[INFP] INFPs and Social Masking

[BAJ]

From the INFP motivational posters:

 

[BAJ]

i'm guessing psychopath...seems extremely non fi to wear masks....you guys are either way over analyzing yourself and the intricacies of your personality or there's something completely unrelated to being an infp going on there...at least imo.

I'm not sure if he's joking or describing himself.

I don't sit there in front of a mirror planning something.

I can feel pretty alienated sometimes. And one way I imagine it is like putting on a SCUBA suit to go out and talk to the "normal" people. It is like putting on a persona. This doesn't mean I'm uncaring or malicious in a general sense, but rather, it just takes me effort to make small conversations with "the humans", when the world inside is so interesting.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I wouldn't disagree on "mask" as a means of protection, social unsurety, or whatnot. I think INTPs are much the same.. who will perk up the more they know people are open to their thoughts. What I was trying illustrate above is more along the lines of conscious/creative masking and metamorphosis.. vs Fi's inclination for authenticity. Fi is more likely to not say anything at all rather than participate too far out of what it's comfortable with. If not be a critic of sorts.

I agree with that....I think there's far less conscious persona creating than what some other types might be comfortable doing, even if just from a creative standpoint.

 

[Unkindloving]

I mainly view these masks as facades that are really me, they just have utilities for different situations. If I fear I'm being unauthentic, I'll fix it to fit me. Basically it's like having knobs for everything and toning certain knobs up or down depending on what we want to present outside at the time.

Well put.
I'd say the trouble with some INFP social masking is when they wear so many social masks that it doesn't seem like they have a sense of self. No solid core, just blowing wherever the wind takes them. While it's a good trait to be flexible, it can be an absolutely terrible trait to be so easily swayed by what a situation calls for.

Social masking in general can feel very strange. I know for my own type of masking, I prefer to not place myself in situations where I'd need to be too far from myself to feel situated. Makes my skin crawl, regardless of if I can be good at it.

 

[CrystalViolet]

I'm guessing psychopath...seems extremely non fi to wear masks....you guys are either way over analyzing yourself and the intricacies of your personality or there's something completely unrelated to being an infp going on there...at least imo.

Hmmm, maybe that's just one of the differences between INFP and ENFP. Mask isn't quite the right word and many of the INFP who replied have said that in their own words. Whether you like or not INFP do not easily reveal their inner being. Surely you only reveal parts of your self to certain people and not others.
It's been stated before on this site, that INFP are chameleons, it's same thing, different name and discussion. Empathetic reflection, I would say is very much our thing. As overanalysing our selves, if that's not a defining characteristic of INFP, then I handing in my INFP badge.

 

[erm]

Well, being an introverted perceiver naturally leads to hiding one's personal playground from others instinctively. Then there's Fi, a very hidden function, even from the dominant user themselves. Then there's no Se to help bring it all out.

On top of that, I thought it would be something INFPs are a lot more sensitive to than most, what with the constant internal scanning many of them submit themselves to. I think valuing authenticity, honesty, consistency, reliability, and truthfulness have nothing to do with being INFP. Integrity is the related concept I would say IxFPs inherently care about, and that would increase their sensitivity to masking further, but the previous values come from elsewhere if they are there (so maybe INFPs dedicate themselves to romanticised values more easily, where in the Western world things like reliability and authenticity are such). So, whilst INFPs will have more integrity than most, they won't be any more authentic, honest etcetera than other types.

I'd say the trouble with some INFP social masking is when they wear so many social masks that it doesn't seem like they have a sense of self. No solid core, just blowing wherever the wind takes them. .

That is the situation I find myself in. There was very little social value to be gained by acting INFP, even internally, throughout my life, and much to be gained elsewhere. I drifted away from it, yet haven't changed the core nature, so it is extreme masking. That's the reason, along with anecdotal evidence, I think INFP males are more prone to this, since INFPness is even less valued in males around the world. They have a strange stoic sensitivity, and lack the quirkiness I see in female ones, which I think may be explained by this.

I personally would have a hard time figuring out what my "true self" is exactly, not to mention sharing it with other people, regardless of how close our bond is. I can only define it as a feeling of myself. As in, I know and feel that I exist . However, trying to apply any kind of characteristics to it would be near impossible. But I know that I am driven by some things, like the need to be independent for one, and to experience the various sensations that life has to offer, be they physical or emotional. On the other hand, if you knew me in real life, you would likely not see those aspects of myself, as I am severely held back by my fears.

