[ENFP] The "Normal" ENFP

[Santosha]

The title is a joke. Enfp's are not normal, and sometimes it's difficult to even remotely understand what behaviors are typical in ENFP-land. Yet still, i find this title appropriate, so please don't rag on me =P

I'm creating this thread because as an ENFP, being new to MBTI.. there are soo many questions I have about ENFP behavior. Whats typical. I could spin out 10 threads a day with different ENFP questions and scenarios.. and think that would be a bit unfair and annoying. I know alot of the questions I have has already been brought up somewhere, but I admint.. I SUCK at digging deeply through past threads. Its just soo much info so sift through to get to whatever jewel I am seeking.

THIS is not an attempt to box me in like I've wanted in the past, (though if i come out showing more INFP or ENTP AND you really know your shit.. please tell me.. I hate wasting time being mistyped.)

I need other people with similar functions to help me better understand myself, some of the problems i manage to continually find, and how they personally have worked through these things. This is an 'Ask an ENFP a question' thread.. but I'm not the the all-jungian-knowing ENFP that's going to answer. =)

I would really like to reserve this thread specifically to ENFP's.. and INFP's. I realize other types can have some amazing insight on the workings of human mind and behavior.. but I am not looking for text book theories.. I am looking for functions and traits, preferences that have played out In Real Life for the NFP.

 

[Lady_X]

okay cool where do we start. i'm bored and have had too much coffee so lets sit n talk about ourselves....actually i've been told i'm very enfp by people on here but i actually do think i'm the more normal sort...not that i think that's cool...i very much enjoy other enfps hilarious insanity...but truthfully i'm not sure how much that way i personally am...unless you have odd standards of normal...i guess...but everyone is a bit off in some way really so what is normal anyway?? but...so...you think you may be infp? and you're not sure? are you trying to figure that out here? or just wanna talk about how the enfp mind works..or what?

 

[KDude]

I think the "crazy" aspect of Ne is a bit overstated. Ne is more about building holistic viewpoints and juxtaposition than anything. Someone started a thread on Ne music the other day, and I thought it best to present normal and funnier sides to it. It can come in the form of stringing random ideas in an overt, kind of comical way, but Fi gives people an anchor point too. Many have a lot of depth or gravity in their concerns. Some can come off as simply versatile, or kind of universalistic (Lauryn Hill comes to mind as an XNFP. She's far from, say, Peter Griffin. Heh. Who I think is ENTP anyways).

 

[Santosha]

Current dilema

I've heard people talk about the Ne-Te loop, and I've heard people ask if ENFP's can get caught in the INFp's Fi-Si loop. I've read through these threads, but sometimes it is really hard to follow them. Soo many people with different opinions, taking off in different directions, discounting ones ideas and offering up others.. that its extremely difficult for me to pinpoint the more likely "truth." I just don't understand enough about functions to do this.

I need to know if I'm in some kind of 'loop.'

Problem. I think my Ne can drag me too far at times. I will agree to do things, sometimes really life impacting things.. without really analyzing how it will play out, affect me, and how I will FEEL about it. Usually these decisions are small, so if they backfire i get hit with the consequences pretty quick and try to remember why it didn't work. But I have made decisions that just recently I've realized DO NOT MATCH UP WITH MY LIFE VALUES. I have made decisions that are not congruent with who I am as a person, who I want to be, and where I want my life to go. I've been thinking about these things for a long time now. How to change them. And as soon as I recognize a problem, I can quicly come up with the solution. I plan a course of action to change the lifestyle I've created, but then I lose momentum on MAKING IT HAPPEN. I get lost in the day to day living, and prefer to take the easier route of not dealing with the long term problems and distracting myself for pleasure of the moment. I will push this 'not being who i am' problem down.. until it rizes its ugly head again. When it does, i start thinking again about all the shit that needs to be different.. and I think to myself.. you must do something NOW. you can not waste another minute. Life is short and your not doing what you should be. If you have to do something DRASTIC.. like quit your job NOW, move, end a relationship, etc.. just do it. RIght NOW!. Before you lose yourself again and waste even more time. I really think a high Ne and low Fi in the last 5 yrs had something to do with this. I was just a young dumb, go with the flow 20 something. I was never quite sure what I wanted out of life.. things like .. do you want kids? I wasn't sure. Where do you wan't to live? I like to move alot. What career to you want? One thing today, different tomorrow. What qualities must you have in a partner: I knew a few things but was almost TOO openminded.

