[NF] NF Darkside, or When Your Fantasies Don't Match Your Morals

[Thalassa]

I don't know if I am unique in this, but I have always liked horror movies, murder mysteries, and am fascinated by some cultures that other people might find creepy or dangerous. I have always had a dark sense of humor, since the age of ten, maybe younger, and I love black comedy.

I like the abstract idea of someone, for example, being powerful in a dark way (think Vladimir Putin) but at the same time am morally opposed to some of the real life results of this kind behavior.

IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL.

And both of sides of me are very real and very "me" and it's non-negotiable that either side of me would go.

I mean even when I was super young and idealistic and against war because I didn't see how much of a necessary evil it was, I was still fascinated by the *idea* of military/war/regimes...particularly in history, where it safely can't actually touch me.

Is this a seperation of my moral self from my sexual self? Yet it doesn't seem to always be sexual, it also seems to be intellectual and very much an integral part of my entire personality.

Does not compute.

Does anyone relate?

 

[SRT]

Kinda. I spend a good amount of time daydreaming up anti-heroes, flawed heroes, anti-villains, moral dystopias, pyrrhic victories, etc. But I assume that deals more with my fascination with story structure and the compounding boredom I feel with more traditional stories. I like trying to get inside their head, thinking about what drove them there, what would drive me there, what justifications they would have. I feel that doing so helps prepare me incase I ever meet someone who resembles those archetypes.

Obsessed with the pure, yet fascinated by the profane sounds typical NF to me.

 

[Thalassa]

The way I look at it, I accept human nature in all of its facets within myself and other people, because I think anything else is like unhealthy repression. However, I am very fascinated by things which are dark, it's not simply wanting to understand how a sadistic person's mind works, but it is that too. I am interested, for example, what makes serial killers who they are, etc. That's just intellectual fascination with human psychology and trying to figure out what causes certain behaviors or illnesses, and attempting to understand other people is something NFs commonly do.

The reason why I suggested sexual self seperate from moral self, because I wonder if it simply points to be aroused by the idea of power or dominance, especially of an intellectual rather than physical nature.

On the other hand, it's much more complex than that, I think. It's not just like these are my sexual fantasies - it's important to establish that this affects every aspect of my personality, and has since I was very young, I'm talking ten years old or so, forward. Even before that really, in some creepy aspects of history and things like ghosts and horror movies.

The reason why I asked is because some NFs seem so easily frightened, or they watch Disney movies, like stuff that seriously makes me roll my eyes. In high school I was watching "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" when one of my friends preferred to watch episodes of "Tiny Toons."

I don't get the whole Twlight thing - I think it's really lame and soft core, and I know I would have felt the same even at the target age range of 12 or 13, and don't get how grown women can like Twilight.

 

[prplchknz]

twilight sucks, but i love both texas chain saw massacre and disney movies they serve different purposes for me

p.s. I only read the sentences I wanted to

 

[Unkindloving]

I relate a fair amount.
I've loved horror movies, and generally gory movies, since I was a wee lass. I have a fascination with serial killers. I find twisted characters to be extremely attractive. I love the aesthetic of things like H.R. Giger, American McGee's Alice, Clive Barker's Tortured Souls, etc. If there is a dark twist on it, my eyes get big and starry. My favorite comedian is Christopher Titus, who is very far from a poster child for sane-living or tame humor. I make comments/jokes about murdering children, and I've had long talks about how to properly kill and dispose of a friend's father.

Course, my heart wells up at romantic movies. I'm a child at heart in a number of ways. I am attracted to stereotypically beautiful things, such as nature- flowers, sunsets, ocean, etc. I'm fascinated by good, light-hearted people. I respect the kind of passion for life some of them have. I care deeply for the people who are close to me, and sometimes for those I've just met in passing. So on.
My inner hippie is constantly battling with my more predominant 'dark' side, but both are still very apparent.

I'll downright agree that it's a weird thing to experience inside one's self. It's so oppositional, but I'd say to not try to over-analyze it. The ability to have such opposing viewpoints within one's own personaliy is one of those awesome things about being a human being.

 

[SRT]

The reason why I suggested sexual self seperate from moral self, because I wonder if it simply points to be aroused by the idea of power or dominance, especially of an intellectual rather than physical nature.

On the other hand, it's much more complex than that, I think. It's not just like these are my sexual fantasies - it's important to establish that this affects every aspect of my personality, and has since I was very young, I'm talking ten years old or so, forward. Even before that really, in some creepy aspects of history and things like ghosts and horror movies.

I'm not really sexual, so I don't quite understand what you're talking about here. Was it about being physically attracted to the idea of a person, who IRL would disgust you?

 

[Thalassa]

I'm not really sexual, so I don't quite understand what you're talking about here. Was it about being physically attracted to the idea of a person, who IRL would disgust you?

No, no.

It's like being aroused by the idea of power, even if it is sadistic power, in fact for some reason that seems more appealing sometimes in theory.

But morally, I think it's wrong to hurt people.

I don't want anyone to hurt me, it's not S/M it's more like a domination thing I think and I think it's natural, supposedly, for women to be attracted to power.

Yet it's such dark power.

And like sometimes I question what kind of a person I really am when I like to watch horror movies and get an adrenaline rush from watching one woman hack up another woman, like L'Interieur. It's getting in touch with a very sadistic part of myself.

I sometimes wonder how sadistic or masochistic I am on a mental level though I am not into physical pain AT ALL.

It doesn't make sense because it's like I want everyone to be free and have equal rights and get food and health care, and I cry when I think about innocent people suffering, and I love kitties .

But then it's like, dude, I'm kind of evil. And I'm attracted to men who show qualities of perhaps being less...benevolent than I am.

