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[ENFP] Why do ENFPs on the forums always talk about their good qualities?

ISFPeaceOut

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One thing I've noticed on just about every MBTI forum i've been to is that out of all the types ENFPs really love pointing out all their good qualities. Actually, ENFJs do it too, but I'm just wondering why you guys are always talking about yourselves? I know this is going to sound like a troll post and I really don't mean for it to sound that way, but its a trend that i've noticed on every single forum ive gone to.

An example of what I mean would be an enfp making a post like this: "ENFPs are so accepting of other people. Personally, I never judge others and I'm always very supportive and loving towards everyone. I'm also a very encouraging person."
Tell me you haven't seen a million of those kinds of posts. It kind of comes of as self-promotion or something.

I'm honestly just wondering why. Is it a form of self-expression or something?

Oh, and i should also add that I rarely encounter this kind of behavior in real life, so maybe its just an internet thing. ?
 

Thalassa

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ENFPs relate to other people through sharing their own experiences. This can annoy the crap out of Fe users, especially, I think, because we "bond" through saying "yes, this happened to me, and I relate to you because of my own experience."

We're also story-tellers to a degree...but then again, so is my ESFP mother. The primary difference between she and I is that she'll corner you and tell you stories on the phone or in person, and I post my shit all over the Internet, and in creative writing.

ENFPs are also self-promoting by nature, I think.

However, I do think some NFs are delusional like "ENFPs do no wrong" or "INFJs are always so mature and self-restrained and lady-like" or something. Being an NF myself I notice it, and think it's bad when NFs can't admit they have flaws.

I have flaws. Terrible flaws. But then I tend to wear them like a badge in some hideous caricature of myself, in the form of self-deprecating humor, to make myself laugh.

ENFPs are like the most extroverted self-absorbed people you'll ever meet. I'm sorry.
 

skylights

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i can name you a distinct few who do this with fair regularity and a large majority who don't... i imagine this pattern carries over throughout boards. fwiw, as an ENFP, the example post makes me cringe because "i never judge others" is obviously a blatant lie. i've seen that type of blanket exaggeration from ENFPs and it's embarrassing to me to be associated with that. maybe others feel a desire to self-express like that, but for me self-expression comes out more in my avatar or my sig than in my thread-making.

incidentally - there's a similar pattern with INTPs who are convinced that they've figured [something] out and they're out to prove everyone who doesn't agree with them is an idiot. i feel like most types probably have their little thread-making quirks.

on the other hand, personality typing involves lots of self-analysis, and i don't see why it wouldn't be legitimate to talk about our positive aspects as well as our negative ones. i like my type and think it has a lot of strengths, and it's interesting to see how other ENFPs experience things.

Marmie said:
ENFPs relate to other people through sharing their own experiences.

:yes:

as far as i see it, the assumption is that if you relate, you'll add your opinion to the conversation too. it's literally an open forum of ideas. talking about oneself in my eyes is not about navel-gazing so much as it's about sharing, communing, learning, and understanding. like marm said, Fe doms don't get this sometimes, they'll think you're wrapped up in yourself, when the truth is that actually you would love for the other person to share too, but you can't speak for them. you don't want to direct or lead others' own self-expression, so you throw something about yourself out there and see if they relate. ideally they will latch onto some part of what you're saying, relate, connect, and expound. then the conversation will run fluidly accordingly.

i wonder if it's not a Ne thing in part - like, we assume that others will seek to connect their own experience or understanding to ours. it seems very natural to throw an idea out there and just go. i mean, even in your example, there's a lot of info to talk about. you could talk about acceptance, ENFPs being dumb, judgment, support, love, encouragement, how those things go together, how they're different, where your strengths lie in comparison, etc....
 

