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[MBTI General] Tough love. It's not love if it's tough.

Meek

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I agree with this..... the people who counsel drug addicts through rehab & whatnot are not emotionally involved for a reason (not involved the way a family member would be anyway). If they're acting out of love, it's a love for humanity in general, not a personal love. When family/close friends are involved in such affairs, it often is just an expression of concern & love on their part to let the person know they are valued so they feel motivated to make changes (ie. interventions).

I think there's a big difference between being firm & "tough love", which I see as abrasive, insensitive & coming from a selfish place. It's someone who doesn't want to be bothered or won't accept responsibility for some monster they creates, not a genuine interest in guiding a child or partner or whoever it is that needs some structure & emotional support.




Agreed. A major role of the parent is to teach love, not to teach that the world is unkind. Everyone learns that fast enough, but they often don't learn is how to show love, compassion, sympathy, concern, etc.

I wonder if those kids who laugh on the playground are being taught to be insensitive, without compassion, unloving, etc, because their parents think it's "tough love". I saw kids on the playground reach out to others when hurt; so not all are taught the same.



I think this depends on the form of discipline. Discipline does not simply mean to punish or impose rules, but to teach & train how to deal with existing structure in the world & that there are consequences for negative actions. This can be done so lovingly of course. It doesn't have to be harsh or insensitive or squash individuality.
I think love requires discipline when it comes to raising children but I think a parent can be understanding & still correct their child. Often, this makes the child more receptive to discipline anyway.

Ah, sorry, didn't specify. I meant that disciplining with tough love by yelling at your child for doing drugs is not love.

Sitting a child in time out is making it so they learn from their mistakes. I wish I had more time outs as a kid :/
 

Thalassa

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To explain why I thought of writing this:
My boyfriend's dad wanted to take on the role of being my second dad.
He told me I can come to him any time I need to, when I am crying, stressed about anything that he is always here for me.
The words "love dad" are always on my facebook wall by him.

Well, recently he has started to complain that I stress him out too much with my problems and I wrote something on facebook like this:

"I want to know something. What is the point of being a parent if you limit your emotional support for a child who just needs love? I now know there is such a thing as a fair weather parent."

And he responded with; "Ever heard of tough love???" I guess I feel like I've been treated unfairly by him and he's made excuses to treat me like shit.

ENTJs can love you in one way, but an ISFP will love you in another. I don't think it's about him being "fair weather" but about him being ENTJ.

It's good to step back and assess the strengths and weaknesses of your individual parent, grandparent, or guardian, and see that they mean well but have a different definition of what's good for you.
 

Meek

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I think it is love. I am eternally grateful for the backbone my ISTJ grandfather gave me, and even for some of the toughness his ESTJ wife gave me, though I'm glad for the kindness and sensiitivity shown to me by my ISFJ grandmother who died when I was about six, and for the more easy going nature of my ESFP mother.

Because of my backbone and toughness I can get through situations other people can't, adjust, defend myself, and I have less fear about chasing my dreams. I think that ability to not be fearful was instilled into my by ESTJ, who was the kind of parent who shoved you right back on the bike when you fell off.

They made some mistakes, nobody is perfect, but I entirely credit the strength I have to STJs who did a lot of tough love stuff. They also balanced it with always providing in spades for my physical and intellectual needs (I had everything and then some, fancy toys I didn't need, nice clothes, and extra classes outside of school like dance and piano lessons) even if they weren't as emotionally soft and told me to toughen up sometimes when they should have been more understanding.

But, like I said, I have my mom, and aunts, who were more soft or understanding.

I can't say enough good things about teaching children to have a backbone and initiative. It's my own biased world view, though. I've always kind of had a distaste for extremely "sheltered" people.

Not to down on your grandfather or grandmother, I'm sure they were loving but I think that with me, I have a backbone and can get through a lot of things others can't because they didn't experience the hardships I faced but, no parent should have to put their child through the hardships. These things are definitely unnecessary, not saying they did that to you, though but I have actually known of a few parents who do this to their children. I even see it in public.

I remember watching a one year old fall on his face and his father picked him up and said "That's life, son you gotta deal with it, stop crying, son, that's what happens" which pissed me off, because he should have not said that, as if the kid could understand him that much, anyway. I would have hugged him and kissed where he fell, letting him know that he is not alone. The scariest thing for a child at times is to feel alone while in pain. It's uncertain and terrifying.
 

