[NF] Male NF's and dealing with our own mushiness

[tkae.]

Eh...

I know what you mean, but I feel it more as a pressure than as something I ever give into. And while it's extremely awkward when I'm surrounded by a bunch of jocks or something, who have absolutely no artistic or emotional sensitivities whatsoever, I still don't try to mold myself into some testosterone-fueled version of myself when that's not me.

And it helps when I'm around my friends who are girls, and I can more easily see the clearly masculine nature I have. It's subtle things, like burping or scratching or eating like a pig. But then that same day we went to paint pottery, so...

I guess to answer your question, I just honestly don't care. I do what I do. And while I sometimes worry my sexual interest in men is beginning to show, almost everyone I know thinks I'm straight.



I'm not gay though. But I'm not bisexual.

It's more that I have a sexual interest in men, am turned off by sex with women, but get along well with women (even though I'm not interested in them), but in the end it really doesn't matter because I'm not healthy enough from a bunch of emotional scars that have left me unable to have a trusting relationship with someone.

Bisexual sounds better though.

Anyways, back to the point.

I could drive myself crazy trying to pin a label on what I am and how that defines my gender roles, but in the end I really don't care. I am who I am. I write, I love hockey, I play music, I love puppies and kittens and baby goats, I pick locks, and so forth and so forth.

Just worry about doing what you do. People will always find something to give you shit about, you could be the star quarterback on the High School football team and if you play World of Warcraft or (God forbid) Pokemon, that's your mark.

So stop trying to avoid having any marks and just enjoy playing the damn game lol

You're the one who has to live with your regrets about not enjoying those sorts of things, not them.

 

[Arclight]

This is another problem with NF male mushiness, or at least my mushiness.
How much is too much?
I never know where or when to draw the line.
It's always I don't talk enough or I talk too much.
Same with emotional expressions.
They are so intense when I let them out that I frighten people, or overwhelm them.
I seem to catch people off guard.
At the same time if I don't express myself , everyone seems to call me a bitch.
(This is based on real life and work, not so much the forums, although it happens on here too)

Does anyone relate??

 

[Elfboy]

This is another problem with NF male mushiness, or at least my mushiness.
How much is too much?
I never know where or when to draw the line.
It's always I don't talk enough or I talk too much.
Same with emotional expressions.
They are so intense when I let them out that I frighten people, or overwhelm them.
I seem to catch people off guard.
At the same time if I don't express myself , everyone seems to call me a bitch.
(This is based on real life and work, not so much the forums, although it happens on here too)

Does anyone relate??

I don't think you're thinking about it the right way. it's about about restraining your emotions and saying "I can release X amount of emotion". it's about direction. "where do I release my emotions" "to whom can I release my emotions" "what are some ways I can use my emotion constructively"
a few more questions you might want to ask
1) "who can I spend time with that will except my emotional side"
anyone who isn't on that list is not worth talking to unless necessary for professional reasons.
2) "who excepts me for being introverted and wishing to be lower energy and listen more than talk"
again, anyone who isn't on this list is not worth your time. you're friggin NF for crying out loud. anyone who calls you a heartless bitch is an ignorant fool who doesn't deserve to be graced by your presence
3) "who socially ridicules me for being the way I am, even when I do nothing wrong"
this is even more important than the first 2 questions and serves the same purpose

PS: these are just thoughts, whatever works best for you sry in advance if you're already asked and answered these questions
PPS: I think as NF's, we need to take care of what I call "emotional hygiene". NFJs are particularly suceptable to bottling/restraining their emotions and having them turn inwards on themselves. routine "emotional time" (which can be anything from releasing emotions, expressing them or reflection on them) is necessary at least once a week for NFs to stay healthy emotionally.

 

[Elfboy]

Eh...

I know what you mean, but I feel it more as a pressure than as something I ever give into. And while it's extremely awkward when I'm surrounded by a bunch of jocks or something, who have absolutely no artistic or emotional sensitivities whatsoever, I still don't try to mold myself into some testosterone-fueled version of myself when that's not me.

