I don't need to be emotionally understood and "tended to" on a deep level, and I only open up enough for that to effectively take place but once in a blue moon to a very special individual. My vulnerable emotions are, for a P, very serious and they were formed rather solidly.. that is what makes them deep, whereas my feelings for everyone else are still very meaningful, but they can come and go.. they are not solid and I would not be surprised if something happened that made me change them.. however.. were something to happen that forced me to change my feelings about a person that I cared very much for.. I would be quite disappointed and sad. What emotions I do have for people (deep or "shallow", which is not meant to be taken as superficial.. just not a very deep feeling) I prefer to show by being receptive of them, their feelings and ideas.. I am not very comfortable being expressive of my feelings, so I show them in that way. I do not hold back in that regard.
does this resonate with most infps?
preferring to keep deep emotions inside?
sharing rarely and only with one extremely significant person?
best characterizing the way you show your affections and feelings for others as being "receptive to their feelings and ideas?" (if you are being unreceptive, does that mean you dislike the other person? or perhaps that they are just encroaching?)
I wish I wouldn't show any. I hate when people see me vulnerable. I wish I could hide all my emotions and be cold outside. I have always tried to hide my very strong Fi and develop the Te. That's why my Te is quite well develop but still it cannot overpower the Fi because it's impossible. I was born very emotional and I will die very emotional. *sigh*
These days my good mood shows and my bad mood shows but I do not show really deep feelings like hurt or pain to other people because I'm afraid they would take advantage of it.
i am so interested in this notion that exposing your feelings will allow others access to attack you. i feel as if the way that the values of Fi get violated, trampled on, impeded, attacked, raped, etc, that after all this Fi Fe talk i still do not really comprehend what that experience is like.
for me i do not share my values freely bc they are not understand, but also bc any negative attitude or potentially violent response to me seeps into me immediately. i can not keep them out or at bay. the emotions and attitudes of others get under my skin very easily.
i get that values are what you (all nfs) use to define yourself, therefore they are attacking your values but also your self-image, your identity. that you can't ever really let anyone know what you truly and deeply care about or they will be able to attack it not just with ideas and attitudes, but more generally an atmosphere of violence, negativity, bad intentions, etc.
but your feelings are so much more firmly your own than mine are as an Fe. what is so threatening? that someone will take them away from your interior and humiliate them in a public way? prove you to be silly and wrong, etc? that throughout your life you are refining them, but that at some eventual maturity level you fully commit, keep the faith, and are more comfortable believing in them regardless of the social outcomes that result?
Fi is one of the easiest functions for me to pick out. Fi feels like gravity to me, very heavy. Not bad heavy, just weighty. Like the difference between a sponge cake (Fe) and a pound cake (Fi). I find that although INFPs are mostly quiet and gentle, they aren't aware how much their emotions color the atmosphere they're in even though they're not emoting them.
i agree fully. it's palpable. there's a weird charge like before an electrical storm hanging in the air.
and Fe seems to detect the scent of Fi from miles away, but is it the same in reverse? i seem to get resentment at times for acting according to the mood i am picking up, when the infp just wants me to pretend like i don't notice...
INFP are aware of their emotning coloring the atmopshere because many people around them can't keep from making snide comments about it. My ESFJ mother was especially resentful of the Fi "heavy" feel, so no it is not shocking to me that other people find Fi oppressive or feel its presence.
Not a thing I can do about though..
Fe gets frustrated bc they feel it beaming off of you and want to address it, lighten it, manage the emotional colour of the room, etc. it weighs on us too. we want to help make it go away, or we feel as if we are failing by not being able to fix, change, CONTROL the situation. it seeps into us and sometimes we just start to hate it. it's like a dissonant chord that won't go away, keeps droning on, etc.
As a rule of thumb, the bigger the emotion the less likely I am to express it. Big emotions tend to turn me inwards, not outwards. Big emotions cause me to seek immediate solitude so I can analyze and digest what I'm feeling. People are unwelcome distractions at such times. It usually doesn't occur to me to talk about it until after I'm past it. At which point it doesn't bother me to talk about any of it, assuming I'm with people I trust and the subject comes up.
how do you work thru it? what is the process like for you for coming to terms with big feelings? i know someone who i thought of immediately as i read this and my inability to better communicate/understand causes major and unwanted friction.
I get the impression that Fe would be more interested in showing vulnerability than Fi... as in, Fe would see admitting weakness and vulnerability as a virtue that needs to be expressed to get along with other people. As in... in packs of wolves, submissiveness is a form of survival. Fe caters towards taking certain 'roles' in society, where admitting weaknesses would be seen as more of a virtue.
Fi on the other hand has little to do with this and rather works with a system of personal values, which would make expressing vulnerability less desirable. So... don't confuse FJs with FPs, I guess. TJs would be more likely to be like this, not admitting vulnerability, than TPs.
i don't really agree with why your description of the motivations of Fe. we show vulnerability bc it is a way of expressing feelings. it is partly the directive j talking here, but by doing so we open up a dialogue that we can manage in order to better understand those around us. we do this bc it helps us interact better, but also bc feeling and trust juices us just like it does all fs. there are numerous purposes. for infjs, we like to get into other people and see what's underneath. to see what people are really made up of. change the shape of our big picture, etc. it seems like enfjs like to tinker a little bit and put some oil in the gears to get people up and running again. sfj is less interesting to me, or maybe it's just that happy hour is calling.
