[MBTI General] INFJs from the perspective of other types

[Synth]

My overall experience with INFJs has been negative. I could litter this page in paragraphs of experiences riddled with absolute insanity but I feel I can just simplify it by saying a lot of INFJ females don't have any grip on themselves. I can't speak on behalf of the males. I hear they're a cool bunch but I've never come across any. They're very sensitive people with the power to manipulate others.

You mean to say you've never come across any in real life? I'll agree that an INFJ can use their natural born gifts to manipulate others. I've done so on people who utterly fail to grasp a situation properly and need to be guided through. I cant say I would know what an INFJ female is truly like. Id imagine the astounding insight coupled with some basic neurotic tendancies PLUS all the inner complexity would make for one hell of a ride. If the INFJ women you've been around didn't have their heads on straight, and were menstruating, god forbid, I truly sympathize with you man. Dont shoot me INFJ gals. I know for a fact we can be giant messes even without the help of Mother Nature's biological trappings.

Oh the ironic hypocrisy. The one thing I was just complaining about is what I'm using now. *laughs*

 

[SilkRoad]

I cant say I would know what an INFJ female is truly like. Id imagine the astounding insight coupled with some basic neurotic tendancies PLUS all the inner complexity would make for one hell of a ride.

That sounds fairly accurate.

I'm actually characterized as ridiculously easy going by most people. However, those who get to know me better know it's part of the picture but not the whole thing; I have a lot of inner anxiety and a few distinct neuroses. I think if you treat me nicely I am extremely low maintenance, otherwise it can get complicated and ugly.

I dare say everyone is responding with "INFJ"-oriented perspectives because you asked about INFJs from the perspective of others. It's an MBTI forum, people tend to come up with those perspectives...however, my impression from this forum is that people don't view themselves as fitting neatly into a stereotype, either...

 

[Synth]

The males are sensitive, but the ones I know are never happy for long, always chasing the end of some new rainbow.

Now thats not entirely true. I admit to having unrealistic expectations at an earlier age, but faced with the tendancies of my alcohol and party loving age group (I'm 23), its hard for me to *not* chase a "rainbow" I've yet to find. Its very disappointing that I cant find someone in real life, of the female persuasion, who has a natural inclination for basic goodness and doesnt enjoy being wasted on something like Jack Daniels and acid. As far as personal achievements go, Im not stopping till I've exhausted myself xD.

 

[Synth]

That sounds fairly accurate.

I'm actually characterized as ridiculously easy going by most people. However, those who get to know better know it's part of the picture but not the whole thing; I have a lot of inner anxiety and a few distinct neuroses. I think if you treat me nicely I am extremely low maintenance, otherwise it can get complicated and ugly.

I dare say everyone is responding with "INFJ"-oriented perspectives because you asked about INFJs from the perspective of others. It's an MBTI forum, people tend to come up with those perspectives...however, my impression from this forum is that people don't view themselves as fitting neatly into a stereotype, either...

Well yes, I did ask for others to give input and their perspective on an INFJ. I was expecting to see how they viewed it from a personal standpoint. My fault for not specifying. Stupid technicalities.

I feel you on the "treat me nicely" front. I'm beyond low maintenance if I'm treated with the same love and respect I give a girl. However I wont hesitate to make it very difficult for her in a hurry if she mistreats me. I've put past girlfriends through the wringer by showing them what they're doing to me, and basically making them ask themselves if this is what they truly want to be doing. I've given them a lot of time to think and even turn it all around. Sadly it was to no avail. So my hunt continues :/.

 

[uncommonentity]

I can't believe I'm hearing this from a fellow Ni-er. You must be jaded. That's it, isn't it. There is no other way you could not us; it's in your dna.

Like I said, don't get me wrong I know a bunch of you are tight. I've just known alot of twisted INFJ chickadees who use people in ugly, ugly little ways. I know one who routinely cheats on her guy in their bed about 3-5 times a week. Another one confessed her love to me and then told me she was marrying a guy she'd just met and wanted me to create the invitations. I don't know what the fuck dude. I've just seen so much nasty it's difficult for me to take a lot of you seriously anymore. Big ups to all the INFJs that aren't unstable lunatics in denial though.

