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[MBTI General] Mixed signals

Sizzling Berry

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Apr 5, 2009
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185
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INFP
Hello!!!

I would like to ask how you deal with mixed signals. For example what's your opinion when somebody's words differ from their actions?

Personally, mixed signals bother me. I value consistency not as much throughout the time as throughout the person.

My ENFJ friend loves mixed signals. She says that they give her twice more information about the person that sends them.

What are your thoughts? Feelings? :D
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
Hello!!!

I would like to ask how you deal with mixed signals. For example what's your opinion when somebody's words differ from their actions?

Personally, mixed signals bother me. I value consistency not as much throughout the time as throughout the person.

My ENFJ friend loves mixed signals. She says that they give her twice more information about the person that sends them.

What are your thoughts? Feelings? :D

I hate mixed signals, and I won't put up with them for very long. I start questioning everything they say or do. I mean, no one is perfect and we all have our oddities and incongruities.... But some people make mixed signals an art form.
 

Virulence

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Jan 5, 2010
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INFJ
Mixed signals/messages are a pretty strong red flag for me, and I usually distance myself from people when I spot that behavior. Candor and consistency in people are pretty important qualities for a friend, I think, even (especially, really) when being blunt is unpleasant. It just makes interactions so much simpler and healthier, in my experience.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Mar 4, 2009
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In my opinion, mixed signals as you have described them, tell you that the person is conflicted. Like when someone says 'yes' while shaking their head. The conflict is that the person knows the truth, but won't state it because of wanting to be agreeable, doesn't wasnt to hurt someone else, or is covering a bigger lie. I can usually tell when someone is lying by their body language and their eyes.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
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key question - how do you know it's actually "mixed signals" vs. just your interpretations of the signals they're supposedly sending?
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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key question - how do you know it's actually "mixed signals" vs. just your interpretations of the signals they're supposedly sending?

True... the mix-up might not be totally in their dissemination of information, it could be in the transmission, reception, and/or translation that occurs from sender to receiver.
 

Sizzling Berry

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Nice ones guys! Thanks!! :)

@ Saturned, Virulence: that's pretty much my reaction :)

@ nebbykoo: what do you do when you suspect the conflict? that's always my bother - to which part of the message react - the visible or implied one

@ Randomnity, Jennifer - do you always check misunderstanding option? do you do it by asking openly? if after that you still have doubts what do you do?

I'm very curious :)
 

Randomnity

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@ Randomnity, Jennifer - do you always check misunderstanding option? do you do it by asking openly? if after that you still have doubts what do you do?

I'm very curious :)

Well....I'm not exactly sure what signals you're talking about here, but I try not to assume anything that hasn't been told to me. You can guess about people's motives but you can't "read" them correctly all the time, or even most of the time necessarily.

At the same time body language can be very informative. Still, you have to go with what the other person says, since sometimes body language is telling you what they "feel" but not what they think. Maybe they ARE attracted to your wife but would never act on it in any way in a million years. Or something.

I'm coming at this more from a "please don't read things into what I do, since they don't mean that" perspective, rather than a reading signals perspective. Very irritating when people see you doing X and assume it means you're doing it because Y - especially if you're specifically told them that Y is false.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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@ nebbykoo: what do you do when you suspect the conflict? that's always my bother - to which part of the message react - the visible or implied one

I'm very curious :)

It depends on the nature of the relationship.
If you reply to the subconscious stuff, they may just deny it anyway, so you haven't gained anything. But I would only reveal that you think sometihngis amiss when you feel secure in the relationship. There is no single behavior that will tell you is someone is hiding something. It's a constellation. But for most people and situations, you don't need to know the details, only that something is incongruent...
 

Sizzling Berry

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Ok, so that's the difference between words and non-verbal behavior. That's cool.

But I meant more the difference between words and actions.

E.g. at work a person says that they want to help you with your project, but there are certain actions that say that they want to really screw it. I wouldn't ignore the signals there, no matter what the person would say.

And plus people not always know their own motivations. And for some people feelings are more motivating than thinking. :devil:
 

Sizzling Berry

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It depends on the nature of the relationship.
If you reply to the subconscious stuff, they may just deny it anyway, so you haven't gained anything. But I would only reveal that you think sometihngis amiss when you feel secure in the relationship. There is no single behavior that will tell you is someone is hiding something. It's a constellation. But for most people and situations, you don't need to know the details, only that something is incongruent...

:D My ENFJ friend adds that with strangers without the strong bond between you and them you have two options:

a) you tell what you see and end it or freeze it in consequence

b) you wait until the relation develops and until then you go with the "oficial" version.

Maybe it also depends on the seriousness of the difference - in what area it comes. What's your opinion :)?
 

SilkRoad

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Historically I have fallen in love with people who give me mixed signals. I've realized that I actually hate mixed signals, and that these people are just messing with me, so I'm trying not to do that any more :blush:
 

21%

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When I see mixed signals I always assume the worst :laugh:

Relationship-wise, I don't think people intentionally send mixed signals -- it's just because of their internal conflict between being safe and mustering the courage to stick your neck out there to see how the other person feels. Of course, it should stop as soon as you know for sure the other person likes you.
 

copperfish17

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I realized that I tend to brush off mixed signals... For the most part, I assume that people mean exactly what they say. The biggest reason for that is: I always assume that I CAN'T assume what the other person is really thinking. :laugh: I could always be wrong when I try to "interpret" the other person's "signals". Besides, I myself tend to give people the wrong impression sometimes (okay, preeetty often), and it's certainly not intentional.

Of course, if I have good reason to believe the other person doesn't mean what they say, I'll go investigate.

Intentional mixed-signals are big red flags for me.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
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May 22, 2008
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Hmm... It isn't rare that people are unsure of what they are doing. It's hard to tell if someone is actually being dishonest or if they are just confused. So, I guess that for a while I don't take it too seriously, but I won't take it forever. There's always a reason for mixed signals.
 

Thalassa

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It depends, it can be fun or flirty in the beginning, but it can get old if it's too extreme.

On the other hand, some people just aren't openly expressive. It can be difficult if someone is spending a lot of time with you, or talking to you a lot, and seems to want a lot of attention, has showed obvious signs of physical attraction, is also a good friend, but shies away from overt displays of affection.

For the above stated reasons, I tend to pay more attention to actions than words. Some people just can't or don't like to show things through words or whatever.

Even after I started writing this I noticed that you also meant "mixed signals" with people in general, not just in a romantic or dating sense, and with that I'm going to have to agree with your friend...you just watch the person and see what adds up and you learn more about them. Again in that situation actions still speak louder than words.

It's surprising how little I value words sometimes given how much I use them. I guess I give words more intellectual and less emotional weight.
 

Sizzling Berry

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Hmmm, interesting. If I could classify it... People with T preference say follow the words - that's what comes through intellect and decision making capacity. People with F preferences say make some allowances at the beginning/ for a conflict but then be careful and observe the actions. Interesting difference in perspective :).

@ 21% Me too, me too. I feel like that :D and I can't help it.

@ Marmie Dearest Yep, Words can seem very cheap sometimes.

@ nolla The most interesting is when you discover the rule or the way to connect all the threads of mixed signals - the reason - which shows that the mixed signals were real.

@ SilkRoad They can be attractive for a short while but when uncertainty gets to a level... it's not that fun anymore at least for me. And some people can use it to get things for themselves in the relationship - blah - like using a machinegun to clean the dust.

@ copperfish17 What would be a good reason?
 
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