mm. we're close deep down inside, but our outward behaviors and often our surface motivations are different.
i'm closest to INFPs personality-wise but tend to have better rapport IRL with ENFJs. i love INFJs online but i don't know how to interact with them IRL. they usually confuse me.
sometimes Fe thinks Fi is irresponsible, and vice versa. it seems that our own side of the fence pays attention to "what really matters". except not really, both functions seek to achieve the same goal (love, harmony, security, etc) in the end. they just have different touchpoints.
i am impressed by the ease at which Fe dom/aux know how to handle interpersonal situations, often. sometimes i get so wrapped up in how to take care of it perfectly and address each individual's needs and not hurt one or the other and not overstep boundaries and all that confusion... and an FJ just breezes in and handles things perfectly... it's like...
yeah, we don't see the Fe needs as easily. the way we care for people is different. though to be honest, the emphasis you're putting on impersonal values here is odd. i mean, yes, i care about humanistic values, and extrapolate to a bigger picture, but i'm not that black-and-white in terms of right and wrong. INFPs are a little more solid ethically, though i would still assert that most NFPs see morality in terms of fine scales and subtle weightings, not simple Right and Wrong.
the other thing is, sometimes i think that Fe doms will take care of things that i really don't need someone taking care of for me, but they're not there to support me when i need support. like, when i'm having a hard time emotionally, what i need is someone to sit with me and empathize and just be accepting. ime (experience with mom, several close friends), Fe doms really don't like doing this. they find it useless, superfluous. the other thing i notice with NFJs is that there's often a barrier of superiority when they're helping. there's a tangible feeling of "i am the helper, you are the helped", instead of a more equal "we are both hurt persons and it's my turn to help you now". which is not to say i don't love ENFJs. i have watched over and over again the ENFJs i know do incredibly selfless things. they'll devote themselves to mentoring someone, get up and out at 3 in the morning to help someone in distress, clear their schedule for the evening to make sure that someone's going to be all right. it's beautiful.
and the way i care for people... i'll sit with them for hours and talk if that's what they need. make them presents, write them letters, help them figure out what to do next. i'll drive them across five states in the middle of the night, if that's what they need. i will do just about anything for someone i love. but it's especially when i'm passionately discussing something that i can't deal with others' needs... the problem is that Fi is attuned to inner emotions, and when my feelings are overwhelming, i can't pick up on others' very well. it's as if my internal radio were suddenly turned to loud screamo. it's awful, and i can't hear the sadness of your music because my own music is blaring. so if in an argument i seem very hurtful... it's because i'm hurting so much myself that i can't even deal with the other person right now. and often, in argument, the other person appears to be attacking me. it baffles me how my mother (ESFJ) or very close friend (ENFJ) sometimes think that i intend to
hurt them when defending myself after
they have accused
me... i didn't chase them down and i'm
defending myself... how does that even make sense...
obviously, a growth area for me is to learn how to turn down the internal radio. it's hard, though, because Fi signals are amplified by Ne.
anyway. for the record, i do regardless
and am generally quite impressed by ENFJs.
QFT, and seconded
true, and true. whatever enneatype i am, i come off as Fe IRL, apparently. in the forums it's easier to see the difference. i think that's part of why i get along better in general IRL with FJs than with fellow NFPs.
