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[INFP] (patiently) ask an INFP!!1

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
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4w5
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so/sp
How are your interactions with INTPs? Do you get along well with us or not? Be honest here. I ask because in some ways I think INTP and INFP look similar on the surface- shared auxilary Ne but in terms of the dominant function, which is introverted they are worlds apart.
You're right sometimes it can be world's apart. There can be some hurdles with the surface elements, but usually once you get over those it's fine and dandy. Often my first reaction is, "god, he's/she's so weird" - but then I realise how weird I come across, so I try not to hold it against them. :laugh:
 

SoraMayhem

defying your expectations
Joined
Jun 7, 2012
Messages
344
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INFP
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4w5
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so/sx
How are your interactions with INTPs? Do you get along well with us or not? Be honest here. I ask because in some ways I think INTP and INFP look similar on the surface- shared auxilary Ne but in terms of the dominant function, which is introverted they are worlds apart.

I get along extremely well with INTPs, most of my best friends in the past have been this type. We have great conversations, the shared Ne + Si allows us the same basic thought patterns, while the difference in Te/Ti and Fi/Fe make conversation interesting.
 

raindancing

actinomycetes
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
346
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INFP
Enneagram
4w5
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sx/sp
I am not sure if I am answering this correctly, but I know occasionally I get haunted by an idea and I am afraid I will do it without realizing it. In my last apartment there was a garbage shoot and I was forever worried that I would accidentally drop my pet bunny down it. So everytime I went to throw garbage I would triple check where she was.

I do this too! (Though not with pet bunnies... but that's probably because I don't have any.)
 

raindancing

actinomycetes
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
346
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Like others have said intentions matter a lot. If someone does something wrong or inconsiderate I often try to work out what their possible motivations could have been, so as to not unfairly judge their behaviour. However, sometimes intentions explain, but do not excuse, bad behaviour; you can't always ignore the negative impact of something that was done for positive reasons. Good intentions devoid of reasonable awareness or forethought can be particularly dangerous.

I would agree with this.

However, in comparing my INTP to myself, I seem to place more emphasis on intent. A lot of times he isn't even aware of the other person's intent, whereas I will spend considerable time trying to understand it. In general I don't do much judging of other people, being more interested in understanding their motivation/perspective/reasoning etc.

How are your interactions with INTPs? Do you get along well with us or not? Be honest here. I ask because in some ways I think INTP and INFP look similar on the surface- shared auxilary Ne but in terms of the dominant function, which is introverted they are worlds apart.

Well I've been in a fantastic marriage with an INTP for 14 years so I'm perhaps biased. We have a lot of similarities, I'm sure the shared Ne was a big reason we connected so instantly when we first met. The first few years were a bit up and down (though mostly up). (More for me than him, I would say. I think he was oblivious for the most part.) I was so sensitive back then, hyper aware to any sort of negativity or rejection. Also I was recovering from emotional abuse, which wouldn't have helped.

Eventually I came to understand that being direct about my needs was crucial. He was more than happy to fulfill them, but if I didn't say anything he was oblivious --It wasn't that he didn't care. This was really hard for me to accept. I felt like, if I ask it doesn't count, or at least loses a large part of its meaning. A perspective shift was needed. But once that was achieved I became much happier.

Another thing that used to get to me was his habit of throwing around scathing comments about random people. One of those things I originally found attractive. (what's the saying, every girl wants a bad boy who'll be good just for her?) We would get in these 'discussions' with me defending the poor maligned random person. Enumerating the many possible reasons about why they might do this thing, why it wasn't fair to make a judgment with so little information. He would vacillate between irritation and amusement.
One time he finally burst out, "Why do you defend everyone but me!"
It left me in stunned silence. For a moment anyway. Then I said, "I'm not defending them, I'm trying to balance your negative judgments! And when did you ever need defending?"
Which evidently wasn't the answer he wanted because the rest of the drive proceeded in silence.

That has been the subject of much discussion by us, and it (mostly) doesn't bother me anymore. For the most part his judgments about people seem to be very lightly held. Judgment probably isn't even the right word, perhaps it's more of a observation? He might throw me some snarky comment about X, but it is more something that occurred to him in the moment and he doesn't even know if he believes it. So I've learned to lighten up and enjoy his humor, cause he is fantastically sharp. :)
...I think part of the reason he would get annoyed when I defended someone because it would put him in a position where he had to back his comment, and a lot of times he didn't believe it enough to do that. Does this make any sense? :unsure:


I know you said that Ti and Fi are world's apart, and in a sense it seems that way, as can be seen in the examples I mentioned above. But at the same time it feels like we think very similarly. When we talk about things, analyze together, our minds have no trouble following each other. It's like a mental dance, our conversation and thoughts twinning together, higher and higher, or broader and broader. I doubt an outsider would be able to follow, so much is left unsaid. One of us might say something, the other responds, a moment of silence while our minds internally follow the threads, another response touching on some linked idea. And on and on.


