Thank you.
could you share an example of how you use landmine. so that we can have better idea?
I'm ISFP, and I may not "get" my boyfriend like other NFs do. But My 3 closest friends are all NFs (INFP, ENFP, ENFJ), perhaps that helps me give him an emotionally safe outlet for him to talk it out.
Hm. Offhand I can think of two things, and they also remind me about emotional-landmining, which I'll explain.
I did the landmining thing a lot with my ex because I
wanted to share with him, but didn't feel safe enough with him to let him into that core. It wasn't intentional, but it turned into a lot of ranting in detail about situations that I'd felt stuck in and frustrated with, without really getting to the real emotional meat of the subject. In that situation it was mainly about unhealthy friendships that I was feeling severely trapped in, as well as reading the outcome of any action thoroughly with Ni to the point of a "no win" and no solution. There's a lot of depth to the reasoning behind social elements, especially as an ENFJ. I could explain it, but most people won't see the depth. It's just a different world in ENFJ emotions. So he got an onslaught of insignificant details and a lot of frustration-sharing since I couldn't be vulnerable toward him.
When things got rough, I watched what the ex did with the information he was landmined with. He took anything he was told and twisted it back at me. It breeds a sort of validation by way of
"Good thing you weren't really let in"
It's so precautionary.
As per emotional landmining- anger and frustration come first for me, but the real hurt and depth of feeling toward something comes even later than last. Am I really angry at the root of it? No, but the wrong people will believe so. If I am angry and frustrated, it is commonly because I am extremely hurt by something. Regarding people, I am usually angry and frustrated because I am deeply hurt that anyone would take all of the time and effort to back my into one of those tight spots where I need to decide so absolutely between preserving myself or trying not to harm them. This may seem like 'pshaw', but that is hell to me as an ENFJ.
So emotional landmining is that front of another emotion that isn't the root emotion as a self-defense. It, again, protects the reality of the core. It isn't as if it's completely unrelated to it, but it takes more peering and prying into to really see what is going on.
On another note, I was good friends with an ISTP for a while. I landmined him for a while, which he was okay with. One night I called him while drinking at a friend's, and drunkenly divulged that core meat of my emotions in relation to people. They were all of the thoughts that were regarding how protective and self-sacrificing I feel deep down for the people I love. Everything, and things I do not commonly share. ISTP was immediately sold on who I am deep down, seeing the reality behind my reactions.
It's just different. The landmining self isn't all there is, but there can be so much more. We are icebergs. We want you to be worthy of the rest of us, but it takes work.