At about 28 though, this HUGE shift took place. Up until that point, I always felt like I worked ass backwards. I could never tell you what I wanted.. i could never KNOW what I wanted, until i tried it. My process of finding myself was more trial and error than any strategy. It had to be experienced before I could know it wasn't me. Do you see how frusterating this could be? If you had to spend your whole life trying everything your not to finally figure out what you are? Do you NFP's ever feel this way?

But alas, after 28 I started to really figure some shit out. Got a lot stronger sense of who I am, what I want, whats important. This is just one tip on the big ole iceburg but..I want kids. Problem: i've invested almost 5 years with a kid hating ISTp. There is no meeting on this. I've already decided that to be happy I need the child experience, and a partner that will value the child and family unit over career and self interests. Unfortunately, this is not my ITSP and never will be. But getting out of the relation? OMG its soo fucken hard!

 

[Santosha]

^^^

That was suppose to be alot more point organized.. but after I got going this mini rant fell out, sorry!

 

[Santosha]

I think the "crazy" aspect of Ne is a bit overstated. Ne is more about building holistic viewpoints and juxtaposition than anything. Someone started a thread on Ne music the other day, and I thought it best to present normal and funnier sides to it. It can come in the form of stringing random ideas in an overt, kind of comical way, but Fi gives people an anchor point too. Many have a lot of depth or gravity in their concerns. Some can come off as simply versatile, or kind of universalistic (Lauryn Hill comes to mind as an XNFP. She's far from, say, Peter Griffin. Heh. Who I think is ENTP anyways).

Btw Kdude, I saw that thread and thought it was an AWESOME idea. I'm surprised it hasn't been hit up more. Good choice on your tunes.

 

[onemoretime]

I find it interesting that this is the second ENFP-related thread today that's both outside the private forum and seeks to be exclusive. Is that normal?

No judgment; just an observation

 

[Santosha]

One other thing I wanted to hit on... NFP's and ADDICTIONS<--- that last word was said in a dark, serious voice =P

I quit smoking cold turkey 10 days ago, after smoking for 10 yrs.
I never really thought i could do it.. like deep down inside.. because I know myself.. and I know I have a low tolerance for any kind of discomfort or pain, and i equate quitting smokig with discomfort, you know.. self discipline in any form lol.

But i quit.. and i was AMAZED at how easy it was... (for the first 7 days)
Everyone claims that the first 3 days is the hardest, and after that its purely psychological. I find it getting harder and harder as each day passes. You wanna know why? Because I quit smoking and was high on the idea of it. The idea that I could overcome this, the idea that i would save money and smell good and well.. hopefully not rott from the inside out with cancer. But as the IDEA wears off, the newness, the sparkley, as I am left with the cold boring day to day reality of not smoking.. it's getting HARDER!!!! Any ideas?

 

[Santosha]

I find it interesting that this is the second ENFP-related thread today that's both outside the private forum and seeks to be exclusive. Is that normal?

No judgment; just an observation

Ya, I didn't even really think about that... I'm new to forums. Is there a way for me to move this without losing whats been written?

 

[KDude]

I think it takes a long time for NFPs to find their niche.. as for jumping around, I do it as well, but in a critical way (and self-critical). I don't move on to the new thing, but basically get a little idealistic for my own good, and disappointed with many options. So I don't jump around so much as turn away things, from a distance.

I don't have any addictions except smoking (which is a big one).. I don't know what to say about it. I don't commit to any methods long enough to make it work. I think the desire has to come from within, but I'm too distracted to really commit to the idea yet. Piss poor excuse probably.

