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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Jun 2010

    Default Being friends with an ENFP

    I have become friends with an ENFP (normal friends - two women - not a relationship thing). Anyway, I feel really insecure with her because she is very social with everyone. We have both told each other how much we like each other and enjoy the friendship a couple of times, but I'm not sure if she means it the way that I do.

    My question is... how can I tell if she wants to be closer friends, or if I am just in her large group of aquaintence friends. I understand that she will always have a million friends, but I would like to know how she thinks of me - one in a million or potentially a close friend. Do ENFP's have close friends?

    She is so full of life that I feel boring around her, even though I am generally not a boring person. Can a person ever feel confident being friends with an ENFP?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
    6 sx
    iNfp Ni


    I can't speak for your ENFP, but I have always felt a very close connection to my INFJ friends. I tend to equate the real value of a friend on emotional closeness and strength of connection. So even if life shakes things up a bit and I end up spending more time with other people, because maybe I work with them or am into some of the same hobbys, or maybe my partner is good buds with their partner, these things don't hold a candle to the way I feel about and see my INFJ's.

    The down side of that is that I believe my INFJ friends also look for time spent and continual interaction to determine strength of friendship, and I'm not very consistant with these things. I think that I have hurt their feelings alot, just through those fi/fe differences, which is a dam shame because I really do hold a very special place in my heart for them.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  3. #3
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Dec 2009


    Oh.... INFJ/ENFP relationships (be they friendships or romantic entanglements) can be very intense... at least that has been my experience. I guess I would caution Lily Flower to remember that for an ENFP to show interest in a relationship is not the same as when an INFJ does so. I think INFJs choose their friends very carefully. So does an ENFP choose their CLOSE, INNER CIRCLE friends carefully. That being said, any self-respecting ENFP has tons of friends who are not in the inner circle that are not chosen with such care. Thus, Lily Flower is correct that her being friends with you is not the same as her being a "close" friend with you as you define friendship.

    So I guess I would say that you should ask your ENFP what she thinks about your friendship. I'll tell you this, that while it might be hard to get an ENFP's attention, once you do, they are able to sustain the intensity of their attentions much like INFJs. So don't despair if you don't have her attention at first. If you make it clear that you are looking for a deep, meaningful friendship this is speaking in the language of dominant intuition (which both INFJs an ENFPs share). She'll get the idea and respond accordingly.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  4. #4
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    6w7 sp/sx


    I think she probably means it. I hear this complaint a lot about people and their ENFP friends. We genuinely connect with a lot of people because of the chameleon aspect. She also sounds like a super-extrovert, not true of all ENFP's for sure. It's the personality type- it ends up with a lot of genuine true close friends. It's the same definition, a lot of people just can't fathom the word "a lot" and "genuine and true friendships" in the same sentence. I want to ask those people if there was some kind of an unwritten rule against it. We live, eat, and sleep relationships, of course it is possible! Also, we can have a lot of acquaintances and shallow relationships as well. Close friendships aren't going to make us any more introverted and focused on just one person.
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  5. #5
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Mar 2011


    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    The down side of that is that I believe my INFJ friends also look for time spent and continual interaction to determine strength of friendship, and I'm not very consistant with these things. I think that I have hurt their feelings alot, just through those fi/fe differences, which is a dam shame because I really do hold a very special place in my heart for them.

    I think Huxley has worded it perfectly that the biggest problem with ENFP-INFJ is that INFJ is prone to be clingy to a potentially rewarding friendship where as ENFP would rather to keep a certain amount of personal space and distance.

    I've seen ENFP seem to be very compatible among ENFJ and ESFP since they seem to have a busy social life and that probes ENFP to continually keeping in touch with them.

    This is quite an interesting topic and I hope other types would infuse their ideas of my observation, especially if they think that my implementation may seem to be a bit off.

    The thing about ENFP-INFJ is that I consider this union is rewarding as long as you keep it as a pure friendship but romance (Starryknights may have more insights about this claim and I hope she would elaborate her ideas here).

    When it comes to both types, I think both are quite self-critical and challenging to themselves, but in opposing spheres. INFJ tends to seek challenge to promote personal growth based on their inner-self. A case in point is when we felt we lack of certain admirable qualities, we tend to dwell on improving it. Thus sometimes it results in mirroring from others. Whereas for ENFP, they tend to seek validation from the external world. Thus they invest heavily on observing people within their circle and really work their best on adjusting their personality to compliment others. And perhaps that makes them to become one of the most popular type among all.

    The problem is when INFJ pays too much attention on emotional investment by paying extra attention to those who they've handpicked selectively. As Fe empowers INFJ to show their inner-rich feelings and sentiments when they felt they're being appreciated by others with a deep level of understanding. This, however, can lead ENFP to feel less challenging to invest their radars on INFJ as ENFP can be so effortlessly intune with anyone once they've given a chance to get to know someone. So once INFJ reveals or open up too soon to ENFP, all the curiosity and motivation is dissipiate for ENFP and they will not pay the same amount of time and effort to socialize with one. I think this has to do with their genuine nature and challenge of being a people-pleaser. To keep ahold of ENFP's attention, one has to be constantly interesting and hard to read for them.

    Perhaps when ENFP and INFJ gets to share deep and insightful topics, that's when both types will become fascinated to learn from each other because they tend to have very different views regarding to the same topics. Though when INFJ decides to open up, they tend to open up too much and a little too fast, this will lessen the excitement from ENFP for putting an effort to get to know INFJ more as they're already super-busy with their endless strings of personal ties and connections from various groups.

    I think keeping a certain amount of distance of personal space and private/personal information is what makes the dynamic of ENFP and INFJ works in amiable harmony.

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