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[INFP] When did you move out to live on your own?

Rebe

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I know some who moved out very young, under eighteen because of various reasons. One being that they did not get along with their parent. I know some who choose to live with their parent or parents, to save money or because they have no money. They are in their mid twenties but they don't believe that it's terrible to still live with their parents after high school.

I live in NY so the rent is considerably expensive. I partially understand why someone would want to live with their family to save money on rent. I have wanted to move out since I was in high school and I never planned to return back to my home town. I do not get along with my mom at all and I am not close with my dad.

I recognize the practical aspect of living with my parents for a few more months, maybe even a year. I cannot tolerate a year, but I could a few months if there is a good reason for me to. I have lived with them for a year and a half after I left college abruptly my sophomore year.

I just can't figure out if my reason is good enough to stay or to leave. My issues with my mother has been going on for years and there is nothing I can do to immediately or even slowly fix it. I have given up, pretty much. I love her and I can tolerate her in small doses. But that's it. Living with her is a nightmare. Her presence in my life is disabling, sometimes straight up emotionally abusive. I am not a wimp and I am tough so I won't crumble, but I feel that it's not something that I should have to deal with any longer, in any extend.

I am old enough to move out, even if money will be very tight, even if it's "impractical". I have spoke to some of my friends about this, one of them thinks it is extremely impractical and I should just save money right now to move out later or even not at all until I have finished college. The other one is very encouraging.
 
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violaine

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I first moved out at 17 1/2 for about a year. I was a little too young (inexperienced) to handle all of the responsibilities. Mostly in terms of being around people who were a little older and wilder than I was. I moved back home but was never able to relax about living back there even though I loved my family a lot. Needed to be out making my own way in the world. I moved again just before I turned 20.

Your post makes it sound like you are ready to go. I would try to separate my needs from any guilt for leaving if I were you. Might make your path a little clearer. Parents always have a hard time letting go, even when they know it's best for you. It's good to strike out on one's own. Most everyone has to do it one day. My cousin waited until her late 20s and it made it very difficult for her to have her own life. If money is tight, could you live with a larger number of roommates for a while?
 

Sparrow

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I moved out when I was 19...roommates can be just as annoying TRUST! I have even had a few broken friendships unfortunately because of roommate issues. Maybe try to tune your mom out, just know that she is who she is and dont let her bother you so much :). Your lucky to be able to save some money living in the big city ;). Tons of people out there dont have that luxury and envy others who do.
 

CrystalViolet

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I moved out of home when I was 17. It was hard at first, then I found my feet. I never regretted it. However I moved to a place that was fairly cheap to live, and I moved to a university town (for Uni, of course,) where every one around me was making the transition away from home. It made easier and harder, LOL.
You can always come back home if it doesn't work out, but truth is I never regretted moving out so young. Freedom is an amazing thing. Being able to think for yourself is another great thing. Just be prepared it is hard bugdetary wise. Really hard, but you don't have to worry what your mother will say when you spend the night at your boyfriends, or drink a little too much etc. etc.
 

Crescent Fresh

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14 apart from family, 16 on my own.

Though I don't recommend it.
 

Fidelia

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Moved when I was 17 to go to university, although I often came home on weekends. Have lived with my parents during the summers though for most of my life and we get along well. I realize that doesn't work for everyone, but it's been really nice to get to know and become good friends with my parents as an adult.
 

Qlip

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Moved when I was 16 to get away from bad family life. Though the move was right for me, the decision was entirely prerational and only now am I really understanding what was going on back then. Only you can tell how much it is worth it to strike out on your own. Find a way to not sacrifice your future in the process.
 
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Phantonym

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Heh, I moved out on my 23 birthday. Cushy place and with a house full of introverts, we hardly saw each other. I'd probably still be living there if I hadn't moved to another city. There's no place like a home of your own, that's for sure.

My parents turned my room into a study like the second I moved out, though. :D
 

InvisibleJim

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I moved out at the grand old age of 22. Alas, I had the house to myself for roughly 5+ years beforehand.
 

cascadeco

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I went to college at 18, and from then until age 22 only lived home over the summers (except for my first summer away when I didn't WANT to go home so opted for summer school instead - to the disappointment of my mother:smile:). Post-college I was then back at home for about 9 months while age 22-23ish, just due to being unemployed and trying to figure out what my next step was.

From age 23 on I've been totally on my own, though -- either with a roommate or living by myself -- and my desire to be on my own, especially early on, dictated my career path, as I turned away from what may have lined up with my interests more, only because to follow that path would have meant I would have needed to live at home for several years because I wouldn't have been earning enough money to survive & pay bills on my own. :shrug:

In the end I don't regret anything - but like I said, my desire for independence DID dictate the path I went down.
 

Eluded_One

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I moved out in the late 20's. As an INFP, one of the most difficult [and important] things is to take action before "deadlines" are up. If you believe it's time to let loose, then let loose. If there are no regrets that may come from your choices, then the only other option is to live.

Among other things, you should opt to move out here in Brooklyn. There's less pollution and housing isn't that costly compared to the other boroughs.
 

kyuuei

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Being that I skip around a lot via the army, I've found it practical to stay with my parents. I did try to move out at one point in time, but I found it too much of hassle. When I attempted to do so again, my parents fell ill and I felt it best to stay here.

