[MBTI General] ENFP-INFP: How much emotion and vulnerability do you show others?

[Numbers]

I've showed people BTI before and they thought I was T but I said no, I'm F. Its hard to show it without totally crying and stuff.

I'm a male INFP (or J possibily) and every person i've shown this stuff to or talked about with thought I was a T. It's kind of frustrating really.

I'm very logical for a NF, and while I like to think I base my decisions on logic most of the time (i'm pretty analytical too), the truth is my emotions/values will override my thinking/logic if the two are in conflict. I'm highly personal values/morals oriented.

I'm very sensitive and i'm pretty sure I cry more than most guys do (like at sad movies/shows and stuff, i'm not depressed or anything hehe ), but I will never do so if i'm around other people. I guess I can see why people would think that i'm a T.

Anyway, I guess this kind of shows you can't always judge peoples types by their behaviour unless you have a lot of knowledge about the system and the person.

Edit: Not to side track or anything, but do male (or female) INFJ's have this problem? Or would extraverted feeling tend to show itself more.

 

[proteanmix]

I'm intruding in your thread!!!

As a nosy ass ENFJ I'll chime in about my interactions with NFPs. Most of my experience is with INFPs because it seems like I can't exit a bathroom stall without tripping over one of y'all.

The INFPs I've met seem very willing to express their emotional vulnerability and this is more than chance occurrence on first contact. I'm not sure by emotionally vulnerability if you mean weaknesses or "deeper" feelings because it's rather stupid for anyone to be that totally transparent and I don't see many people exposing their hand like that. If they do they get trampled quickly and learn not to do it. I don't see INFPs doing this is huge groups or anything, but for example just this past week I met an INFP woman and we started chatting and jumped right into it. That seems to happen whenever I have a conversation with an INFP, so I don't know if it's our particular type dynamic that causes this to happen or if it's the nature of INFPs to do this.

My experience is more limited with ENFPs. The ENFPs I've met are more idea-y than feeling-y, so the dynamic is different. I don't even think we got into emotional vulnerability (I mean that to say revealing of "deeper" emotions); we seemed to coast more and be activity oriented. I felt like their feeling values are more obscure than INFP values so they were harder to reach and I was more tentative.

ISFPs feel like INFPs and I can't say that the dynamic initially is much different. I like that ISFPs are less floaty. Zero in depth experience with ESFPs, not because they're incapable it's just that our worlds don't seem to intersect that much.

 

[Mondo]

I tend to not show much emotion to people I don't know well.

Around people I know well, some even say that I 'wear my heart on my sleeve'.
Sometimes I'm not even aware that I am letting my emotions out. I haven't cried in years but often show my happiness and unhappiness through facial expressions, body language, and tone. Things which people consider to be very easy ways to know 'how I am feeling'.

The most common way I'll show that I am vulnerable is by letting other people be vulnerable with me and letting them know that I can relate.

 

[Milk_and_Honey]

At my early age, its hard to truly gauge what your emotions are, let alone express them to others. There are, however, those rare moments when classmates of mine are willing to reveal their true inner selves -- a euphoric occasion to behold! As for myself, I can say this (which is a lot)...When trying to be sociable, you too often lose track of just who you are. As an extreme extrovert whose reliant upon intuition and impulse, I find myself having to deal w/ what is a double-edge sword. On one hand, you are able to make friends as they come and go, and adjust to different environments as they change. No matter who I meet, you'll find that I am easy-going and even-tempered. Charming and ambitious, if not for my own benefit, fair and sensitive when for the honest good of others. And when things boil, I am diplomatic when dealing conflict, open-minded when approaching opposing voices (must be the Libra in me ) However, by that same token, the need to feel embraced, as if somehow you need to be confirmed by others, is something I have to come to grips with. I am a living contradiction to the core, because I act differently around different people, if it means satisfying them. And if I have slightest sense that I am not pleasing to you, then my esteem might take a nosedive for the worst.

But to go back to the topic, I couldn't tell what my true emotions are, they never remain the same; I can only tell you how they feel. Emotions, for what they are, can lead me down different paths. I can be ebullient, basking in high spirits. But once caught in an emotional whipsaw -- I become the creature of mood and a captive to unexplainable bouts of angst and sudden loneliness. I try not to dwell too much on my emotions, as you can tell from how much I've written, they keep me too occupied for my own good. I feel more comfortable being receptive to the feelings of others, and defining myself through actions that can lead to be a better world. It's the truth I seek in my life. Better to understand than to be understood. Once awakened by the higher duties of humanity, I wish for nothing more than balance, harmony, and justice.

 

[Lateralus]

I have no problem showing emotion. I'm pretty open, but that's mostly with stuff that isn't that important to me. I don't tell anyone the things that make me really vulnerable.

 

[Noel]

For INFP and ENFP and (ESFP and ISFP if there are any here):

How much emotion and vulnerbility do you show others?


Do you think you show your truest self outwards or is this somewhat hard for you to do? Is there a inner self that would greatly suprise others around you?

