[INFJ] Dear INFJ Gentlemen, you are NOT ESTPs... So quit acting like it!

[Billy]

This is the most hilarious thing I've read in days! VICKY JO? Hoo boy.

Yeah, I read Vicky Jo like two years ago.

You might want to expand outward a little.

Let me guess, shes an INTJ too right?

 

[Thalassa]

Let me guess, shes an INTJ too right?

Not at all!

Just quite possibly the most obnoxious NFJ on the face of the earth.

I don't think her info is very objective, and she's kind of sketch in general...she told this guy on Personality Cafe not to tell anyone he was ISFP because of the way he'd be perceived.

 

[Vasilisa]

This won't be the first thread on how one struggles with being an NF male. And it won't be the last. I guess I was hoping for advice on how to be a good friend to my INFJ male friends when they are feeling the weight of society's expectations on them. Up until this point, the only thing I can think of is to whack 'em on the back of the head in the way Gibbs does to DiNozzo on NCIS.

Yes and this won't be the first thread where you harp on INFJs and it won't be the last where you show your inclination toward violence against them.

It has been my experience that male INFJs can be maddening in their obstinacy (far more so than their female counterparts). I oscillate between wanting to hug them and wanting to whack ‘em in the back of the head.

Those INFJ males are slippery devils aren't they? Soul-stealing creatures. And very kissable... even when I want to occasionally whack 'em on the back of the head.

But they can also (even within a good INFJ / ENFP relationship) have moments that they want to backhand each other.

This dynamic may be what simultaneously draws INFJs/ENFPs together... and makes them occasional want to backhand each other.

Oh.... my dear INFJs.... even when they need a good kick in the *ss, I (usually) adore them.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I think INFJs also seek out ESTP type behaviors because they secretly admire the freedom it affords, some of the "coolest" people IMO appear to be ESTP types with nothing to lose and who go out with no plans, no agendas, just sheer force of will and dominate as they see fit, Tyler Durden-esque... to an INFJ who feels weak and out of control that type of power is very seductive. Especially for a dude who is a constant overthinker, worried about the future, how he will affect those around him, who wants and wants and wants but holds back in order to be sure until its too late, ESTPs go out and TAKE... INFJ males kind of envy that in a way.

The 1st mistake you made is to beleive that INFJs are actually gentleman. In the realm of Ni and Ti there is a lot of cold calculate precision, Fe doesnt always come across as caring and warmth, sometimes it comes across as pushy and aggressive and in control. Add Se to the mix and its pretty easy to see how this can come about.

I find myself going in and out of ESTP periods, INFJ when I want to build, ESTP when I want to destroy. INFJ when I feel somewhat comfortable and I feel as though I have things to lose and I play cautious, ESTP when I feel left out and I have nothing to lose and I need to win and conquer in order to feel safe again. I figure most INFJ males bounce back and forth between these modes as they are both a part of the same mind.

I tend to act more assholeish and ESTPish and malewhoreish when I am single, I hurt more people, I take more risks and I feel more invulnerable. When I am with someone I care about I feel as though I have to reign in all my excess so I can keep things flowing, and harmonized. 2 sides of the same coin IMO.

This is reminiscent of an INFJ male friend of mine. He often seems to have a very split personality. He's bisexual as well, and often seems to feel uncertain in whether to play out his feminine or masculine side. If it's just me and him, he can very easily fit in as one of the girls. But throw in one of our other male friends into the mix, and suddenly it's a cocky, militant version of him. I recall him talking about wanting to act like an ass to girls just for the sure sake of it, for power, for the upper hand, and because he believes people respect it more. I do often think that he sees himself as a social outcast. At times, I feel on edge around him because I don't know if he's playing nice or being deceitful. I'm a bit of a paranoid kind of person, and he can make me feel paranoid at times. I only really link INFJ's with having that true ability of weilding the double edged sword.

 

[guesswho]

I've seen several INFJ gentlemen in my acquaintance act like the most obnoxious... well like really obnoxious ESTPs.

Isn't it funny how the people on the forum are only friends with the rare types?

And how so many people think they have the rarest types?

 

[sciski]

Isn't it funny how the people on the forum are only friends with the rare types?

Going off on a slight tangent here, but I don't know anybody who is similar enough to me to be the same type (at least to my understanding). But sometimes I wonder, if I met someone who was very much like me, would we be most excellent friends, or would I want to kill her for being so damn annoying?

 

[guesswho]

Going off on a slight tangent here, but I don't know anybody who is similar enough to me to be the same type (at least to my understanding). But sometimes I wonder, if I met someone who was very much like me, would we be most excellent friends, or would I want to kill her for being so damn annoying?

somebody with the NSFW type?

 

[sciski]

somebody with the NSFW type?

NSFW is a very annoying type.

 

[guesswho]

NSFW is a very annoying type.

the only annoying type I know is ESTJ. (and not all of 'em)

 

[OrangeAppled]

Isn't it funny how the people on the forum are only friends with the rare types?