ISFPeaceOut

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see, thats why i was saying i think it could just be an internet thing and not necessarily a type thing. ive never really heard people talk like that in real life (unless they were just insecure people), and i have a feeling that more insecure people do tend to gravitate towards internet forums than secure people. im definately NOT saying that all enfps are like this, but its the trend ive noticed. i also have a theory that insecure people are more likely to score NF on the tests just because when a person is insecure they are much more sensitive and in touch with their own and everyone else's emotions. so again, maybe its not an actual ENFP or ENFJ thing but an insecure thing or an internet thing. hopefully that makes sense.

and just so you guys know, i also relate to people by sharing experiences that relate to theirs. i was asking more about blatantly stating their good qualities than sharing stories or relating to people.
 

Such Irony

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One thing I've noticed on just about every MBTI forum i've been to is that out of all the types ENFPs really love pointing out all their good qualities. Actually, ENFJs do it too, but I'm just wondering why you guys are always talking about yourselves? I know this is going to sound like a troll post and I really don't mean for it to sound that way, but its a trend that i've noticed on every single forum ive gone to.

I think ENFPs tend to be natural optimists so I'm not surprised that this extends to describing themselves, seeing their good points. To be fair though, I've seen plently of ENFPs speak of their weaknesses. I'm disorganized, I procrastinate, I'm bad with details, I'm not good with logical stuff, I'm hypersensitive, etc.

I also think some ENFPs, feel a sense of shame about their not so good qualities. They're well aware of them but prefer not to share them, feeling that its too personal, unless they know you well and trust you.
 

Thalassa

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i have a feeling that more insecure people do tend to gravitate towards internet forums than secure people. im definately NOT saying that all enfps are like this, but its the trend ive noticed. i also have a theory that insecure people are more likely to score NF on the tests just because when a person is insecure they are much more sensitive

:huh:
 

ISFPeaceOut

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what i'm saying is that insecure people gravitate to internet forums as a place to vent, be themselves, or not have to be judged a lot of the time AND that its easier to score NF when you're depressed/insecure because you are in a more sensitive and deep thinking state at that time. thus, some of the people who point out all their good qualities in the self-promoting way that I menttioned, may not even be ENFPs in actuality, but just insecure people who score that way and make posts like that to compensate.

i don't think its that far fetched of a theory, but if you think it is then would you really agree that ENFPs really do love pointing out how awesome they are to everyone? because im trying not to paint ENFPs in that light. I'm trying to find a more fair explanation without automatically assuming its just pure arrogance. hopefully that makes more sense.
 

Santosha

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Hahahah! I absolutely agree with your observation, I've observed it myself.
I don't know what the f***en deal is with this. The only thing I can say is that, like Skylights mentioned, not ALL ENFP's are overwhelming in this regard. There definately are *some* ENFP's that it seems to be a pattern with. And while I don't necessarily agree that insecure people are specifically drawn to forums, I DO believe that insecure people may feel an OVERWHELMING need to push their good points, which only backfires in the eyes of a more astute observer. It lacks a level of humility. I notice that quite a few INFP's zone in on this as well. Truly, ENFP's try to relate to others through experience. This might come across as a "I've been there" moral high-horse, but is not intended that way. ENFP's are also optimists, so it is not atypical for them to focus in on their good points, and self-sell. Many times this quality will drive me bat-shit crazy, as I will understand why the ENFP is doing this, yet as an older ENFP I also understand the effect it can have. I attribute it to a level of maturity, most commonly found in the young and over zealous ENFP. I don't worry about it too much though, as I know that life has a way, in some fashion or another, of coming along and kicking even the most optimistic idealist in check. =D No one escapes reality, lol.
 

KDude

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I'm surprised that INFPs do it, if that's the case.. and I'm not trying to "push my own good points" there either. :) Because it isn't necessarily a good point. It's just that if there's one thing I notice that I can share with many, it's the self-criticism. Much like INTPs (Not that they'd always be that way though. I'm sure the internet could free them up a bit more).
 

Santosha

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I'm surprised that INFPs do it, if that's the case.. and I'm not trying to "push my own good points" there either. :) Because it isn't necessarily a good point. It's just that if there's one thing I notice that I can share with many, it's the self-criticism. Much like INTPs (Not that they'd always be that way though. I'm sure the internet could free them up a bit more).