Thank you in advance for your input.

Depends on the context. Around my closest friends and SO, I feel most like my self. Whilst I'm emotional around them, I still have a wall of vulnerability that I still don't feel too comfortable letting down - the SO does certainly help in lifting it. In regards to an inner self, I've been thinking about percentages recently. I came to the conclusion that I'm somewhat afraid to give myself 100% away to someone [yet?]. The best I could show would be 85%. I need that 15% to retreat into my sanctuary. If I completely lost that, I think I would be torn asunder and broken. In regards to surprises, yes/no. What occurs is an unfiltered unbiased imagination encompassing all and new aspects of perception.

 

[Gish]

I don't think I let anyone know the real me, I keep myself locked up so much it's almost debilitating.

 

[Nameless]

wait, but, no one likes be vulnerable ever, right?
I mean, is this trend of holding a little back for defense just among xNFPs, or across humans in general?

 

[Lateralus]

wait, but, no one likes be vulnerable ever, right?
I mean, is this trend of holding a little back for defense just among xNFPs, or across humans in general?

I think it's a general trend. I think the idea that some types are more willing to make themselves vulnerable is misleading. There are things I could reveal about myself that don't make me feel vulnerable at all, but an ISTJ might feel completely exposed, and visa versa.

 

[heart]

As a nosy ass ENFJ I'll chime in about my interactions with NFPs. Most of my experience is with INFPs because it seems like I can't exit a bathroom stall without tripping over one of y'all.

I don't think I have ever known another INFP offline that well! (and only one INFJ and one INTJ) I have certainly never gotten to know another INFP well enough to know they were INFP.

ISFPs feel like INFPs and I can't say that the dynamic initially is much different. I like that ISFPs are less floaty...

I know two ISFP, they have definate differences with me. There are similarities and they are fun but they are different.

 

[proteanmix]

I don't think I have ever known another INFP offline that well! (and only one INFJ and one INTJ) I have certainly never gotten to know another INFP well enough to know they were INFP.

I have four INFP friends that I met in college and my boss is an INFP. I've met three more INFPs in my film group and another one this week. Fi is one of the easiest functions for me to pick out. Fi feels like gravity to me, very heavy. Not bad heavy, just weighty. Like the difference between a sponge cake (Fe) and a pound cake (Fi). I find that although INFPs are mostly quiet and gentle, they aren't aware how much their emotions color the atmosphere they're in even though they're not emoting them. For example, my boss is pretty quiet and stays in her office mostly, but when we're in meetings she radiates and everyone knows when she wants to say something or dislikes something even though she hasn't said a word. In fact, we often stop meetings to ask if she wants to say something, which she usually says no to. The reason why I think I meet so many INFPs is because we're probably interested and attracted to the same types of activities.

I know two ISFP, they have definate differences with me. There are similarities and they are fun but they are different.

...and a ISFP college roommate and two ISFP coworkers. Same heavy vibe I get from INFPs, but the insides are propelled by different stuff. INFPs and ISFPs are as similar as ENFJs and ESFJs. I'll let you decide how similar they are.

 

[heart]

I have four INFP friends that I met in college and my boss is an INFP. I've met three more INFPs in my film group and another one this week. Fi is one of the easiest functions for me to pick out. Fi feels like gravity to me, very heavy. Not bad heavy, just weighty. Like the difference between a sponge cake (Fe) and a pound cake (Fi). I find that although INFPs are mostly quiet and gentle, they aren't aware how much their emotions color the atmosphere they're in even though they're not emoting them. For example, my boss is pretty quiet and stays in her office mostly, but when we're in meetings she radiates and everyone knows when she wants to say something or dislikes something even though she hasn't said a word. In fact, we often stop meetings to ask if she wants to say something, which she usually says no to. The reason why I think I meet so many INFPs is because we're probably interested and attracted to the same types of activities.



...and a ISFP college roommate and two ISFP coworkers. Same heavy vibe I get from INFPs, but the insides are propelled by different stuff. INFPs and ISFPs are as similar as ENFJs and ESFJs. I'll let you decide how similar they are.

There are real differences between ESFJ and ENFJ, in my experience at least.

INFP are aware of their emotning coloring the atmopshere because many people around them can't keep from making snide comments about it. My ESFJ mother was especially resentful of the Fi "heavy" feel, so no it is not shocking to me that other people find Fi oppressive or feel its presence. Not a thing I can do about though...

About your boss: Why do you think she *wants* to say something? If she wanted to, wouldn't she simply say it? This is something that really irritates me in particular, when people assume that if I am quiet, I am holding back with them on purpose. When people probe on it and won't take my word that I have nothing to say, it really gets tiresome!

 

[Nameless]

I don't know if this is really related, but which type (or maybe there is more than one) is attracted to the "emo" trend?

 

[proteanmix]

There are real differences between ESFJ and ENFJ, in my experience at least.