I cannot differentiate between internal masking and a simple lack of a face, to take a metaphor too far. Whether the difficulty in perceiving my "true self" comes from its blurriness/unrefined qualities, or simply because I haven't had much practise looking at it.

I found this excerpt fitting:

As Orangeappled has nicely demonstrated, it is mentioned a lot in INFP and Fi descriptions. Even in some of the idealising fluffy bunny ones.

With that name of yours, you have a lot to live up to in this thread

Thanks for responses everyone. Keep 'em coming if you have more to say. It's very interesting. I, and hopefully others, appreciate it a lot.

 

[KDude]

Well, being an introverted perceiver naturally leads to hiding one's personal playground from others instinctively. Then there's Fi, a very hidden function, even from the dominant user themselves. Then there's no Se to help bring it all out.

Ne and Se are both extroverted perception.. Se doesn't have domain on externalizing, or sensing in the typical [non-mbti] sense. Jung himself states this (same goes for other writers after him.. Thomson goes into this too). If anything, Ni is the function that is the most disconnected (not that that's necessarily bad.. there are a lot of positive things about it too). The same goes for having more troubles with self-identity as well. Don't take my word for it either. Go to an MBTI counselor and talk about Fi like this.. they will correct it.

 

[erm]

Ne and Se are both extroverted perception.. Se doesn't have domain on externalizing, or sensing in the typical [non-mbti] sense. Jung himself states this (same goes for other writers after him.. Thomson goes into this too). If anything, Ni is the function that is the most disconnected (not that that's necessarily bad.. there are a lot of positive things about it too). The same goes for having more troubles with self-identity as well. Don't take my word for it either. Go to an MBTI counselor and talk about Fi like this.. they will correct it.

Yes Ne and Se are both extroverted, yes Sensing does not mean sensing (like Feeling does not mean feeling). Ni is probably the most introverted and disconnected function.

I did not contradict any of that. IJs are better at externally expressing themselves, generally, than IPs. Se is better at expressing introverted J functions clearly than Ne. Fi is quite hidden and does not express itself clearly (the relevant comparison being to Ti). None of that conflicts with what you have said, all of it agrees with what Jung said.

It's so abstract and function-based, that is the problem with it. Needs evidence one way or the other (e.g. this thread).

 

[Eckhart]

I believe my "masks" are mostly not directly something like a different personality, but more of a reduced form of it, a "light"-version of me. I don't show all my personality traits, but only those which leave me less vulnerable. That might make me look to people which don't know me well like a different person than I really am maybe, but it is still me from my own point of view. The more close I am to the person or the more I feel safe around him/her to reveal more of me, the more I do reveal of me.

It is though a topic which is difficult to describe more in detail for myself. Long time I had trouble to understand my own behavior myself, and I am not completely sure I did yet, although I think I do to some extent.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Yes Ne and Se are both extroverted, yes Sensing does not mean sensing (like Feeling does not mean feeling). Ni is probably the most introverted and disconnected function.

I did not contradict any of that. IJs are better at externally expressing themselves, generally, than IPs. Se is better at expressing introverted J functions clearly than Ne. Fi is quite hidden and does not express itself clearly. None of that conflicts with what you have said, all of it agrees with what Jung said.

It's so abstract and function-based, that is the problem with it. Needs evidence one way or the other (e.g. this thread).

I'd say Fi is the most abstract of the J functions & agree it is hard to express....Thompson mentions it feels a bit "mystical", and may not even feel like rational reasoning at times, even though it is (although many a Fi-dom, including me, might feel they predominantly reason, not just experience "feelings").

I think the identity issues with Fi is more of a reconciling an abstract feeling with reality.... I like what the Outsider said (if I grasped it correctly): he has a feeling about who he is (or maybe would like to be), but he doesn't know what his true self is. This expresses a sort of disconnect of the internal ideal self from the self in reality, something I suspect is common to the Fi-dom.

Although, I'd argue that in many ways, Ne gives INFPs a leg up over ISFPs. INFPs are said to be often more articulate with the written word, and there is the advantage that Ne ingenuity brings. You basically have an abstract perception working with an abstract kind of judgment, which allows for an easier "translation". ISFPs have to bridge their abstract judging to a very literal kind of perceiving. Personally, I've noticed they struggle more at verbal communication. The problem with Ne is when the person you're speaking to does not see it as valid, namely, when they discredit its metaphorical style or dismiss its connections as too far-fetched.