Meek

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ENTJs can love you in one way, but an ISFP will love you in another. I don't think it's about him being "fair weather" but about him being ENTJ.

It's good to step back and assess the strengths and weaknesses of your individual parent, grandparent, or guardian, and see that they mean well but have a different definition of what's good for you.

Well, my real dad is also fair weather. It's not about the type, it's about the person. I just mentioned Entj to specify more.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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It kind of comes down to whether you can learn truly through theory or if you need experience to understand.

Also whether you think a child can learn themselves, or need to be shown. So it's the first statement from the view of the child.
 

Thalassa

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Well, my real dad is also fair weather. It's not about the type, it's about the person. I just mentioned Entj to specify more.

You may need to a cuddly Fe type to re-parent you, someone who has endless energy for your problems.

I'm saying this because yes ENTJs can get annoyed with what they see as constant complaints or lack of self-direction though they might be pleased to give you what you need (food, shelter, advice in a real bind).

Te tends to "love" by helping you map out strategies or giving you solutions, or simply reminding you of facts when you're upset to get you to calm down.

Some types are more likely to see this kind of thing as "neediness" than others.

Find a nice NFJ or SFJ.
 

OrangeAppled

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I think it is love. I am eternally grateful for the backbone my ISTJ grandfather gave me, and even for some of the toughness his ESTJ wife gave me, though I'm glad for the kindness and sensiitivity shown to me by my ISFJ grandmother who died when I was about six, and for the more easy going nature of my ESFP mother.

Because of my backbone and toughness I can get through situations other people can't, adjust, defend myself, and I have less fear about chasing my dreams. I think that ability to not be fearful was instilled into my by ESTJ, who was the kind of parent who shoved you right back on the bike when you fell off.

They made some mistakes, nobody is perfect, but I entirely credit the strength I have to STJs who did a lot of tough love stuff.

I can't say enough good things about teaching children to have a backbone and initiative. It's my own biased world view, though. I've always kind of had a distaste for extremely "sheltered" people.

I was not raised with "tough love" and I've always had a lot of backbone & been quite self-sufficient. I consider myself pretty emotionally resilient also.

The only way I was timid was socially, and my ISFJ mom did not push me because her ESFJ mom pushed her and it set her back years. I was allowed to go at my own pace & came out better for it.

It reminds me of my INFJ aunt's recent comments on potty training, how she waited til her son was ready & wanted to do it, and she had him fully trained in a weekend. My other ENFP aunt had started her sons earlier with a more pushy, disciplined approach, & it took her 2 years full of setbacks before they were fully trained. All ended up trained at the same age, but my INFJ aunt had a lot less struggle with her more sensitive approach.

Your reasoning to me seems to follow the excuse "tough love" advocates use, the idea that backbone & whatnot can't be instilled with a more sensitive love that isn't pushy. That's not necessarily true. It may depend on the child. In my case, the sensitivity from my parents instilled a confidence & assuredness in me I didn't get anywhere else. I was not a gentle, pliable child either; a tough love approach would've driven me to destructive rebellion, not created the productive kind of backbone.
 

OrangeAppled

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It kind of comes down to whether you can learn truly through theory or if you need experience to understand.

That's a good point too....being a theory learner, I suppose I'm inclined to balk at the idea of not understanding the harshness or unfair requirements of the world without having parents thrusting it on you.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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That's a good point too....being a theory learner, I suppose I'm inclined to balk at the idea of not understanding the harshness or unfair requirements of the world without having parents thrusting it on you.

This is how I learnt a great deal of my ways. I never really had to experience what it was like to fall. I saw what happened when others did and avoided doing that, however I will say that experience is almost inevitable if you walk outside and so you have to realize, or teach the child if that's how they learn as well that they will not know how badly something WILL hurt until they've experienced it and if you can reason that to them, then I don't think experience is very necessary.
 