I could go on... but I'm suddenly feeling the hideous weight of self-consciousness :dry:
 

CreativeCait

New member
Joined
May 18, 2012
Messages
80
MBTI Type
PING
How come sometimes your 'normal' filter breaks and you don't even realise it??

Like when you're coming off as rude or a little bit crazy or intense...being a bit too free with being yourself?? Eg:

1) Normally being very selective with words but sometimes blurting out things or body movements that are terribly rude or ridiculous

2) Laughing way beyond normal at something no one else is finding funny (like the way a character is doing something on a TV show)

3) Saying something or acting in a way that comes off as terribly intense to others, when you thought you were being very mild in your response (sitting next to someone you are attracted too, or alternatively being stuck in a social situation with someone you can't stand to be around who is making you really uncomfortable, or when bringing up an issue/problem with someone etc).

:fpalm: for being exceptionally ridiculous and not realising it until someone points it out to you :huh:
 

raindancing

actinomycetes
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
346
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
How come sometimes your 'normal' filter breaks and you don't even realise it??

Like when you're coming off as rude or a little bit crazy or intense...being a bit too free with being yourself?? Eg:

1) Normally being very selective with words but sometimes blurting out things or body movements that are terribly rude or ridiculous

2) Laughing way beyond normal at something no one else is finding funny (like the way a character is doing something on a TV show)

3) Saying something or acting in a way that comes off as terribly intense to others, when you thought you were being very mild in your response (sitting next to someone you are attracted too, or alternatively being stuck in a social situation with someone you can't stand to be around who is making you really uncomfortable, or when bringing up an issue/problem with someone etc).

:fpalm: for being exceptionally ridiculous and not realising it until someone points it out to you :huh:

Oh that used to bother me so much... it got to a point where I held myself under such strict control lest any of those things happen, that interactions lost all meaning or depth. I was frustrated I could never be myself, and yet I was afraid to be myself. :huh:

I'm getting better though... making conscious efforts to use my Ne has helped. Embrace the ridiculous. :laugh: I've decided, I just am intense. If someone doesn't like it or thinks it out of place, well whatever.
It's actually interesting, when people expect me to be like this, they just accept it as normal. Really the intensity has only drawn people. Which was shocking at first.
I think people just look at me and think "She's one of those creative artist people." And then I become acceptable.

(I dyed my hair bright red recently, a sort of exercise in forced extroversion. The reactions have been interesting.)
 

Forever_Jung

Active member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
2,644
MBTI Type
ESFJ
How come sometimes your 'normal' filter breaks and you don't even realise it??

Like when you're coming off as rude or a little bit crazy or intense...being a bit too free with being yourself?? Eg:

1) Normally being very selective with words but sometimes blurting out things or body movements that are terribly rude or ridiculous

2) Laughing way beyond normal at something no one else is finding funny (like the way a character is doing something on a TV show)

3) Saying something or acting in a way that comes off as terribly intense to others, when you thought you were being very mild in your response (sitting next to someone you are attracted too, or alternatively being stuck in a social situation with someone you can't stand to be around who is making you really uncomfortable, or when bringing up an issue/problem with someone etc).

:fpalm: for being exceptionally ridiculous and not realising it until someone points it out to you :huh:

:(

I don't usually disclose/express, so when I do, my lack of experience shows. Introverts, especially those with weak Fe often have a hard time gauging what/how much they should disclose.

I am currently working retail, and I crash and burn so many times during the day. Well a lot of times I didn't think I did, but a coworker will approach me later and say something like: "YIKES! That was painful!" But the weird jokes and overly personal style often endears me to customers as well. I'm guessing because it makes me appear less scripted and more genuine than most phony salespeople.

What I'm trying to say is that I'd rather have a few, intense and unlikely relationships, than a million predictable and shallow ones.

That being said, I'd still like to minimize the crashing and burning ;)
 

CreativeCait

New member
Joined
May 18, 2012
Messages
80
MBTI Type
PING
INFPs,

How do you feel about intent versus impact?

I feel like they move in concert with one another. The greater the negative impact is, the greater the positive/justifiable intent needs to be for me to overlook it. Similarly, the greater I feel the impact affecting how I feel inside myself for the worse, the less willing I become to understand the intent and excuse the behaviour. It's an entirely unique, complex and subjective exercise for every single situation where intent, impact and liability are considered.

Having said that, the extent to which I value a positive impact depends greatly on the intent. If the intent is unpalatible to me, the impact begins to sit uncomfortably with me too, no matter how beneficial it might have been.