The contrast between the real and the ideal weighs more heavily upon the ISFPs, who are more sharply aware of the actual state of affairs, than upon INFPs, whose iNtuititon suggests hopeful avenues of improvement.

Where intuition is developed, it is of great assistance in finding expression for introverted feeling, both in practical life and in art.

 

[erm]

Personally, I've noticed they struggle more at verbal communication. The problem with Ne is when the person you're speaking to does not see it as valid, namely, when they discredit its metaphorical style or dismiss its connections as too far-fetched.

Okay that is true. Ne is more abstract, metaphorical, and thus will find it much easier to tap into certain parts of Fi, though it is far more disconnected from reality than Se.

Maybe ISFPs and INFPs each have rather distinct problems with communication, I just tend to notice much more concise and insightful self-descriptions from ISFPs. Less confusion. Which is the type of clear expression I lack the most, and so notice the most in others.

I think the identity issues with Fi is more of a reconciling an abstract feeling with reality.... I like what the Outsider said (if I grasped it correctly): he has a feeling about who he is (or maybe would like to be), but he doesn't know what his true self is. This expresses a sort of disconnect of the internal ideal self from the self in reality, something I suspect is common to the Fi-dom.

Yes I think that is true, but I don't want to associate knowledge away from feeling. A simple example is daily instincts, those "feelings" that tell you things, and that are relied upon daily by everyone. They are as much an expression of knowledge as audible thoughts, have helped me solve maths problems, and are about as reliable overall. That same type of knowledge is likely expressing itself through the type of feeling Outsider describes.

/nitpicking.

 

[OrangeAppled]

^To clarify, I meant "know" to mean know who you are outside of your own head, in relation to reality. I didn't mean for "knowing" to contrast with "feeling" as if feeling was not a kind of knowing. When I say "feeling", I almost always mean feeling-thoughts, not emotions. I just wanted to highlight the difference between how you feel about yourself versus who you are in a more objective sense.

For instance, I feel I am an independent person, but are my actions truly in line with that? I may feel I am not my true self if I am not acting in line with how I feel about myself. This can feel like a mask of sorts, but it's not the same as a persona adopted to achieve a goal; it's more out of fear or failure or a compromise with the reality of a situation.

 

[KDude]

Gift Differing
The contrast between the real and the ideal weighs more heavily upon the ISFPs, who are more sharply aware of the actual state of affairs, than upon INFPs, whose iNtuititon suggests hopeful avenues of improvement.

I've been thinking that I may be ISFP again, for some of the reasons you stated. "Actual state of affairs" are nothing that escape me. I'm well aware of them. For some reason, I'm able to generate more ideas when helping others, but there's a heavy awareness of realism that I direct towards myself. Whether I like what I see or not. I see it, but I think a lot of the actual state-of-things is bullshit. I am more Fi still, despite possibly being Se.

There was something Thomson wrote about that slightly applies.. when the IFP finds themselves in a state where Fi struggles aligning itself with the world in some way. That ISFPs are more aware of it.. and deliberate in going against it.

ISFPs, whose tertiary function is Introverted Intuition, are more likely to pursue an alternate lifestyle, attempting to embody their social critique. Sometimes INFPs do this, too, but don't anticipate the conflict this will generate in their lives.

Does any of that ring true? Sometimes I think it's all INFP, because when I meet ISFPs, they don't seem to have any angst (for the most part). Like they can find nirvana in a beer and hot dog or something. Hot dogs are OK and all, but that's not exactly me.

 

[Seymour]

[...] Although, I'd argue that in many ways, Ne gives INFPs a leg up over ISFPs. INFPs are said to be often more articulate with the written word, and there is the advantage that Ne ingenuity brings. You basically have an abstract perception working with an abstract kind of judgment, which allows for an easier "translation". ISFPs have to bridge their abstract judging to a very literal kind of perceiving. Personally, I've noticed they struggle more at verbal communication. The problem with Ne is when the person you're speaking to does not see it as valid, namely, when they discredit its metaphorical style or dismiss its connections as too far-fetched.

