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[ENFP] ENFPs, do you need a lot of alone time?

Elfboy

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I know I do. I'm a friggin recluse. while I'm the furthest thing from shy or soft spoken, when I get home, my first thought is
"finally! okay...
- music
- tea
- thoughts
now, time to relax for 3-6 hours"
all throughout high school, I never desired being tied down by outside obligations if I could afford it. the idea of doing school, homework, hanging out with friends AND being involved in several school activities was like "my God, how can you breath?"
most of my time was spent in my room just thinking about what I wanted, what I should believe, human nature, and the general governing principles of the world. I had a few close friends, but aside from that, I never hung out with anyone or went to parties or sporting events. despite this, I was never lonely, but I would get irritable if anyone disturbed me.

while this is very unusual behavior for an extrovert, ENFPs are by far the most introverted extrovert. So, is typical of ENFPs are is it mostly a Self Preservation/Sexual instinctual subtype thing?
 
A

Anew Leaf

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I know I do. I'm a friggin recluse. while I'm the furthest thing from shy or soft spoken, when I get home, my first thought is
"finally! okay...
- music
- tea
- thoughts
now, time to relax for 3-6 hours"
all throughout high school, I never desired being tied down by outside obligations if I could afford it. the idea of doing school, homework, hanging out with friends AND being involved in several school activities was like "my God, how can you breath?"
most of my time was spent in my room just thinking about what I wanted, what I should believe, human nature, and the general governing principles of the world. I had a few close friends, but aside from that, I never hung out with anyone or went to parties or sporting events. despite this, I was never lonely, but I would get irritable if anyone disturbed me.

while this is very unusual behavior for an extrovert, ENFPs are by far the most introverted extrovert. So, is typical of ENFPs are is it mostly a Self Preservation/Sexual instinctual subtype thing?

My mom was an ENFP SO/SX and while she loved being around people... she was also extremely comfortable being alone for large swaths of time. I have a couple ENFP friends that I have noticed this same trend with as well. I also have seen it in a bunch of ENTP friends and family. ENPs are the easiest extraverts for me to be around because they aren't as draining... unless they are in super Ne-storm mode for a long period of time. ;)

So I think what you describe sounds pretty normal for an ENFP!
 

Elfboy

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My mom was an ENFP SO/SX and while she loved being around people... she was also extremely comfortable being alone for large swaths of time. I have a couple ENFP friends that I have noticed this same trend with as well. I also have seen it in a bunch of ENTP friends and family. ENPs are the easiest extraverts for me to be around because they aren't as draining... unless they are in super Ne-storm mode for a long period of time. ;)

So I think what you describe sounds pretty normal for an ENFP!

interesting you find ENFPs easy to cope with (although given you're INFP it makes sense) we have Ne storms, Fi storms AND Te storms that come out periodically. at least we don't have Si storms or Fe storms, those are the worst to deal with :D (Ne and Te storms can be reasoned with, Si and Fe storms cannot)
 

Giggly

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The topic of extroverts needing much time alone is pretty confusing to me, esp if they become drained by others. Yes, I know that some extroverts (it's not just ENFPs either) need a lot of time alone but that is also the mark of an introvert. And many introverts say they are not shy and I believe them. Distinguishing Introvert/extrovert gets confusing except in the case of outliers.

The only possible reasoning I've come up with is that extroverts who need a lot of time alone maybe don't like people that much and withdraw (?)
It's also difficult to tell the difference between an introvert who doesn't like people and an introvert who is truly more energized by being alone.
 

chickpea

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My mom was an ENFP SO/SX and while she loved being around people... she was also extremely comfortable being alone for large swaths of time. I have a couple ENFP friends that I have noticed this same trend with as well. I also have seen it in a bunch of ENTP friends and family. ENPs are the easiest extraverts for me to be around because they aren't as draining... unless they are in super Ne-storm mode for a long period of time. ;)

So I think what you describe sounds pretty normal for an ENFP!


my mom's the same exact type as yours and the same way. she liked being around friends and entertaining a lot , but she spends most of her free time alone reading books and not wanting to be bothered.
 

