[INFJ] Helping an INFJ

[Hobotastic]

My friend who is an INFJ was in a relationship with a VERY unhealthy ENFJ, and she, the ENFJ, tore him to pieces and used him (This isn't a bash ENFJ's thread, as I said, she is a very unhealthy ENFJ) and he thought he would be able to fix her, but he really just opened his heart right up to her and she decided to hurt him, a lot.
Even though that was a while ago, I hate to see him suffering every time she decides to do or say anything involving him, because he genuinely cared about her and sort of still does, what would be the best way to help him? I feel terrible just sitting by and seeing him in so much pain D:

 

[sulfit]

Be there for him emotionally and help him see the truth.

 

[Moxiest]

Maybe distract him with other options? :/ I don't know... ENFJ's aren't supposed to be one of the better matches for INFJ's... does he know this?

 

[SilkRoad]

Time and distance are the only cures sometimes. Do they have to be around each other/somewhat involved in each other's lives still, or can he remove her from his life...sounds like that's probably the best thing!

Otherwise...if you can be there when he wants to vent, and listen in a non-judgmental way, that would probably help a lot!

And if he makes some kind of weird-sounding request like "please don't ever mention her to me again or say her name in my presence or update me on what's happening with her", don't tell him he's overreacting or anything...just go along with it...I've asked people to do that for me before :S

 

[Lily flower]

Maybe distract him with other options? :/ I don't know... ENFJ's aren't supposed to be one of the better matches for INFJ's... does he know this?

This is totally not true. ENFJ's are one of the best matches for INFJ's.

 

[Moxiest]

Lilyflower, where did you obtain this data?

 

[Hobotastic]

Maybe distract him with other options? :/ I don't know... ENFJ's aren't supposed to be one of the better matches for INFJ's... does he know this?

He's not into MBTI that much. I had him take a test and the accuracy scared him away from it xD
Thanks for the suggestions, he now lives 7 states away, broke his phone and is now renounced her from his life just today, so I guess the only thing I can do for him is listen when he wants to vent :/

 

[Phoenix]

I was an ENFJ in a bad 8 year relationship with an unhealthy ENFP. Soon as my marriage was over, the first thing I sought out was comforting company [but that was probably due to my enneagram type as well: 6w5] ... my personal needs are emotional support, empathy, consideration and just someone who will be there for me when I want to vent - and I really need to vent a lot before I can start feeling better after a bad relationship.

ENFJ's bane is being alone, and not being contacted. We try to reach out to people once or twice, and if we don't get an emotionally warm response, we tend to become even more reclusive and avoidant. For us seeking help [especially when we're so used to giving it all the time] is very difficult - so we end up expecting it rather than actively seeking it.

I would suggested contacting the ENFJ every now and then through texts, e-mails and phonecalls. If you feel as though the ENFJ is really weighing in on you emotionally and over-whelming you with his rants, then please bear with him for that duration - instead of becoming over-whelmed and backing away. Usually when we're allowed to rant to someone, it's a huge flood of emotions but we eventually do come out of it and then start returning the "favour" through our own way.