Unkindloving

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I wouldn't label what you described as "tough love". It's exactly what you said- neglect and abuse. To me, tough love is sitting down with someone, even a child, and addressing them like an adult. You don't need to cater to their every tender little whim, walking on eggshells and so on, but it doesn't mean to tell them to shut up or anything of that nature.
Tough love can be as easy as trying to rationalize a situation out with your child, or teen, or friend, etc. Yes, it may be stern and forthright. Yes, it may not want to huggle all of the squishy guts out of you to make you feel better, but it damned well can be out of love if you are taking the time to really assess with the person at hand. To really get to the core of the issue, point them in the right direction mentally and emotionally, and create a more beneficial solution. Is it like this always? Hell no. The point here is to find balance, and to figure out which situations call for a proper version of tough love, and which situations just require someone being there to console. Both should still be involved, and should still attempt to accomplish something positive without the negativity that abuse/neglect would provide.
Also, do not forget that people are human, and parents are human. As humans, we are not perfect specimens. We can strive to be, but expect mistakes and fumbles along the way. Expect that parents themselves may both need proper tough love and proper easy love that they may not be getting themselves.

Btw, I think the abortion example is godawful, and an entirely different topic. Typically, teenage mothers bring children into situations that are not ideal. Typically, the parents of teen mothers are not only emotional support, but become financial support amongst many other things. I can see the apprehension. It just sounds ridiculously flawed. The parents of the teen have to take responsibility for the teen's responsibility of the teen's potential spawn? Is it right to expect the parents to overextend themselves if the child is kept, because that is supposedly "love". Would they be exhibiting "tough love" if they said they weren't going to pave the yellow brick road for their kid, since it was their kid's choice?
You've also made it sound like abortion isn't a correct option by any means, which makes my skin crawl. I think trying to convince your teen to have a baby when they don't want to is just as wrong as trying to convince them to not have one. Your sentiment seemed to negate that abortion is one of those choices that teens can make, and isn't just the option that their parents choose for them.
 

Thalassa

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This is how I learnt a great deal of my ways. I never really had to experience what it was like to fall. I saw what happened when others did and avoided doing that, however I will say that experience is almost inevitable if you walk outside and so you have to realize, or teach the child if that's how they learn as well that they will not know how badly something WILL hurt until they've experienced it and if you can reason that to them, then I don't think experience is very necessary.

I am very much a person who had to learn "the hard way." As a teenager I wanted to try everything, as a young adult I wanted to experience things first hand instead of taking the wisdom of my elders, necessarily (it depended on the elder).

I am somewhat of an experential learner, though I have read voraciously since I was a child. I don't believe another person's viewpoint is correct sometimes unless I've at least witnessed it (if not experienced it).

There are exceptions, like smoking crack for example, but that's probably because I've still witnessed how insane crackheads are, first hand, and how it ruins people's lives.

I was not nearly as rebellious as some children, some people are just off the charts unreasonable like "fuck you" and I wasn't like that. I wasn't incorrigible. BUT SOME KIDS ARE INCORRIGIBLE. Keep that in mind.

I think I'm somewhere in between how you and OrangeAppled describe yourselves, and the more incorrigible risk taker.
 

Santosha

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I wouldn't label what you described as "tough love". It's exactly what you said- neglect and abuse. To me, tough love is sitting down with someone, even a child, and addressing them like an adult. You don't need to cater to their every tender little whim, walking on eggshells and so on, but it doesn't mean to tell them to shut up or anything of that nature.
Tough love can be as easy as trying to rationalize a situation out with your child, or teen, or friend, etc. Yes, it may be stern and forthright. Yes, it may not want to huggle all of the squishy guts out of you to make you feel better, but it damned well can be out of love if you are taking the time to really assess with the person at hand. To really get to the core of the issue, point them in the right direction mentally and emotionally, and create a more beneficial solution. Is it like this always? Hell no. The point here is to find balance, and to figure out which situations call for a proper version of tough love, and which situations just require someone being there to console. Both should still be involved, and should still attempt to accomplish something positive without the negativity that abuse/neglect would provide.
Also, do not forget that people are human, and parents are human. As humans, we are not perfect specimens. We can strive to be, but expect mistakes and fumbles along the way. Expect that parents themselves may both need proper tough love and proper easy love that they may not be getting themselves.

Btw, I think the abortion example is godawful, and an entirely different topic. Typically, teenage mothers bring children into situations that are not ideal. Typically, the parents of teen mothers are not only emotional support, but become financial support amongst many other things. I can see the apprehension. It just sounds ridiculously flawed. The parents of the teen have to take responsibility for the teen's responsibility of the teen's potential spawn? Is it right to expect the parents to overextend themselves if the child is kept, because that is supposedly "love". Would they be exhibiting "tough love" if they said they weren't going to pave the yellow brick road for their kid, since it was their kid's choice?
You've also made it sound like abortion isn't a correct option by any means, which makes my skin crawl. I think trying to convince your teen to have a baby when they don't want to is just as wrong as trying to convince them to not have one. Your sentiment seemed to negate that abortion is one of those choices that teens can make, and isn't just the option that their parents choose for them.

