[ENFP] ENFPs, love, obsession, or myth???

[Wild horses]

know exactly what you mean about holding back on the playfulness such a shame but my life could be sooo much more fun if people didn't take things so seriously

 

[SillySapienne]

YouTube - Show Me Your Genitals

 

[Wild horses]

THAT is TOO funny LOLOLOLOL

 

[Lady_X]

well i think people think i'm flirting when i beam at them...yes...i use that word because i've been told this haha...apparently...i'm very engaged and interested and smilie and tend to be complimentary...and i have to watch it....but that's not me flirting...although i do know how.

 

[CzeCze]

know exactly what you mean about holding back on the playfulness such a shame but my life could be sooo much more fun if people didn't take things so seriously

This is why you have to find a gang of INXPs, EXTPs, and of course, EXFPs and just go for broke. Find and surround with people you can feel easy with and play with.

Regardless of their type (kindred spirits and playmates are found throughout the spectrum), you can find those folks with your intuition and people skills fellow ENFP.

 

[Laurie]

<-- has been called smiley many times.

 

[Rachelinpa]

So after converseing with another ENFP we both realise that other people tend to "fall in love" with us very quickly. Not saying that its "true" love their feeling but rather they grow very attached and think they fall in love, not sure rather or not its real. So it makes casual dateing very difficult, hell to tell the truth I havent casually dated since I was in middle school and of course that doenst count lol. So what im wondering is if this is a common thing for ENFPs like us and if your not an ENFP what is it like dateing us.

I know we are pretty much the cupid of personality types and relationships, especially intimate ones, are our biggest concern. But I didnt realise how powerful of relationship masters we can be, even with out conscious thought we make others "fall in love" with us.

So all thoughts appreciated.

Do any other ENFPs have problems with people "falling in love" with the IDEA of them, but not really them? Lately, it seems that guys REALLY love the exterior friendly happy me. All infautated and crap. And, I try to tell them that there is more to me, but they will not believe me... until they do. and by the point, I'm usually screwed over because I have found a way to idealize them so much that I am having my own sort of "falling in love" with the real them... as they are "falling out of love" with the real me...

Which I guess I mean is what the original poster was saying... so basically, I'm being redundant... heh.

 

[FantailedWall]

Have been reading this thread with growing amusement at how applicable most of these traits are to me! (I'm new here - so it's all very exciting )

Eg - people falling in 'infatuation' with me super-quick, taking my friendliness as flirting, odd obsessions with 'cold' people due to fascination with the puzzle they present to my inquisitive people-orientated ENFP nature....
(Side note: 'CaptainChick', I think you and are alot alike - other than you're seeming to be more secure than I! The 'INFP' within, you see....)

Aaaah. How good it is to be amongst enthusiastic like-minds

That's my...errr...kind of irrelevant two cents worth.

 

[Maabus1999]

Do any other ENFPs have problems with people "falling in love" with the IDEA of them, but not really them? Lately, it seems that guys REALLY love the exterior friendly happy me. All infautated and crap. And, I try to tell them that there is more to me, but they will not believe me... until they do. and by the point, I'm usually screwed over because I have found a way to idealize them so much that I am having my own sort of "falling in love" with the real them... as they are "falling out of love" with the real me...

Which I guess I mean is what the original poster was saying... so basically, I'm being redundant... heh.

Funny, the few ENFP's I tried to get to know beyond their exterior have shied away from me. Course I shy away from things myself rapidly so that might be my fault in some sense *ponder*. Maturity difference maybe? Or just the human nature that not all "ENFP's" are alike.

 

[Maabus1999]

Have been reading this thread with growing amusement at how applicable most of these traits are to me! (I'm new here - so it's all very exciting )

Eg - people falling in 'infatuation' with me super-quick, taking my friendliness as flirting, odd obsessions with 'cold' people due to fascination with the puzzle they present to my inquisitive people-orientated ENFP nature....
(Side note: 'CaptainChick', I think you and are alot alike - other than you're seeming to be more secure than I! The 'INFP' within, you see....)

Aaaah. How good it is to be amongst enthusiastic like-minds

That's my...errr...kind of irrelevant two cents worth.

Oh I hope you are not like CC. The earth's balance will be disturbed past a tipping point!

 

[phyrebyrd]

Just randomly, do any of you ENFPs know any ISTPs in real life? Have any ISTP friends? What do you think of them?

Simply put introvert (harder to realize is there) sensor (assumes is there, quite happy about surrounding objects) thinking (taken by most as holding boring topics) perceiver (in tune to others perceptions, original way of looking at the world.)

Usually athletic looking, although probably comes off as weird or creepy. The loner who is happy to just get his point out there in the open, prefers a conventional way of thinking which I heard is attractive to ENFPs. Innovative though stubborn. Likes people with an obscure presence.

First off, I adore this thread. Seems us ENFP's are a frustrating lot.

But, back to your question: I was in love (and still pining for) with an ISTP. He drove me nuts, made no sense to me, but I could not help but love him -- unconditonally too (on top of that). And, oh yeah, athletically HOT!!!

Loved how he was unwavering in convictions in the midst of my emotional confusions, how accepting he was of my quirks and occasional bad behavior, how nothing bugged him, and how through it all he was always so calm and sure of himself. D**n that man and his strength.

