[INFP] (patiently) ask an INFP!!1

[Anew Leaf]

Dear infps,

do you tend to tell your nights dream to your partner in the morning ?

lol! (I think this is a girl thing.) I only do if I have had a nightmare and I want to be comforted from it. I have had really bad nightmares my entire life. I also do it as a "heads-up" that I am feeling crabby/anxious/worried and it stems from the dream and how real it felt.

 

[Anew Leaf]

A misunderstanding. I do not mean projection bias. I talk about the way an INFP displays himself once he/she is feeling emotionally discontent. How do they act?

It depends on the circumstance and who I am feeling discontent with.

My natural inclination is to distance myself and withdraw emotionally. With effort, and the right person, I will speak my mind. (This is almost always the better option... although again... instincts make me want to retreat to my Fi shell and deal with it "on my own."

 

[Anew Leaf]

My question is about #5. It seems to me that INFPs have very strong visions about themselves... like who they are and what they want and their place in the world. <- This is a wonderful thing, but how does an INFP handle things when one's vision about oneself/ one's life doesn't match up with the facts.

Sadly, this does ring true to who I was in some past relationships. The foundational problem that I have discovered is that I simply did not really know myself, like myself, or allow myself to be me. I was too busy trying to fit into some bizarre role I had invented in order to be happy and with someone. When we are in this negative flight path, it is REALLY tough/impossible to accept and face reality. We can be masters of our own demise in this regard.

In my situation I was with the complete wrong guy... I was living with him and some other roommates... My parents HATED him, and he caused a giant rift between them and me to the point of where I didn't speak to them for 8 months. And during most of that time we weren't even officially together anymore. But I was convinced that I had to make it work or I would be forced to face the reality of the misery of my life completely. Finally I broke down and called my parents and asked for help, and that started me down a much healthier path. But it took A LOT of crap to get me to finally admit it.

Today, the person that I am, would not do that.

My only advice to you is that you just "be" there for her as a friend. It may take awhile, but eventually this glass castle will crash and she will be devestated. But be there as much as you can possibly be... Just don't "write her off" totally. Let her know that you will support her however you can. You can lead the INFP to the koolaid but you can't make us drink. And we can be VERY stubborn when we are in Delusional Land.

 

[Anew Leaf]

Dear INFPs: Have you ever done something very, very petty? If so, what do you feel about it - shame, regret, anger?

Pandas!

Of course... we are human. I feel shame when I have been petty. I feel like I have let myself down and let others down, and that I need to rise above myself at times and do better.

 

[Elfa]

Dear infps,

do you tend to tell your nights dream to your partner in the morning ?

Yes!

 

[Southern Kross]

Does this behavior ring true to any INFPs? If so what can I do to be supportive of her, true to myself, and not drive her away?

Your comments are greatly appreciated.

I'm pretty sure your friend knows exactly how bad her marriage is. I imagine its very hard for everyone else to know your relationship sucks and she is probably trying to put up a front in an effort to keep the issues private. Sometimes, I can hate how someone is treating me but will openly defend them if others criticise them for it. INFPs can have devil's advocate issues.

An additional possiblility is that many INFPs expect dissatisfaction in life and will blame themselves for feeling this way - she may be trying to focus on the positives to counteract this dissatisfaction. She may also simply be clinging on because she struggles for the strength to leave him.

It sounds like you did the right thing talking to her but if she isn't responding to that, you're going to just have to keep quiet and support her. Don't make the husband the issue (eg. by bad-mouthing him in front of her etc) and avoid talking about it. She needs to have you on her side and not feeling like you're making her choose between you and her husband. Its pretty tough to do nothing but sometimes we need our friends to respect our decisions more than we need them to help and protect us. And INFPs are stubborn people - we need to reach a conclusion on our own.

 

[Rasofy]

Question: Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague)

What? Ain't I allowed to consider it cute?

 

[nolla]

Question: Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague)

At least to me the intention is more important than the outcome. Outcomes can turn out to be almost anything, because none of us know enough of anything to be able to predict future. Intentions can be pure.

 

[BAJ]

Question: Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague)

What? Ain't I allowed to consider it cute?

One of the cutest so far!

However, I'm uncertain about your question. Sometimes I do good for good reasons. And sometimes I do bad for good reasons.

But I don't understand doing good for bad reasons.

I think I'd need an example.

 

[Southern Kross]

Question: Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague)

Dammit, I'm an INFP; I like win-win situations. Don't ask any moral dilemmas, because they just stress me out.

 

[011235813]

At least to me the intention is more important than the outcome. Outcomes can turn out to be almost anything, because none of us know enough of anything to be able to predict future. Intentions can be pure.

I don't know; doing bad things for good reasons sounds a little too much like "the ends justify the means"; a philosophy I'm deeply uncomfortable with.

