[Se] Seeing the best in people

[Saslou]

I am unsure if this is an NF or F or Human trait but i'll ask here as i have a feeling i'll get most responses in this section.

I always try and see the best in people and in personal relationships feel a sense of sadness and disappointment when i find them to be human beings, yet am aware we are all capable of pain and hurt towards those close to us and those we have nothing in common with but i like to look past flaws and see the best of them and their potential.

If you also look for the best in people, are you happy with this even if you may feel a sense of disappointment? Is this an area within your personality you'd like to change? Do you feel that although aware of it, you don't want to change because this is essentially who you are?

I know in myself (at this moment in time) that i don't want to change the fact i see the best in people. Yes, sometimes i learn hard lessons and realise i need to toughen up but ultimately i learn new skills in coping with these situations.

Please add any other thoughts on the subject as i'm curious.

It's late, i'm tired and i'll post more tomorrow. Hope this makes sense.

 

[Lady_X]

i've just put myself in a situation that i'll likely be paying for my whole life and i'm overwhelmed by sadness and disappoint because of it...all because i naively assumed someone was better person than they were...so yeah i'm wishing i was less trusting.

 

[chickpea]

i used to be like this, but i think i've developed too hard of a shell and now it's more the opposite. i like having low expectations because i'll be pleasantly surprised more often.

whenever i try not to listen to my doubts about people, i end up regretting it later.

 

[ellessidil]

I am the same way with people. I tend to trust too much, although once my trust has been betrayed I also tend to write people off pretty well...

Ok, I lied. I am world renown for giving people second chances. But thats where I draw the line!

It sucks sometimes, but I see it as a facet of who I am more than a flaw or something I wish I didnt have.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I tend to have a neutral approach to most people. Good people can act badly depending upon the situation so it's tough to judge when it comes to interpersonal matters.

The full spectrum of someone's character or personality aren't known until you've given them a chance to act and I do my best to make that a calculated risk not a blind one.

 

[Giggly]

I don't think I ever could stop seeing the best in people, but I don't get over things quickly if I've been hurt and the relationship is over. Afterwards, I need A LOT of time and space without ever seeing or interacting with the person in order to forget and renew myself, and if I'm not allowed that time and space then the pain just drags on longer. I guess this means that I don't truly know how to forgive considering that I need to forget, but I'm learning that that's just how it is for me.

 

[KDude]

I see the best in people up close, but I'm kind of grouchy about humanity in general. It's like a seperate entity or something.

I'm not proud of it though... I just am.

 

[Santosha]

I see the best in people up close, but I'm kind of grouchy about humanity in general. It's like a seperate entity or something.

I'm not proud of it though... I just am.

I totally relate Kdude. This seems to be how it is for me as well. Individually & initially I seem to have quite a pedestal complex, especially with imtimate relations. When that bubble bursts (and that bubble has lasted a long god dam time in certain pairings) its is actually VERY painful for me to come to terms with the reality of a person instead of my projected ideal. But hey, don't they call us idealists for a reason?

As far as humanity is concerned.. I can swing into extremism on both misanthropy and philanthropy.. and all of this seems to depend very much on whatever current experience and cirumstance takes place. This is how I KNOW that what one says of about the world relfects more on the mind than it does the actual world. But generally, reaching far into my gut I do side with optomistim in human nature, and tend to be very forgiving and understanding of human failings.. always acknowledging a condition that may have caused the dissapointing behavior.

I am, for sure, the hardest on those close to me. I tend to hold them in such high regard that when they do fall its a much longer drop.

 

[Rail Tracer]

I try (keyword: try) to see the best in people.

Humanity as a whole? I'm generally optimistic enough.

 

[Halla74]

Sas,

Have you checked into the "Pygmalion Effect?"

Watch the movie "My Fair Lady" to get a great crash course on it...



-Alex

 

[Halla74]

Sas,

Have you checked into the "Pygmalion Effect?"

Watch the movie "My Fair Lady" to get a great crash course on it...



-Alex

 

[Saslou]

Having a few mins to think about this more indepth, i am grateful for those who have entered my life and showed me that humanity can be kind and considerate etc but has also helped me understand those who are in pain and acting out. It's not a direct attack on me per se (or maybe it is) but rather a feeling within themselves that doesn't quite add up.

It's a quality i enjoy having and moreso i enjoy sharing that quality with those close to me.

Sas,

Have you checked into the "Pygmalion Effect?"

Watch the movie "My Fair Lady" to get a great crash course on it...



-Alex

As always, thank you darling for your input. Wiki is awesome. I think possibly the flip side to pygmalion effect is that one may think too much pressure has been put upon them to achieve so resents the very person who helped/assisted them to achieve some form of awesomeness.

My Fair Lady .. On the 'to do list'

 

[SilkRoad]

I sort of claim to be cynical about human nature, and tend to have a dark view overall of people's selfishness, etc. But in practice, I often trust too much, and can also do the "putting on pedestal" thing etc. ALthough, that is mainly in the area of romance. I don't do it too much with friends, so I have fewer problems in my friendships...

The main things I'm trying to do are to be realistic, to not have expectations which are too high or too low, and to not get overly invested in people or overly attached especially when there is some doubt as to their motives. Just being cautious and keeping some distance.

I do think that people have a lot of potential for good in them, but they tend to swing toward selfishness - it's easier and feels better in the short-term, I guess.

 

[Lux]

I am a little backwards.. I see the best in people, I'm not cynical about them as individuals, and humans as a whole... I see as beautiful - both light and dark, I need to have the balance of that.

That all being said, while I see the best, I don't really rely on or trust many people. I just don't click with enough of them on the level I crave, and while I like them and see them as 'good' I don't trust them with me, my thoughts or feelings. So while I see the good, I'm not naive or too trusting, and in reality I've probably lost out on some good friends by being too closed off. It's something I'm working on, it's a newer realization of mine, and as such is a work in progress.