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[ENFP] ENFPs, love, obsession, or myth???

Amargith

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For me, it happens mostly with people that are inbetween friendship and stranger. They've met me, they apparently like me or find me semi-entertaining but they don't bother to look beyond that. My friends meanwhile, have known me for years and know there's more to me.
 

kiddykat

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Definitely. If they're someone who I've known for a while, then I wouldn't mind if the relationship rockets off.

If they're a stranger, then I'm a bit more cautious, because with me, trust is earned. So if we have a relationship that's already based on a 'friendship,' it only serves as a 'catalyst' for what's already there. I'm in it for the long-haul.

If I don't know them as well and they fall too quickly, I think, "If they fall this quickly, then this must be their usual behavior. If they can easily ignite, then their passion can just as easily dissipate FAST."

I guess when it comes to dating, I prefer the friends first approach. I'd rather know that the person is with me 'for me.' Rather than having something artificial/short-lived, I'm in it for something 'real' and 'deep.' That's the more serious side of me most people don't get.
 

CzeCze

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So after converseing with another ENFP we both realise that other people tend to "fall in love" with us very quickly.

I know we are pretty much the cupid of personality types and relationships, especially intimate ones, are our biggest concern. But I didnt realise how powerful of relationship masters we can be, even with out conscious thought we make others "fall in love" with us.

So all thoughts appreciated.

Oh heck no!

I think more often it's that ENFPs fall hard for those who don't reciprocate or are well matched.

This may be a case of how we never like who likes us and vice versa.

That would be a case of the energy or image we give off versus what we ourselves think we want.

I also think it's very irresponsible to not realize we are causing people to fall for us when we have no intention of reciprocating. You have to be careful and responsible with people's feelings and expectations.
 

CzeCze

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Oh wait --

So I have the flip problem -- I give off the impression that I don't have enough time or focus for just 1 person. That I have a lot of people I'm always in different stages of involvement with. That I'm a "popular" or "busy" girl.

I *WANT* people to know that I have a lot going on in my life and while I may want to be with them and care for them, I'm not desperate and I *will* leave your ass if you don't come correct. In my experience, most people up to their early 30s are commitment phobes, aren't totally honest with themselves, and freak out easily when it comes to intimacy (not sex, intimacy).

I still freak out myself and always give the impression that I like you less or am less committed than I really am, because I don't want to be the one falling hard!

Truly though, I want people to know that I care about them enough to help them become an independent, confident, secure person. I think it's kinda sick to want to make someone dependent on you emotionally or otherwise because you're afraid of losing them. That's not love, that's fear and selfishness. And it's really fine line and hard to struggle with that happy medium of needing someone and wanting what's best for them.

For myself, I need to know the other person truly wants to be with me, not that they need a companion (any companion) or are afraid to be alone i.e. "think they are in love with" me.

My first girlfriend fell in love with me and after 3 years of ignoring her, STILL is in love with me HARD. I do NOT want that. I do NOT want people hanging onto me for dear life after I let them go. I do NOT want people trying to drag me down into dysfunctional hell. No thanks.

So yeah, I consciously took a very different route perhaps from other ENFPs on this site.
 

Lady_X

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nah...i don't want people to fall for me that i'm not interested in either. i have had to deal with that from guy friends and it's the worst. you do have to be careful with what you say...i'm naturally complimentary and i try to watch it around people that i know like me...and i would say that i think i may fall easily or quickly but not very often at all...but i've very rarely been single so that may be why.
 

Wild horses

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+1 Erina... I think you have to be so careful around peple who like you but who you don't like back. It's cruel to be any other way. A situation like this happened to me quite recently and I had to be a little mean in the short term to be kind in the long run... I hated having to be distant in the friendship, it really hurt me to be that way, but I knew it was for the best... Do i fall hard?? not sure... I am a bit complex when it comes to relationships.. In a way I fall hard for everyone around me.. I know you'll know what I mean :D
 

Moiety

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Oh heck no!