 

[Thalassa]

No - we aren't normal.

However, it's quite normal for us to behave randomly and eccentrically; there's nothing like withdrawing from college and randomly moving 3,000 miles away from home and still managing to find jobs that relate to one's major and being able to work from home.

That's ENFP power, right there. Normal is overrated.

 

[KDude]

^I think that's fairly normal (and admirable). I just don't think every Ne dom is like Kool Keith. He's awesome, but God help us if they are. He's crazy enough that outsiders threw him in a mental hospital once (same with me, but that's beside the point.. ahem).

 

[Thalassa]

If I had stayed in West Virginia, trust me, someone would have thrown me into a mental hospital eventually.

 

[Santosha]

But is it typical for an ENFP to wake up at 30 and suddenly realize they've built a life that they don't want?

 

[Thalassa]

I would say so, especially if they didn't give enough credence to what they actually wanted in life at a younger age.

 

[Santosha]

What about "finding yourself".

I mentioned the trial and error with no strategy before. Is it common for Enfps & Infps to TRY everything before they can know how they feel about it or where they stand?

Is that more an ENFP thing.. like externally measuring yourself with the world.. no stopping to really think about how you feel about it before doing it... or do INFP's have this dilema too?

 

[Thalassa]

Yes, I have had 3,897 jobs, have lived in several different states, have randomly visited others on a whim, have lived in varying situations ranging from upper-middle class to barely surviving in poverty, have hung out in bars and at spiritual retreats, and have done just about anything humanly possible that wasn't limited by my finances (the only reason why I haven't actually been all over the entire world).

I think the closer to 30 you get, though, the more and more you're centered in who you are and what you want. I think trying to pin down a very young ENFP to anything at all is a mistake.

 

[Santosha]

NFP's

What jobs have you had that you LOVED?

I worked as an investigator for a financial firm, locating vehicles that were long out for repo. I LOVED this job. I had a monthly deadline, and aside from that worked at my own pace totally. I used whatever resources I could find to track people down. I even got to drive past peoples homes, works, bars, gyms, etc looking for the vehicle.

I've thought about journalism, people used to tell me I'd make a good newcaster actually.. but I find the field just saturated with competition.. and don't REALLY have that much passion for news.

I think my perfect job would be to travel the world, and do videos or pictures of other cultures. Finding local 'hotspots' and interesting things to do, eat, stay, etc.. then putting it into a magazine or airing it. <----- Dream job!

I've also thought that I'd like to put out holisitic health magazine.. debunking the practices that don't really work but EMPHASIZING practices that do. Natural remedies. Studies that support mind over matter.

I've tried to write a childrens book in the past.. and I would love to have my own comic like The Oatmeal. Have you see that? Hilarious!!

Still, I think I would be good in counseling.. as a marriage counselor, addictions counselor, group type counseling. I went to school for social work but dropped off at the end because I didn't like the red tape involved... so much red tape!

I have heard that NFPS can do really well in Nursing. Its always changing, you can be a travel nurse (AWESOME!) you get paid really well, you work with people, you are always changing it up with little routine.. you can move to any field if you get burnt out.. so I am applied to a nursing program, with the intention of becoming a travel nurse.. This is a fantastic way to combine travel and job.. you can even do 6 month contracts.. eventually when I do settle down a bit more I'd think i would like to work specefically in gynecological or psychiatric nursing. My goal is that someday I will be able to teach nursing at a college part time, and work the rest of the time actually nursing, or even researching things.

^^^ see that... this is HOW and WHY and ENFP mind can get fucked up on the carreer aspect. Soo manythings to do! So many awesome, amazing things to do! DO you know HOW many other possibilities I've had to consider and weed out just to get to these ideas?

What are your ideal jobs?