 

[entropie]

lol! (I think this is a girl thing.) I only do if I have had a nightmare and I want to be comforted from it. I have had really bad nightmares my entire life. I also do it as a "heads-up" that I am feeling crabby/anxious/worried and it stems from the dream and how real it felt.

Thanks I feel a little less like a man now *just kidding*

Question: Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague)

I think both options suck, either you do bad things for bad reasons or good things for good reasons, nobody likes someone who cant get even that straight

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I don't know; doing bad things for good reasons sounds a little too much like "the ends justify the means"; a philosophy I'm deeply uncomfortable with.

I think what he's talking about is when you do something you think is a good thing to do, intending it to be a good thing. It may turn out as you intended it to or it may not. That isn't always up to you. If it turns out badly, then in a sense you've done a bad thing for a good reason. Does that make you as morally culpable as if you intentionally did something you knew was bad for some later good? I don't think so, but I'm sure many disagree.

btw I have no context for this post. I just read the last page of the thread which happened to be senza's post. So whatever the original issue was I'm not weighing in on.

 

[Eruca]

Moar quessiunz!

1) Are you easily guilt-tripped?

2) What do you sometimes envy in INFJs (or FJs in general)?

3) Do you have a strong negative reaction to people who express emotions they're not really feeling ("phonies")?

4) Is it hard for you to "cut off contact" with people?

5) Do you usually need a strong case to sever bonds with people, or do you mostly go with your gut?

I'm INFP enough to answer these questions methinks.

1. I easily feel guilt. I can go whole days of vaguely feeling guilty. However I am not guilt-tripped easily as I am good at recognising a guilt trip for what it is, and then have no problem rejecting the feeling prompted.

2. The only INFJ I know well is Lexicon. I envy her coolness.

3. My reaction to people that fake emotion will often be very negative. But feelings might include apathy, amusement, irritation, contempt, disgust and pity. It really depends on how and what they are faking.

When others go to great effort to hide the negative sides of their personality they are really coming from a different planet to me. Ill wear my negatives on the outside when I can, and try to do the same for my positives, though that's harder for me.

4. Its very easy for me to cut off contact once I decide that is what I will do. Up to that point the road can be rocky and confused, but once the decision is made its done.

5. Making friendships will be based on the gut, breaking them will be more based on reasons. I feel as if anyone I've made friends with deserves solid reasons.

 

[011235813]

I think what he's talking about is when you do something you think is a good thing to do, intending it to be a good thing. It may turn out as you intended it to or it may not. That isn't always up to you. If it turns out badly, then in a sense you've done a bad thing for a good reason. Does that make you as morally culpable as if you intentionally did something you knew was bad for some later good? I don't think so, but I'm sure many disagree.

btw I have no context for this post. I just read the last page of the thread which happened to be senza's post. So whatever the original issue was I'm not weighing in on.

The original question was posed thus: "Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague.)"

Responders took the question to mean what you suggest it does and I agree that this would be its primary meaning -- however, the deliberate vagueness leaves open the very clear possibility that sometimes people undertake morally suspect actions for "the greater good." I didn't want to discount addressing that possibility.

 

[nolla]

Yes, I deliberately interpreted the question in a different way. I really can't think of any particular time when I've consciously done anything good for bad reason or bad for good reason. Of course I must have, at some point. But it seems like usually my interpretation of situations doesn't go by these terms. I hardly ever see anything so either-or. Even now, as I try to think up imaginary examples of this kind of thinking, I can't think of anything that would fit perfectly.

 

[Anew Leaf]

Question: Which is preferable: Doing good things for bad reasons or doing bad things for good reasons? (It is supposed to be vague)

What? Ain't I allowed to consider it cute?

Sigh. You INTPs and your "moral vagueness"!

I think the world has already established how evil "for the greater good is." we must also consider that morality is subjective and open to multiple interpretations. I remember watching a documentary on war, and one of the quotes used to illustrate a point was "in order to do good, sometimes we must do evil."

I see the practicality of such a quote, but I don't agree with it inside.

I will have to say neither is preferable. So I will choose the invisible third option: try your best to do good for good!

P.s. I liked the alligator.

 

[Qlip]

Are you an INFP badass? Have you ever seen an INFP badass? Have you ever heard a rumor of an INFP badass existing? Answer any one.

 

[nolla]

I heard KDude is one...

And Biaxident looks like one.

And let's not forget Hitler.

 

[Rasofy]

Hello there. :hi:

But I don't understand doing good for bad reasons.

I think I'd need an example.

It's hard to picture a day-to-day situation for a bad reason.
Maybe lifting someone's self esteem (good) in order to exert more influence over the person (bad).
Ethics aside, this could end up being a win-win situation.

I guess the question was indeed a bit too vague. But i liked the answers, nonetheless, thanks guys and gals.
I enjoy watching Fi in action. It is like a foreign language
I know the matter isn't black-and-white and it's not easy picking an option.
Let's everybody just do good things for good reasons and everything will be fine.