When I said "quite a few INFP's zone in on this as well" I meant that to read as "quite a few INFP's seem to recognize this tendency with the ENFP, and be irritated as well. I have never observed an INFP lack humility. Though I'm sure it can occur.
 

KDude

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Ah my bad.. Here's a fault of mine: I sometimes read too hastily :D
 

skylights

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i don't think its that far fetched of a theory, but if you think it is then would you really agree that ENFPs really do love pointing out how awesome they are to everyone?

why is it necessarily arrogance or insecurity to want to share who you are?

not to jump to defensive, but i'm not sure why you're wording it the way you are... it sounds very attention whoring. but those of us who have posted have explained so many ways it could be otherwise... i mean, marm has pointed out that we share personal experience to connect. it's not "pointing out" - that's a one-sided interaction. a direction. what she described is initiation of a two (or more) sided exchange. that's not attention whoring. suchirony pointed out that we tend to be optimists. this is an excellent point. i get excited about almost every subject. why not myself also? that's not attention whoring either... i dunno, it just seems like you're saying you don't want to see it like that, but you've sort of already made up your mind.

i would be curious to see some examples. certainly i can think of some off the top of my head that are really quite blatant, but as far as i know they're also naive - a la "i just voiced this because i really think it and want to talk about it".

i have a feeling that more insecure people do tend to gravitate towards internet forums than secure people. im definately NOT saying that all enfps are like this, but its the trend ive noticed. i also have a theory that insecure people are more likely to score NF on the tests just because when a person is insecure they are much more sensitive

well, what do you mean by insecure? i think there are a lot of different "realms" of insecurity. i like my blog thread of blabbing about myself, but i'm not sure why any of my major personal insecurities would lead me to post a lot of self-promontory threads, nor how that ties into being an NF. i would suspect insecurity to correlate with I and F, but i'm surprised by your NF correlation. i think we are very responsive to others and read others well, but i'm not sure that's always insecurity as much as it is a form of awareness and perception. like suddenly gaining an extra sense and avoiding unpleasant things in that sense... others just see you avoiding, so they think you're afraid... but if they could smell the yucky ooze you smell they'd be avoiding that area too. not that NFs are 6th sensed or anything, Sensors certainly have a more environmentally-attuned awareness than we do, and NTs react to minuscule changes in systems.

the enneagram 3 type sort of revolves around what you're talking about with the insecurity hypothesis - someone pointing out all their qualities because they don't feel like their self alone is "good enough" - though i think you'll find that there aren't all that many enneagram 3 ENFPs.

i think your point about it being an internet thing is important. one of the amazing things about the internet to me is that there are TONS OF PEOPLE who WANT TO TALK about the same things i want to talk about!! i've been looking for that since i was like 5. so i think it's really awesome to have somewhere where i can say, "i think blue eyes are really fucking great", and to have 100 other people chime in on their opinions. i would never say that IRL because it's just plain impolite - not because i'm insecure as much as i'm not stupid, lol. but here... eh. what are the consequences? minimal. i still don't do that because i am who i am, but if i were less inhibited, i could see making that kind of thread.

there's also the fact that i can share a whole lot of things online without consequence, moreso than IRL. again, not insecurity - at least, i wouldn't say so - but better judgment. i'm an SLoA, for instance. not only do people here usually know what that means, but they want to TALK about it too.

oh, and i don't know about other ENFPs, but i have a big penchant for classification systems. i love them. i want to categorize and sort and assign values to people and types and etc etc etc. i want to have 16 symmetrical names for the types and i want to sort me as ENFP IEE this that etc while you're ESFP SEE something else something else, and then i want to study the differences. i think it's fascinating. so that could be another reason why ENFPs tend to talk like this - we're establishing our place in the classification system.



ps hey guys let's talk about how great ENFs are :devil:
 