And how so many people think they have the rarest types?

Really though, if INFJs are 2% of the population, then it's not that odd, especially when you consider that like attracts like (an NF attracts other NFs). I mean, I'm sure I know several hundred people, even if just casually, and so knowing a handful of INFJs is not so strange. Besides, the stats aren't very reliable, IMO.

 

[guesswho]

2% can also mean 0 out of 200.

 

[Thalassa]

Isn't it funny how the people on the forum are only friends with the rare types?

And how so many people think they have the rarest types?

I realize that I know a lot of SJs.

I also realize, though, that people who are more active in academic realms *may* know more INFJs or INTPs. OR something.

I still think that a lot people who think they're INFJs aren't, though.

 

[guesswho]

There's this facebook page about the MBTI and everybody's posting their results, and strangely so many people have rare types.

 

[Kierva]

Posers.

 

[entropie]

How dare people wanting to be special, get real people get real !

 

[iwakar]

Posers.

Hate to break it to ya chief, but if you're my Mr. Hyde, I'm yours.

True story.

 

[Kierva]

Hate to break it to ya chief, but if you're my Mr. Hyde, I'm yours.

True story.

 

[Hate]

@gif

tl;dr

 

[Oaky]

I think INFJs also seek out ESTP type behaviors because they secretly admire the freedom it affords, some of the "coolest" people IMO appear to be ESTP types with nothing to lose and who go out with no plans, no agendas, just sheer force of will and dominate as they see fit, Tyler Durden-esque... to an INFJ who feels weak and out of control that type of power is very seductive. Especially for a dude who is a constant overthinker, worried about the future, how he will affect those around him, who wants and wants and wants but holds back in order to be sure until its too late, ESTPs go out and TAKE... INFJ males kind of envy that in a way.

Oh definitely. This put things back to the INFJs achieving the highest position within the social and adventurous areas which would at many times, point to the ESTP persona. They tend to be able to pull things off for their while but it would certainly get tiresome for them eventually making for themselves a retreat back into the initial state.

 

[cascadeco]

Yeah, I see this..... I don't see them acting like ESTPs so much as wannabe SPs. They want to be seen as in-the-know, able to mentally/emotionally handle intense/difficult physical feats off the cuff, cultivating hobbies which are very "tangible". Whereas that seems natural in SPs, it seems contrived in them. I think this is especially common with INFJs males because of the pull of Fe to meet cultural standards & the male ideal. I see it waaaay less with female INFJs.

My INFJ definitely has a wannabe SP side. I've seen many SPs with a wannabe NJ side too. They tout their spirituality & try & seem deep, but it's cheesy. I think they probably make good suckers for NJ con-men.

It's funny, because I DON'T see this with NPs & SJs so much. It seems that they are repelled by their inferior functions, but SPs & NJs are fascinated with theirs (and each other). Of course that is a generalization & does not hold true for all.

Do you think it's always that they have a 'wannabe' SP side? I think in some cases, yes, it can be easy to be temporarily lulled into more of an STP mentality, and in darker/more lonely times, wishing we fit in better and more easily, as a reprieve from NiFe, and as more of a safety/survival/fitting in mode, but I think too it can go beyond it just being 'wannabe'. I think it's actually an element of being INFJ: this IS one side of the personality, and personally I don't think it's always bad.

I think it can be very beneficial in working through certain situations - sort of like a suit that you put on to accomplish a specific task and then you put the suit away. In some cases, I would say it's a tool/method that is very consciously used, say in a job interview or to get a certain result. So yes, perhaps it can be viewed as contrived, but I would argue the INFJ isn't trying to be someone else - they're in fact using those skills quite consciously to accomplish some aim, or to better survive a certain situation, not that they're trying to 'be' this other person. And I know for myself, I've never viewed Se as some 'evil' shadow thing. Sure it can have its negative manifestations, but I think it adds a totally positive and even *necessary* component to our cognition and ability to move effectively through the world and also hone our perceptions (Ni) in a more fruitful way. It's not like I'm (or other INFJ's are?) ever under the delusion that I am sp or look like I'm sp - it's just an element that I might realize needs to be utilized to better navigate a situation - better presence in the moment. But absolutely my core remains pretty non-sp, and it's not like I would every *really* actualize things like an actual SP would.

As for hobbies, I definitely have a lot of Se-type hobbies. I'm not deliberately 'cultivating' them though out of some need/wish to be someone I am not, though. I have these hobbies because I truly love them and they are a key element of who I am. They're merely a part of myself - but not a wannabe part, they ARE me. A part. Do I think/try to 'be stp' while I'm doing them? No, I am who I am. But they're just as much a part of me as NiFe, and I know I don't come across as sp when I'm doing them. But that's not the point. I'm doing them because I gain a lot of satisfaction out of doing them, and these activities,and experience/newness itself, and the ability to try to savor the moment, is important to keeping myself balanced and whole. Otherwise I'd fall into an endless NiTi pit.