And it helps when I'm around my friends who are girls, and I can more easily see the clearly masculine nature I have. It's subtle things, like burping or scratching or eating like a pig. But then that same day we went to paint pottery, so...

I guess to answer your question, I just honestly don't care. I do what I do. And while I sometimes worry my sexual interest in men is beginning to show, almost everyone I know thinks I'm straight.



I'm not gay though. But I'm not bisexual.

It's more that I have a sexual interest in men, am turned off by sex with women, but get along well with women (even though I'm not interested in them), but in the end it really doesn't matter because I'm not healthy enough from a bunch of emotional scars that have left me unable to have a trusting relationship with someone.

Bisexual sounds better though.

Anyways, back to the point.

I could drive myself crazy trying to pin a label on what I am and how that defines my gender roles, but in the end I really don't care. I am who I am. I write, I love hockey, I play music, I love puppies and kittens and baby goats, I pick locks, and so forth and so forth.

Just worry about doing what you do. People will always find something to give you shit about, you could be the star quarterback on the High School football team and if you play World of Warcraft or (God forbid) Pokemon, that's your mark.

So stop trying to avoid having any marks and just enjoy playing the damn game lol

You're the one who has to live with your regrets about not enjoying those sorts of things, not them.

not to sound mean, but I think you are gay you have sexual thoughts about men and you're turned off by sex with women. it's usually more black and white than most people think it is (takes 1 to know 1, I found out when I was 12)
PS: aside from that, your choosing sexy bishonen boyz as avatars is a dead giveaway

 

[tkae.]

not to sound mean, but I think you are gay you have sexual thoughts about men and you're turned off by sex with women. it's usually more black and white than most people think it is (takes 1 to know 1, I found out when I was 12)

Yeah. So sexually I'm gay. Who knows, though? Plus, I live in the South, so bisexual is safer to say that "gay" since it basically means the same thing (I'm a fag that takes it up the ass) but has something less damning about it (meaning I won't get dragged behind a truck down the back roads).

PS: aside from that, your choosing sexy bishonen boyz as avatars is a dead giveaway

 

[Elfboy]

Yeah. So sexually I'm gay. Who knows, though? Plus, I live in the South, so bisexual is safer to say that "gay" since it basically means the same thing (I'm a fag that takes it up the ass) but has something less damning about it (meaning I won't get dragged behind a truck down the back roads).

oh dear, we wouldn't want that!
really I don't tell anyone I'm gay. too risky and no real benefit at this point in time, plus it's hard to have male friends if you're are gay and people know about it

 

[tkae.]

oh dear, we wouldn't want that!
really I don't tell anyone I'm gay. too risky and no real benefit at this point in time, plus it's hard to have male friends if you're are gay and people know about it

Definitely. It's a need-to-know sort of thing, with maybe one or two other people who are in the extremely inner circle. My mom knows, my ex boyfriend knows (obviously ), and a friend of mine who guessed it knows. There's maybe two other people I'd tell at this point, and they're my two professors who I'm extremely close to.

Other than boyfriends, that's about it.

 

[Elfboy]

Definitely. It's a need-to-know sort of thing, with maybe one or two other people who are in the extremely inner circle. My mom knows, my ex boyfriend knows (obviously ), and a friend of mine who guessed it knows. There's maybe two other people I'd tell at this point, and they're my two professors who I'm extremely close to.

Other than boyfriends, that's about it.

I told my best friend about a year ago and, in typical ENTJ 8w7 fashion, his response was "that's cool. it's one less weakness you have as a man, women can't manipulate you". he's often mistaken for gay himself though as he's well dressed, secure with his sexuality, assertive with women and pampers himself like a diva

 

[mrcockburn]

Just be glad you don't have Fe. Those are the guys who got the wedgies in high school.

 

[erm]

If it ever shows itself, even for a second, I pour boiling water on my arm. If I cry, it goes on my face.

Seems to work.