Thalassa

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what i'm saying is that insecure people gravitate to internet forums as a place to vent, be themselves, or not have to be judged a lot of the time AND that its easier to score NF when you're depressed/insecure because you are in a more sensitive and deep thinking state at that time. thus, some of the people who point out all their good qualities in the self-promoting way that I menttioned, may not even be ENFPs in actuality, but just insecure people who score that way and make posts like that to compensate.

i don't think its that far fetched of a theory, but if you think it is then would you really agree that ENFPs really do love pointing out how awesome they are to everyone? because im trying not to paint ENFPs in that light. I'm trying to find a more fair explanation without automatically assuming its just pure arrogance. hopefully that makes more sense.

No, I don't think ENFPs like pointing out how awesome they are to everyone, though in some cases you're going to encounter people who are narcissists or who are insecure, but those people could be ENTJ or ESFJ or INTJ or ENFP or whatever. Maybe the way ENFPs express themselves looks self-promoting to you, because of typical ENFP presentation, which is probably not meant to be appreciated or understood by every single human being on the face of the earth.

I'm not sure what NF has to do with depressed/insecure but I have heard that people might specifically mistype as INFP during states of depression because they are sensitive, avoiding people, and not especially motivated to "do." However, that's not what an INFP is.

I mean, your user name is ISFPeaceOut. I presume this means you see yourself as peaceful. I'm guessing some ENFPs really believe they're super non-judgmental (which of course is not true of anyone in reality, every body judges things at least a little bit) ...but like, ENFPs do tend to kind of let things go and, yes, they *can* be a lot less rigid than other types.

If you're encountering an especially young or self-congratulatory ENFP it's probably going to be worse. I mean, your mileage may vary. It's just like how some ENTJs think they're always right, and some ENTPs are like "I'm fucking with you, deal with it, if you get upset that's your problem," and some INTJs are all like thinking they're the smartest and most superior people on the face of the earth. That gets on my nerves sometimes because sometimes NTs think they're good at everything just because they're intelligent or "book smart" and it's like ummm...no you're not. You're just a person.

Which is why I bring up how some NFs, especially while young, may incorrectly view themselves as morally superior in the way that NTs can see themselves as intellectually superior, and SPs can think they're cooler than everybody else, and SJs can get self-righteous about how wonderfully normal and accomplished they are.

People are annoying. Welcome to the human race.
 

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It's because they're not ENFPs but they're infatuated with the idea of being ENFP (and all of their misguided ideas about the good qualities of that type), so they go around spouting off in an embarrassing attempt to prove to others that they're ENFP. Or, in the case of some members in particular, they're not ENFP and they're 12 years-old.
 

Thalassa

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It's because they're not ENFPs but they're infatuated with the idea of being ENFP (and all of their misguided ideas about the good qualities of that type), so they go around spouting off in an embarrassing attempt to prove to others that they're ENFP. Or, in the case of some members in particular, they're not ENFP and they're 12 years-old.

This happens on INTJ forum, too, with non-INTJs who want superiority through claiming INTJ as a type. And how many fake INFJs are running around the Intertardz?

I think there is potential, though, that some of these people really are the type they claim they are, but are simply using it as an illusion to stroke their ego by focusing on all the strengths of their type and none of the weaknesses. I don't think it's always a case of someone pretending to be a type they aren't.
 

Orangey

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I think there is potential, though, that some of these people really are the type they claim they are, but are simply using it as an illusion to stroke their ego by focusing on all the strengths of their type and none of the weaknesses. I don't think it's always a case of someone pretending to be a type they aren't.

I allow for the possibility, certainly.
 

