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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default INFJs and Stress

    I didn’t really know where to turn so I thought that fellow INFJ’s might be able to help.

    I’ve been feeling an extraordinary amount of stress over the past few years. Unable to find a FT job, I have several PT jobs which involve working in the helping professions. I find myself burnt out, absent-minded (which I tend to be, but I’ve noticed it’s interfering with my work), and just messing up all around (e.g., not remembering things, messing up assignments, performing below standards, etc). Add to that my INTJ partner has been emotionally unavailable and MIA for certain moments, as well, so I’ve been especially sensitive at those times.

    At this point, I want to say “screw it” and just throw everything to the wind. I really don’t know how to cope with everything that’s going on. I am a bit reserved so don’t have many close friends - I don’t think anyone gets what’s going on with me. I wish I didn’t have so many responsibilities and wish I could just be carefree, but I feel like I’ve worked up in my positions for so long it would be ridiculous to throw away all that I’ve worked for. It honestly seems like everything is going wrong and I can’t seem to change my shortcomings. I also don’t know how to deal with my partner choosing to be alone (sometimes for a long period) when we have a big argument. I’m afraid if this relationship were to evolve into something more serious, he might just abandon me out of the blue. It makes me feel like he’s not invested in the relationship. Sometimes when we’re arguing, he mentions things he’s been feeling that he failed to mention before and I’m like “where did that come from?” When I try to ask how he’s feeling at other times, he rarely brings it up. I don’t feel a sense of maturity, and what kills me is the coldness and the attitude that he can do without me...that I'm crazy for getting emotional.

    Anyway, I know I went on a little bit but I'm feeling really overwhelmed...

  2. #2
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    First of all, welcome! I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I know how it feels to be burnt out and 'abandoned'. The main problem might be the emotional disconnectedness you feel with your INTJ. You're having a rough time and you go to him for emotional support - only to find that he's not there for you.

    I don't know the specifics of your situation, like whether it's worth pursuing your job or your relationship further, but I think you need to find some time for yourself. I get overwhelmed and cranky whenever I don't have my 'quality alone time', so maybe you need to find that kind of time to do what you want and be who you are. It might be worth thinking about what you really want out of life. What kind of job would be ideal? What kind of relationship? Where do you want to be?

    You're feeling overwhelmed right now -- why not take a few days off to just be with yourself and think about things?

    For short-term relief, cleaning out my living space always helps. Once I throw the clutters away I feel a lot more in control of my life and feel like I can face it
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011


    I too am married to an INTJ so I understand what you're going through. 21% is on the right track. Two introverts in a marriage often create an "us against the world" mentality, and unless you can make some friends outside of your marriage or find some personal time to pursue something INTJs aren't interested in, you'll self implode. You have some Fe auxiliary/good parent needs that aren't being addressed. INFJs must interact with people--we are people people, aren't we? My wife has learned to let me go kayaking with my river rat friends when I need to. The good company plus the nature therapy puts me right back in the zone. 21% recommends closet organizing. That's always good.
    Do you have any pets? My basset hound Winston and I take walks together out in the Pine Barrens. What a fine companion he is! I have a tomcat named Emerson who is a charmer, too. There are all kinds of ways for you to fulfill that extraverted feeling auxiliary. You can always come here. We'll listen to you. Take care.

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