I have a good relationship with my parents and sisters, so the need to move out is more selfish and less necessary. I loved living on my own.. I truly did. I also found it helped out my relationship a lot of with my parents, petty things never needed to be argued about anymore. I recommend it when you're stable enough to do so. Living paycheck to paycheck is one of the most stressful things ever.. so make sure you can afford to live on your own without relying on EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR you make. Whatever stress you THINK you have in your parent's house, it normally isn't as stressful as that mess.
 

prplchknz

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19 but recent events had me move back in with family to deal with issues, luckily it's only short term.
 

chickpea

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19, my mom tried to control every aspect of my life and i had to depend on her for rides which was not fun at all. plus i hate her husband more than anyone on this planet and he's verbally abusive and never leaves the house. actually never leaves the living room couch.

i'm terrified of running out of money and having to go back (it's only been like 8 months)
 

Thalassa

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I moved out of my grandparents house for three months when I was eighteen, moved closer to the beach with one of my best friends, moved back in after I totalled my car, moved back out again before I turned 19. Within four or five months, I think. My grandfather's ESTJ wife is probably clinically insane, I don't know, she sees a psychiatrist now, but unfortunately for me it was AFTER I grew up and moved out. The woman is one of the most controlling hateful bitches, omgz. My grandfather wanted me to live with him and go to college, but he refused to pay for my schooling unless I continued to live in his house. There was absolutely no way I could continue to tolerate the psychological and emotional abuse from his ESTJ wife, though, I would have done just about anything to get away from her. He was kind of controlling too, but it was more like in that "I'm your ISTJ father figure who loves you and wants to protect you" Guardian type stuff, where as with the ESTJ I sometimes felt like she sincerely hated me.

Then I was on my own until I was ...25? 26? When I lived with my mom (not my grandparents, different households) for about a year and a half.

I would live with my mom again if I had to, but I would prefer not to.
 

Thalassa

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I moved out when I was 19...roommates can be just as annoying TRUST!

Depends on how bad their relationship is.

If her mother is merely annoying, then sure, yeah, roommates can be just as bad. On the other hand if her parents are very controlling, or she's being verbally abused in any way, then no way...no roommate is as bad as that, because at least you have your freedom.

Or maybe I just think like an ENFP. I need freedom, I cannot be controlled, I will put up with tremendous bullshit just so I won't be controlled.
 

Rebe

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Depends on how bad their relationship is.

If her mother is merely annoying, then sure, yeah, roommates can be just as bad. On the other hand if her parents are very controlling, or she's being verbally abused in any way, then no way...no roommate is as bad as that, because at least you have your freedom.

Or maybe I just think like an ENFP. I need freedom, I cannot be controlled, I will put up with tremendous bullshit just so I won't be controlled.

Exactly. Thanks Marmie. This isn't me throwing a hissy fit over 'annoying parents' who tell me to do the dishes. This is my mom taking out all of her anger and stress at me and then, acting like an angel the next day.

I am contemplating what I'd do for my independence and freedom. I have always been extremely independent in regards to how I want my life to be and what I want so I have never went to my parents for any sort of advice or guidance. The only area of independence I struggle with is financial but not badly enough that I can't do it. It will just be hard.

I spoke to my ESFJ friend and basically, the bottom line is, I need to choose either moving out or college is more important to me because I can't accomplish both supremely well, only one or the other. I am already behind in my studies so I want to finish that as soon as possible, but at the same time I want to enjoy my life during the process.
 

SilkRoad

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I had just turned 23 when I moved out. (I lived at home when I went to uni, and the first couple of years I was working after uni.) I was one of very few 23 year olds (or around that age) who I knew who still lived with their parents. However, when most of them had moved out at 18 or 20, they moved across town or maybe to the next province. I moved from Canada to Ireland. That was my first time living away from home. :D I lived in Ireland for three years and have now lived in the UK for six.

I have a good relationship with my parents but couldn't imagine living with them again. I am too used to my own life and my own ways of doing things by now. When I go home for a visit I love being there with them, but after a few days the things that annoyed me start to mount up on me again.

If necessary, or if I moved back to Canada, I guess I could live with them for a few months. But really not more. And I say that though I love them a lot and get along well with them. You just change a lot when you move away.
 

Randomnity

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It sounds like you're asking for guidance on how to know when it's right to move out, rather than just data points.

For me I moved out the summer after 3rd year so I would have been 20, almost 21. It wasn't a big adjustment really since from 17 I'd been buying and cooking all my food and didn't really have rules or much family interaction. I mostly moved out for practical reasons - my dad is a Hoarder and I couldn't take it so I moved out as soon as I was financially able (as in from working, not my student loans, since I didn't want to endanger my future). Looking back I'm happy with my timing. I couldn't really have done it earlier and I was much happier afterwards which outweighed the increased financial cost (which for me was very low due to ridiculously low rent and because I was already buying my own food)

So for me it was a question of 1) was I actually capable of supporting myself completely in any feasible situation, with a part-time job, and forever since I never ever wanted to come crawling back (i.e. is it possible) and 2) how intolerable was it to live at home (ie. is it worth the extra money).

For you it sounds like the second question is the big one. That's really something that only you can answer, since it depends largely on how much you value independence vs. financial stability, and whether/how much you're willing to sacrifice now for a much more financially stable future.

I would recommend doing a very careful budget before you decide, not afterwards, thinking of possibilities like losing your job or getting sick, and tracking what you spend now because if you haven't before, I guarantee you'll be surprised at how much money slips through the cracks on things you don't think about.
 
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