Southern Kross

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I haven't noticed ENFPs doing this any more than any other type here. :shrug:
 

Amargith

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I'd like to add that perhaps it happens also partly coz ENFP positive traits tend to be not valued economically as much as some other types out there. At least, that was what it feels like to me. It sometimes feels as if they get taken for granted, kinda like just being frosting. I personally was happy to discover my type coz it finally gave me a clue as to understand which strengths I had. I had no clue, before, as in my environment, my specific set of skills is just shrugged at. It made me feel useless. When you then discover those strengths and a place where you are in fact free to discuss them ( to, amongst others, develop them further), combined with the typical ENFP bluntness and enthusiasm....

Don't get me wrong, I also instantly recognized the flaws and felt relieved not to be the only one stuck with those :alttongue:
Those also get discussed, but perhaps with less exuberance, and get their own topics, in order to learn how to properly deal with them.

It was nice to see them named, to have something to point you in the right direction, identify them and actively work at it :shrug:
 

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i think one reason for this is that they are insecure(or are naturally prone to insecurity) inside by default(insecure about whether they are flawed on something or not). so its the same reason why they need alot of affirmation from others for them to feel good about themselves and forget/fight the insecurities coming from inside. if they would express more negative things about themselves(their insecurities), those things would start to feel more real to them, since they would lose the viewpoint of balancing themselves with positive things, that is if they wouldnt get enough quality affirmation about them.

like whats going on in their heads is what defines them(to them) and if they focus too much on negative things, they feel like crap, so they need to focus on positive things as much as they can to balance the tendency to feel insecure about themselves. this also leads to the need for positive affirmation from others.

i think its an aux Fi thing. aux function is prone to insecurity(but not that much that it cant be corrected), its same with my Ne. i cant trust my Ne the same way as Ne doms do, im always doubting it and need to rationalize the patterns i see with Ne(check that they are consistent when i look at them with rational thinking), by using my Ti.

and yes, ENFPs do recognize some of their faults and accept them, but that just makes them need more positive things. from self expression or positive affirmation from others. also i think speaking about positive things might work as a way for getting positive affirmation for them from others. they speak about positive things and other agree = yay. but if they speak about negative things and others agree = nay.

or maybe im not able to think this through completely and get to false conclusions because i just woke up. anyone agree with this?

ps. i dont see this to be some awful thing that you do, unless its taken to the extreme..
 

skylights

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:rofl1:

People are annoying. Welcome to the human race.

hah. i like this.

INTP said:
i think one reason for this is that they are insecure(or are naturally prone to insecurity) inside by default (insecure about whether they are flawed on something or not). so its the same reason why they need alot of affirmation from others for them to feel good about themselves and forget/fight the insecurities coming from inside. if they would express more negative things about themselves(their insecurities), those things would start to feel more real to them, since they would lose the viewpoint of balancing themselves with positive things, that is if they wouldnt get enough quality affirmation about them.

like whats going on in their heads is what defines them(to them) and if they focus too much on negative things, they feel like crap, so they need to focus on positive things as much as they can to balance the tendency to feel insecure about themselves. this also leads to the need for positive affirmation from others.

i think its an aux Fi thing. aux function is prone to insecurity(but not that much that it cant be corrected), its same with my Ne. i cant trust my Ne the same way as Ne doms do, im always doubting it and need to rationalize the patterns i see with Ne(check that they are consistent when i look at them with rational thinking), by using my Ti.

and yes, ENFPs do recognize some of their faults and accept them, but that just makes them need more positive things. from self expression or positive affirmation from others. [...]

or maybe im not able to think this through completely and get to false conclusions because i just woke up. anyone agree with this?

this is probably true. one thing that's a pain in the ass about being an ExxP is that we're very environmentally susceptible. i know some people who can hear a bunch of crap going on in their environment and hardly blink. me, on the other hand, i get all out of sorts. so putting positivity into the environment is definitely a good thing in my mind.