Though IRL I think the men I'm attracted to are a more balanced, controlled version. I am not IRL attracted to dictators or mass murderers.

So none of that.

Ugh.

 

[Viridian]

I relate, to an extent, to what you've described, Ms. Dearest. I do entertain thoughts and ideas which I find repellant, or sometimes even ahorrent; when my imagination begins to get too creepy, I try to turn my thoughts to "lighter" stuff (yeah, I'm kinda sensitive). When I was younger, I was a big detective fiction fan; that might be the reason I'm such an Ace Attorney fanboy nowadays.

However, I really dislike horror movies; both the suspense and the physical harm become "visceral" to me, if that makes any sense...

 

[SRT]

.

Yeah, that's what I talking about in my original response. but then you started specifically stating how this was separate from sexual fantasies and I was like

 

[Thalassa]

Yeah, that's what I talking about in my original response. but then you started specifically stating how this was separate from sexual fantasies and I was like

It is seperate from sexual fantasies. Horror movies aren't sexual to me. Murder mysteries aren't sexual. My intellectual fascination with dark things is not sexual, nor is my dark sense of humor nor interest in black comedy.

I'm just saying some of it could be explained away by a sexual fixation on power or dominance.

 

[KDude]

Heh.. not a fan of Twlight either. I hate to admit though, but I'm probably somewhat like that character. i.e. I'd make a lame vampire. I'm not sure why it's popular though. People could say that the author is trying to promote an old fashioned sense of romance, and that some women really want that, and that it's all missing in this day and age blah blah blah. But I have a hard time believing it. The reality is that you get laughed at if you look down on sex before marriage.

Anyways, that's not about horror. As for that, I've never particularly been fascinated by it. If anything, I might channel more of my "dark side" with music - but even then, I'm gravitating more towards just song structure, melody, etc.. I've never admired the villains in stories. At worst, I've been fascinated with the sick "grey area" misanthropists, like Edmond Dantes or Travis Bickle.

 

[SRT]

It is seperate from sexual fantasies. Horror movies aren't sexual to me. Murder mysteries aren't sexual. My intellectual fascination with dark things is not sexual, nor is my dark sense of humor nor interest in black comedy.

Why would it be? The only type of people I know that would think it would be are the Freudians, but that's because they think everything is sexual.

 

[Santosha]

Hmmm. Outside of sexual fantasies, I wouldn't really describe my fantasies as dark, per se. But growing up, I was fascinated with serial killers profiles and psychology too. I remember being 12 yrs old and printing out 400 pages on historys most notorious serial killers profiles, and getting in trouble for it. (It really upset my mom that her 12 yr old kid was reading about Ed Gein, and in retrospect I don't blame her lol). I think I read Sybil and the Three Faces of Eve in 7th grade. Late teens I thought there was something romantic about Hannibal Lector. I think I mentioned before that I really liked flicks like the Exorcist, etc. By the time I hit mid-twenties my perspective on darker things began to change. Really fucked up things became alot more REAL to me, and my ability to detach emotionally to pursue such fascinations diminished. I do not really like dark things now, and If I fantasize.. its not usually dark. Its more hero based, like being able to take a perpetrator down with mad kung fu skills, or putting some cocky bastard in their place, or traveling to china and studying with monks for 3 years, lol. I wonder if darker fantasies are more E4 based.

I should add that on a sexual level, I definately get a kick out of dark powerful partners... ...

 

[Thalassa]

Why would it be? The only type of people I know that would think it would be are the Freudians, but that's because they think everything is sexual.

Because some of it is, obviously, as I described in my post. I referred, for example, to liking the idea of certain people having a dark sort of power.

I'm not a Freudian, but I am a pretty sexual person and I think it would be difficult to explain that aspect of it to someone who describes themselves as not being sexual, or not being very into sex.

I think it's complex.

I just wanted to see how many people actually relate. So far Unkindloving seems to be the only one.

And Huxley, to some extent, though not quite as much.

 

[mrconfusion87]

Oh I have too many of these dark fantasies to name! And they aren't even directly drawn from movies/books/music/etc...

 

[kyuuei]

I can relate, entirely.

 

[Priori]

My ENFJ's dark side is why I fell in love with her. She's always fighting to be the good girl everybody expects her to be. She starves that dark part of her, and then is ashamed when she finally gives into it.

Incidently, I would enjoy hearing more about the specifics of fantasies. It takes no small amount intensive layer peeling to get her to reveal them to me, and I'd love to got someone else's insights.

 

[Qlip]

Nah.. I don't like darkside stuff. I guess sometimes it seems like it could be a real option for me, so I push it away. In certain bad moods I imagine just going dark. Not dismemberment or torture, just actually ruining peoples lives, in a very realistic way. That's as dark as it gets for me.

 

[21%]

I'm fascinated by dark stuff that stimulates weird emotions or touches on controversial moral issues. I have to admit I don't always feel comfortable with it, but I'm drawn to the possible insight that it can offer about the human psyche. I sometimes feel that there isn't a way to truly understand humans unless we take them out of normal situations and throw some strange conditions at them...

That said, I get scared easily and can't handle gore at all. If there is a machine that will make me forget the movie I just saw I can imagine I'd be watching a lot more horror movies

 

[Eckhart]

When I was a child, I often cheered for the villain in a movie. I think though it was mostly because I didn't want that the evil guy was always loosing in the end, haha, so it was kinda some "cheering for the underdog" (and in children movies, the villain is more funny than evil often anyway ).

Otherwise, I don't like horror movies. I do like however some more "dark" stuff when it comes over the medium of music. I am also kinda fascinated by one musician with some REALLY questionable background and some views that I don't really share.