 

[phyrebyrd]

I think the ENFP draw is that we are kinda insane. I've been told many times that people feel they can show more of their crazy side with me. If they haven't felt like that before with someone they might feel it's something other than just my personality.

My mom (i think ESFP) has said before "I could always get the guy, I just couldn't always keep him" I think it could be similar with enfp if people are just all up in the magic of our personality but not us individually.

p.s. Viv, I always assume it's "B"
And this happens with friendships too, I don't know if anyone has noticed.

Yes, making them feel at home and at ease and "enchanting" them.

Intoxicating? Illusionary? Too sweet? Too friendly?

And I do back off also when they start falling too soon too fast cuz I don't think they really know me -- how could they love me? How could it be real?

 

[Salomé]

I didnt realise how powerful of relationship masters we can be, even with out conscious thought we make others "fall in love" with us.

Odd, I find you curiously resistible.

 

[Bubbles]

Hee, well, I think it's kind of true that people fall for you ENFPs because you're just so...well, CaptainChick made a list earlier that I would quote if I'd remembered. But I've done it, after being friends with one for, oh, six years. Fallen for an ENFP, I mean! I think it's more of a casual attraction, though, at first. Like an "Okay, you don't feel the same way, cool, let's move on, my friend." It's only bad if you get too...fantasizing about it. Most people, I think, can let a casual attraction go if they're rejected. So it's not as bad as it could be for you ENFPs.

 

[garbage]

you guys all make ENFPs look like horrible flakes

 

[Bubbles]

you guys all make ENFPs look like horrible flakes

Not true, you are just attractive types.

 

[iwakar]

I've experienced this problem a bit myself. Except my problem is more clear. I either soul-meld with people or brick them out.

100% my fault and within my control... I think.

 

[Poki]

Yes, making them feel at home and at ease and "enchanting" them.

Intoxicating? Illusionary? Too sweet? Too friendly?

And I do back off also when they start falling too soon too fast cuz I don't think they really know me -- how could they love me? How could it be real?

ISTPs are really good at understanding the motives behind actions and words. For every question we have 2 ways of answering. We can answer what was meant behind the question or answer the question at face value. We choose what we answer based on what we want to hide. Our convictions are very strong because it is the truth and it is what we believe. With an ISTP you have 2 choices, you can pull it out by asking him exactly what you want to know or you can find out why he is hiding it. Its usually situational based. Being Ne I am sure you can easily tie together his words with his actions to see what he wants, but dont have the Se to understand why, this is what he holds.

ISTPs are really good at figuring out the reason behind an action, I dont jump to conclusions and I will get in my head to figure it out. I dont look at a lie as a lie, I look at why and the motivation behind it. I understand wanting to hide who you are, I hide alot of who I am because I am very different. Who I am on the outside relates alot to other types of men, but its because I hide alot. The more comfortable I feel around someone the more they will get to know the real me. I understand this way of thinking whether it is a hidden with a lie or by misleading. Who I am comes out online much easier because I have a facade to hide behind, but there are things I still hide online. Very few see my silly side, yes I have a silly switch but it takes alot to get me to switch it on.

We also start figuring out who you are by day one, before any thing even started. We go by your interactions with everyone else. We are listeners and before we even speak we will know so much about you just on your interactions with others. ENFP picks up what the other person likes, while ISTPs will pickup who the other person is just by listening to stories and conversations. When we are relaxed we are in 100% listen mode. If we sense its that your hiding we will call you out a few times to let you know we do listen and to let you feel comfortable that we still like you.

One thing is that ISTPs enjoy the experience and learn from it, so if it was meant to be the more you try the more he will see what he likes, the harder he will push to make it happen. The farther you get pulled away the more he will push to not let you go and the more he will open up. The ability of an ENFP to pull us out of our head allows us to figure out who we are and what we like by experience. We are sensors, so we figure out what we like and what others like with our eyes, our ears, with touch. We can read it in eyes, we can feel it in the touch, we can hear it in the words. We just want to be accepted for who we are. I borrow tools from my dad and forget to return it, yet he still offers me his tools knowing I will forget to return it. When we cant hear it in the words, or feel it in the touch or see it in the eyes it causes us to question what we felt or saw. If ISTPs keep getting this sense without validation we question ourselves and we are confused. Validation is what will really drive us to pursue what we want. You may both be stringing each other along not realizing it, both not understanding what is going on. Afraid to provide the validation and afraid of abusing the power you have over each other. This is unconditional love at its finest. The more desperate he gets the more power he will give you to pull him closer and the easier it will be for him to make the decision. ISTPs are very patient people when it comes to those that they really care about.

 

[Lady_X]

all i know is that i can't even read this thread without being terribly embarrassed and want to hide. i'm glad we love ourselves and all but damn really it's a lil too much for me.

eta: so...i have a million posts in this thread already. i had forgotten...great...but the op is still embarrassing HEXIS!! anyway...whatever...i'm having no part in the ego stroking...got it.

 

[phyrebyrd]

Validation is what will really drive us to pursue what we want. You may both be stringing each other along not realizing it, both not understanding what is going on. Afraid to provide the validation and afraid of abusing the power you have over each other. This is unconditional love at its finest. The more desperate he gets the more power he will give you to pull him closer and the easier it will be for him to make the decision. ISTPs are very patient people when it comes to those that they really care about.

I feel like I will always love my ISTP...