUT STUFFS I LIKE!!!!!11

This is the point where the ENFP talks about everything they love. I
just sit back then and enjoy the show; it's sweet how animated they
are about the things they like.
 

Lady_X

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yeah...the flow of conversation is awesome...i'm having issues atm due to what i mentioned above tho...it sucks.
 

BAJ

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I put an add on Craig's list, and went out with an ENFP a couple of times. Once I hung out with her for 9 hours straight.

She was impressed by some insight and analysis I had...at one point.

I got tired of driving an hour to hang out with her, so I only went those two times. She sort of expected to have had sex with me by that point, since according to her, "Usually start having sex with someone within two minutes of kissing them. I already fantasized about having sex with you."

Probably one of the main deal-breakers for me is that she'd call me up late at night, drunk, saying, "I'm bored. Entertain me."

Basically I told her to call someone else when she get's like that.

I wanted to tell her, "Listen, I'm not some anti-boredom device." Anyway, basically I broke the thing of because I realized it felt like a chore to drive over there and hang out with her, and I didn't feel like I could meet her sexual needs.

It's great to feel I'm making progress in romantic life, but I'm just really not that desperate.

edit:

Since that time I've met another ENFP in my main social group, who is three years younger. She seems nice and intelligent, and has two well-adjusted, intelligent kids.

She seems like she will be a good friend.
 

Adasta

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She sort of expected to have had sex with me by that point, since according to her, "Usually start having sex with someone within two minutes of kissing them. I already fantasized about having sex with you."

Probably one of the main deal-breakers for me is that she'd call me up late at night, drunk, saying, "I'm bored. Entertain me."

Basically I told her to call someone else when she get's like that.

:doh:
 

Lady_X

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god...it's so like me to say i'm bored come talk to me :blush:
 

kyuuei

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Almost everyone important to me in my life is INFP.. I'm not sure how that worked out that way, but it did. So, suffice to say, I enjoy them.
 

Adasta

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Almost everyone important to me in my life is INFP.. I'm not sure how that worked out that way, but it did. So, suffice to say, I enjoy them.

I am still baffled by how we seem to gravitate towards each other. There are 4 ENFPs in my life. They make up approximately 7% of the population, yet I know 4? That seems like an over-representation to me. I suppose it's logical to argue that they are over-represented in terms of my circle of friends, but I also work with one, and we get along really well. She's more ENTJish at work (as long as she remembers to write her list of things to do!) but I know it's a facade. Every so often when I'm bored I indulge her Ne. I know we'll just end up talking about times where we did something in good faith but ended up looking stupid...
 

King sns

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I am still baffled by how we seem to gravitate towards each other. There are 4 ENFPs in my life. They make up approximately 7% of the population, yet I know 4? That seems like an over-representation to me. I suppose it's logical to argue that they are over-represented in terms of my circle of friends, but I also work with one, and we get along really well. She's more ENTJish at work (as long as she remembers to write her list of things to do!) but I know it's a facade. Every so often when I'm bored I indulge her Ne. I know we'll just end up talking about times where we did something in good faith but ended up looking stupid...

Wait, (does the math) you don't know that many people I take it?
 

kyuuei

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I am still baffled by how we seem to gravitate towards each other. There are 4 ENFPs in my life. They make up approximately 7% of the population, yet I know 4? That seems like an over-representation to me. I suppose it's logical to argue that they are over-represented in terms of my circle of friends, but I also work with one, and we get along really well. She's more ENTJish at work (as long as she remembers to write her list of things to do!) but I know it's a facade. Every so often when I'm bored I indulge her Ne. I know we'll just end up talking about times where we did something in good faith but ended up looking stupid...

:laugh: She sounds like me, I've been told the same about being at work, and I also need a list if I am to stay on track with anything that isn't second nature to me.
I'm not sure why I gravitate towards them.. I don't pretend to want to know why, but it is curious. I've had people in my life for years, and made them take the test, then wondered if the test was somewhat broken since they were getting the same results. :doh:
 
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