We are on the same page here. Perhaps the confusion of "tough love" is that it needs to be defined.
 
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ReflecTcelfeR

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I am very much a person who had to learn "the hard way." As a teenager I wanted to try everything, as a young adult I wanted to experience things first hand instead of taking the wisdom of my elders, necessarily (it depended on the elder).

I am somewhat of an experential learner, though I have read voraciously since I was a child. I don't believe another person's viewpoint is correct sometimes unless I've at least witnessed it (if not experienced it).

There are exceptions, like smoking crack for example, but that's probably because I've still witnessed how insane crackheads are, first hand, and how it ruins people's lives.

I was not nearly as rebellious as some children, some people are just off the charts unreasonable like "fuck you" and I wasn't like that. I wasn't incorrigible. BUT SOME KIDS ARE INCORRIGIBLE. Keep that in mind.

I think I'm somewhere in between how you and OrangeAppled describe yourselves, and the more incorrigible risk taker.

I was a rather meek child and was raised by FJ's, so I imagine if I hadn't been so controlled myself I would've learnt how to be one way or the other. See I was never one for experiencing things... Perhaps this is why I am not really Sensing dominant, but I respect and kind of wished I could learn that way. There is almost a fear of experiencing things at some point if you've never done so and a child needs that experience to avoid this paranoia. I don't know if this is tough love so much as guidance like I said earlier.
 

skylights

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i believe in unconditional love coupled with operant conditioning.

sometimes it's tough, but it's always love.

Unkindloving said:
The point here is to find balance, and to figure out which situations call for a proper version of tough love, and which situations just require someone being there to console. Both should still be involved, and should still attempt to accomplish something positive without the negativity that abuse/neglect would provide.
Also, do not forget that people are human, and parents are human. As humans, we are not perfect specimens. We can strive to be, but expect mistakes and fumbles along the way. Expect that parents themselves may both need proper tough love and proper easy love that they may not be getting themselves.

:yes:

edit -

meek - i get what you're saying in the OP and i definitely think it's true that self-serving behavior masquerading as "tough love" is harmful to a child. but at the same time... i believe in "tough love" in the sense that doing the best thing for your child doesn't always mean making them feel safe and happy.

what your parents did - i'm very sorry for that - that wasn't love, to hurt you or to tell you to shut up. you're right; that's abuse. but my parents were at the other end of the spectrum - too much coddling and too little discipline. i know this because i'm struggling with the effects of it in myself and i see it in my younger sibling, as well. i wish we'd had more "tough love", honestly, because sometimes dealing with the world seems very hard and unfair when you have been so sheltered and protected. i left the wonderful safety and happiness of childhood and suddenly the world seems so harsh and awful. it's defeating.

but a good example of healthy "tough love", i think - i was in the grocery store yesterday when a man bought a cupcake for his maybe 2-year-old child to eat later, at home. there were free cookies for children (and skylightses), but the child did not want the cookie; he wanted the cupcake. he cried and cried, and the dad just carried him around the store while he was crying. it sounded like the child was in abject pain, but i think the dad was doing exactly what needed to be done in that situation. if he'd given the child what the child had wanted, he'd learn that crying is the ticket to getting what he wants, and that he will get whatever he wants - neither good things for a child to learn. so he was miserable for the 30 minutes they were in the store - and maybe longer - but maybe eventually he realized that crying wasn't getting him anywhere, and that sometimes you just can't get what you want.

the same goes for drug addicts. sometimes you need to tell an addict, i cannot live with you when you are like this. drug addiction alters brain chemistry, making it harder and harder for the person to overcome dependence. no matter how much you love that person, not establishing boundaries with them will just push them farther down the road of dependence. children need boundaries, and addicts do too. we all need boundaries for what we will and won't do for someone else so that they can decide how to deal with things.

i think we all have a pretty good instinctual grip on what love is, though. love warms your heart and makes you feel okay, even when it's hurting. the dad in the store still held his little boy, even as that little boy cried and cried. clearly he loved him, but he chose not to give him everything because that's not the way the world works, and it's just going to hurt the little boy later on if he grows up thinking that it is. i do the same thing when i babysit - no, you can't have two desserts, but i'll hug you until you're done crying about it. that, to me, is tough love. it's not always fluffy and wonderful, and it's definitely not always easy. but it is unconditional.