INFP are aware of their emotioning because people can't keep from making snide comments about it. My ESFJ mother was especially resentful of the Fi "heavy" feel, so no it is not shocking to me that other people find Fi oppressive.

Why do you think she *wants* to say something? If she wanted to, wouldn't she simply say it?

I sometimes find Fi perplexing, I won't deny that. I suppose IFPs sometimes find Fe oppressive as well so it's an even exchange. Just to make sure, I wasn't trying to make a snide comment about Fi just explaining how it seems to me.

As far as my boss in concerned, she never really outright says how she feels about anything, but I get the feeling there's a lot of unvoiced emotion in her. Maybe she feels it's not safe to express how she really feels, but her emotions have a wattage that can still be felt no matter how faint they are.

I'm not trying to derail your thread so I'll exit now. Unless you want me to continue.

 

[CzeCze]

That's true, I never thought about how ISFP and INFP can give off similar vibes. The ISFP I have known was a very authentic person and was not afraid or ashamed to go deep and reveal themselves. I think some people just have their emotions much closer to the surface and some have them deeper down and some have them well, compartmentalized or locked up somewhere for safe keeping or just to keep them out of the way.

I guess I'm not getting quite the question, as I'm thinking of it more in terms of socializiation. How emotional are you? You can show emotions in so many ways though. Some sectors of society are more formal than others and it's considered gauche to show anger. TV hosts are generaly very even keeled and have that great distance that some people would say is affected or fake but I think is fitting the role perfectly. Like Chris Hansen on 'To Catch a Predator'. I don't know, even when tv presenters show emotion, it seems very contained or in role, definitely not vulnerable.

I think people would say I am comfortable with my emotions as I'm pretty up front but maybe not because I know I can be pretty spastic. I show no vulnerability usually, or used to not. I wasn't even aware of this but that's what other people told me. I guess whatever they were reading they were reading as confidence or being tough. Even my old boss told me I seemed like I wasn't scared of anything or rather anyone -- this is before I got fired partly for the reason this was NOT true! HA HA HA.

I'm pretty honest and somewhat assertive with my emotions in that I can say I don't like this or that or this makes me feel X. I think I'm too spoiled to go along with things I don't like. HA. I enjoy telling people how I feel. This doesn't make me feel vulnerable, it makes me feel empowered. People can only hurt you if you let them, and hiding things and being ashamed gives people great power over you.

That's to an extent. It's an ongoing process and there's still a lot of work to do in that area. I notice that when I leave the house, most people are pretty guarded. In DC, people have the same standoffish, sour looks on their faces on the metro commute. I know, look at me bashing the capital.

Very few people are open and let their emotions be right on the surface -- generally that's reserved for friends and people you trust. A few people who are more assertive and emotionally effusive EFJ? are probably less guarded and more natural in public settings but in general, people are on guard.

Also, I think as a young woman, there is a degree of vulnerability that gets attached or expected or even forced onto us in different ways.

 

[Butterfly]

I show my emotions pretty openly, except hurt.
If I show I'm hurt, I think people will see me as vulnerable and take advantage of me or see me as weak.
If Im hurt, I hibernate in a cave- either my room or somewhere else, till Im "normal" again and face that person.

 

[WobblyStilettos]

I don't often show much emotion, I sometimes randomly burst into tears to the surprise of everyone around me because they had no idea anything was wrong (can be kinda embarassing ) but I usually only do that around people I know/trust. If I'm feeling low and someone I care about asks me how I am I normally lie because I don't want to upset or worry them

Does stress count as an emotion? I think that's the one I show most

 

[persianeyes]

For INFP and ENFP and (ESFP and ISFP if there are any here):

How much emotion and vulnerbility do you show others?


Do you think you show your truest self outwards or is this somewhat hard for you to do? Is there a inner self that would greatly suprise others around you?

Thank you in advance for your input.

I show little/none emotion and vulnerbility, maybe only when I have to... but i do think I'm improving with expressing my emotion time to time, I don't know why I'm uncomfortable with it, even if I am very emotional.

I only show my true self to the closest person to me and feel comfortable and relieved when I do.

An inner self, yea it would surprise many people, mostly my parents who take me as cold and impersonal would be surprised..

 

[SillySapienne]

I am emotionally expressive, I reek and leak of emotions, I can't help it.

There is however one emotion I try to suppress/conceal, that emotion being vulnerability. The one thing I can't stand more than feeling vulnerable itself, is accidentally revealing/exposing to someone else the fact that I am feeling vulnerable.

Wow, I'm totally effed in the head.

Honestly, it makes no sense that I would care so much about this considering, that as far as people go, I am a relatively shameless exhibitionist.

Come to think of it, I don't even know if I have the capacity to feel vulnerable anymore...

 

[Leysing]

I show very, very little deep emotion and absolutely no vulnerability to others. Actually my deep emotions are the most vulnerable part in me. I consider myself quite strong in other parts.

(Secretly I dream about someone who I could trust so much that I could show the person even my deepest emotions... But I haven't found one Well, I'm still young )