Elfboy

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The topic of extroverts needing much time alone is pretty confusing to me, esp if they become drained by others. Yes, I know that some extroverts (it's not just ENFPs either) need a lot of time alone but that is also the mark of an introvert. And many introverts say they are not shy and I believe them. Distinguishing Introvert/extrovert gets confusing except in the case of outliers.

The only possible reasoning I've come up with is that extroverts who need a lot of time alone maybe don't like people that much (?)
It's also difficult to tell the difference between an introvert who doesn't like people and an introvert who is more energized by being alone.

SO true :yes: in fact, I said part of that almost verbatim in Uwace's type me thread just a few hours ago. I wonder just how many types of introversion there are
 

targobelle

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As an enfp I find that because I give so much of myself when I am out, it's a go go go situation, that I need time to unwind and it's not that I am tired it's that dealing with emotions all the time can be overwhelming, and it leaves me feeling drained.

I find that I can walk into a room and automatically feel the tension that others may have, and it affects me, so coming home to silence gives me time to process and unwind. I love people love being out and happy and bubbly, but it's exhausting lol
 

SilkRoad

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My friend who I thought was an INFJ (one of the tests told her so) is a likely ENFP, I think. She could be an INFP but... I'm pretty sure that she is not INFJ as (among other things) she is super-intense emotionally in the moment, but also moves on from things more quickly than me. She's also a billion times more impetuous. She's a textbook enneagram 4 and I'd say sx/sp.

Anyway, she spends a lot of time alone and always talks about how she's a hermit and I'm more social than she is. (A lot of people seem to make the mistake of thinking I'm some kind of major socialite). But...unlike me, I know that she hardly ever sits alone reading a book and that sort of thing. When she's at home alone - and I know this because I've come over many times - she's almost always on Skype with someone, chatting, phoning, writing an email, etc etc. She's much more likely than I would ever be to, in a middle of a convo, say "oh man, that reminds me of my friend in NY! Let's phone her right now!" Although she does sometimes get pissed and cut people out of her life, she often lets them back in quite soon - she's even kept a lot of people around who I just wouldn't see the point of having around for my emotional energy levels or frankly my dignity, like exes who really screwed her around but then after a while she was friends with them again. If she travels somewhere or lives somewhere else for a while she'll make a bunch of friends, whereas unless I was living somewhere for at least several months I probably wouldn't make more than a few casual acquaintances, or maybe one good friend. It takes me much longer to feel close to people, usually. Etc. So in my opinion, she's only seriously hermit-like when she's depressed, because she does have tendencies to depression. ANd I think even in those times of serious withdrawal there's been one or two people she continues talking to. I literally can have days where I don't talk to anyone, though admittedly I spend more time on the internet than I used to. ;) I can be happy with no interaction at all though, at least for a while. I don't think she would be for very long.

I tend to think that's she's an ENFP who due to being sensitive has withdrawn from a lot of people and doesn't trust a lot of people. Her health also isn't the best so she's often sick or needing to regain energy. But I think there are a lot of indications that she's an extrovert, though she could maybe be INFP. It's just that while she does spend a lot of time alone, it's not 100% alone, if you know what I mean.
 

ilovelurking

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My only guess (Note: Guess) is that since ENFPs expend their energy with Fi could only be possibly the reason why sometimes they need time alone.

And it's not often that ENFPs express their feelings so openly to everyone - even if it might seem to be that way on a surface level of things.
 

Malkavia

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I love having time alone. I lived with people till I graduated college this May. Since then I have lived alone and it has been one of the best experiences of my life.

The more time alone I get, the more I want.
 

Tannhauser

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Sometimes I crave alonetime from certain individuals. But, I don't really need alonetime "in general" to cope with my extroverted needs.
 

Elfboy

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My only guess (Note: Guess) is that since ENFPs expend their energy with Fi could only be possibly the reason why sometimes they need time alone.