The intent is aways endlessly fascinating to me in any circumstance with any person. I spend a lot of time thinking about this...not passing judgement necessarily...just musing on what people's intentions are...
 

entropie

Permabanned
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Apr 24, 2008
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Dear Infps, how come that everytime I am searching for questions, I never find one ?
 

Ronaldo

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2012
Messages
24
MBTI Type
ISFP
I would like to ask you something because I'm still unsure if I'm one of you or I am an isfp. Is the difference between us our interests? If you could read a book or watch a football game which would you pick? I'd pick the football game as its more ''lively'' and I don't like spending leisure time trying to comprehend complex ideas, as I see leisure time as a time to zone out, even if I can understand perfectly what those ideas are. Also I heard a way to tell S or N is by describing a picture. When I did it I pointed out the details and not make ''impressions''. The trouble is I lack the coordination and am sometimes unaware of my surroundings as I daydream alot (but when I am consciously focusing outward I am quite aware) , this is making me unsure.

Or am I getting mixed up here?
 

Seymour

Vaguely Precise
Joined
Sep 22, 2009
Messages
1,579
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I would like to ask you something because I'm still unsure if I'm one of you or I am an isfp. Is the difference between us our interests? If you could read a book or watch a football game which would you pick? I'd pick the football game as its more ''lively'' and I don't like spending leisure time trying to comprehend complex ideas, as I see leisure time as a time to zone out, even if I can understand perfectly what those ideas are.

Okay, here a few thoughts statistically (and definitionally) speaking. Keep in mind correlation isn't everything, individual vary, etc ,etc.

  • Statistically speaking, there is a strong relationships between preferring intuition and liking to read [MBTI Manual, p189]. In one study Sensors averaged between 4-7 books a year, while Ns averaged 25+ [MBTI Manual, p 189](Doesn't mean that all Ns love to read and all Ss hate to read... and definitely possible to be a football crazy N)
  • Definitionally, extraverts in general prefer more external ("livelier") stimulation, while introverts tend to prefer less stimulation.
  • ISFPS are the type that most prefers to watch TV as a means of coping with stress and more generally as a leisure activity. [MBTI Manual, p238 and p259]. INFPs report preferring writing, art, reading and music as liesure-time activities. (Again, individuals vary.)

Another complicating factor for you might be Ennegram type (if you buy into the Enneagram). For example type e9s (of whatever MBTI type) tend to passively zone out, and e4s often retreat into a melancholy internal fantasy life.

Also I heard a way to tell S or N is by describing a picture. When I did it I pointed out the details and not make ''impressions''. The trouble is I lack the coordination and am sometimes unaware of my surroundings as I daydream alot (but when I am consciously focusing outward I am quite aware) , this is making me unsure.

Again, hard to say. ISFPs tend to be the best at remembering details of an emotionally charged picture (much better than other types). INFPs tend to be less detail oriented, and tend gather more general impressions unless some aspect is personally meaningful. ISFPs tend to have a more here-and-now orientation (including tending to be better able to enjoy the present), while INFPs tend to be somewhat more future-oriented. I think both can be spacey and zone out when the things are uninteresting.
 
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entropie

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Because, you are actually one of us.

:coffee:

Oh that would be cool, but the last three times I typed myself infp on this forum to get into womans pyjama club went not so well :/
 

Ronaldo

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2012
Messages
24
MBTI Type
ISFP
Thanks Seymour. I am probably an isfp, but I think we are very similar.
 

CreativeCait

New member
Joined
May 18, 2012
Messages
80
MBTI Type
PING
Oh that used to bother me so much... it got to a point where I held myself under such strict control lest any of those things happen, that interactions lost all meaning or depth. I was frustrated I could never be myself, and yet I was afraid to be myself. :huh:

I'm getting better though... making conscious efforts to use my Ne has helped. Embrace the ridiculous. :laugh: I've decided, I just am intense. If someone doesn't like it or thinks it out of place, well whatever.
It's actually interesting, when people expect me to be like this, they just accept it as normal. Really the intensity has only drawn people. Which was shocking at first.
I think people just look at me and think "She's one of those creative artist people." And then I become acceptable.

(I dyed my hair bright red recently, a sort of exercise in forced extroversion. The reactions have been interesting.)

I like the point you made about being yourself, otherwise interactions become meaningless because you are filtering too much - definately been there too! You're totally right, just embrace the ridiculous....:newwink:

Curious...what kind of people has your intensity drawn?? And what kind of reactions have you got to your hair (sounds fab by the way!)?

:(

I don't usually disclose/express, so when I do, my lack of experience shows. Introverts, especially those with weak Fe often have a hard time gauging what/how much they should disclose.