I'd agree with that. The future orientation of Ne is mixed blessing, but it does (surprisingly) have some practical utility. ISFPs seem to be much better than we INFPs at enjoying the present... yet they also tend to be even less willing to suffer through current unpleasantness for a future payoff. The INFP tendency to be less aware of the present and escape into abstraction and potential can come in handy at times. ISFPs seem to have fewer avenues of escape, so tend to focus more on enjoying what can be enjoyed in the present... even when pursuing current enjoyment has long term costs.

I'm not making INFPs out to be self-denying success machines, or anything... just that I feel that ISFPs may have a tougher time in some structured areas.

As far as the whole social masking issue... I don't feel like I put up any kind of intentional persona. I definitely keep a fair amount private unless I know someone well, and that leaves a bit of a blank screen for projection. Still, I don't feel like I'm pretending... just being less visibly present than I might be.

 

[KDude]

I'd agree with that. The future orientation of Ne is mixed blessing, but it does (surprisingly) have some practical utility. ISFPs seem to be much better than we INFPs at enjoying the present... yet they also tend to be even less willing to suffer through current unpleasantness for a future payoff. The INFP tendency to be less aware of the present and escape into abstraction and potential can come in handy at times. ISFPs seem to have fewer avenues of escape, so tend to focus more on enjoying what can be enjoyed in the present... even when pursuing current enjoyment has long term costs.

I find myself frustrated on both ends. I can't deal with lot of unpleasantness and can be somewhat impatient when things aren't materializing. I can admire that level of commitment, but I've never been good at it. At the same time, telling me to enjoy the moment doesn't work either. I may want to enjoy it, but I try to find ways to remove discomfort in order to enjoy it.. whether that means leaving, or speaking out, or questioning something. I've never been one to just focus on the moment as a thing in itself. "Ooooh.. I love how the wind just tickles my nose." No.

 

[Unkindloving]

That is the situation I find myself in. There was very little social value to be gained by acting INFP, even internally, throughout my life, and much to be gained elsewhere. I drifted away from it, yet haven't changed the core nature, so it is extreme masking. That's the reason, along with anecdotal evidence, I think INFP males are more prone to this, since INFPness is even less valued in males around the world. They have a strange stoic sensitivity, and lack the quirkiness I see in female ones, which I think may be explained by this.

Hm originally, I was considering all of the INFPs I've run across regardless of gender, but the females have been more consistent with their social masking. I've found some to have that lack of self, but they still hold onto something of their social mask very hard. It's like they know there's a basis stemming from themselves, but can't quite pinpoint it. The men have been interesting in the way that I'd say they are unwavering in their INFPness, but most have social masked to high holy hell. It seems like being all at once and accomplishing not much other than forms of procrastination.

Away from the INFP masking, I've noticed how much my INTP ex does this. He knows what he would prefer to do, and who he is, yet he puts on this ESFP mask so people don't suspect who he really is. He'd told me that he was in no mood to have a week of partying heavy and could only handle people in small doses, but that not making appearances would draw undesired attention to himself. He has a severe inability to self-reflect, which I can only assume is related to how few people are aware of who he really is and would not be able to relate in a necessary way (as well as his own fears of who he has been).
Sometimes it is cause for worry, rather than a playful game of using yourself and others as pawns. Course I'm a firm believer in having a grasp on self, as well as not putting others in harms way through a lack of grasp on self. Goes for any type.

 

[Seymour]

I find myself frustrated on both ends. I can't deal with lot of unpleasantness and can be somewhat impatient when things aren't materializing. I can admire that level of commitment, but I've never been good at it. At the same time, telling me to enjoy the moment doesn't work either. I may want to enjoy it, but I try to find ways to remove discomfort in order to enjoy it.. whether that means leaving, or speaking out, or questioning something. I've never been one to just focus on the moment as a thing in itself. "Ooooh.. I love how the wind just tickles my nose." No.

I wasn't speaking so much of the "look on the bright side of life" approach (ick!), but more in the way of an "if something is tedious, I'll either find a way to make it enjoyable or find something better to do" approach. I think neither ISFPs nor INFPs are great at ignoring their negative emotional state. Can make it a bear when that state is unpleasant and there's no clear fix.

 

[KDude]

I wasn't speaking so much of the "look on the bright side of life" approach (ick!), but more in the way of an "if something is tedious, I'll either find a way to make it enjoyable or find something better to do" approach. I think neither ISFPs nor INFPs are great at ignoring their negative emotional state. Can make it a bear when that state is unpleasant and there's no clear fix.