You mean to say you've never come across any in real life? I'll agree that an INFJ can use their natural born gifts to manipulate others. I've done so on people who utterly fail to grasp a situation properly and need to be guided through. I cant say I would know what an INFJ female is truly like. Id imagine the astounding insight coupled with some basic neurotic tendancies PLUS all the inner complexity would make for one hell of a ride. If the INFJ women you've been around didn't have their heads on straight, and were menstruating, god forbid, I truly sympathize with you man. Dont shoot me INFJ gals. I know for a fact we can be giant messes even without the help of Mother Nature's biological trappings.

Oh the ironic hypocrisy. The one thing I was just complaining about is what I'm using now. *laughs*

Real life? what's that? I'm an INTJ remember. Seriously though I think I might of come across one or two broody INFJ guys in my time but not any I immediately felt the need to strike up an sort of bromance with. Like, having Ni as my primary function myself I can see right through anyone trying to pull at my strings so it's like hey INFJ are you seriously trying to fool me? really?. For shame.

 

[Synth]

Like I said, don't get me wrong I know a bunch of you are tight. I've just known alot of twisted INFJ chickadees who use people in ugly, ugly little ways. I know one who routinely cheats on her guy in their bed about 3-5 times a week. Another one confessed her love to me and then told me she was marrying a guy she'd just met and wanted me to create the invitations. I don't know what the fuck dude. I've just seen so much nasty it's difficult for me to take a lot of you seriously anymore. Big ups to all the INFJs that aren't unstable lunatics in denial though.



Real life? what's that? I'm an INTJ remember. Seriously though I think I might of come across one or two broody INFJ guys in my time but not any I immediately felt the need to strike up an sort of bromance with. Like, having Ni as my primary function myself I can see right through anyone trying to pull at my strings so it's like hey INFJ are you seriously trying to fool me? really?. For shame.

Failure of one isnt the failure of all. I think youre pretty aware of that, and yes Ni is a brilliant "you cant fool me retard" mechanism. I know INFJs can be convulted, but those women you've met seriously sound mistyped. I dont believe for one second that a consistent INFJ would do those things. We're not saints by a long shot, but cheaters, cold and calculating, marrying someone we just met? Not by *any* stretch of the imagination does that fit any INFJ.

Personal opinion. I've never experienced it to my knowledge.

 

[King sns]

On my view of INFJ's: I think they are alright. I have enjoyed their company at work and school, don't think I could stay close to one, though. First of all, I get vibes that I make them nervous. They appear to be off in their own world, I'm not sure what they are thinking about. A mutual misunderstanding, perhaps. I have felt chronically judged by them regardless of whether they are judging me or not. I will say something and then watch these quiet think-tanks running, like they are taking every word very seriously and combining and recombining it and are unsure how to react. In my mind, things that I say make perfect sense and are usually lighthearted- everything does not need to be a mystical puzzle. It could be my own projection, though.

 

[Synth]

On my view of INFJ's: I think they are alright. I have enjoyed their company at work and school, don't think I could stay close to one, though. First of all, I get vibes that I make them nervous. They appear to be off in their own world, I'm not sure what they are thinking about. A mutual misunderstanding, perhaps. I have felt chronically judged by them regardless of whether they are judging me or not. I will say something and then watch these quiet think-tanks running, like they are taking every word very seriously and combining and recombining it and are unsure how to react. In my mind, things that I say make perfect sense and are usually lighthearted- everything does not need to be a mystical puzzle. It could be my own projection, though.

It stems from our need to understand. In my case it would be my need to understand your typical behavior, reactions, and general thought process so I can better relate to you in the near future. Its only initially that this happens. If I get to know you better then I can think more on the fly and react faster based on what I know about you.

 

[Riva]

It almost always feels as if I am walking on egg shells when I am communicating with INFJs.

One never knows..........

 

[King sns]

It stems from our need to understand. In my case it would be my need to understand your typical behavior, reactions, and general thought process so I can better relate to you in the near future. Its only initially that this happens. If I get to know you better then I can think more on the fly and react faster based on what I know about you.

Yeah, that makes sense. I tend to be on the unpredictable side, too, which probably makes it even harder.

