[INFJ] INFJ in the work place.

[Cantsleep78]

Hello, this is my first post. I tested for INFJ back in college and it is a topic that interests me every now and then. I looked into this sort of webpage tonight because I am currently concerned with my role in my workplace. I am wondering if my personality type is behind me situation or not. Or is it just a common situation all people are in, without personality type factoring in?

I have grown to realize that I take a sort pride in comradery at work. My two earlier jobs, it was mostly built around us younger people and there was never much that happened to shatter view of this comradery being part of the work place.

But both of my jobs that I've had in my late 20s and early 30s have eventually developed into situations where I realize that "the team" isn't really there. There are stages that seems to take place.

1) I go through my usual shy period for about a month where I get used to people and I come out of my shell.

2) Then about a year goes by where I feel comfortable and appreciated. If co-workers need help, I volunteer to help (if available) and I am happy about it because I know that they'd do the same for me. Even if we all aren't good friends, we at least understand that we have each others backs and all that.

3) Somewhere by the second year I realize that I am being taken advantage of (thats how it feels anyway). I realize that the majority of my co-workers will not volunteer to help me when I need help and they aren't busy.

This all leads to me realizing that me and my co-workers aren't nearly as close as I thought we were. I start replaying various times where I'd talked about my personal life like I was with close friends. All of these sort of things hit my like a bucket of cold water. I feel like such a fool. Like someone hadn't explained the rules to me. We aren't real friends (somtimes there may be an exception of course). Most of these people are just out for themselves and will do what they can to make things easier for themselves (whether it is a day off, leaving early, coming in late, or not having to do a task).

4) Then I go through a period where I close up again. When chit chat moments come up I do a lot of thinking like, "Don't say too much, like you used too, you will just be a fool for keeping this pretense going any longer than it needs to be." I grow concerned that I may fall back into the "lie."

5) Then cycles begin where I warm up, see reality, get cold. But with each cycle the coldness/reality of things stays with me more.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Am I just "growing up" in a sense and we all go through this no matter what type of personality we are? Or is this a personality thing that INFJs are more likely to experience?

Sorry if some of this is unclear or I am missing any key points I planned to make, it is getting late and I am sleepy.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

This all leads to me realizing that me and my co-workers aren't nearly as close as I thought we were. I start replaying various times where I'd talked about my personal life like I was with close friends. All of these sort of things hit my like a bucket of cold water. I feel like such a fool. Like someone hadn't explained the rules to me. We aren't real friends (somtimes there may be an exception of course). Most of these people are just out for themselves and will do what they can to make things easier for themselves (whether it is a day off, leaving early, coming in late, or not having to do a task).

I can relate to a lot of your descriptions especially with this one in particular.

I think it's just a matter of our own judgement of value and responsibility especially. I've been in your simliar position but the worst thing is that I got promoted as a leader of the team. I really dislike the attention of having power as my boss really likes me. That causes much jealousy and I really tried hard to mingle with my co-workers just to make sure that there won't be any workplace drama. And I was wrong.

So eventually, I just did what you had displayed. By closing up and keeping a distance and later, gradually warm up and hang out with them after work and all. I suppose people in general enjoy competition whereas I rather enjoy with competing with myself by always setting a higher-goal. Unfortunately, most of my colleagues thought I'm just trying to maintain the power of my position by working excessively hard.

It's not really about growing up but it's more about if we want to assimilate to the coworkers' working atmosphere (by being laidback) or just stick with our own guns for fighting hard for our beliefs.

And yes, one of the lessons I've learned from my previous (and only) workplace is not to open up as much to them. Find a friend outside of your workplace if you feel need to do so.

That's my advice.

 

[Quay]

Allof this is how I am at work. I'm in a very cool period with the folks at my job right now, but it's really not personal. And I also went through a period where I felt I was being taken advantage of (working too much overtime and little to no recognition from management), so I simply stopped overdoing it. It was too taxing on my family, and I ain't having that.

Right now, I'm just bored with my job and ready to move on. I guess this is why I'm detached, so the bonds I have made won't be so hard to let go of when I finally check out of here.