I think more often it's that ENFPs fall hard for those who don't reciprocate or are well matched.

This may be a case of how we never like who likes us and vice versa.

That would be a case of the energy or image we give off versus what we ourselves think we want.

Spot on.
 

kiddykat

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ErinAvery,

SO TRUE. That's my problem!! I treat guys as though they're my girlfriends. I mean, I never really understood *why* it's important to treat the 'opposite' sex any different, because that's just me- I treat everyone equally, until they cross that line- then I back off.

I feel guilty when I treat a person differently, but sometimes, I really need to just simmer it down (then it feels like active discrimination- which makes me feel like complete shit), but I don't see the point in leading someone on for the wrong reasons, so I guess it's a necessary evil. lol

Also- I'm not one to like those who I can't have. I hate that philosophy "people like what they can't have." I like what I can have- it's worth my time/investment, b/c those special moments are the moments to savor- not worth spending on something I have to *earn* affection from. That's just me. No offense to anyone.

(Sorry Hexis, for turning this into an ENFP "Sex In the City Discussion"! -- The Estrogen.. hahah)
 

Laurie

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I had an issue when I was 21 when I hadn't realized that everyone thinks I'm flirting when I'm being nice. I was newly married and was working at kfc for the summer between college.

One guy came in and I was nice and smiley like always. When he left someone said "you were flirting with him" and I told them I was just being nice. Within a half hour he called KFC up and asked me on a date. I told him I was married but forgot the wedding ring. I still think he thought I was just making it up.

I had no idea he would think I was flirting. I was just being nice.
 

Jack Flak

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I had an issue when I was 21 when I hadn't realized that everyone thinks I'm flirting when I'm being nice. I was newly married and was working at kfc for the summer between college.

One guy came in and I was nice and smiley like always. When he left someone said "you were flirting with him" and I told them I was just being nice. Within a half hour he called KFC up and asked me on a date. I told him I was married but forgot the wedding ring. I still think he thought I was just making it up.

I had no idea he would think I was flirting. I was just being nice.
Yeah, that's really common for ENFPs specifically. An ENFP who's really flirting is probably actually making out with you.
 

Amargith

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Yeah, that's really common for ENFPs specifically. An ENFP who's really flirting is probably actually making out with you.

Oddly..that made sense. What others regard as flirting, I just consider getting to know someone and being nice.
 

Wild horses

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Further to Mr. Flak's comments on the subtlety of our flirting techniques check out this clip... crummy flim... funny character... can't shorten the clip so check it out at 5:41... stuck next to an ENFP at a wedding? LOLOL :D

YouTube - FWAAF02
 

Lady_X

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HAHAHAHA!!!!! that's so funny!!
 

SillySapienne

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The only forum in which I can successfully flirt is an internet forum, IRL, I can't flirt for shit.

Nor can I act, I can't act like anything I am not and hence make an awful actress.

Men do mistake my friendly demeanor for sexual interest, sometimes, which is weird, because I am tomboy-ish. :huh:

If I am attracted to a guy, then and only then will any true feminine traits emerge.

I :blushing: a lot and avert my eyes.

Yup, I basically suck at flirting.
 

Wild horses

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I suck at flirt too Captain LOL But everyone tells me that I flirt.. not sure when though hence the clip hahahaha
 

Amargith

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I tend to be too friendly and am perceived as flirting at that point without it being my intention, but I also have this automatic flirting response if a guy pushes the right buttons and then I am aware of it :devil:
 

phoenix13

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I don't think I've ever been called "flirty," but I am playful and tend to be very curious about people and ask them probing questions which could be misconstrued as romantic interest even though the questions are things like, "So... what's the meaning of life to you?" and not "So... would you like to view my genitalia?"

I often end up holding myself back with the playfulness, as it really does look like flirting. Lame... :rolli:
 
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