 

[Santosha]

Yes, I have had 3,897 jobs, have lived in several different states, have randomly visited others on a whim, have lived in varying situations ranging from upper-middle class to barely surviving in poverty, have hung out in bars and at spiritual retreats, and have done just about anything humanly possible that wasn't limited by my finances (the only reason why I haven't actually been all over the entire world).

I think the closer to 30 you get, though, the more and more you're centered in who you are and what you want. I think trying to pin down a very young ENFP to anything at all is a mistake.

SO TRUE. Trying to pin an ENFP down. My 5 yr INFJ tried to pin me down to marriage at 22! He was 5 yrs older. I ended up breaking up with him and then he stalked me for 3 months.. full out stalking.. i had to have him removed from my apartment twice by the police! It was so sad. He wasn't a bad guy at all. He just couldn't take the end. I think he felt like he had wasted a tremendous amount of time if we didn't actually marry. =( I know two ENFP guys.. both married prior to 25 and are NOW divorced.

 

[skylights]

I think the "crazy" aspect of Ne is a bit overstated. Ne is more about building holistic viewpoints and juxtaposition than anything. Someone started a thread on Ne music the other day, and I thought it best to present normal and funnier sides to it. It can come in the form of stringing random ideas in an overt, kind of comical way, but Fi gives people an anchor point too. Many have a lot of depth or gravity in their concerns. Some can come off as simply versatile, or kind of universalistic (Lauryn Hill comes to mind as an XNFP. She's far from, say, Peter Griffin. Heh. Who I think is ENTP anyways).

indeed. i don't think i am quite the nutty rainbow thunderstorm that E/NFPs are often characterized to be. i mean, sometimes, sure, but not always. the thing about Ne online is that it has so many sources of stimulation and so much area to "play". in application IRL, there are more external parameters - more consistent/focused information - and you have a more pointed goal that your J functions are directing you to. so there's that just gentle floaty sort of intuitive universal connection, and then there's the "useful" sort of Ne that helps you around complex situations.

and then there's the batshit insane that comes out to play when you don't have any realistic parameters.

But is it typical for an ENFP to wake up at 30 and suddenly realize they've built a life that they don't want?

i think it's normal for everyone to have periods in their lives at which they realize that what they have is not what they want. all of life is ebb and flow. our priorities change... even day to day. there are days you love your life and can't imagine doing anything else, and then there are days that are like the fuck am i doing? your priorities may have slowly changed over time, you know? and perhaps if you'd been more in touch with Fi you would have known, but even Fi is not steady. it slowly changes with the information Ne gives it, like a sand dune in the wind. i think one of the challenges of Ne, at least for myself, is differentiating the day-to-day "i'm bored!" from the larger scale "i need to change".

as for your ISTP... how do you feel about the relationship otherwise, huxley? is there a way of finagling around the issue a bit, like adopting an older child, or do you want a baby? what's been hard about getting out of the relationship - feelings, practicalities? sorry you've run into that, it must be hard

What jobs have you had that you LOVED?

editing. editing is pretty great. someone gives me something and i get to tell them everything that's wrong with it

anything utilizing communication skills, though, i am good at. i always thought it'd be really cool to be the person who gets obscure scientific research translated into language laypeople and kids can understand. i also loved working on a ranch, with kids. i don't know if i could do it as a primary job... i felt a little cut off from the world. but it was pretty wonderful. i lived to ride the horses.

hypothetically - i think travel nursing would be awesome too. i think i would love gyn/obstetrics or neonatal or peds. i could see being a doctor. or a counselor. i definitely want to teach (college) at some point. i think i would be a good college advisor as well, or career counselor. i like planning. i'd be a good stylist. i have also considered law. i have been advised that going into computers is a good idea, too, and i could certainly see that.

obviously i have not decided yet! i would like to though. i really would like to dedicate myself to something. to challenge myself to stick to it, too. i just need to decide what...! i am hesitant to pin myself down, as you guys have talked about... i am afraid of investing a lot of time and money into something that won't make me happy in the longterm. i suppose a J would say that i need to choose to be happy with it. but i don't know if i can make it work that way.