 

[ilovelurking]

I can relate to all of the points you mentioned, Quay.

I also did the detached-to-move-on-easily thing, too.

 

[skylights]

This all leads to me realizing that me and my co-workers aren't nearly as close as I thought we were. I start replaying various times where I'd talked about my personal life like I was with close friends. All of these sort of things hit my like a bucket of cold water. I feel like such a fool. Like someone hadn't explained the rules to me. We aren't real friends (somtimes there may be an exception of course). Most of these people are just out for themselves and will do what they can to make things easier for themselves (whether it is a day off, leaving early, coming in late, or not having to do a task).

i think in my mind there is a special separation between coworker friend and friend friend. that can definitely be bridged, but if it hasn't been bridged outside of work, then i'm unlikely to bridge it within work. like... if you're my friend at work, then i'll help you with a task, as long as i know that i'm sufficiently caught up with mine. if you're my friend friend, then i might completely ignore my own tasks to help you when you're in a rut. if you're my friend at work and you need to leave early and i don't have anything to do that day, i would stay extra for you. but if i'm meeting up with a friend, then i wouldn't call them and ask if we can meet a bit later. but if you and i were friend friends, i would.

the point being i may - others may - very well feel a fondness akin to friendship friendship with you, but it hasn't crossed those lines for whatever reason.

I realize that the majority of my co-workers will not volunteer to help me when I need help and they aren't busy.

unless you have been already, i definitely recommend just outright asking them.

admittedly i am a creature of comfort and love my coworkers though i may, if i'm not busy, sometimes i really just like to sit my butt down and relax, or work on some of the 200 other things i have to think about in my life.

i think NFJs are a lot more aware of social kindness and what should be done than many types. but so much of it goes on below the surface. my ENFJ friend is like this... sometimes she will judge me or others on things we haven't done that we really have no idea that we're supposed to be doing, because we are really just not as socially gifted as you guys are. it's like i have to play a game of guessing what the right thing to do is, because she's not going to tell me, but i know if i do the wrong thing i'll get shut out. i feel like maybe that sort of thing is operating on a much lesser level here. you have certain expectations of coworkers that may not necessarily even play into their thought structure, and then you realize that they aren't acting the same way you would... but what if they're acting differently but actually feel the same fondness for you that you do for them? cause i think it sounds like you decide that they don't really like you and push away from them because they're not meeting your expectations, but maybe it's like my friend and me, when i don't really realize that she expects something different. your coworkers might be happy to be closer, if you reached out instead of drawing away?

not trying to criticize, just trying to think of other possibilities

 

[Pan-en-theist]

Vicky Jo Warner has a great line for INFJs experiencing job stress: "Don't give to takers. Give only to givers." Sounds paradoxical, but if you can find the givers at your job, and give to their giving, you'll recognize each other as mutual givers, and have a friend. Moreover, you'll both ascend through the ranks. Bosses and supervisors like givers!

 

[Cantsleep78]

Thanks for the responses. I think what gets me is that I think I live by the "do unto others" concept. So it drives me crazy when someone does (or doesn't do) something when I have to imagine they wouldn't appreciate it done to them. I notice that most co-workers my age do their work well. But the older crowd likes to leave stuff waiting for others to finish. I don't know if they are going by the "i've paid my dues" mentality or what. Either way, I think it is nonsense. We work the same post (i work it more) so when they have their little hour shift they should give it more of their all.

A previous post mentioned how I should keep my co-worker friends at a distance. I have def. learned this. It is surprising to me that this isn't something I just knew. It is common sense. I think my earlier jobs (where I worked with friends that I knew before I worked there) gave me a distorted view of how things are done. That and how this work environment does put up some act like we are buddies.

 

[Reverie]

Vicky Jo Warner has a great line for INFJs experiencing job stress: "Don't give to takers. Give only to givers." Sounds paradoxical, but if you can find the givers at your job, and give to their giving, you'll recognize each other as mutual givers, and have a friend. Moreover, you'll both ascend through the ranks. Bosses and supervisors like givers!

I am writing this down!