Ah ok..

Just to add.. I get conflicting information from different books. Some descriptions make it sound as if ISFPs can mark their differences quite fine. In others, not so much. In Naomi Quenk's "Was That Really Me?" it seems as if the INFP inclination to change their situation is greater. She went so far to say that many ISFPs suffer stress more than other types (for holding back). I wonder if that's true for ISFPs. She's probably one of the most respected authorities atm, and does statistical research, not just theory.. so I'm not going to brush her aside right away (she's also the editor of the official mbti manual).

INFPs are more likely than ISFPs to leave a highly stressful situation, even though ISFPs try to avoid stressful situations, if at all possible. Perhaps the INFP's auxiliary Intuition helps them imagine alternatives and their generally greater self-confidence allows them to risk new work situations. ISFPs pay a high price for their lower stress tolerance and persistence in stressful work situations: they self-report the highest incidence of hypertension and heart disease of all the types and are also highest in experiencing emotional burnout and depersonalization when they are stressed. INFPs, in contrast, are among the least likely types to experience these stress effects. [p. 109]

 

[Seymour]

(This is getting more off-topic, so let me know if I need to delete/move this post.)

Ah ok..

Just to add.. I get conflicting information from different books. Some descriptions make it sound as if ISFPs can mark their differences quite fine. In others, not so much. In Naomi Quenk's "Was That Really Me?" it seems as if the INFP inclination to change their situation is greater. She went so far to say that many ISFPs suffer stress more than other types (for holding back). I wonder if that's true for ISFPs. She's probably one of the most respected authorities atm, and does statistical research, not just theory.. so I'm not going to brush her aside right away (she's also the editor of the official mbti manual).

INFPs are more likely than ISFPs to leave a highly stressful situation, even though ISFPs try to avoid stressful situations, if at all possible. Perhaps the INFP's auxiliary Intuition helps them imagine alternatives and their generally greater self-confidence allows them to risk new work situations. ISFPs pay a high price for their lower stress tolerance and persistence in stressful work situations: they self-report the highest incidence of hypertension and heart disease of all the types and are also highest in experiencing emotional burnout and depersonalization when they are stressed. INFPs, in contrast, are among the least likely types to experience these stress effects. [p. 109]

What I was trying to get at is the ISFPs (and SFPs in generally) can find delayed gratification particularly challenging. Since Ne-ers tend to live a bit in the future, they get some payoff from the envisioned result. This can become a problem for INFPs if they get all their payoff from fantasy land and don't actually move to bring things about. Meanwhile, ISFPs can end up marooned in realtime.

And, even though we're getting a bit far afield here, I couldn't resist looking at INFP/ISFP methods of coping with stress. MBTI manual, page 238, mentions a study in which people of different types reported which coping strategies they use. The top and bottom 4 types using each coping strategy is listed, with the percentage of people of that type that reporting using that strategy. For ISFP and INFP (leaving out strategies that doesn't list either type in top/bottom 4):

Try to avoid stressful situations: #1 Rank ISFP 59.8% (INFP not listedin top 4 highest or lowest)
Confront the problem: Lowest Rank ISFP 35.7% (INFP 3rd from bottom at 41.8%)
Talk to someone else: #4 Rank INFP 63.7% (ISFP not listed in top/bottom 4)
Talk to a professional: #4 Rank INFP 10.3% (ISFP not listed)
Try to think of options: Lowest Rank ISFP 54.5% (INFP not listed in top/bottom 4)
Get upset or angry but don't show it: #1 Rank ISFP 36.1%, #2 Rank INFP 34.9%
Develop Physical Symptoms: Rank #4 ISFP 16.9% (INFP not listed)
Exercise: Ranked second to last ISFP: 16.2% (INFP not listed)
Watch TV: #1 Rank ISFP 40.6% (INFP not listed)

So seems like ISFPs tend to be the least confrontational and most conflict avoidant, and least likely to brainstorm. That does seem like a recipe for getting stuck in situations in which the only way out involves some conflict (like leaving an unfulfilling relationship or job, for example).

 

[KDude]

Thanks..

Well, I seem to not line up with any of that, but I feel like giving some ISFPs a hug now... in any case.

I hope that doesn't come off condescending.