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  1. #11
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    3w4 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    There is much wisdom in this post.

    I would add to not be so concerned about his past. Everyone has a past of some sort... it should be a non-issue as you both move forward into something new together.

    I would reiterate to be patient and just let the relationship flow. It sounds like it's going well... so why fix what isn't broken?
    Yeah..leave that to crabby INFJs to try and do. :P
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  2. #12
    blessblessblessbless asynartetic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    9w8 sp
    LII Ti


    Quote Originally Posted by Stanton Moore View Post
    he is still male, and will be sensitive to anything that he percieves belittles his masculinity. So don't treat him like a girlfriend, even if he likes to go shopping with you, etc; feeler men are in a cultural catch-22 in this time and place, so try to be an oasis for him from the pressure to be a hypermasculine caricature.
    Compliment his masculinity sincerely. That will go a long way.
    as a male INFP this is definitely true in my case.
    "our preferences do not determine what's true." -Sagan

    "I know you just want to know more, the problem is that people think their box of answers is perfect for everyone else." -Forever


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  3. #13
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007


    I am NO FAN of I/I dating but some really seem to like it and I feel it may just be what some people need in this lifetime. With that said, it's going to come with a lot of struggles and there is no catalyst in the dynamic so things that would play out in weeks or even days with an E/I pairing may take months or years. Are you both the same Enneagram type? I'm not trying to discourage you because any type can work with any type but all pairings will have unique issues and struggles. In same type pairings, there's A LOT of the same and that's a challenge.

    Also, this is not a judgement either so don't take it that way but you mentioned sex so I'm responding to that component as well. Never sleep with a man so quickly, wait until you have been in a committed relationship for at least 3 months. As an ENTP I was once ahhhh, oohhh, ummm, how should I say this, very flexible regarding how long I would wait but at this point there is no way, no how as I've seen the damage it causes. Don't debate me on this people, my opinion, have all the sex you want and I won't judge but I'm not having it.

  4. #14
    Its time. Cassandra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    One tip for giving compliments to people who are uncomfortable with them:

    Make it part of the conversation, and make it so they do not have to respond to them or focus on them. Slip it in. I've been known to blurt out something I found amazing about someone as a 'btw' turn around and walk away, to end the conversation. That way they can ponder it, get back to you or not, but there *is* no need to respond to it or worry about meeting their expectations as to what you thought of the compliment.

    Or, if I don't walk away, I'll start talking about something totally different. Just...end the topic. It takes the awkwardness right out of the situation. I've also done the 'You're sooo amazing' while cuddling and then just turn that into a passionate kiss, and let him use body language to express how he felt about that compliment

  5. #15
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    6w5 sp/sx


    flirting with sarcastic comments on his part sounds like something he would do with someone he isn't dating yet. It's a way to be playful with someone defensively without obvious attactment, that is, avoiding being hurt.

    You're already dating a few months, so you're beyond the flirting stage. I wouldn't compare yourself to his version of other relationships in his past. His version is subjective! You don't see his version of your current relationship, after all.

    Enjoy this! This is the honeymoon stage, dagnabbit! Once you have your first argument, you'll learn more about each other and your selves, and so on.

  6. #16
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by StillWaters View Post
    So I spent the night at his house last night (we spend our Saturday nights together unless one of us is out of town). We got into a conversation about pickup lines and such, and he told me that I had never seen him really flirt with a girl, since I had been the one to ask him out first. He said when he flirts with girls he likes, he teases and insults them and he mentioned he thought I wouldn't like that very much. He said he likes to sarcastically banter back and forth.

    I immediately started worrying that he finds me humorless and there's no spark for him. I didn't show it, I just playfully said he'd better start insulting me then, or I would think he didn't like me, and he laughed, and then the conversation moved on.

    It seems like everyone thinks something different when they talk about sarcastic banter. What's insulting to some people is flattering to others. I'm not sure how to do it with him since he's never tried it with me (but why hasn't he? I make it no secret that I love to laugh and I've never acted huffy or offended by anything he's said. I would really love some playful flirting and such with him). Insulting each other, though? I have no idea what he meant by that or if it even matters that much to him once there is an actual relationship. Your thoughts?
    Hah, I had a similar experience with my boyfriend. He had one relationship in his past that didn't really reach closure on his end - she dumped him - and I think he's still emotionally affected by it. Apparently she was pretty sassy and they would play-argue a lot, and he found it pretty sexy. And you know what, I really just don't like to constantly banter like that with people I actually care deeply about. I tend to do that when I think someone is full of themselves and needs to be knocked down a peg in a socially acceptable way, and I definitely don't feel that way about my boyfriend. Long story short, I tried to make myself do it with him for a while, and I was always uncomfortable. I gave up. We're still together and happy. We flirt in other ways. It turned out to be a non-issue.

    StillWaters, hope your relationship is still going well

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