It almost always feels as if I am walking on egg shells when I am communicating with INFJs.

One never knows..........

Yeah, me too. But they never outwardly say anything to make me think that. It's a facial expression thing.

 

[Riva]

Yeah, me too. But they never outwardly say anything to make me think that. It's a facial expression thing.

Glad a female agreed. Especially coming from a NF type.

 

[Coriolis]

Looking over all these posts, speculations, interactions, and guesses its hard to find anywhere to lay my input. I expected to find a lot more questions than fact based responses. Gods know why. I'm on a forum dedicated to MBTI after all. However in all of this, Ive yet to really see anyone just up and use a "personal" opinion sans the MBTI perspective. I guess you could say I'm honestly perturbed that I'm seeing virtually everyone allow themselves to be "classified" in such broad sweeping terms. Especially given that theoretically there are only sixteen confirmed "ways" to think according to this thing.

Please dont take this as I dont enjoy it here or take anything I say from a negative perspective. MBTI is a wonderful way to help us better understand ourselves, but am I the only one who finds that using the MBTI as a primary way to identify oneself a bit....odd?

My point being is that all of this feels personally impersonal to me. I see a bunch of people connecting one on one with each other, but its fueled with "my NF clashes with your NT" and "this INFP works well with my ENTJ".

There are only three official "ways" to be with respect to gender, but most of us have no problem identifying with one of them. We all classify each other and let ourselves to be classified in many ways: gender, marital status, sexual orientation, race, religion, occupation, age group . . . the list goes on. Some of these classifications are more helpful than others, in various contexts.

The utility of MBTI classification is just what you wrote: it helps us understand ourselves. You are also correct that anything worth understanding about each other can be understood independent of MBTI or any other classification scheme. For those familiar with the system, though, it can be a convenient shorthand, even when used with an exception or qualification. Yes, I can observe to a coworker that, "usually when we disagree, it's because I am focused on objective factors and asking what will work, while you are focused on personal factors and asking what everyone will prefer". Or, I can summarize this as an NT/NF disconnect. Either way, we can and should discuss further.

Many communications here are thus not MBTI perspectives instead of personal perspectives, they are personal perspectives conveyed using MBTI terminology. Yes, some people stereotype and get one-dimensional about it, and of course there is plenty of joking around, but serious, realistic comments predominate, at least on the threads I follow.

(Then again, as an INTJ, I do tend to prefer impersonal systems, even for people, so my perspective is biased.)

 

[King sns]

Glad a female agreed. Especially coming from a NF type.

Well, yeah.. completely different functions, though. I think the similarities lie in reading people/ situations well and caring about the humanistic side of things. I still feel like two different worlds though. Ni/Fe/Ti/Se and Ne/Fi/Te/Si. I'm not sure how to technically put the interaction between these two, but I'm not used to them or their communication style at all. INFJ's are deep, thoughtful, and intense while ENFP's are often silly willy-nillies and changeable. (My own perspective.)

 

[Z Buck McFate]

As a generalization, I guess the only thing that bugs me is that in a thread asking for perspectives, you give them only to be told they aren't "right". And somehow that sums it up well.

Maybe this is just, once again, Fe trying to get to the meat of resolution. What would have been the ‘appropriate’ response? …not responding at all maybe? I’m really asking.

I read a lot of these answers thinking ‘looks like a misunderstanding’ over and over again. I don’t know, I guess I have a hard time believing any type wouldn’t want to jump in and explain their quirks. Like if I said, “some INFPs seem to have a bubble of DON’T TOUCH MY RIGHTNESS around them, like it's a magic fluffy bunny and you'll kill it if you say what's really on your mind” .....or something that made you feel misunderstood, some INFPs wouldn’t jump in?

edit: it's worth mentioning- the 'fluffy bunny' example was intentionally phrased in such a way that I thought might incite feelings of being misunderstood. It's short-sighted on purpose. I'm not trying to rile anyone up, I'm just wondering what the reaction *would* be. As fid mentions below- how does the goal look different?

edit #2: I just read skylights use "bubble" to describe Fi experience in another thread- I seriously did not use it above to reference her or her post. I hadn't seen her post until just now.