Meek said:
I think abortion exists for parents who decide not to take responsibility to support their children emotionally.

this is a very hurtful comment to me... i don't think you meant it that way, but... i think abortion exists as a last resort for women who recognize that they do not have the ability to provide sufficiently for their child. some may take advantage of the option, yes, but to have an abortion is never an easy decision. i think there is greater love in realizing that you will be a bad parent and that you should postpone or avoid having children than to go ahead and have the child regardless of how much you can reasonably provide for it.

How would a parent enable their daughter if she got pregnant at 16?
Why can't they sit their daughter down and explain to her that they love her

oh, they can. but that doesn't mean that she doesn't need to take responsibility for her choice to have sex. i cannot imagine placing the responsibility of the child onto the grandparents - as in, the parents of the 16-year-old - it was never their choice to have sex, but the child would become their legal burden. it is a complex situation, certainly. if it were my daughter and i did not want to be responsible for a grandchild, i would probably give her the options of an abortion or giving the child up for adoption, and support her emotionally along the way. (not to mention i would be having a long talk with the baby daddy and his parents, as well.)
 
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OrangeAppled

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I am very much a person who had to learn "the hard way." As a teenager I wanted to try everything, as a young adult I wanted to experience things first hand instead of taking the wisdom of my elders, necessarily (it depended on the elder).

I am somewhat of an experential learner, though I have read voraciously since I was a child. I don't believe another person's viewpoint is correct sometimes unless I've at least witnessed it (if not experienced it).

There are exceptions, like smoking crack for example, but that's probably because I've still witnessed how insane crackheads are, first hand, and how it ruins people's lives.

I was not nearly as rebellious as some children, some people are just off the charts unreasonable like "fuck you" and I wasn't like that. I wasn't incorrigible. BUT SOME KIDS ARE INCORRIGIBLE. Keep that in mind.

I think I'm somewhere in between how you and OrangeAppled describe yourselves, and the more incorrigible risk taker.

That reminds me quite a bit of my ESFP sister. She had to touch the hot stove. It wasn't so much that I trusted the advice of my elders (I think all Pe types have a tendency to question the validity of the status-quo), as that was imply their own experience talking, but that I grasped the concept of hot without experiencing it myself.

To me, experience (whether mine or another individual's) is trusted far less than theory, as it seems limited, just one small slice of the pie. Theory seems more universal in a way. There are definitely limits to theory also, pros & cons to both.
I agree with ReflecTcelfeR's comments about paranoia/fear from lack of any experience. The Ne (and Ni) paranoia discussion in a recent thread just emphasizes the way N theorizing can become paranoid at times, when it's not anchored by any real experience.
 

Thalassa

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I was a rather meek child and was raised by FJ's, so I imagine if I hadn't been so controlled myself I would've learnt how to be one way or the other. See I was never one for experiencing things... Perhaps this is why I am not really Sensing dominant, but I respect and kind of wished I could learn that way. There is almost a fear of experiencing things at some point if you've never done so and a child needs that experience to avoid this paranoia. I don't know if this is tough love so much as guidance like I said earlier.

I think reading gave me ideas. "This is interesting. Other people do it, why can't I." Same with television. So I'm not sure if that's Ne or Se. Many times I thought my STJs were being rule bound to a point of being non-sensical and unrealistic by the time I got to be a teenager. Like, hey those rules are nice but they don't necessarily apply to the situation. I felt like they had already made up their minds and just expected me to obey, o yay. And that totally worked on me until I was about twelve. I was relatively obedient during elementary school, I mostly got in trouble for things like talking or passing notes in school, nothing major, wanted to please adults at that age. I remember having more spunk and adventerousness though as a smaller child (climbing into cabinets I was told not to go into because there were Twinkies there, playing in the woods with my dog when I was told not too because I thought "the dog will protect me from any small animals, because this patch of wooded area isn't big enough for bears" ...of course, though, that was stupid because I woke up early one morning and my grandfather pointed out the window and there was a baby black bear in our back yard. But it took that! I had to see that bears could wander into our yard at 5 AM to really get the picture) and then that spunk and adventurousness came back by the time I was in high school, and I started to mellow out in my mid-twenties due mainly to life experience and I suppose brain maturity.
 