And it's not often that ENFPs express their feelings so openly to everyone - even if it might seem to be that way on a surface level of things.

true, we're intellectually expressive much more than emotionally expressive
 
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Glycerine

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Strangely, most of the ENFPs I have known were extemely social and needed people around all the time but as they grew older, they needed more alone time.
 
G

Glycerine

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The topic of extroverts needing much time alone is pretty confusing to me, esp if they become drained by others. Yes, I know that some extroverts (it's not just ENFPs either) need a lot of time alone but that is also the mark of an introvert. And many introverts say they are not shy and I believe them. Distinguishing Introvert/extrovert gets confusing except in the case of outliers.

The only possible reasoning I've come up with is that extroverts who need a lot of time alone maybe don't like people that much and withdraw (?)
It's also difficult to tell the difference between an introvert who doesn't like people and an introvert who is truly more energized by being alone.
well, for me, as an ENFJ, I am a very introverted extrovert (I am probably the most introverted in my family). I love the subtle flow of people interaction and intermittent interactions with others throughout the day energizes me. If it's a group of highly social, loud people, I tend to mentally break down after an hour and withdraw. This is because I have always been highly sensitive to my surroundings: lights and noise.
 

targobelle

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Strangely, moat of the ENFPs I have were extemely social and needed people around all the time but as they grew older, they needed more alone time.

that is a very interesting observation.... I have to wonder if this is because as we get older we develop more of our personality, and gather new strengths?
 
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Glycerine

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that is a very interesting observation.... I have to wonder if this is because as we get older we develop more of our personality, and gather new strengths?
Yeah. That's probably part of it but I gotta say school and/or work can exhaust people like what EB mentioned and can contribute to the need to "get away". I would be hardpressed to say ENFPs or any other extrovert are most introverted because it's just rather hard to quantify.
 

targobelle

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Yeah. That's probably part of it but I gotta say school and/or work can exhaust people like what EB mentioned and can contribute to the need to "get away". I would be hardpressed to say ENFPs or any other extrovert are most introverted because it's just rather hard to quantify.

I can honestly say that for at least 3 1/2 yrs I escaped reality b/c I didn't want to deal with my present situation. Strangely when I finally did deal with it, it wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it to be.

Anyway that aside I wonder if I hid b/c of my own insecurities? I would think that all personality types have insecurities of one kind or another but if the Fi that an enfp has internalizes their emotions would it then be worse? So depending on their level of insecurities could this potentially cause them to withdraw and escape from reality for periods of time?
 
G

Glycerine

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I can honestly say that for at least 3 1/2 yrs I escaped reality b/c I didn't want to deal with my present situation. Strangely when I finally did deal with it, it wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it to be.

Anyway that aside I wonder if I hid b/c of my own insecurities? I would think that all personality types have insecurities of one kind or another but if the Fi that an enfp has internalizes their emotions would it then be worse? So depending on their level of insecurities could this potentially cause them to withdraw and escape from reality for periods of time?
yeah I could definitely see how a good chunk of one's innate personality (saying this in broadest sense) plus some environmental factors could definitely influence at which one withdraws. I would think some ENFPs would act out in order to escape their problems while others withdraw. Some factors would probably include the individual's temperament, interaction style with others, level of sensitivity/resiliency, coping/defense mechanism, the type of support system, and stressors. Although I see MBTI as pseudoscience, I think it's a good starting point. In MBTI terms, many ENFPs are going to have similar characteristics, each is going to have an unique make up of the aforementioned factors. It becomes a whole different ball game.
 

Giggly

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well, for me, as an ENFJ, I am a very introverted extrovert (I am probably the most introverted in my family). I love the subtle flow of people interaction and intermittent interactions with others throughout the day energizes me. If it's a group of highly social, loud people, I tend to mentally break down after an hour and withdraw. This is because I have always been highly sensitive to my surroundings: lights and noise.

Do you test close to the border of I/E?
An hour is really not very much time. I would maybe even call that extroverted introvert depending on how frequently you want it.
 
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Glycerine

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Yes I do test close on the E/I dichotomy. Hmm with lower energy people, I can be energised for hours but with high energy environments, I get drained really fast.
 
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