i think you're mostly right about Fi, also. personally, i'm not as secure or grounded in it as IFPs are, and so when i feel disconnected from it, sometimes my self-worth is negatively affected. it also clashes with Te, sometimes, and that's a hard struggle. Fi has been derided as a useless, whiny emo function, and like vala pointed out, sometimes ENFP strengths aren't always well-appreciated IRL. certainly they're not explicitly praised, like ENTJ's ability to get things done, ESFJ's warmth and practicality, or ISTP's badassery. we're more nebulous, i think. but, being EFs, we want to connect with others, so it's not like we can just not care. also, being an extravert, when i'm alone for too long, nasty thoughts begin circulating in me. i don't really know why, but i need others to help open me up, or i start ruminative negative thinking. i think it's got something to do with being insanely bored, wanting something to do, and realizing that i have x-and-so problem to solve - except it's usually one of my own personal problems, and then i spend all my time thinking about it, and then i feel down on myself. so i could sort of see making one of these threads after feeling like that.

i figure there are some ENFP e7s for who this is less true, but i do also think that ENFPs spend a lot more time thinking about negatives and their own weaknesses than most people would guess. we tend to project happiness and light outside but inside we're also rather serious and heavy...

i also theoretically believe that all things have equal opposites. for every negative ENFP quality, there's a positive; for every positive, a shadow side. what we choose to capitalize on is up to us, but there's no denying the duality. so even in your example...

dumb ENFP said:
ENFPs are so accepting of other people. Personally, I never judge others and I'm always very supportive and loving towards everyone. I'm also a very encouraging person.

response to ENFP: great, so you're accepting of others. you're probably also blind to their flaws and how they could be corrected if they weren't just readily overlooked. you never judge others? i would not trust you in any sort of leadership position. you're always very supportive and loving towards everyone, that's good, but i wonder if your motives are completely altruistic. you're encouraging - well that can be really annoying sometimes. and it's not like you're actually being productive, you're just trying to get others to be productive.

do you see what i mean? like... maybe it seems like idiotic unweighted positives... but i don't see why that's necessarily the case. saying that there is blue in a rainbow doesn't negate the possibility of there being orange in it, also. saying that ENFPs are supportive and loving doesn't negate that they could also be reactive and non-committal. it actually often points you towards negatives, if you're paying close attention.

Vala Faye said:
I'd like to add that perhaps it happens also partly coz ENFP positive traits tend to be not valued economically as much as some other types out there. At least, that was what it feels like to me. It sometimes feels as if they get taken for granted, kinda like just being frosting. I personally was happy to discover my type coz it finally gave me a clue as to understand which strengths I had. I had no clue, before, as in my environment, my specific set of skills is just shrugged at. It made me feel useless. When you then discover those strengths and a place where you are in fact free to discuss them ( to, amongst others, develop them further), combined with the typical ENFP bluntness and enthusiasm....

Don't get me wrong, I also instantly recognized the flaws and felt relieved not to be the only one stuck with those :tongue:
Those also get discussed, but perhaps with less exuberance, and get their own topics, in order to learn how to properly deal with them.

It was nice to see them named, to have something to point you in the right direction, identify them and actively work at it :shrug:

yes yes yes yes yes yes

in my experience, i get a lot of crap for being spacey or overly emotional at times, and then people are just mystified when i quickly get to the bottom of their personal problem, guide them from depressive bawling to a state of empowerment, get their entire entertainment system working again, streamline workplace methods for efficiency, effectively translate for them, or loophole their way out of a huge mess. somehow they don't put two and two together, and see that i'm not zoning out, i'm thinking, and i'm not just being overly emotional, i'm pushing my own introspection and discovering intrapersonal aspects that will be useful for both internal and external application in the future. of course i'm not all awesome and great, i have a lot of really stupid weaknesses, but sometimes i feel like i'm simultaneously taken as a fluffball and as a highly competent problem solver. while most of the time i revel in that, because it's fun to be lighthearted and happy and then knock the socks off someone, it's also sort of a pain in the ass to often not be taken seriously for my strengths until people see the end results of them. so yeah... it's really nice to discuss those strengths with others who also understand and appreciate them as something steady and static despite seeming incompatibilities, and who are willing to see me, up front, with the huge contradictory complexities that my being includes.
 
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