Meek

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I think my older sister taught me how to stand up for myself the most but she also beat me up in doing so.
The reason I started fighting people is because I wanted to take all of my pain out on them.

I was targeted in school, through out every grade and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I was the wounded animal
and the survival instincts of the wolves kicked in and they attacked? I know, harsh metaphor but it's the only one I
could think of at the moment.

I also think the abortion topic should be made else where but I don't think it's a terrible idea since some babies kill mothers while coming out or some babies have life threatening diseases etc among other things. That's my view on it.

Without being mistreated, I would be a better person today. I'm going to therapy for the abuse I've endured through out my life, and two weeks ago I slapped my boyfriend and started slapping him more because he was being mentally abusive and I got scared. I assumed he was being abusive, though but he really wasn't. It's how my brain operates because of the bullshit tough love my parents, friends, and family gave me. My one ex enfp friend used to tell me she wanted to give me tough love and used to write me notes like "I'm disappointed in you" When I was 24 and quit my job. I don't need that shit anymore and I will quickly lash out on anyone who tries it. It's something that has been burned into my brain by my parents and it's not needed so I don't believe in it.

Like spanking a child, that isn't love, it's violence and parents who think it's not, are highly delusional and fucked up imo.
 

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That reminds me quite a bit of my ESFP sister. She had to touch the hot stove. It wasn't so much that I trusted the advice of my elders (I think all Pe types have a tendency to question the validity of the status-quo), as that was imply their own experience talking, but that I grasped the concept of hot without experiencing it myself.

To me, experience (whether mine or another individual's) is trusted far less than theory, as it seems limited, just one small slice of the pie. Theory seems more universal in a way. There are definitely limits to theory also, pros & cons to both.
I agree with ReflecTcelfeR's comments about paranoia/fear from lack of any experience. The Ne (and Ni) paranoia discussion in a recent thread just emphasizes the way N theorizing can become paranoid at times, when it's not anchored by any real experience.

Yes I agree with all of the above, there has to be a balance of both. If you can't learn from advice or theory at all, that seems like a serious deficit. There is something more universal about theory, but then again only if it can be backed up by a broad range of experience, which is why scientists do observation samples on real people, et al.

Both ways are valid, but I think a balance between the two is best.
 

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I think that real love is easy and should not be earned nor worked for.

It comes to you from kindness and never from a fair weathered person.
Tough love is just an excuse to project anger and frustration on your child or
someone who is on drugs because you refuse to show unconditional love,
because you are impatient and you give up because nothing seems to work..


Ultimately, what most very sensitive people need is the love they need that works for them, and not what works for everyone else.

Why would the word tough even have a connection with love when love has such a kind meaning with no harm in it's intent?

I hear "Don't enable your child for his bad behavior"

How would a parent enable their daughter if she got pregnant at 16?
Why can't they sit their daughter down and explain to her that they love her
and she can choose what she wants. I think abortion exists for parents who decide not to take responsibility to support their children emotionally.

Children need support when they're growing up, because some of them grow up feeling unloved and bitter. When I would cry about something, my mother would slap my hand or my mouth or my face, or my dad would put his hand over my mouth and he would tell me to shut the fuck up because my crying was annoying.

I was crying, for whatever reason it was happening for, I was still hurting and getting me to shut up just meant that it was "tough love" in his eyes, when it was abuse. I was a kid but I was still a human and deserved to express my emotions. Since, I've felt as though I've had to quiet my cries because they annoy people.

When I hear someone crying, I have this need and instinct to rush to them and hold them, their sobbing is felt through me like lightning striking. I can't ignore it. It's painful for me and they need someone, they don't need to be turned away.

Neglecting your child because they stress you out with their ''problems" or tears and stress is not tough love- That is neglect and failing to be there for them. I don't care if you're in a wheel chair. If you can talk, if you can listen, then you can love. You don't have to hug or touch them.

Words can impact a person who is in pain, so be careful and it's never as easy as; "Get over it" or "It's not the end of the world" For some, it is the end of the world. People die because their feelings are invalidated and they're given tough love. Love is never tough.


Love is Love.

:heart:

Thank you for posting this. I agree that love is never harmful or dismissive. Emotional neglect is a form of abuse.
 
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