 

[Fidelia]

I think maybe it may come down to again that Fe-Ti users tend to see statements as a means to a particular course of action - they are trying to determine what the best resolution would be for the most people and to get there, they want to agree on what the problem actually is.

I will probably say this clumsily, but sometimes it seems to me that Fi users express feelings for a completely different reason and with less goal course of action in mind. Therefore it is a little invalidating to them if someone says that their observation is incorrect or tries to tweak it with added information. I don't know if that's right or not, but seems that way to me.

 

[Wanderer]

The males are sensitive, but the ones I know are never happy for long, always chasing the end of some new rainbow. Though they are very loving and poetic while you have their attention.

Eh? I don't think so?
Yes to the sensitive, though we learn to keep that hidden after a while - or at least, as hidden as we can manage.
No to the constantly chasing the rainbow. At least, it hasn't been for me. I've always been very selective about who I pursue, so I'm not usually the one who becomes dissatisfied and starts chasing another rainbow.
I guess..If an INFJ didn't really look before he leapt (is that even possible?) and decided that there was a better fit elsewhere/the relationship would never be what he needed, I could see this happening. Though that seems kinda foreign to me. Have you seen a lot of this?

 

[Wanderer]

Like I said, don't get me wrong I know a bunch of you are tight. I've just known alot of twisted INFJ chickadees who use people in ugly, ugly little ways. I know one who routinely cheats on her guy in their bed about 3-5 times a week. Another one confessed her love to me and then told me she was marrying a guy she'd just met and wanted me to create the invitations. I don't know what the fuck dude. I've just seen so much nasty it's difficult for me to take a lot of you seriously anymore. Big ups to all the INFJs that aren't unstable lunatics in denial though.

Real life? what's that? I'm an INTJ remember. Seriously though I think I might of come across one or two broody INFJ guys in my time but not any I immediately felt the need to strike up an sort of bromance with. Like, having Ni as my primary function myself I can see right through anyone trying to pull at my strings so it's like hey INFJ are you seriously trying to fool me? really?. For shame.

Dammmmmmn.
I often wondered if it's possible for INFJ's to go wrong and use our abilities for evil. I've just never seen it.
I'm sorry on behalf of my personality group? I would use a hug smiley but I know that's not usually appreciated by INTJ's.

I love hanging out with INTJ's, and my closest 3 friends are INTJ's, so..
Try us out sometime! We can be broody (I readily admit this) but we can also be good friends! Give us a chance! Just avoid the ones that appear psycho. I think that goes for ALL the personality types.

Yeah, that makes sense. I tend to be on the unpredictable side, too, which probably makes it even harder.

Which makes our think tanks go into overdrive and we spend even MORE time trying to understand you. xD

they never outwardly say anything to make me think that. It's a facial expression thing.

Don't assume motive for us; we'll make it clear what we think of you by how we interact with you. Actions > words[and constipated facial expressions]

And I've never disliked an ENFP in real life. So.

^_^

 

[Coriolis]

Dammmmmmn.
I often wondered if it's possible for INFJ's to go wrong and use our abilities for evil. I've just never seen it.
I'm sorry on behalf of my personality group? I would use a hug smiley but I know that's not usually appreciated by INTJ's.

A religious zealot like Osama bin Laden could easily be INFJ.

(And thanks for your restraint regarding smilies.)

 

[PeaceBaby]

^ smiles and hugs are secret weapons to be lavished on INTJ's with abundance though! Secretly, they love it. Well, the females not so much as the males, but they still love it!

[MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION]:

 

[Starry]

I will probably say this clumsily, but sometimes it seems to me that Fi users express feelings for a completely different reason and with less goal course of action in mind. Therefore it is a little invalidating to them if someone says that their observation is incorrect or tries to tweak it with added information. I don't know if that's right or not, but seems that way to me.

I don't know either...but I am wondering if the 'hang-up' is over the word 'perspective'. I've known many Fi individuals that insist an individual perspective...by its very nature...cannot be incorrect (don't even know if I'm explaining this properly). That when asked for your perspective on something...it is not the time to say...'no, no you are wrong...here's what you are missing'...but rather say...'is this perspective common? And if so...what is the mechanism?' Again...I have no idea what I'm saying...but this does seem familiar to me.