I am currently working retail, and I crash and burn so many times during the day. Well a lot of times I didn't think I did, but a coworker will approach me later and say something like: "YIKES! That was painful!" But the weird jokes and overly personal style often endears me to customers as well. I'm guessing because it makes me appear less scripted and more genuine than most phony salespeople.

What I'm trying to say is that I'd rather have a few, intense and unlikely relationships, than a million predictable and shallow ones.

That being said, I'd still like to minimize the crashing and burning ;)

Ok so it has to do with having weak Fe....interesting, that sounds about right. I'm always either not disclosing enough or disclosing too much.

I feel like we can be terribly endearing but perhaps to a select audience?? You know what, 'genuine' is a quality that is too often under-rated...I think its terribly appreciated by lots of people and can get you far.

And yes, I can't stand too much shallow and predictable either...gives me the urge to escape or bang my head against a wall or something :alttongue: Which is also socially ridiculous behaviour.....:laugh:
 

raindancing

actinomycetes
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
346
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4w5
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sx/sp
Curious...what kind of people has your intensity drawn?? And what kind of reactions have you got to your hair (sounds fab by the way!)?

People seem to actively want to be around me when I'm like this, talk to me. I always preferred to blend into the background before, so it's kind of a strange experience. It's really weird to be in a group of people and have them hanging on my words, laughing... I've gotten a lot better at not freezing up like I used to.

Previously I could only do this sort of thing if it was just one or two people that I knew well. I also always used to be ultra sensitive to people's reaction when I brought up topics I was interested, if I sensed a hint of disinterest or something I would just clam up. So that's also something I've been working on, just letting myself be intense and enthusiastic about it.
Many people seem to just get caught up, eyes bright with shared interest. And most of these people don't normally talk about the things I like to talk about, so this has made my interactions with them much more enjoyable for me :laugh:

I also think being like this helps people not to be intimidated... before, even when I thought I was hiding my intensity I probably didn't do as good a job as I imagined. The things I like to talk about, most the people I know probably associate with 'intellectualness'. I get the idea they can feel out of their depth, but if I open up myself to let them see my enthusiasm and don't worry about appearing silly and ridiculous, it seems to put them at ease.



The red hair? When my mother saw, a month after I dyed it, she told me, 'At least it's starting to fade.' To which I replied, 'I know! Already bought a new bottle of dye.' (which I hadn't... but my mom just pushes my buttons so well) My ESFP sister told me I was 'craaazzzzy' and giggled like mad when my mother walked out...
My mother-in-law has absolutely refused to say anything about it.
Lots of people have gushed on saying they love it. I think in a way it's made me more approachable. And there is something incredibly maliciously fun watching people try to squirm out of an opinion when they don't like it. :D
Most the SJs I know haven't liked it (A few exceptions of course. ESTJ sister was shocked but likes it. ISFJ brother likes it, but I don't know if I could do anything he wouldn't like... he's a darling like that.)

More than anything it's made me want to do something even more shocking next... people's reactions are so fascinating.

(Oh yea, and my INTP was the one did the deed. He wasn't impressed when I handed him the box of dye :smile:)
 

raindancing

actinomycetes
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Messages
346
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INFP
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4w5
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sx/sp
Do you think you are high maintenance or not? Why?

I think there was a thread about this somewhere. Can't remember what I said though.

It really depends how the term is defined. In its standard use, probably not. I don't know, I feel like I'd need to ask my husband his opinion. Ok I'm intrigued now, going to ask. (I am anticipating a drawn out process to get a serious answer...) To Be Continued.

EDIT:
So I asked.
He says, 'What? No, you're not.'
"Are you sure?" I ask. "Not even a little bit?"
He shrugs. "I don't think so."
"How about emotionally? I can be moody."
Another shrug. "I don't mind."

So according to my wonderfully verbose INTP, I'm not. :)
 

Forever_Jung

Active member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
2,644
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ESFJ
I think there was a thread about this somewhere. Can't remember what I said though.

It really depends how the term is defined. In its standard use, probably not. I don't know, I feel like I'd need to ask my husband his opinion. Ok I'm intrigued now, going to ask. (I am anticipating a drawn out process to get a serious answer...) To Be Continued.

EDIT:
So I asked.
He says, 'What? No, you're not.'
"Are you sure?" I ask. "Not even a little bit?"
He shrugs. "I don't think so."
"How about emotionally? I can be moody."
Another shrug. "I don't mind."

So according to my wonderfully verbose INTP, I'm not. :)

That is such an INTP answer :D

I am kind of high maintenance, but I try really hard to disguise how needy I am.
 

entropie

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I just had a brilliant idea for an infp question !

"Do you think you could answer a question in only ten words ? Cause that would be mandatory for me not getting a headache." :)
 
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